Crafty like a fox

February 4th, 2014 · 46 comments

Apparently the employees of this retail establishment in North Carolina didn’t take it seriously when the ladies from the shop next door asked them to stop blocking their employee entrance with garbage cans. (Perhaps  they didn’t understand what was meant by Don’t make us bedazzle your asses?)

One day, our submitter says, one of the offending trash cans was found covered in gift wrap, complete with a bow. Sadly, no photo was taken pre-unwrapping, but this sign remains in the shared hallway as a reminder.

Anything left up against this door is likely to be bedazzled, modge-podged, or glittered.  Seriously.  We love sparkly s%#&!

UPDATE: It looks like our crafty crafters followed through on their threats!

It's a fire exit

 

Make art, not war

related: Girls gone wild…with colored markers.

 

FILED UNDER: garbage · North Carolina · rainbow-colored · retail hell


46 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Xin

    *sung to white & nerdy*

    They see me knittin’
    My yarn bomb
    I know they’re all thinkin’
    I’m so arts and craftsy!

    Think I’m just too arts and craftsy
    Think I’m just too arts and craftsy
    Can’t you see I’m just arts and craftsy

    I wanna roll with
    The glue-rs
    But so far they all think
    I’m too arts and craftsy!

    Feb 4, 2014 at 8:42 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Dane Zeller

      Xin,

      I am in awe.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 8:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   FeRD bang

      As am I. You can’t sing something “to the tune of” a Weird Al parody, dammit! That’s like praising “Adam Lambert’s cover of the Gary Jules song Mad World” (which I have seen someone do, true story), and makes Baby Jebus shart blood! Not to mention, makes me want to convince Chamillionaire and Tears for Fears to record a (terrible, awful, very bad not good) album together — just so I can force you to listen to it on endless repeat, for… oh, I don’t know… let’s say thirteen years! :evil:

      (The lyrics, though, those were quite entertaining. Top drawer, old bean!)

      Feb 7, 2014 at 1:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   MarfieDog

    Brilliant! I’m on Team S%#&.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 8:47 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Nola

    wow, that took some time.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 8:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   kermit

    This can backfire if the offender also likes artsy fartsy stuff. In some circles, that can be considered a beautifully decorated note instead of an eyesore.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 9:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Lita bang

    So where is this door? I think I want to leave myself against it for a while.

    Feb 4, 2014 at 9:56 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   assiveProgressive

      I am imagining a pervert in a raincoat leaning against the door, waiting for his frank-n-beans to be covered in sparkles. (Do pervs these days wear raincoats?)

      Feb 4, 2014 at 10:52 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Jami

      I imagine some members of the mob leaving behind a dead body or two because glitter and hot glue screws up forensics better than bleach.

      Feb 4, 2014 at 11:16 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Tesselara

      Jami! LOL! Because they have to bleach their eyeballs afterward?

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Jami

      I was thinking more along the lines that it’s really hard to check for things like gun powder residue when the body is sparkling more than Edward Cullen on Tatooine.

      (Sorry Star Wars fans. I couldn’t think of a real planet with two suns.)

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:11 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Tesselara

      NOOOO! It’s bad enough that Edward is on Earth! Don’t spread it to uninfected planets. Edward Cullen is the herpes of vampire love interests.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:22 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Jami

      Edward is NOT a vampire! But I needed a planet with two or more suns cause apparently that stalker dweeb sparkles in sunlight.

      Maybe someone knows of a real one where there’s no other life?

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Lita bang

    Okay, now that I’m a bit more awake, pedantic time.

    1: It’s MOD Podge, not MODGE Podge.
    2: “Glittere”? Way to block the d. (So wait, is that technically akin to a cockblock…?)

    Pedantic over. Carry on.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 4:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Snicklefritz

      Glitter is the herpes of the craft world. Once it’s out there, it invariably attaches itself to anything that comes within a 5 foot radius, for what seems like an eternity. I think with that in mind, this note just might be more aggressive than passive.
      I’m picturing the store next to the crafters to be some sort of manly testosterone fueled store, that will eventually be coated in a teasing dusting of glitter everywhere. Like a pixie or my little pony pooped glitter all over the store.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 8:30 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Lita bang

      Glitter is indeed craft herpes. Once you have it, you are never getting rid of it and it will show up at the most inopportune times. Damn those shiny flakes.

      You never know – they might enjoy their newfound fabulosity.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 8:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Jami

      Couple of the librarians where I work LOVE glitter. Especially for kids’ crafts. One day the kids got glitter all over the floor on the children’s side and an adult male patron walked through and said, “It’s looks like a stripper has been here!”

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:25 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   TKD

      Glitter is also the bane of those who find themselves , for whatever reason, at the “Businessman’s Lunch” club with clients. That is probably the most passive aggressive use of glitter known to mankind. Though I don’t think those ladies would call it the herpes of their world.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:31 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   assiveProgressive

      What’s a mod podge?

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Lita bang

      It’s a type of craft glue, aP. It dries clear, which is apparently a Very Big Draw for crafters.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   The Elf

      One of my cats got into a bit of glitter once. Three weeks later it was still coming out of his fur. It didn’t help that he’s a black cat so the contrast made him look FABULOUS.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 12:17 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   Lab dude

      One uses Mod Podge, I am reliably told, for doing a style of decoupage, ie. attaching glitter, stickers and other paper (mostly) decorations (like pictures of sparkly Edward) or ephemera to random ‘decorable’ objects (like jewelry boxes), by embedding them in an impermeable film of transparent craft glue.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 12:21 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.9   kermit

      I believe it’s intended only for use with paper. It’s the equivalent of clear varnish and used on stuff that you can’t really varnish because it would destroy the object in question. Unlike varnish, it’s non-toxic and doesn’t smell as bad as real varnish.

      Don’t ask me how I know this because if I tell you, I’d have to varnish you to the wall.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 2:48 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.10   Snicklefritz

      Mod Podge can be used for more than just paper. It can also be used as a fabric stiffener, and to adhere items to each other. It’s basically nothing more than watered down white glue. It also comes in a variety of finishes as well, matte, shiny, eggshell, etc.. I’d like to say it’s highly versatile stuff, but it really isn’t. Think elementary school projects. On the plus side, if you’re so inclined, and you’re really feeling crafty, you can mix in your favorite glitter to make your new creation fabulously sparkly.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 4:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.11   Lil'

      Years ago my little cousin was rushed to the E.R. X-rays were taken. Doctors spent some time trying to determine what a tiny mysterious spot was. Finally they concluded that the spot had nothing to do with her illness. She had apparently swallowed a piece of glitter. I have never been sure how they knew that, but hey, they are the ones with the medical training.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 8:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.12   kermit

      Glitter has bits of metal in it that shows up on x-rays. If it’s the star-shaped kind, it’s easy to tell that it’s not a disease. Also, they can do an ultrasound and determine that the thing is not a growth or something.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.13   assiveProgressive

      Was there glitter in the cat poop?

      Feb 5, 2014 at 10:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.14   The Elf

      Oh yes. The cat poop was also fabulous.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 8:23 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.15   TKD

      Elf, you may be the first person to ever put “fabulous” and “cat poop” in the same sentence, with out the word “not”.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 9:22 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   TRT

    Sh**. That’s the last time I order The White Album through Amazon.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 7:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Tard

    We had a company next to ours who made plaster mannequins, they threw out a lot of rejected parts, filling their dumpster.
    Then, they started filling OUR dumpster, even though we had a padlock on it most of the time.

    Of course, they denied it, in the face of clear evidence.

    I proudly came up with the ‘solution’: right before the trash men picked up, around 6AM, we went out and locked their dumpster. When the trash men were gone, we removed the lock.

    No trash pickup for three straight weeks, their entire warehouse was full of arms and legs.

    We stopped, they stopped, not a word was spoken.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 11:35 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      There’s something wonderful about the idea of a dumpster full of arms and legs.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 12:19 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Lab dude

      I’d like to leave them in front of #130 and see what they make out of that.
      Old Cop:”I’ve seen some sick shit in this job Mikey, but this, this looks like some psycho interior decorator just dismembered the dancers from the Pussy Cat Lounge…”

      Feb 5, 2014 at 12:26 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Jami

      Oh man, I would’ve totally been stealing from that dumpster before every Halloween.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 12:37 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Tard

      They were HEAVY, it was hard to believe they actually used them as mannikins – but this was back around 1986.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Jami

      I’d manage to do it anyway. A bit of red paint, or some glow in the dark paint for some, fake gravestones, some rope and/or chains to hang them from trees…. you could make your yard look like if your landscapers were Sweeny Todd and Jack The Ripper!

      Feb 5, 2014 at 3:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   kermit

      If I had seen that, I would have dressed up the mannequins and smeared them in fake blood to make it look like actual body parts. Reported it to building security and watch the freak out.:)

      Feb 5, 2014 at 9:30 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   1deprogrammed1

    Order stuff from anyplace that stocks stuff for bridal showers (small plastic penises, preferably). Apply liberally to sides of garbage can.

    Find supply store that still sells finger protectors – they resemble teeny condoms.

    Buy small silk umbrella plant. Glue finger protectors to plant leaves. Voila – you now have a “rubber tree.”

    Glue rubber tree to lid of penis can. Stencil apartment number to can using ModPodge and neon rainbow glitter. Liberally spray entire creation with clear glow in the dark paint.

    Return to owner. If possible, add enough solar lights to make sure this bitch can be seen from space at night.

    Feb 5, 2014 at 3:25 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Lita bang

      …I…I am in awe.

      Feb 6, 2014 at 7:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Kasaba

    OK, this doesn’t relate directly to the note, but I read “crack fox” instead of “crafty like a fox”, and the comments so far, make this video [a personal favourite from this TV series] somewhat relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUsaZhbgeYs

    Feb 5, 2014 at 3:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Tard

      Crack Fox?

      Oh man, the perfect inner-city stripper name.

      Feb 5, 2014 at 11:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   phazza

      “Amma hurt ya real bad when we get inside”

      Ahh, he’s actually a little scary… Got to love The Boosh though!

      Feb 6, 2014 at 12:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Spamajama

    My imaginary friend’s s%$& makes 40 kitties a year decorating the doors of people in apartment 130! He got laid off from his last job as a Chia Crotch and yesterday made enough money to post bail!

    ***MISSING LINK HERE***

    Feb 6, 2014 at 2:48 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   assiveProgressive

      My imaginary friend’s mother gave me a bad case of Chia crotch last year! I scratched at it all day until the Internet cured it!

      Feb 6, 2014 at 10:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Red Delicious

    I think we could have done a bit better with the bedazzling of the garbage cans. Those things need to be COVERED in the most outrageous, nonsensical glitterama that was ever conceived. Then moved to the front of the offending establishment so everyone can see just what happens when you leave something in front of a fire exit.
    They might also get a nice fine if the city ordinance doesn’t allow for trash cans to be in front of said establishment.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 1:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   321Xero

    This is like Gandhi knew his way around a hot glue gun.
    This smile will follow me around today.

    Jul 29, 2014 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up