I love you…but I love you more when you’re skinny.

February 11th, 2014 · 101 comments

Writes Joshua in Salt Lake City: “This past year I’ve been trying to lose weight. It’s been up and down. Apparently my mother knows that.”

Happy Valentine's Day Josher! 'Skinny Josh Bag' Proud of you! What's the day without the candy bag...just 'Chew & Spit'

related: Mom is my favorite passive-aggressive Valentine

FILED UNDER: heart · hey fatty · Mother-son notes · Salt Lake City · signed with love · Valentine's Day · xoxo


101 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Megan

    “Just chew & spit”!?!? I love it!!! Hahaha

    Feb 11, 2014 at 6:18 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TRT

      If you really loved me, you’d swallow.

      Feb 14, 2014 at 4:01 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   FeRD bang

    Wait… are those candy hearts? Yeah, totally a “chew & spit” kinda treat. :-? Mom sounds like the kind of person who’d pour a recovering alcoholic a glass of champagne at New Years and say, “Oh, just toast and pretend to drink it!” She is the Kwisatz Haderach!

    Feb 11, 2014 at 6:20 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   GB

      Okay, why am I seeing Dune references everywhere in Internetland today. Please tell me there isn’t a blockbuster movie version on the way…

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   The Elf

      THE SPICE MUST FLOW!!!!!!!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 2:02 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Amanda

    Um, “Chew and Spit” is a symptom of a legit eating disorder :/ : http://anorexictoathletic.com/2012/01/31/the-silent-secret-eating-disorder-chew-spit/

    That’s pretty much equivalent to saying “Just throw it up, honey, it will be fine.”

    Families.

    Feb 11, 2014 at 6:24 pm   rating: 76  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      I saw family described in an advice column recently as “the other F-word”.

      Ain’t that the truth!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 6:53 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Lita bang

    So they tell him to “chew and spit”, but then up there in the corner, they’re apparently proud of him?

    That’s the kind of mixed message that makes people get unhappy and actually eat all the candy, hence setting the whole vicious cycle a-swirl again.

    Feb 11, 2014 at 7:46 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Tard

    When I was 30 and hadn’t been home in four years, my dad knelt down in front of me with his camera and said “look down here!”.

    He sent me the picture with the chin fat circled (which was of course being shown in the worst way).

    I sent him a photo of my bare ass with an arrow to where the asshole would be if I’d pulled open my butt cheeks.

    Everyone’s parents are insensitive nuts.

    Feb 11, 2014 at 8:25 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   poopypants

      I came home for a few weeks, after being abroad for a year and within an hour or two my dad had criticized my weigh gain. Later on he sent an e-mail asking me for work out tips.

      …What?

      Feb 11, 2014 at 10:17 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Poltergeist

      That was clearly a passive aggresive e-mail, poopypants.

      “Hey, do you have any work out tips? …Oh, that’s right, you don’t have any since you’re a fatass. Sorry, I forgot.”

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:38 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Tesselara

      Yeah, I hadn’t seen my grandmother in 4-5 years, and the first time I saw her was at a wedding. She was in the church doorway. I THINK she had enough time to say “hello” to me before telling me that I was looking fat. To this day, I’m so proud of myself. All I said was, “Grandma! That isn’t very nice!” And walked off.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:51 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Tesselara

      And imagine the tone of voice to be exactly the same as the one you would use on a naughty toddler.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:53 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Rattus

      My dad and his wife came to stay with us for a few days when they moved back to the country. The bulk of his conversation durng the entire visit was passive aggressive digs at my weight, along with some just plain aggressive digs at other members of the family and an apology for never having loved me. That one wasn’t a surprise – I got the same apology from my mom when I was fourteen. Anyhoo, I asked him what the hell was wrong with him, did he think that I couldn’t understand his subtle excoriations, and to get the hell out. I haven’t him in fifteen years and all is now right with the world.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 7:29 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Tard

      I dropped my entire family the day after my dad’s funeral, to their faces (since it’s the only time we were all together). They acted like I was a pouty four year old and I also never saw any of them again; most are dead now.

      It was a good move, like yours.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 8:09 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Snicklefritz

      Ahhh, family. Gotta love em………

      Until you can safely bury the bodies and not get caught.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 8:31 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   Lainey

      At least my mom waited until I’d fallen in love with my wedding dress and tried it on a second time in the store, giddy as can be, before saying “You look a little pregnant, you’ll want to buy some good foundations”

      Feb 12, 2014 at 2:23 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   poopypants

      That’s the confusing thing. I’m not much bigger than I was the year before, and probably at least 10 of the pounds I put on were muscle. He was legitimately asking for workout tips. People are weird.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 8:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   betty lou

      I hiked over 800 miles of the Appalachian Trail last summer. My mom met up with me after about 700 miles. Within 20 minutes of seeing me for the first time in almost 6 months, she looks directly at my (very muscular at that point) thighs and says, “Well… I guess you have lost *some* weight.”

      It’s like, Jesus fucking christ, Ma, my legs have carried me 700 miles up the east coast, but you still give a shit what they LOOK like?

      Feb 13, 2014 at 12:29 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.11   pooham

      I grew up with my Mom repeatedly calling me “slightly sluggish.” Eventually that evolved into lethargic. I always thought I was fat (b/c my sisters were quite thin), even when I weighed in at 125. (I’m 5’8″.)

      Now I’m 260 and don’t give a crap what anybody thinks about my weight. It took me this long to stop letting my family’s comments get to me. (My little sister told me once after I lost 60 lbs to get down to 155, “I knew I had to do something about my weight when I saw that you were skinnier than me.”)

      Feb 13, 2014 at 12:38 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Poltergeist

    Chew it.
    Spit it.
    Mail it back.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 1:45 am   rating: 104  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Tard

      WE HAVE A WINNER!!

      I’d do it.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 7:28 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Scott C

      That was practically poetry. Bravo!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 4:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Tesselara

      Spit or swallow?

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Silence

    One wonders what dear Mom’s reaction will be when Josher chews n’ spits an entire Thanksgiving dinner.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 6:11 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   The Elf

    Wouldn’t it make more sense, if you must send a Valentine’s gift to your *son*, to send either a non-food gift, a healthier food gift, or a very small selection of high end, luscious candies/chocolate? If you’re going to indulge, do it with the best. Make it three Lindt truffles or something to savor, not a bag of chalky tasting candy hearts to “chew and spit”.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 7:32 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Jami

      Some people like those hearts better than Lindt.

      Yes, I’m one of those people.

      Cadbury’s the only really good chocolate out there.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   poopypants

      You shut your lying non-reese’s eating mouth!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 8:57 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   pooham

      I <3 those little hearts! Mostly for the sayings.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 12:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   The Elf

    I’ve never understood the Valentine gifts between non-lovers anyway. First, I’m not a fan of Valentine’s anyway. It’s a hallmark holiday. I’d rather show my love to my husband, and him to me, in small and unexpected ways over the year. Second, isn’t the point of the holiday for those in romantic love? Parent-child love just isn’t the same. Platonic love isn’t the same. Friend love isn’t the same. Self-love is loads of fun, but not the same. There’s other occassions for all that!

    Feb 12, 2014 at 7:35 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   FeRD bang

      WeRD. I said three years ago, V-Day anything from blood relatives is creepy. Without exception.

      If you can’t talk yourself out of it because it’s a Hallmark holiday, then just pretend it’s an observance of a dirty pagan sex ritual or something. Whatever it takes, but pleeeeease skip the card aisle. There’s nothing sadder and more suicide-inducing than V-Day observances from your parents/grandparents, anyway.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 7:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Tard

      It’s for young couples, I think, don’t know anyone over 40 who pays any attention to it.

      Can still recall my first ‘real’ V-Day: married my college sweetheart in January, right after graduating from engineering school and finally had a real job making actual money so we dressed-up, went to the fanciest restaurant in the town of 20K….

      …. Only to see the ENTIRE TOWN jammed into the room! Each time someone new walked in, everyone laughed.

      Over 30 years ago, still remember it.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 8:05 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   kermit

      Elf, you should be a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. Without it, the only time the good fancy chocolate would go on sale is at post-Christmas and possibly Easter.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 9:20 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   The Elf

      You make a compelling argument, Kermit.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Jami

      *pounds head into wall* It’s NOT a “Hallmark Holiday” because the card industry did NOT make it up! Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s Day – THOSE are holidays that were made up by the card industry!

      Valentine’s Day is the Christian take over of a Pagan holiday. Given the name of a Christian who was martyred for performing illegal heterosexual marriages.

      As for parents giving their kids Valentines – as someone who’s never had a Valentine I do hate it. I wish we wouldn’t celebrate it.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:28 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Phoenix

      FErd, can you give me a guide as to how to acceptably celebrate other holidays as well? Taking your Vday analysis as an example, you don’t like holidays that have a Hallmark card associated with them after the fact, consider the pagan origins “dirty” and “sexy,” and don’t seem to notice the Christian veneer of the holiday. I’m curious what practices you wouldn’t deride.

      Or is it just that we all need to be told in what proscribed ways affection and romance can be celebrated? Nothing I like more than a stranger telling me how stupid I am for declaring that I love someone.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   The Elf

      Jami, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that it has *become* a hallmark holiday. I think we could agree that the current traditions of cards, treats, and gifts goes beyond honoring the matyrdom of St. Valentine.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:49 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Haterade

      *reads FeRD’s post*

      *reads Phoenix’s post*

      *gets really confused and rereads FeRD’s post*

      *starts to wonder if FeRD is using a secret code to impart messages that only Phoenix can read*

      Feb 12, 2014 at 11:21 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   FeRD bang

      Holy wow!

      Phoenix, I “don’t seem to notice the Christian veneer of [V-Day]” because I’m not actually inside your head where the crazy lives. It isn’t really noticeable outside there.

      And for the record, I don’t object to V-Day AT ALL, and don’t object to family (blood relative) observances on any of the grounds you mention. I object to it because it is creepy and weird!! And I will happily furnish those who are tempted to observe it between family members with any and all excuses they need, so that they’ll stop.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 11:31 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.10   buni

      When I was a kid, my dad bought valentine candy for my mom, my brother and me. All I cared about was that he loved me and I loved chocolate.

      I don’t remember how old I was when the candy stopped coming.

      The last valentine I received was a card from my dog, purchased by my ex-husband shortly after our divorce was final two years ago.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 12:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.11   Kupo

      If it makes you feel better, the last valentine I got was a card from my cats.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 12:54 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.12   FeRD bang

      @buni: Yeah, I’m OK with people giving V-Day $whatever to their kids, or other young relatives. That’s fine… even cute. It doesn’t really get creepy — as with so, so many things — until the children are grown adults and it’s still going on.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.13   FeRD bang

      @buni: Yeah, I’m OK with people giving V-Day $whatever to their kids, or other young relatives. (So, I guess I was lying when I wrote “without exception”, initially. Conceded.) That’s fine… even cute. It doesn’t really get creepy — as with so, so many things — until the children are grown adults and it’s still going on.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.14   kermit

      Calm down, citizens.

      At the risk of offending all of you or making you all happy, you can buy/print your cards (for whatever occasion/holiday you wish) and satisfy your bloodlust for PA simultaneously from the snark-filled treasure trove that is someecards.com

      Disclaimer: Not associated with the site or any enjoyment that may result from visiting. May aggravate PA symptoms, scurvy, scorfula and jiggly knee syndrome.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.15   Raichu

      I’m inclined to agree with you, Elf – it’s a special holiday for couples. However, I can’t find it in me to complain, since my mom bought me a box of Samoas for V-Day this year, and she usually gets me something sweet like that. (Yes, I know it’s not til Friday, but I was home yesterday for a few hours so she took the opportunity.)

      Feb 12, 2014 at 3:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.16   juju_skittles

      I just take it as an excuse for chocolate. Much the same as any other day that ends in “y”.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 6:17 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.17   buni

      @Kupo
      I’d be surprised if I get a valentine from my cat this year. We’ve only been living together a few months, so we’re still in the “getting to know each other” phase.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 10:44 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.18   pooham

      Celebrate the day however you wish! Flowers, candy and romantic dinners out are great for some. Some prefer to stay in and cuddle watching a movie or a floor picnic or a whole lotta lovemaking. I don’t have a significant other, but I celebrate it by getting my best friend something nice. (Flowers this year.) I got some of those cheesy boxes of grade school cards and I’m giving them out to co-workers, friends and family.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 12:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.19   Beth

      My mom emailed me yesterday asking if I wanted to get together for V-D Day.

      This is the third year she’s called it that, but I don’t have the ♥ to tell her what VD means. Besides, it makes me crack up.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 2:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Lil'

    On the topic of weight…this is my first week back at work after delivering my twins. I have 15 lbs to go to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight but I have been feeling really great about my body. Well, I guess not everyone does. A male coworker, retirement age, stopped by my desk to tell me I really don’t need the pretzels I snacking on because the wheat and salt would result in belly fat. He said I really should think about my future. I didn’t reply because I was kind of stunned silent. He said “Uh oh! She’s not gonna love me anymore.” That was yesterday. Fast forward to this morning. My temp is still here for a week while I transition back to my job. She said , “I’m so sorry. I forgot to mention that you got an email. It was from one of your coworkers. It was info on a new weight loss program.” I asked who would be so insensitive. She said it was him. What a jerk…

    Feb 12, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      …. After having twins? Seriously?

      Wow. Just…. wow.

      Congrats on the weight loss! From what I understand, the post-baby drop is pretty tough. You deserve a treat for your achievement. Have Josher’s candy. Tell your coworker you’re gonna start chewing and spitting, since he’s so concerned about your health. At his desk, of course, so he can see how well you are sticking to the plan.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:24 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Jami

      Can’t you report that sort of thing to HR? Sounds like harassment to me.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:29 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Tango uniform

      Send a certified letter ( return receipt with signature required) to his home stating the nature and dates of his bullshit and that you need him to discontinue his intentional harassment immediately.

      Be sure and say ‘harassment’.

      Or, send it to his wife instead, asking if she can control him before you are forced to contact HR.

      Hee hee

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:49 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   rushgirl2112

      Yeah, I’d definitely report to HR. That’s completely inappropriate for a number of reasons.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 12:31 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Snicklefritz

      @Lil
      1st – congrats on the twins
      2nd – take your time losing whatever weight you feel comfortable with. Don’t look at the media and our supposed “stars” for motivation.
      3rd – feel free to slap the ever loving shit out of aforementioned coworker. Verbally works best. Physically slapping only works when no one is around to be a witness. And never, ever put anything in writing. In fact, his email to you could be used as proof of harrassment. If he’s doing this to you, who else is he fat shaming?

      Feb 12, 2014 at 12:56 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   KHandcock

      I will second (third? fourth? Whatever) all of the above! You are fine, don’t feel bad, and yes, I would certainly consider reporting this to HR – if you don’t want to escalate to an official report, maybe request an HR mediator (if your company does that) to discuss the issue and have it on record that you expect to hear NOTHING further about your body or weight from this individual.

      And congratulations on your twins!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 1:23 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   juju_skittles

      Lil’ congrats on the twins, as well as being able to function! Holy moly, I thought I was doing well to be out of PJ’s and into real clothes by lunch time. What an absolute tool. How does he look BTW? Since he’s passing judgement…

      Feb 12, 2014 at 6:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   FeatherBlade

      Congratulations!

      Roll your eyes and tell the guy “As if you would look this good after birthing twins.”

      Or “You need to work on your motivational speaking skills.”

      Or “If you don’t want to see me eat, stop coming by my desk.”

      Or “Not all of us have celiac problems, Bob.”

      Or “Thanks for your concern,” turn back to your work and conspicuously ignore him.

      As far as a complaint to HR – that’s really kind of the nuclear option of dealing with rude co-workers. It really doesn’t sound worth it in this instance.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 3:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   underwatervulcan

    Joshua aka Josher is a little byitch. I’m on team Mom here. His mom sent candy a stupid note and and a lame joke. How horrible. Sounds like mom is more fun than Josher. For all those out there who haven’t walked the Earth long enough; parents don’t look at their own children like other people. That means they don’t get treated like other people. Adjust your expectations and stop whining that mommy sent you candy Josher – the note is because you are a woman about your weight and nobody wants to hear about it until after you have the sex change operation.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 9:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Phoenix

      Pro tip: trolling is more successful if you stick to short and sweet, and on one topic. Ranting like an alcoholic swamp rat with a developmental disorder doesn’t fool many, except other swamp rats, and they rarely have Internet connections.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:34 am   rating: 55  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Tard

      Swamp Rat Bias!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 2:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Raichu

      Nope, his mom was being a douche. She knows he’s struggling with his weight and did something really unhelpful and insensitive about it. Also nice casual sexism.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 3:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Tesselara

      Underwater vulcan! You have managed to score the coveted gold medal for the Quadfecta of Fail! Points awarded for the following:
      1) excellent execution of the very difficult parent/child smugness & logic leap
      2) Using womanhood as an insult (this must get you laid all the time! Keep it up!)
      3) Trans-gender bashing
      4) Shaming the name of all Vulcans with your emotional comment–next time list your moniker as “Underwaterbetazoid”–truth in advertising, please!

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:01 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   underwatervulcan

      Awww how cute; a retarded fan club of trolls that cant’ read or that have cognition problems. For having an interest in a site like this I would expect one of your points to be valid. Too bad junior mints.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 9:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   Tesselara

      Did you also actually use a pejorative for people with cognitive disabilities in your retort? I’m in awe of your state of evolution.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 10:20 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   pooham

      Well, I do get one of UWV’s points. The Mom may be making a joke, albeit quite awkwardly/badly. For the rest of the post, he should have kept his mouth shut.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 1:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.8   The Elf

      Perhaps, Underwatervulcan, perhaps. However, we can use commas, apostrophes, and semi-colons correctly. Nice try, though.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 4:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Lythande

    Yesterday I commented to a friend that the pizza I was eating would be more conducive to my appearance goal if I chewed it and spit it out… I was not aware this was a parent-approved body-shaping technique.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 12:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Hyacinth

    @Lil – It took me a year to lose the baby weight, so getting that close so quickly is amazing. Ignore the hater… or like everyone else said, talk to HR about him. Really none of his bizness!!!

    Feb 12, 2014 at 1:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Hyacinth

    Oops, also, wanted to say that hubby and I rarely celebrate holidays but this year we both bought valentines. Not cards. He got really good… excellent… dark chocolate from me, and I got a Napoleon from the bakery from him. Treats!!!

    Feb 12, 2014 at 1:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Lainey

    For years my fiance and I have celebrated V-Day by going into a store, picking out a funny AND innapropriate card for one another, passing them to one another in front of the other goons spending $7.99 for a musical nightmare card that plays “Pour Some Sugar On Me,” putting them back on the rack and walking out without spending a dime.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 2:32 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Raechel

    Is this showing my age? (I have no idea what schools do nowadays.) When I was a wee tot, at school we would give our classmates Valentine’s Day cards – the little cards that came in a package with a variety of cards to choose from. I remember sitting at home trying to figure out which card to give the different kids in my class. I got the giggle fits over the card I was going to send to the boy in class I thought was cute and I remember struggling to find a friendly but fairly neutral card for someone I didn’t know very well. It was a little traumatizing.. Social circles have always carried weight with us primates. And I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I was a careful kid. The horror was noticing if someone didn’t get any or only one or two Valentine’s Day cards.

    We also got those little candy hearts with the words on them. Those were yum! They were fantastic for giving us a sugar rush for screaming and running at recess.

    Feb 12, 2014 at 3:05 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Tard

      That’s how we did it and he rule was you had to give one to EVERYBODY, boys & girls.

      Of course, not everybody got one from everyone and some people got a lot, it was a real popularity contest deal.

      I thought it was stupid even when I was five years old…. Back in the very early 60′s. No, not 1860′s.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 4:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Kupo

      When I was a kid it was a rule that you had to give everyone in the class a card so no one would feel left out. I often got 3 or 4 cards. That was pretty traumatizing for me.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 4:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Lita bang

      Equally depressing is the realization that while, yes, you did get a card…

      …it was from your teacher.

      Best of intentions, yes, I know, but as a wee, awkward, universally hated sproglet, I’d rather have gotten nothing, because wee me hated being pitied more than wee me hated not getting any goddamn valentines.

      (Teachers were not required to do this – so yes, honestly, best of intentions – but also pity.)

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:07 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Tard

      The lack of enforcement of supposedly rigid rules, or selective enforcement, leads to disrespect of authority…. Something I have to this day.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 5:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   uncreative

      I am so glad my school didn’t do this. Not only was I not popular, which I was okay with, I had an undiagnosed at least partial face-blindness. I generally had no idea who most of my classmates were. So, I couldn’t have given them valentines. Although, apparently, some schools had you decorate a box with your name on it and give kids a list of names, so they know who all to make cards for. I could have handled that. It would have been as empty and meaningless as it sounds though. I don’t recall my school doing much of anything for Valentine’s Day, which strikes me as the perfect way for schools to handle it. Although my High School let you buy a flower to be delivered to somebody in homeroom. Which was, at least, easily ignorable.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 9:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   Tard

      Pay to send flowers to someone at homeroom?
      That’s weird.

      What bugs me is some affluent high schools let kids BUY a parking spot for the quarter, so the entitled pricks in BMWs get even more entitled.

      I’d GIVE the parking spots to the kids on Honor
      Roll. Hell, I didn’t even know anyone with a car in HS.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:03 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   Raechel

      Ooo! Give the spot to me! I was that nerd on Honor Roll.

      And most girls like flowers, so it’s not too weird. Not sure about boys?

      Feb 12, 2014 at 10:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   assiveProgressive

      I was not popular but it seems to me I received valentines from everyone. I don’t see what is creepy about valentines among close relatives. My cats will be giving a card to their favorite mommy, I hear. As a gay American, I do Not like going out to restaurants with my gal pal on V-day or V-day weekend, but oh, maybe if we go somewhere like the Chinese buffet, we won’t look too much like sinful sickos, or whatever it is mean people think.

      Feb 12, 2014 at 11:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.9   uncreative

      Tard, I assumed the idea behind paying to send a flower to someone during homeroom was that it was essentially an easy way for the school to turn Valentine’s Day into a small fund-raiser. It was a touch weird, but not that annoying, as nobody seemed to actually be obnoxious about somebody not getting any flowers. And hey, if it’s going to be commercial, at least the school is getting more funding.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 12:32 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.10   Tard

      assiveProgressive, I don’t know where you live, but Western Washington is the most gay friendly place I’ve ever seen, you might consider moving if possible? Nobody is going to stare & cluck here.

      On the flower delivery, somehow I didn’t understand it was just for Valentine’s Day, how Dumb am I?

      I, too, was on the honor roll but did not own my own car until I was 24 years old. I wrecked my parents cars twice, their Insurance company dropped me like a bad habit.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 6:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.11   The Elf

      That sucks, AssiveProgressive. But you aren’t missing much. V-D is the worst day to go out to eat! I accidentally did it once and never again!

      Feb 13, 2014 at 8:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.12   VM

      One year a Valentine’s Day gift my now hubby ordered for me was delayed in shipping, so he had to give it to me on the 16th. We joked that the day was our private Valentine’s Day. Well, we still celebrate it on the 16th — replete with half-price chocolate and wide-open dining rooms!

      Feb 13, 2014 at 10:48 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.13   buni

      In my high school, Valentine’s day was celebrated as “Hush Day”. Each girl was given a red paper heart in homeroom. If a girl spoke to a boy, she had to give him her paper heart. The goal for girls was to get through the whole day without losing their heart and the goal for boys was to collect as many hearts as possible.
      I thought the game was lame and usually lost my heart before homeroom ended.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 11:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.14   Poltergeist

      The grade school valentine thing is just obnoxious, especially for the parents. I was never really into it, but my mother thought of it as an unfortunate obligation. I think she was afraid of what the other parents would think of her if I didn’t bring in any crappy store-bought Tweety Bird cards.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 2:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.15   Beth

      We did the same thing when I was a kid in the 80s. I too spent way too much time figuring out who would get which cards. There were always four or five variations in the box, and always one of the five was super mushy. As a girl, no way was I going to give the boys one of those! So I felt a little creepy, putting girls names on cards that read things like “you’re cute, valentine!” and “you make my heart beat fast, sweet thing!” Seriously, who wrote those things? And expected third graders to hand them out happily?

      I can’t remember if we had a list of names but we were expected to give a card to everybody in the class. But we DID get to decorate our own boxes, which I loved doing.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 2:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.16   uncreative

      Buni, wow is Hush Day offensive. Let’s ignore the heteronormativity for a moment and the binary genders (and I’m guessing no recognition of transsexuality), because hey, it was the 80s and a school would be exceptional to not be awful on such matters. Let’s just jump straight to the sexism where girls are encouraged to stay silent and punished for talking.

      My inclination would be to rip up the heart into little confetti as soon as it was given to me.

      I also really hate the way it plays right into the notion that women are won and the goal for women is to not give in to men. Men win by obtaining the reluctant prize from a woman.

      I’m really having trouble finding anything positive to say about Hush Day.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 4:44 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.17   assiveProgressive

      In defense of the heteros around here, people really don’t say ridiculous things to us if we go out on V day, but I guess I still feel out of place and would prefer not to be sitting in the same room with the celebratory heteros. As for that Hush thing, WTF?? That is offensive. I don’t get it!

      Feb 13, 2014 at 11:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.18   buni

      I was in high school in the late 80s-early 90s. I have no idea who started that tradition or when. And now I wonder if they still do it.
      I’m sure whoever started it thought it was all just innocent fun. Back then I didn’t think about it being offensive, just silly. But now we (hopefully) know better.

      Feb 14, 2014 at 9:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.19   FeatherBlade

      It was probably started by a clever school teacher who figured that a school-wide game of Capture the Flag would prevent the girls from flipping out over who got valentines from whom, and the boys from being crushed when they got nothing.

      Offensive? Not unless you’re looking to be offended (this was before the powers that be decided that heterosexuals were inherently offensive.)

      Brilliant crowd control idea? I think so.

      Feb 14, 2014 at 10:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   warns

    That mom is twisted. Why would she send candy in the first place if she was just gonna guilt her about it. Buy her a gift card, Mom.

    There are ways to show love without candy, this is just sadistic, no wonder the lady has weight issues when mom pulls some nonsense like this?

    Feb 12, 2014 at 3:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   warns

      Sorry, no wonder this fella has weight issues. I misread

      Feb 12, 2014 at 3:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   assiveProgressive

    My main complaint about this mom is that instead of buying candy that comes in a cardboard box, she makes a cutout heart and puts cheap candy in a bag. Sheesh! Bake some cupcakes or buy a giant heart-shaped box of chocolates. Learn how to torment people to the max!

    Feb 12, 2014 at 11:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      Like Charles Manson says, “If you’re going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy.”

      Feb 13, 2014 at 8:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Lita bang

      Darnit, aP. Now you have me wanting to make death by chocolate cupcakes, and I don’t have any baking chocolate.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 3:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   assiveProgressive

      Yum! What a way to go

      Feb 13, 2014 at 11:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Lita bang

      *note to self: sneak some of those deliciously murderous cupcakes into aP’s lunch*

      Feb 13, 2014 at 11:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   My name is Princess!

    Awe! I think this is sweet. You know, this would inspire me to return with an equally thoughtful gift. I’d send wrinkle cream, denture adhesive and depends!

    Feb 13, 2014 at 3:16 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Tard

      Then you are just sinking to their level…

      Hee hee, fuck ‘em.

      Feb 13, 2014 at 4:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Kelcha

    We did Hush Day at my school (not in the 80′s, but in this millennium, and my baby sister says they still do). It wasn’t for Valentine’s Day, but for the Sunshine Society; I walked into school, got my sun, handed it to my boyfriend, and didn’t have a problem with it. If I didn’t have a SO, I stuck it in my locker and ignored it. The real fun was the boys who insisted on being in the (traditionally) girls’ club – they were supposed to not talk to girls, but nobody remembered they were!

    It was horribly sexist, but at that point I’d already gotten my high school to enforce the dress code for cheerleaders on gamedays, so I wasn’t quite ready to rock the boat and start another war.

    Feb 17, 2014 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up