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The sugar shelf of death

February 18th, 2014 · 140 comments

“There’s a shelf in our office, where, every couple of days someone will contribute some sort of sugary/fatty treat,” writes Laura in Seattle. Luckily, one of her coworkers stepped up to enlighten everyone about the death trap they’ve created.”

GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.


GET RID OF SUGAR. It's more poisonous than HEROIN. If refined sugar were discovered, it would be categorized as a narcotic like cocaine and heroin; it's as addictive and kills millions more people than all drug overdoses combined. Think about it. Obesity-related illnesses kill more people than everything else combined. And the No. 1 causes of obesity and sugar, fat, and salt.

related: Cupcakes are a gateway drug!

FILED UNDER: food · hey fatty · office cop · questionable logic · Seattle

140 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jeanne

    I have a bag of those from Costco! They’re fucking delicious!!

    Feb 18, 2014 at 11:12 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   melanie

      I’m obsessed =/

      Feb 18, 2014 at 11:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      WANT. The Elf needs a fix. Pass the methadone.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:46 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   April

      Methadone? You can have a bag of stevia.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:41 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #2   DS

    I’d get one of those industrial sized bags of refined sugar and leave it there the next day.

    Feb 18, 2014 at 11:30 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Beast Among Us

      But how does one “get rid of sugar?” May I suggest eating it?

      Or, mix it with potassium nitrate and set it on fire. It will burn like a flare.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 1:36 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   The Elf

      And give you a free afternoon when the fire drill goes off.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Zounds, Mutley!

      Bottle of Kero (High fructose) Corn Syrup with a note that says, “I got a substitute for that ‘heroin’ you hate so much”.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 11:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #3   Lita bang

    Aaaaah, I see. So people are fat because of sugar, fat and salt. Not because, yanno, they might have a medical condition, or they’re fucking lazy, or they just plain take in more calories than they can burn off. Nope, it’s sugar, fat and salt.

    So does that mean I somehow miraculously have a diet devoid of any of these things since I’m severely underweight without the help of a pretty strong appetite stimulant? And clearly that pill is packed chock full of sugar, fat and salt, since I have some meat on my bones now!


    I guess I can’t argue that sugar’s a drug, though. Where else would we get the term “sugar pills”? Because ~clearly~ Big Pharma wouldn’t attach that term to something that isn’t a drug at ~all~.

    (Yes, I’m a little cranky, and for this I apologize.)

    Feb 18, 2014 at 11:46 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   o

      People are always going on about “medical conditions” but most fat people are fat because of bad diet. Elephant in the room. Fat elephant.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:55 am   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Lita bang

      Note “might”. I am well aware medical conditions are not the dominant reason for people packing on the pounds. I am also well aware that a very great majority of the population stuffs their faces with junk and then whines about it. I just threw that in there because I do know, very well, several people who do have a medical condition that causes weight gain.

      Fat elephant, yes, but humanity does not like to be told that they’re ignoring that elephant.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 1:01 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Catherine

      Obesity is a symptom of the problem and the problem is psychological. There’s always some reason that these people overeat and fail to exercise beyond lack of education.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 2:10 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   FeRD bang

      So people are fat because of sugar, fat and salt. Not because, yanno, they might have a medical condition, or they’re fucking lazy, or they just plain take in more calories than they can burn off.

      I have a theory about this “Yanno” people are always talking to. I think he’s the shorter-haired, less-successful younger brother of Yanni, unknown outside of his native Greece. So, it’s weird that people are always leaving him messages on websites, yaknow?

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:43 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   Lita bang

      Hah, FeRD. You’re right. I need to stop talking to this Yanno guy. ;)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 3:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #4   cafn8d

    I’d add my own note: “Fine, then, YOU can’t have any. More for the rest of us!”

    Feb 18, 2014 at 11:51 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

  • #5   Charlie

    How in hell does SALT make someone fat??? Nutjob.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 1:44 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Zairrin

      Salt contributes to water retention, which isn’t true “fat”, per se, but it does make you heavier. Water is heavy.

      Salt also leads to artery blockages which may not cause fat, but can make exercise difficult. In HUGE portions, obviously.

      But you’re correct, whoever wrote this is a nutjob. Salt’s more of an indirect cause than an actual cause.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:57 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #6   Poltergeist

    If we’re gonna start making comparisons, yours was dumb. People do actually need sugar, salt, and fat to survive. The key is moderation. Heroin isn’t required for normal biological function.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 2:11 am   rating: 88  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Logic…. Reason….. Science….. Pssht! We don’t need that around here!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:48 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Shalindria

      Actually they are only comparing “refined” sugar to heroin.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   mapp

      Actually, you don’t need any refined sugar in your diet – it has no nutritional value whatsoever.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:00 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Zairrin

      Cane sugar, however, is okay. Refined (and especially bleached) sugar isn’t very good.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   The Beast Among Us

      I think it’s a great comparison, although heroin is harder to snort than sugar, and unless you dissolve it in water, sugar is more difficult to shoot up.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 1:40 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Poltergeist

      Frankly, I’m highly skeptical of claims that demonize refined sugar. I just don’t think it’s very well supported. There might be minor benefits to one kind of sugar over the other, but in the end, sugar is sugar. We need it in our diet, but if you consume it in excess and have a sedentary lifestyle, it will result in weight gain.

      If you take an obese person and keep their diet/lifestyle the same but replace all of the refined sugar in their food with cane sugar, I guarantee you that they’ll still be just as obese. By the same token, if you take a generally healthy, active person who uses portion control and replaced all of the cane sugar in their diet with refined sugar but kept everything else about their diet/lifestyle the same, I’d have to guess that they’d still probably be just as healthy.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 5:57 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   kermit

      Poltergeist, the whole point is that refined sugar and sugar substitutes aren’t sugar.

      And sorry to disappoint you, but if you were to take an obese person and start feeding them real food (including real real sugar and real fat), chances are they would lose weight. They would lose weight because they would stop eating after they’re hungry and eat considerably less food.

      The whole reason the food chemistry industry is booming and investing a shitload of money in creating artificial sweeteners and other food additives is because they want people to buy more food, more often and not feel full.

      Why do you think that people order multiple sandwiches with their fast food meals? They don’t feel full eating just one. Yet if these people were to go home and make the same food at home (using real ingredients) I guarantee you that they would feel full eating only one sandwich.

      If you don’t believe me, do a little experiment on yourself. Go to your local chain fast food joint and order one meal. Time how long before you feel hungry again. Now make the exact same meal at home from scratch and time how long before you feel hungry again after eating it.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:35 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   The Beast Among Us

      ^ It’s extremely difficult to make a McDonald’s cheeseburger at home, though, because it’s next to impossible to find packaged ground poo.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:37 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   kermit

      ^Note the “real ingredients” part, though. Thousand Island dressing (which is what “Mac sauce” is), real cheese of your choice, tomato, lettuce, ground beef, salt and pepper are all easily available at most grocery stores. Anybody can make a cheeseburger.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   Poltergeist

      Sorry kermit, but you don’t understand how obesity works for a lot of people. People eat food for a multitude of reasons other than satiating their natural feelings of hunger. Replacing refined sugar with cane sugar will not make people eat less because changing an ingredient does not actually address the reasons why people eat in excess.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 10:15 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #6.11   kermit

      The rise in obesity and overweight people directly coincides with the increasing market use of artificial sugars, fats and other food additives.

      You’re right that some obese people are emotional eaters and eat long after they’re full. But there is no reason to think that the population of emotional over-eaters suddenly surged in the mid 80s/90s and before that time people weren’t emotional over-eaters. The percentage of people who are just fat has increased but slightly; it’s obesity that has skyrocketed.

      The fact remains that there is no scientific reason to invest research dollars in making fake sugar and other food additives. Sugar, salt and naturally occurring food preservatives are cheap and accessible for manufacturers. It’s not an issue of making the cost of food production cheaper. It’s actually more expensive to add high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils, etc. into food. However it pays off big time to invest in this kind of “innovation” because people buy more food more frequently. Check the USDA stats on food expenditures. The amount of money in constant dollars spent on food since the mid 80s has doubled.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.12   magicdomino

      “Anybody can make a cheeseburger.”

      Except my mother. As a firm believer in cooking to kill the germs, she made hockey pucks. McDonalds was a vast improvement.

      Feb 21, 2014 at 2:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.13   kermit

      Or you could have just made your own cheeseburger. If pimply high school kids can manage it, surely you can too, Domino.

      Feb 21, 2014 at 8:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.14   operagost

      Claiming that refined sugar is “not sugar” is the stupidest thing I have read today. Look up the word “refined” in a dictionary. The process removes as much of the stuff that ISN’T sucrose as possible. Nothing could be MORE like sugar.

      Feb 25, 2014 at 9:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.15   kermit

      Legally (and therefore technically) it is not sugar because it has a patent and commands a higher price. You can’t patent something that naturally occurs in nature.

      Feb 25, 2014 at 9:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.16   TKD

      Kermit, legally, any patents on the refinement of “sugar” are on the process of concentrating sucrose, not the composition. Technically, “sugar” is known as sucrose. A molecule of sucrose is a molecule of sucrose, regardless of how it came into existence. The only difference between cane sugar and refined sugar is the concentration of sucrose. Plant cells produce sucrose because it is a storage stable form of glucose, which is a required input for cellular metabolism in most life as we know it. Animal cells also require glucose for cellular metabolism. Hence the reason most animals really enjoy the taste of sugar. Just ask the bear that tears apart a tent to get at the Snickers Bar in a backpack :-)

      Feb 26, 2014 at 7:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.17   TKD

      OK Kermit, next response,
      “And sorry to disappoint you, but if you were to take an obese person and start feeding them real food (including real real sugar and real fat), chances are they would lose weight.”

      The point to sugar and fat substitutes is that, as you pointed out, they are not sugar or fat, therefore the body does not metabolize them into glucose. If the body cannot convert it to glucose, it does not store it as adipose tissue (body fat) either. If substitutes are the only thing coming in, the body must pull from it’s storage reserves in the adipose tissue, hence the person will lose weight. If you switch that person to the “real” chemical sucrose or triglyceride (fat) then the body will use what it needs to live from the incoming food and store the excess as body fat. If the person eats equal quantities of glucose or triglycerides it does not matter about the source, whether made in a lab, as a McDonalds Hamburger, a whole avocado or good old table sugar. The body still takes what it needs to run cellular metabolism and stores the rest.

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:14 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.18   The Elf

      I think some of the very real weight loss effect of eating “real food” vs “processed food” is psychological. That is, you become more aware of what you are eating if you made it yourself. It is also more fulfilling. They’re not only eating a meal closer to the source, they’re eating less.

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.19   TKD

      Kermit, next, an apology. You seem to be a normal, sane person in most of your comments. As a working chemist and educator, I sometimes have a hard time resisting the urge to inject actual science when I see a discussion turn toward gross oversimplification of what took science billions of hours of work to understand. I believe that knowing the underlying science is the best way for anyone to make an informed decision. I agree with you that eating food that is as close to it “natural” state is better for you. Not because it is somehow chemically different, but because it is at a proper concentration to meet your bodies needs. So I apologize if it seems that I am harping on your posts alone. I am only trying to put a little science behind the point that you are making. Eat well!

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.20   TKD

      Elf, so called processed food is simply a higher concentration of fat, sugar and protein. These are the chemicals our bodies need to function. The physiological and psychological effect of “real” food is that it usually brings with it lots of indigestible things like fiber. At least if you eat your veggies. If you only eat high fat meats like grain fed beef, then weight loss is pretty tough to achieve. The caloric density is too high to feel full and not overwhelm your metabolic needs.

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.21   TKD

      “The rise in obesity and overweight people directly coincides with the increasing market use of artificial sugars, fats and other food additives.”

      Last one Kermit,

      It also coincides with the use of cell phones, Michael Jackson’s album sales, the downfall of Communism, global terrorism and the inexplicable rise in the popularity of curling. Coincidence is not the same as causative.

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:53 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #6.22   The Elf

      Right, but I’m talking about psychological changes one does when making that kind of switch. Chances are good they aren’t making total 1:1 swaps, that becoming more aware of what they’re eating tends to bring with it other dietary changes. For instance, instead of eating everything on your plate that was served out by the restaurant, you serve yourself a measured quantity and then eat everything on your plate. You still feel like you ate a solid dinner, but since you don’t have food still in front of you after meeting caloric needs, you don’t continue to eat. Plus, having made it yourself, it is more fulfilling. That would be psychologically fulfilling, as in a sense of accomplishment. That makes cooking & eating less pure fuel to be downed while driving or watching a show and more of an experience. In fact, one of the mental tricks you can play on yourself in weight loss is to make your meal special by using good plates, setting the table, eating away from the TV, etc. That has zero impact on the food on your plate but it may have positive impact on your mental state while consuming that food, which contributes to weight loss.

      In other words, the “real” vs processed food thing is partially in our heads. Doesn’t make it less real, though.

      Feb 26, 2014 at 8:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.23   TKD

      All excellent points Elf! I am fully in favor of anything that makes getting to a healthier state more fun. Repetitive exercise and boring food are probably the largest contributors to obesity. At least they were for me :-)

      Feb 26, 2014 at 9:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   gfa

    To use a beautiful British word: “bollocks”. As Poltergeist said, you need sugar, fat and salt (in moderation) to survive. Where does this person get their facts from? Oh wait, they pulled them out of thin air. Don’t need heroin to survive and it could kill you in your first hit. Not so sugar. Unless it’s a 100 pound bag from a fourth floor window. ;)

    Feb 19, 2014 at 2:45 am   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Elf

      Oh, I’m going to go there and say they pulled it out of fat air. This has the feeling of being from an evangelist from the church of calorie cutting.

      My take is that notewriter is trying to lose some weight and the treats on The Sugar Shelf Of Death are too tempting. Rather than learn self-control (abstain, or limit yourself to a small, occassional treat), they seek to impose control on everyone else.

      I get it. I’m trying to lose a few too, and it is tempting to go off the rails when a treat appears. Sometimes I give in to temptation, and sometimes I don’t. The answer is to look within, not to impose without.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:52 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Maitri

      OR the notewriter is one of those sanctimonious people who is lucky enough to be able to fully control his/her (I’m going to guess her) weight via moderate exercise and watching her diet.

      Personally, I ran 7+ miles last week and lifted weights twice, and ate 1600 calories a day (planned out eating plan structured to lose 2 lbs per week without the exercise even) and I gained 1 lb. I have a medical condition that makes my metabolism extremely slow. But no, Sanctimonious Insufferable Note Writer, you do you.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:24 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Madrias

      They pulled their facts from their arse because quite clearly, their facts stink of opinions.

      Sounds like someone who wants to impose their will on everyone else because they can’t control themselves.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 2:04 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Dourn

      Um.. they said “refined sugar”… you don’t need refined sugar survive, although you do need sugars (in the form of carbohydrates of some sort).

      But refined sugar (in all the modern equivalents – high fructose corn syrup, I’m looking at you) is not something we need to survive, and does in fact seem to be harming us. But it’s addictive so… bah.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 2:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   poopypants

      Maitri, it’s entirely possible that you’re pushing your body TOO hard, so when you’re not actively working your metabolism is shutting down.

      It’s also possible that it’s random water weight. My weight does weird things right at workout time depending on how much I sweat/drink/breathe.

      OR the weigh times are important as well. What I’m trying to say is have a snickers bar and watch some TV.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   Stupid sexy Flanders

    There’s always one Debbie Downer who has ruin it for everyone else. Ass.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 5:12 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   shwo! bang

      I think you meant Little Debbie Downer.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 10:06 am   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Lil'

      Damn it, shwo! I wish I had said that :)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 11:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Stupid sexy Flanders

      Damn, you got me! Lol!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #9   TRT

    I think the note-writer is saying they would prefer it if you left heroin there as a treat for the office.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 5:41 am   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Tesselara

      And that since they were using it when they left that note, they’re all out. Please send more! Thx.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 6:50 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Rattus

      The problem with the heroin is that after a good solid hit, you really want to go to town on the sugar. Mmmmm, Twinkies.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:57 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #10   Jami

    My response would be to bring in cookies, cupcakes, and other homemade sweet treats every single day. And just keep doing it every day I work for as long as it takes for them to lose their temper in person.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 6:11 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Lil'

      I think all the other coworkers should give each other dessert inspired nicknames. “Good morning, Cupcake! How was the weekend?” “Oh hi, Twinkie! It was phenomenal. I took my overweight kids to the brownie convention, then we went out for pizza.”

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:34 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   kermit

      I have no problem with this because foodies/bakers make good quality stuff with real ingredients.

      I sorta do side with the note-writer only because that candy doesn’t look like it has any real coconut or dark chocolate in it. So whoever brought in the thing with milk ingredients, hydrogenated oil, fructose and imitation coconut flavor can eat it themselves.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   The Elf

      Lil, I love your idea. Until I realized that someone would get stuck with the unfortunate nickname of “Sticky Buns”.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:53 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   The Elf

      Still no reason to write a PAN comparing sugar to heroin, Kermit. If you don’t like candy with methylethylbadshit as an ingredient, then just don’t eat it. In fact, that ought to be very easy to walk away from since you oppose it so strongly.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:57 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   kermit

      Agree, Elf. That’s why I said that I kinda agree with the sentiment as opposed to fully support and endorse writing notes about it.

      Just because somebody brings something in doesn’t mean that you have to eat it. In some circumstances though, it can come across as rude if you refuse – which is the part that I hate.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:04 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   The Elf

      Oh, I getcha. Sorry!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   assiveProgressive

      I for one would not eat it because it has –ew! — coconut in it.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:30 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Lita bang

      I would eat it, but coconut kills me.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   juju_skittles

      I know! Coconut right! I loved that line in Zombieland – “It’s not the taste – it’s the consistency!” Even during a zombie apocalypse you could not get me to eat coconut.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   Jami

      I agree, coconut is gross.

      I’d be bringing in things like peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, red velvet cupcakes, regular cupcakes, triple chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. Every single day. Sure, it would mean a lot of baking but if it gets under note writer’s skin – then it’s worth it.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.11   The Beast Among Us

      I’m fine with the name Sticky Buns, although Hot Sweet Buns would be more appropriate.

      I like coconut.

      I don’t think I could bring homemade treats every day. I have better things to do. But I’d be willing to add “Control yourself, Pig” to the bottom of the note.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 7:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   Belaani

    Ahhh, the fun to be had with an office gorgon! Leave presents around, like rock candy ( those huge sugar crystals on a string ) Twinkies, or just a huge bowl of sugar with a spoon in it!

    Feb 19, 2014 at 6:47 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Tesselara

      Or a straw! Or one of those fake syringes filled with sugar “blood” from Halloween.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 6:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Maitri

      Pixie Stix!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   FeatherBlade

      Or bath salts that look like rock candy! (not that I’m saying I’ve ~ever~ mistaken the one for the other…)

      On the other hand, that might be the kind of thing to do if you are trying to put your co-workers ~off~ candy

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Maitri

      I make some cupcakes that are made out of soap. Should put some of those on the shelf >:)

      Feb 20, 2014 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   buni

      Or the amazing-looking “cookies” that my local pet shop sells.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 11:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   madrugada

    Dear note writer,

    Self-righteous, tight-lipped and ignorant is no way to go through life, dear.

    Eat everything in moderation, even sugar, fat and salt. For a quick hit of all three, I advise taking 2 potato chips and a square of a Hershey bar for a tiny but oh-so-fucking-delicious nosh.


    Feb 19, 2014 at 6:52 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   FeatherBlade

      Better tight-lipped then loose-lipped, though.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #13   Tesselara

    ‘Course, sugar IS addictive. I tried to stop eating sugar for a while, and it was crazy. I’m a pretty even-tempered person, but when I stopped eating any sugar, I snapped at my partner, my co-workers, and basically hated everyone. People were begging me to start putting sugar back in my coffee. Sugar makes me a nicer person.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 6:53 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   poopypants

      That’s because your brain needs it to function. It’s the same reason you get grumpy when you’re hungry. If your brain doesn’t have the glucose it needs to function it starts acting like a spoiled child (greedy bastard brain) and making life unpleasant for everyone.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:56 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   magicdomino

      I have to admit, this sounds like me when deprived of my daily minimum dose of chocolate. Dark chocolate of course; it has a higher percentage of the gooooood chemicals.

      Feb 21, 2014 at 2:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Jami

    Today’s the day. Bye bye uterus.

    I don’t know if any of you ever read STFUParents but there was one entry there that made me really raging mad. Some woman posted to the Sainsburys FB page about how there’s “not enough parent parking” and how she parked in a disabled spot and got a ticket. It made me so mad that I went looking for the original so I could inform her having a child is NOT a disability – couldn’t find it – but I did see a vegan posting in a rage about how “no one wants sugars and fats” in their food. I ALMOST posted “Mmmm – sugars and fats. Yummy.” Except I’ve never shopped at a Sainsburys. After all, we don’t have one in the US. I did, however, once shop at a Marks & Spencers while visiting England.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 7:10 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Tesselara

      Good luck!!! I’m sending good thoughts your way!
      (and I’m going to have to check out STFU parents. Although the rage…not sure it’d be good for my blood pressure!)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 7:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Zairrin

      Good thoughts going your way, Jami! Treat yourself to something nice afterwards.

      But don’t eat too much sugar during your recovery; it’ll kill you! :D

      Feb 19, 2014 at 8:03 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   vstorevigilante

      I read STFUP all the time (and comment. Current username: Britt Mac). And that whole post made me stabby. Best of luck, Jami!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 3:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   Lita bang

      Good luck, Jami!

      (I’m Lily over at STFUP. The one with the fluffball for an avatar. I _thought_ that was you posting there! :D)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 3:41 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   assiveProgressive

      Hope all is well in your uterus-free world. I have seen parking spots for expectant moms. My darling SO has parked there because how are you going to tell if she is with child or not.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   Chinchillazilla

      Hahaha, I went looking for the same post to tell that idiot the same thing. Guess she deleted it.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.7   Kupo

      Good luck! And to anyone going over to STFU Parents, do NOT eat food while on that site. It’s a great site, though. :)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 6:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.8   Jami

      Thanks all.

      They ended having to do surgery twice. They tore me a little while removing the cervix. Then I spent the night at the hospital. NOT fun.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 12:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.9   The Elf

      Sounds like a blast. Yay, hospital food! I’m glad it is over and I hope your recovery is swift and easy.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 1:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.10   Lil'

      Jami! You’re back!! I cringed when I read about the tear, but I’m glad you are well enough to check in with us. I’m wishing you a speedy recovery and a gift basket filled with lots of sweet treats. And be sure to rest up for as long as the doctor advises – even if you feel like your old self before then.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 1:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.11   Lita bang

      Hope you recover fast, Jami! Milk it for all it’s worth if you need to!

      Feb 20, 2014 at 4:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   Havingfitz

    What a beautiful world it would be if everyone just worried about the size of their own ass.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 7:48 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #16   Zairrin

    I thought, as a biology buff with a fairly firm grasp on how the human body works, I might weigh in on the Sugars & Fats concept.

    The human body, to function, requires calories, which are from proteins, fats, sugars and carbohydrates. Calories are instant energy; they are measured as “the amount of energy that is required to raise one mL of water one degree Celsius,”.

    As you can imagine, there’s not a lot of energy in just one calorie, and they are used up very fast. To survive, humans would have to be constantly eating to replenish the lost calories they spent on sitting, standing, and even thinking (which is where the majority of calories are used). Fat, an evolutionary godsend, is the solution to this problem: stored energy. When the human body runs out of instant energy, it taps into the stored energy in fat, burning it to keep the body going. Without calories and fat, the body would not get the energy it needs to feed the cells and keep them working.

    And what happens when the brain can no longer get the nutrients it needs to function? It starves, just like the rest of the body. Extensive brain damage, but hey, at least you’re thin!

    This is why any “carb-free” or “fat-free” or “sugar-free” diet is bullshit; starving the body of needed nutrients is NOT a safe or healthy way to lose weight, and anyone who says otherwise is suffering from the brain damage caused by starving their brain. (Except for extenuating circumstances wherein someone may, for medical reasons, be unable to have certain substances. I would imagine, however, a doctor would help them create a diet where they would still get everything they need and not starve themselves.)

    Crazy Coworker is right on one point, though; in many developed countries, obesity (and complications linked to obesity) is the leading cause of death.

    It used to be thought that sugar and butter were the Devil, so alternatives were created. But then, oops, we find out that these alternatives are actually worse for us, and that sugar and butter are actually good for us. Everything, in ridiculous portions, is “bad” for you; hell, too much water will kill you. Everything in moderation, and all that. Except heroin. Don’t do heroin, even in moderation.

    Some weight loss tips, for anyone who’s interested:
    1) Talk to a nutritionist; some are now offering to do genetic testing to see what foods your body responds best to.
    2) Eat a large breakfast, and a small dinner. You don’t need a lot of calories to sleep, but you do for working all day.
    3) Exercise. ‘Nuff said.
    4) Snacks are okay, but try to find some that are yummy AND not loaded with unnecessary stuff. I really like NutsOnline (the closest UK equivalent seems to be the Graze Box; can any Europeans let us know if they’ve found something else?), they’ve got a ton of tasty and healthy stuff.
    5) Eat portions according to your lifestyle. If you live a very active life, you’ll need plenty of calories to get you through the day.
    6) Drink lots of water and get a good night’s sleep.
    7) Practice discipline. Just because there are snacks available doesn’t mean you need to eat them.
    8) Reward yourself at milestones.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 8:57 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   mapp

      Refined sugar is not good for us, though. It has no nutritional content whatsoever.

      The sentiment in the note is basically correct, but leaving an assy note is not.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Zairrin

      Edit doesn’t seem to be working, and I forgot to talk about metabolisms! Balls!

      Some people’s metabolisms (how fast the body uses energy) are very fast, which makes weight loss very easy. However, some people’s are very slow, making weight loss difficult. Medical problems can cause either very fast or very slow metabolisms. There are some methods to affect the speed of your metabolism, though I’m not entirely sure of their effectiveness. Anyone ever try them?

      Furthermore, some medications can affect the body’s fat retention. Birth control, for example, has a tendency to cause water retention in females, which can cause weight gain. Antidepressants can sometimes cause weight gain.

      Not everything works for everyone, though, so talk to a doctor and get some help!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:05 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   FeRD bang

      Edit doesn’t seem to be working, and I forgot to talk about metabolisms! Balls!

      Yeah, I already sent email about this, but in case Kerri or Eric see this:


      Feb 19, 2014 at 9:54 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Tesselara

      Agree! Make VERY SAD! Sound like ass too often!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 10:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   kermit

      Sure, it’s broken but it’s likely a content management system issue that is not Kerri’s fault.

      But on the bright side now you have a countdown to look forward to – which is useful because erm,…you can count your fat cells?

      Feb 19, 2014 at 10:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   Mark

      Note that the word “calorie” has two scales. To be precise, a food calorie is actually a kilocalorie, and is enough energy to raise one kilogram of water 1°C (or alternately, one gram of water 100°C of sensible heat). So you were only off three orders of magnitude, no biggie. :)

      /chemical engineer

      Feb 19, 2014 at 11:17 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   buni

      “7) Practice discipline. Just because there are snacks available doesn’t mean you need to eat them.”

      I just said this very thing to a coworker who was lamenting the 7 pounds he’s gained in the six months he’s been working in my office.
      There are goodies available in my office nearly every day, so I know I can skip the donuts today and indulge in a cupcake on Friday. I don’t have to eat both just because they’re there. And if I wait long enough, my coworkers will eat all the good stuff and leave behind things that don’t interest me, so they’re easier to say no to.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 11:53 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.8   Zairrin

      Argh, you’re right, Mark! My mistake. Not sure what I was thinking of, though. Maybe I was thinking in the molecular sense?

      Feb 19, 2014 at 3:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.9   L

      “Crazy Coworker is right on one point, though; in many developed countries, obesity (and complications linked to obesity) is the leading cause of death.”

      I mean, the CDC disagrees. But keep spewing junk science.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 6:26 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.10   FeRD bang

      And you were so close, too, Zairrin! In fact, you would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kidsif you’d just gone straight to the police, none of this would ever have happenedif only you’d more freely employed your Shift key (that’s the one!), everything would’ve been right as rain. Since, by convention (as you no doubt know), capital-C “Calories” refer to kilocalories. Embrace the Calorie, calories’ far-more-energetic big brother!

      Now we just have to quantify exactly how right rain actually is. I’ve never gotten anything even vaguely resembling accurate figures for all that nonsense, making it a fairly useless equivalency really.

      Feb 24, 2014 at 8:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   Zero Our Hero

    From the note I can make the ff deductions:
    The note writer is overweight.
    The note writer is on a diet.
    The note writer may have a low blood sugar level and that makes her cranky.
    If all if the above are incorrect, the note writer is just an ill informed Tool with a superiority complex and the self control of an incontinent puppy.

    Well done Watson! To the Burger King then!!

    Feb 19, 2014 at 9:18 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   madrugada

      Interesting that you think the Note Writer is a woman, Zero Our Hero. I found it hard to decide so I left NW sexless (which probably isn’t far from the truth, nudge nudge).

      Either way, Note Writer is just one of those people who feel that it’s their right and responsibility to be a fucking wet, sandy, itchy towel on the sunny beach of everyone else’s enjoyment.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:00 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   FeatherBlade

      “one of those people who feel that it’s their right and responsibility to be a fucking wet, sandy, itchy towel on the sunny beach of everyone else’s enjoyment.”

      Beautiful phrasing! ^_^

      To be perfectly fair, such persons (especially in office environments) are women, because very few women can stand to be doing something different from everyone else.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Lita bang

      …Your name. Is it a Schoolhouse Rock reference? :D

      (For what it’s worth, I thought NW was a woman as well. A cranky woman who cannot resist the siren call of those delicious treats.)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   The Elf

      I’d guess women too, but not because “very few women can stand to be doing something different from everyone else” (WTF? I guess me and all the women I’m friends with are “very few”).

      No, the reason why is because this sounds like someone who is trying to cut down. Women tend to be the dieters in any given group. It makes sense. There’s more social pressure on women to stay thin and trim than there is on men. At the same time, women’s bodies are designed to just grab that fat and hang on to it. It’s much harder for a woman to lose weight, as any woman who has made the mistake of talking about dieting with a clueless man.* Women require fewer calories than a man of the same size, age, and activity level, so smaller deviations from the diet have greater impact. Little temptations constitute a greater threat to a woman’s weight loss attempts than it would to a man.

      So, if we assume that this is from someone attempting to lose weight, then statistically it is more likely from a female writer than a male one.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 8:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   The Elf

      * Story time. I’m the only woman in my gaming group. We typically have snacks at game time. One day, I was putting out some fresh veggies and a hummus dip, commenting that I wanted some “crunch” and felt it too likely I’d dive into the Doritos and this would sabatogue my weight loss effort. This guy looked at me and – completely straight-faced and serious – said “Why don’t you just cut out soda? I thought I was getting too fat so I just replaced Mountain Dew with Gatorade and lost 15 pounds”.

      I threw a book at him.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   Zero Our Hero

      Yeah I apologize for assuming. I wonder why people always assume the calorie counters are women, or that its a ‘woman thing’. I remember a barman giving me a look of utter disgust because I ordered a diet soda with my vodka. And I thought this was murica!!
      Pita: I dont even know what that is..
      In other news… I noticed a typo in my initial post and there wasn’t any snide putdown/correction. Wtf has happeNed to the trollz? Come on Elf! Stop chasing them away…

      Feb 20, 2014 at 3:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   FeatherBlade

      “I guess me and all the women I’m friends with are “very few”).”

      Yes, but are you all doing the ~same kind~ of different thing from most other women?

      If so, QED. ^_^

      Feb 20, 2014 at 3:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   Lita bang

      Schoolhouse Rock is (was) an educational thing for kids, one of the videos was “My Hero Zero” and talked about how wonderful the number zero is aaaaand now I kind of feel old.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 4:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   FeRD bang

      …Your name. Is it a Schoolhouse Rock reference? :D

      Pita: I dont even know what that is..

      …Ignoring the amusing-in-its-oddness name-change (“Pita”!?), I need you all to know that my inner child just died a little bit, reading that. :cry:

      No, wait. Actually, he died a whole lot.

      Feb 24, 2014 at 8:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.10   The Elf

      Mine too, FeRD. My inner child died of old age.

      Feb 25, 2014 at 8:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Havingfitz

    Sometimes knowing something logically and putting it into practice are two different things. I’m as addicted to sea-salt as any smoker to a cigarette or addict to heroine. I eat it straight. So much so that last week I actually aspirated a piece into my lung and coughed up blood as result. Some people tell me it’s a form of PICA, others a result of being anemic (which I am). In any case, no one has to tell me what I’m doing to my health by gobbling it down. I know darn well. It’s easy to say “Well, just stop” but with an addiction, any addiction, it’s never that simple.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 9:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   FeatherBlade

      Are you one any kind of iron supplement? (other then the sea-salt)

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Havingfitz

      Yeah, I take iron pills for the anemia. I keep hoping that’ll somehow stop the craving: it’s at the point now that I actually start shaking if I don’t have access to salt. It’s bizarre.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 12:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   kermit

      You probably should see a doctor to investigate that. It may be that your body is craving salt because you’re not holding on to any of it because it gets eliminated too fast.

      And FYI not all iron pills are the same. If you’re not taking the (expensive) kind that are bio-available (usually in liquid or capsule form) your iron deficiency is not getting any better. You should also be eating iron-rich foods like dark green veggies and liver, etc. That’s a much more efficient way of getting your iron up than with pills.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Dan

      You’ve been diagnosed as iron deficient, right? Because chronic low levels of B12 and folate also cause anaemia. Or it could be something even worse. Get thee to a doctor for a blood work-up!

      Feb 19, 2014 at 5:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   Jami

      Anemia is one of the reasons I had the hysterectomy. You should look into different pills. Sometimes though your body just can’t absorb iron from pills or food.

      Feb 21, 2014 at 10:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Phoenix

    If NW is so concerned about helping the rest of the world eat healthy, they should provide better alternatives for everyone else. Spread the alternative lifestyle love.

    Of course, I doubt that’s what’s happening. Far more fun to reprimand people for living their own lives. Oh, office rats.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 12:18 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #20   Kasaba

    I live on my own and I love baking. I used to, whenever I had baked a cake or cakes, take some of it into the office to share with my colleagues. Everyone (so I thought) loved it, until one of my colleagues who was trying to lose weight said that she felt I was “torturing her on purpose”. I thought I was doing something nice for my colleagues. :-( Now I eat whole cakes on my own.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 2:22 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   C

      Oh no no no :( Don’t give into one grumpy gus. I loved it when people would bring in baked goods to my office.

      That person needs to get over themselves – “torturing them on purpose?” Yes, as if that’s your sole thought while baking for 20+ people.

      Feb 19, 2014 at 4:06 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Lil'

      Keep on baking. I’m sure the coworkers who did eat it were appreciative and do miss it. I don’t understand people who think no one should partake of foods that they either can’t or choose not to eat. I had gestational diabetes and gestational hypertension with this last pregnancy, and I was pregnant through Thanksgiving and Christmas. I never expected my coworkers to adjust because I couldn’t have certain foods. I just expected them to respect when I said no to their offers (but of course you always have some who think it’s OK for you to cheat “just this once”). It’s hard enough to say no without the added pressure. By the way, my blood sugar and blood pressure are both normal now, so you are welcome to send me the cakes if that’s a more workable solution for you.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 3:51 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   Jami

      Tell her to STFU and bring in cupcakes.

      Feb 21, 2014 at 10:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   Belle

    We need to introduce this nutter to my uber-militant vegan co-worker. He’s fond of putting notes in the suggestion box that demands “all corpses” (aka anything not vegan) be removed from the vending machines.

    Funny thing is that I have other vegan co-workers and they would never dream of trying to force their dietary choices on others. If you bring the subject up & ask them questions about being vegan they’ll gladly answer, but they also realize that being vegan isn’t for everyone.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 3:02 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   macphile

      You have meat in your vending machines? I know he’d object to dairy, which would be in chocolate and so on, but that’s hardly a “corpse.” Object to the use of animal products all you want, but don’t pretend that every candy bar is nothing more than a tasty dead cow.

      Feb 20, 2014 at 1:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   The Elf

      Somebody needs to put an actual corpse in the vending machine. Surely there’s some roadkill someone could scoop up and plant in D1. Put it in a sealed plastic bag to be sanitary (sort of). “I’m feeling peckish…. Oh, Geese’s peices! I haven’t had that in ages!”

      Feb 20, 2014 at 2:44 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #22   warns

    Love.. the office killjoy.

    I can’t stand people like this, lady if you want to lecture people on nutrition, become a nutritionist. Otherwise, keep it to yourself.

    Nobody’s ever said “someone wrote a really preachy note about their beliefs on what I choose to eat, I’ll definitely go ahead and change my behavior as a result.”

    Feb 19, 2014 at 3:04 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #23   whatever

    I think every office has one of ‘these’ people. And as it typically is, in my office it’s the sickly thin vegan trying to tell everyone else what they should eat.

    Feb 19, 2014 at 7:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #24   GB

    Such poor grasp of basic biochemistry is saddening. Let’s start at the beginning: macronutrients (proteins, carbohydrates, and fats) provide energy and, in the case of protein, a lot of other specific function. An excess of these, whatever the form and ratio, will make you fat. (There is an exception if you induce a ketotic crisis; don’t do that, no matter what the Atkins’ people tell you.) The goal is to balance your calorie intake (macronutrients) to your energy expenditure while ensuring you get adequate vitamins & minerals (micronutrients). All this rabbiting on about how one form of sugar is good and another bad is bollocks. They’re all just empty calories: macronutrients with minimal micronutrients. They’re fine in calorie-deficient diets: for example if you’re an Aborigine living in the Gibson Desert.

    Feb 20, 2014 at 3:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   kermit

      Of course they’re all the same. That’s why companies spend millions in research to make artificial sugars and other additives – to make the exact same sugar they could get much more cheaply and easily from sugar cane or beets.

      Feb 22, 2014 at 12:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Zero Our Hero

    It’s funny how we seem to believe the calorie counters are all women. I remember I went out for drinks with a coworker and he ordered a beer and I got a diet coke. He gave me the ‘you’re kidding me, right?’ look and said he had to go. I’ve never felt so emasculated by a frigging drink in my life.
    Meanwhile.. I noticed a typo in my post and none of you had the courtesy to post some snide put down/correction? Elf and her minions have chased all the sarcastic pricks away :(
    @lita nope.

    Feb 20, 2014 at 3:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #26   Jami

    Thinking about it, this could count as harassment. Note writer could be reported to HR. Same with all the pushy vegans the rest are complaining about. I mean, your diet is none of their business. So if they’re going on and on about what you should eat and try to force you to change you should just report them.

    Feb 21, 2014 at 10:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   kermit

      Oh FFS, why don’t you just sue them then for causing emotional distress.

      No wonder the HR people I’ve come across are a bit off. Anybody would go insane if they had to deal with this kind of kindergarten babysitting. If it’s it’s affecting your ability to do your job, then report it to HR. Otherwise suck it up and deal. Just like the note-writer can ignore the bag of candy, other people can ignore the note attached to the bag. Sheesh.

      Feb 22, 2014 at 12:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Jami

      I’m not saying sue. I’m saying get HR to scare the crap out of them.

      I had to do it with a coworker who wouldn’t leave me alone on the subject of marriage. She just kept harping and harping and harping on it no matter how many times I told her I never wanted to get married. I reported it to the manager who gave me the e-mail address of HR. I made it clear I didn’t want to get her into trouble, I just wanted her to shut up.

      Feb 22, 2014 at 12:25 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   FeatherBlade

      Or you could have said to her

      “If you’re so concerned about me getting married, then set me up.”

      Challenging wannabe-yentas to actually ~do something~ frequently causes them to disappear as if they’d never existed.

      And if she actually had put up, you could have a great time rejecting all of her suggested prospects for utterly spurious reasons.

      Feb 24, 2014 at 11:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #27   Mith

    Sugar is roughly half sucrose and half fructose. But in America “high fructose corn syrup” is everywhere instead of sugar. And fructose goes straight to the hips and belly.

    Feb 23, 2014 at 10:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   KittenPlaysTheViolin

    Hey I just wanted to point out to everyone that sugar is not an essential part of our diet. There is a process in our metabolic pathway that is called gluconeogenesis, which literally translates to the generation of new Glucose. It produces Glucose from Pyruvate, which happens to be the product of glycolysis. I learned this in an introduction to biomolecular engineering course, but I’m sure a cursory Google search will provide validation.

    But I too think anything with sugar is fucking delicious and the holier-than-though notewriter can go to hell.

    Feb 24, 2014 at 4:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   TKD

      Hey Kitten, you should take the actual biochemistry course as well. Gluconeogenesis is a recycling reaction whereas glycolysis is an initiating reaction. In cellular metabolism, without the input of glucose, there is no pyruvate. Hence carbohydrates are considered an essential dietary requirement. Sugar (aka sucrose) is a quick, naturally abundant, source of glucose. With the breaking of just one chemical bond, you have a molecule of glucose. So I consider my high sugar diet to be efficient, as well as tasty. Hurrah for dark chocolate!

      Feb 25, 2014 at 7:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #29   assiveProgressive

    I have had to take it easy the past week and rest my weary driveling self, meanwhile soothing my sore throat with soda pop and filling up on various unhealthy foodstuffs. Since Valentine’s Day I have put on at least five pounds! Aaaack!

    Feb 25, 2014 at 12:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    How does salt, a mineral with literally no calories, cause obesity?

    Hypertension, yes, but obesity, no.

    Apr 17, 2014 at 7:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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