I don’t know you, and this is crazy, but your boyfriend’s hot, and your parking’s lazy.

February 3rd, 2014 · 80 comments

Writes Candice in Kansas: “I woke up to this on my car this morning. I don’t not know if I should be pissed they are creepin’ on my man or to just laugh uncontrollably.”

(Dear notewriter: Notice she didn’t say “…or stop parking there.”)

Hi, I don't really know you, in fact, I don't at all! You live upstairs and have a hot boyfriend/maybe just a roommate or friend with an adorable puppy. One time, however, you did give me a dirty look, but I've gotten over it. I write this to beg you to stop being lazy with your parking. I get it, t's cold. Life sucks and who wants to park in back. But where you parked now is blocking cars from getting in the drive. You totally are an inventor because you invented some new LAZY GIRL SPOT that's 4 feet from the door! I think you're a brilliant inventor but maybe move back 10 feet. You're not the only person alive! p.s. SORRY NOTE SORRY I love your boyfriend

related: She’s mine. All mine!

 

FILED UNDER: Kansas · kinda creepy · neighbors · parking


80 responses so far ↓

  • #1   ramentastic

    I feel like half of this note was written in annoyance of “lazy girl parking” and half was just to see if the hot boyfriend is available for hitting on.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:50 pm   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Yeah. ‘Cause that note could have been a lot shorter if it was only about parking. How about “Don’t park like a douche. You’re blocking other cars from getting into the drive. Park where you are supposed to – around back.” See, I just saved a whole bunch of space without sounding like a creep.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 3:29 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   kermit

      Or you can easily combine the two issues if you just take enough umbrage.

      Dear Harlot,

      Please stop making out with my future boyfriend while you attempt to park your car. Keep your hands on the steering wheel and your eyes on the rear view mirror. Park inside the lines at the back of the building like everyone else.

      Bad park you, harlot!”

      Feb 3, 2014 at 5:27 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Dane Zeller

      Elf, you’re rambling on.

      “Asshole, your parking is blocking others.”

      (Okay. “Asshole” is a bit wordy.)

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:36 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   The Elf

      You are the very soul of passive-aggressive brevity, Dane.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 12:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Dane Zeller

      Thnx

      Feb 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Poltergeist

    She wants you to stop parking there because that’s the exact spot where she plans on sexually assaulting your boyfriend.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 2:53 pm   rating: 74  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   smedrick

    Being creeped out is the appropriate punishment for parking like a bitch.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:08 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Poltergeist

      See, the problem is we’re not even sure if Candice was actually parking like a LAZY GIRL. The notewriter seems a bit odd to say the least, so I would need more evidence before I took their word as truth.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 7:20 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Don A in Pennsyltucky

    I want a big block of blue sidewalk chalk so I can draw lines delineating those special, personal parking spaces that seem to be favored by people with huge trucks and SUV’s who can’t take the trouble to park — or maybe just can’t see the lines from that high altitude.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:21 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Can we do special BMW parking too? The other day I parked my “huge” SUV next to a BMW who seemed to think he needed a space and a quarter in a very full lot. Well mine doesn’t and I can park it exactly in the center of a spot with ease. And since it’s really high, the BMW driver wouldn’t be able to open his driver door without hitting my steel steps. Alas, I beat him back to the lot so he never saw my excellent parking job.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 3:26 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   GowerMeower

    Yeah, totally the way to make me keep inventing ways to park even more annoyingly, if possible. Maybe even have my hot boyfriend take the wheel instead…

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   lorfdof

    laugh uncontrollably, then stop parking in the way

    Feb 3, 2014 at 3:49 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Zairrin

    I can understand that; if she’s actually blocking cars, that’s a safety issue. But the hot boyfriend thing is pretty creepy.

    Side note: I was accepted to my dream university, and hope to soon share with you many PANs from lovely northern Canada!

    Feb 3, 2014 at 4:04 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   kermit

      Watch out for those beaver tails.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 5:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Tesselara

      What dream university in CA? I went to McGill!

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Zairrin

      Lakehead University, Thunder Bay campus. :D

      (Admittedly not all that ‘north’, but I live between Windsor and Toronto, so it’s north to me, damnit!)

      Feb 6, 2014 at 8:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   H for Toy

      There’s lots of space between Windsor and Toronto. I have relatives in London. Maybe you know them. Because everyone knows everyone else in Canada, right? Congrats on getting in to the university you wanted!

      Feb 6, 2014 at 9:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Tesselara

      Congrats!!

      Feb 6, 2014 at 10:11 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Lita bang

      Congrats, Zairrin! Have fun! :)

      Feb 6, 2014 at 11:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Zairrin

      Maybe I do, H for Toy, because London is where I live! I tend to say ‘between Windsor and Toronto’ because even other Canadians sometimes hear ‘London’ and think the UK. Windsor and Toronto are at least pretty recognizable Canadian landmarks.

      Thanks everyone! I’m still a little bit in shock. I applied on Dec 17, and my acceptance was dated Jan 17.

      Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to get in; in grade nine, I had a 95% average, but depression and anxiety ruined all of that – at graduation my best mark was a 67%. Now that I’m being treated for my issues, though, I’m really excited to get my life back on track! :D

      Feb 6, 2014 at 12:34 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   H for Toy

      Makes sense, Zairrin. I didn’t know there was a London, Ontario until somewhere in my teens. One of my cousins won a gold medal for Canada in rowing during the World Cup in Australia last year. She’s the only one you may have heard of, unless you actually do know my family – and how weird would that be? :) In any case, good luck as you continue your education!

      Feb 6, 2014 at 1:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Seanette

      VERY glad things are getting better for you, Zairrin. Now keep up the good work. :)

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   Speedy

      What program are you taking there? And make sure to bundle up in winter…oh, and try the dessert called a persian. It’s absolutely delicious!

      Feb 8, 2014 at 4:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   Zairrin

      I was accepted to BSc – Undecided and HBSc – Biology & Chemistry.

      Thanks to the snowstorms in London this year, plus the fact that my house’s furnace broke, I got to experience a Thunder Bay winter right here in London! Hahaha. I’m looking for a warm(er) coat and mitts; got any brand suggestions? I’ve looked at Canada Goose and Outdoor Survival Canada.

      I looked up ‘persian’; it’s like an iced pastry with berries in the icing? Like a Cinnabon? Is it one of those things that you’re, like, required by law to experience while in Thunder Bay? Like going to the CN Tower while visiting Toronto? I am thoroughly amused by the fact that, a) there is a Thunder Bay city website, and b) persians are specifically mentioned in the Shopping & Dining section.

      Feb 9, 2014 at 7:24 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Tard

    I used to get notes on my car saying I was parking crappy and to stop.
    This was completely perplexing since I was parked perfectly fine each time.

    Then one day I saw someone who DID park in two spots take the note off their windshield and put it
    on my windshield!

    I put the note on someone else’s car.
    This went on for months, it was pretty funny watching them get perplexed at the notes.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 4:18 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   FeatherBlade

      PA notes: the gift that keeps on giving.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 4:56 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   misscris

      I think the guy who was giving you his notes had misunderstood the concept of ‘passive’ aggressive notes!

      Feb 4, 2014 at 1:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Raichu

      That’s obnoxious lol

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Melissa

    I’m actually creeped out by the fingers there….

    Feb 3, 2014 at 5:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      I’d be creeped out if she was holding the note with a different body part.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 7:55 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   catethulhu

    Ugh. Their handwriting is terrible. I could barely make out that they were trying to be insulting.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 6:42 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Lita bang

    Am I the only one who misread “bick” (which I assume is supposed to be “back”) as, uh, a very similar word one gets when mirroring the letter b?

    Feb 3, 2014 at 6:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Poltergeist

      It’s okay Lita. You can use that word around us without getting in trouble. Say it with me now:

      d…
      i…
      ck…

      DICK!

      Feb 3, 2014 at 7:46 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Lita bang

      Ah, well then. I do tend to err on the side of caution, but…

      DICK!

      Feb 3, 2014 at 7:59 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   H for Toy

      I’m sure she meant “back”, but there is no way that’s an A. It’s most definitely an I. There could be something here about Freud and the hot boyfriend…

      Feb 4, 2014 at 7:39 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Zairrin

      Looking closely, it looks like the pen’s ink was not flowing smoothly, so the curved part of the ‘a’ was not as clearly defined as the rest of it. I can very faintly see the curve at the bottom.

      It’s also close enough to the ‘b’ that the faint line blends into it. But yeah, I saw it as ‘bick’ at first.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 7:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   Raichu

      I definitely thought it said “dick”. I assumed it was on purpose though I didn’t really understand it.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Walter

    …but I have a big piece of paper to fill up, plus I am stalking your guy!

    Feb 3, 2014 at 8:29 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   FeRD bang

    I can’t be the only one who wants to see pics of this supposed “hot boyfriend”. I mean, purely in the interest of fairness to the notewriter. If we can gauge the soundness of her judgement on the subject of boyfriend-hotness, then we can use that to draw inferences regarding her trustworthiness as Arbiter Of Parking-Space Appropriateness. Science!

    (This wouldn’t be necessary if Canned-ice had offered us any indication whether she deserved to be called out for her car-placement. But she was even less forthcoming on that topic than she was on the whole hot-boyfriend issue. Which, as I’ve explained, will simply not do.)

    Hell, throw in pics of the puppy, too, because who doesn’t love a cute pooch? Naturally, though, this is not strictly required as the puppy is presumed adorable.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 8:31 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Lita bang

      If you need more judges of hotness, I’ll be very glad to take the job.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 9:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Jami

      Hotness is subjective. Everyone has different tastes. For instance I think Peter Capaldi is a much sexier man than David Tennant because I prefer older men with slight builds.

      And then there’s the fact I like big noses and I cannot lie. Give me Cyrano de Bergerac over Christian any day! Yehaw!

      Feb 4, 2014 at 12:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Raichu

      Hotness is absolutely objective. I have pretty weird taste. Definitely do not like older men, but totally agree on preferring slight builds. Bulk – whether in the form of excess muscle or fat – is a turn-off for me.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Raichu

      ……that was definitely supposed to say “subjective” and the comment editor feature seems to be on crack so

      yeah

      *subjective

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   Lita bang

      Your tastes are very similar to mine, Raichu. I am intrigued and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Peggles

      I myself am partial to the teddy bear type. Fluffy, cuddly and slightly hairy. If they have dark hair and blue eyes, all the better.

      Feb 7, 2014 at 12:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   Sheila

      I love how everyone’s assuming the letter writer is female.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 2:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   FeRD bang

      That’s a fair point, Sheila, and it was a leap for us to assume that the letter came from another girl. Nowhere in the letter itself or Canned-ice’s commentary is there anything to indicate gender.

      …However, in our collective defense, I’m having a hard time imagining that a note left by one of My People™ for a complete stranger would end with “I ♥ your boyfriend”, complete with such a painfully girly drawing of a heart.

      May 15, 2014 at 1:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Quite Contrary

    I’m just so relieved she got over being given a dirty look.

    Feb 3, 2014 at 8:32 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   kermit

      Well, it helps to have a hot boyfriend and an adorable puppy.These are the salves that get one past such blatant and egregious besmirchments of one’s character.

      Feb 3, 2014 at 9:00 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Tard

      Right after being divorced I got a very cute puppy to keep me company and the women were drawn in like an actual magnet.

      Puppies really work.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:09 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   buni

      Does it work in reverse? I’ve been divorced for two years and have yet to meet a hot guy with a cute puppy. Maybe I should cut out the middle-man and just get myself a dog.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:57 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   kermit

      Well, a dog can certainly help you assess the owner. Many a dog at the dog park looks at their owner like they’re an idiot. And they probably are.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 11:41 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   juniper

      Back in the 80′s, I spent a high school year abroad as a foreign exchange student in a South American country. For the first few months my Spanish was limited, and reading material was sparse, so I eagerly read whatever I could get my hands on in English. My host family didn’t have much, but they did have a dusty copy of a 1950′s book entitled “Every Girl Deserves A Husband.” This book (with cartoon illustrations included) gave instructions on a variety of techniques that could be used to “catch a man”. Puppies were definitely mentioned, although noted to be more effective for young men looking for wives. For girls, one recommendation was to seek out the nearest old-folks home, and ask to “borrow” one of the elders to “take them for an outing to the park” in their wheelchair. The girl could then casually mention to male hotties passing by that she was caring for an elderly grandparent, thus proving her compassion and domesticity and all things wifely in general.

      Also mentioned was that a girl should never, ever “succumb to temptation” before the wedding ring was on her finger and the deal was sealed….but if she did, she should make it as absolutely memorable as possible and then tell the man she’d had an attack of conscience, and couldn’t possibly repeat the performance until he married her.

      Somehow I doubt that Candice is using this strategy.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 4:52 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Tesselara

      That last line–succumb once, make it awesome, and then withhold until the ring is on the finger…oh epic. I am wondering, though, how a presumed virgin could be epic at sex on her first try. Some people spend years practicing the sport and still struggle to reach mediocrity.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Jami

      Maybe it’s like that line in Revenge Of The Nerds when the cheerleader asks Lewis why sex with him was so good and he said, “Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex.” The virgin thought about it so much and read about it so much, she’s insanely awesome at sex?

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:31 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   assiveProgressive

    Crazy person logic: You are not worthy of hot boyfriend because you cannot park.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 1:04 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   TRT

    Dear creepy bitch,
    If I could, I’d park in the hallway because it’s worth every second my hot boyfriend is in me.
    Yours, satisfied.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 3:45 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   casak36

      And that comment wins the internet for today. Well done. I may need oxygen for the giggling fit that just inspired.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 8:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   The Elf

    “P.S. Sorry Not Sorry”?

    Is this a new way of speaking? Something the kids are doing these days?

    P.S. Comment Not Commenting

    Feb 4, 2014 at 7:51 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Kwyjor

      The title text records it as SORRY NOTE SORRY, which is clearly incorrect.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 11:13 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   FeRD bang

      There’s actually a PAN tag for “Thanks (but not really)”, as it’s a pretty common feature for these notes to be signed “Thanks!” regardless of whether they’re the slightest bit appreciative. Perhaps a similar one is warranted for “Sorry”.

      It’s definitely unusual to see it explicitly stated that way right on the note, though. So, kudos to the creepy notewriter for that level of self-awareness, at least.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 1:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Raichu

      “Sorry not sorry” basically means “I’m about to be/just was an asshole [and should be sorry], but I don’t care [and thus, I'm not sorry]“.

      Feb 10, 2014 at 9:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Spamajama

    My adorable puppy’s hot boyfriend makes 100 virgins an hour blocking people’s drive-ways. He got laid off from his job as a Denver Bronco and last month made enough money to buy a bouncy castle shaped like Miley Cyrus!

    ***TWERK HERE***

    Feb 4, 2014 at 9:09 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Tara Highman bang

    Holy Shizznit, that’s creepy.

    I do wonder: Is this a case of Bad Park You, girl with hot boyfriend… or is it a case of, “I drive a vehicle that is so big I can’t see over the dash and need 100 yards of assured clear distance just to start the thing”?

    Ps- Enquring Minds Want To Know- Where’s a picture of said hot b/f?

    Feb 4, 2014 at 9:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   The Elf

      And the cute puppy. If you’re going to demand pics of the supposedly hawt boyfriend, I’m going to demand one of the supposedly adorable puppy for us all to dogle.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 9:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Tara Highman bang

      As long as the puppy does not obstruct our ability to view as much as one pixel of the image of supposedly hawt boyfriend (SHB), I will concur.

      I also agree with FeRD… this SHB photo exercise is purely in the interest of fairness to the note writer.

      Totally that.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 9:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   TKD

      We should also get a picture of Candice. Purely for scientific thoroughness, of course. Not because a hot dude is likely to have a hot girlfriend. I am not just some strange internet lurker. No, really, I’m a scientist! :-)

      Feb 4, 2014 at 9:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Ace of Space

      I really want Candice to be really ordinary with a super hot boyfriend. Because we ordinary girls deserve a hot boyfriend too.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:12 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Tard

      You are a scientist AND you play one on the interwebs?

      Shit, you young people have it all.
      When I was a young man, you had to choose between being a scientist or playing one on radio (TV having not yet been invented).

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:12 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Poltergeist

      You people should know by now that when you ask for a pic of a supposedly hot guy, you’re not going to be getting one of his face.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 1:31 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Tesselara

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.8   FeRD bang

      @Poltergeist: “Know”? Counting on it! :twisted:

      Feb 7, 2014 at 1:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   sunshynegrll

    This note was clearly written by a pony.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 4:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   H for Toy

      Like a pony, pony? Or a unipegalicorn pony?

      Feb 4, 2014 at 5:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Tard

      Don’t ask!

      Feb 4, 2014 at 5:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   1deprogrammed1

    Best way to make this stop:

    Next time you park your car here, you’ll find me warming it up with your boyfriend.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 3:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Hamster

    ” I don’t not know if I should be pissed they are creepin’ on my man or to just laugh uncontrollably.”

    Option C: stop parking like an ass.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 8:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Raichu

      and of course, there’s always D: All of the above.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   PT

    When I read this note I hear it in Shoshanna’s voice (from “Girls”).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WMoiP8yH5Q

    Feb 9, 2014 at 2:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up