How many cliches can we fit on one piece of paper?

February 27th, 2014 · 55 comments

So, which jumble o’ jargon would you rip off the wall first?

Exhibit A?

PLAY hard & WORK hard. Make everything count!

or Exhibit B?

Your mother does not work here! If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat (and floor!)

Coincidentally, both of these notes come to us from Colorado, apparently the least creative state in the union.

Go ahead and post those speculative explanations regarding The Centennial State’s staggering dearth of originality in the comments below. Then we’ll circle back to brainstorm some synergistic solutions. (“The Centennial State?” Really? It’s like you’re not even trying, Colorado!)

related: The rhyme that must be flushed

FILED UNDER: Colorado · office · toilet · Your mother doesn't...


55 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shwo! bang

    Now, now. The notewriters probably just had a case of the Mondays.

    Feb 27, 2014 at 8:23 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Both signs need more flair.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 7:53 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Pit Pat

    Yeah, cause my mom usually washes my hands after I tinkle…

    Feb 27, 2014 at 8:59 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Mama

      Why is it ALWAYS supposed to be the woman’s fault? “Your mom’s not here.” What about dad? Why isn’t a man ever made responsible for any housework or hygiene?

      Feb 28, 2014 at 10:44 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Tesselara

      Somehow, “your dad’s not here” comes off as a teeny bit creepy. Ahh, gender roles…

      Feb 28, 2014 at 10:46 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Pit Pat

      Perhaps these signs could also include “wait till your father gets home” as a threat?

      Feb 28, 2014 at 1:39 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   it's naptime

      “My own brother a god-damned, shit-sucking vampire! You wait til mom finds out!”

      See? Reversed gender role, even if only in a movie.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 2:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   FeRD bang

      @naptime: You know… I can’t even figure out if it helps or hurts your point, that “mom” was played by Dianne Wiest, one of the least traditionally feminine (especially in that role) actresses of the 1980′s. :-D

      Mar 4, 2014 at 10:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   kermit

    I love how companies who pay their workers the minimum the law requires expect that those people should go above and beyond their job description for nothing more than a pat on the head from management. Its because “how much of yourself you put into everything MATTERS” that nothing more than the minimum is worth it.

    Feb 27, 2014 at 9:22 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Gajic

      They probably show them the awful video from the Seattle market with the guys throwing the fish too. The one where they talk about being happy at work is only a choice you so you should always choose to be happy. I’ve worked a few dead end jobs where they tried to cram this crap down our throats.

      Feb 27, 2014 at 10:36 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   janellionaire

      As someone from Seattle, can I say how sick I am of seeing those fish-throwing guys every time there is anything at all about Seattle on TV? You would think that’s all we do here. Just throw the ol’ salmon around. It’s not really a thing outside of the one market. We do drink a LOT of Starbucks, however. That one’s true.

      Feb 27, 2014 at 10:42 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   kermit

      But do you drink Starbucks while throwing the fish around?

      Yeah, I know that sounds like it should be euphemism for something, but I don’t what.

      Feb 27, 2014 at 11:15 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   The Elf

      Totally Kermit. You want me to put in more than the minimum effort to get the job done? Give me an incentive to do so. Otherwise, I will do the job you hired me to do and not a penny more.

      I go above and beyond when I have a reason to do so; it’s not that I’m a slacker. But I had one employer that tried to get me to come in on my days off – unpaid – to help write proposals and punished me for “not being a team player” on my performance review when I refused. Sorry, a for-profit Beltway Bandit doesn’t make my charity list. I found another job.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 8:00 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   kermit

      Yeah, apparently it’s a one-way street. As the employer, you don’t have to do anything but the minimum the law requires. But as an employee, now magically you’re “supposed” to do more than the minimum. Riiight, that’s definitely going to happen.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 9:18 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Rattus

      As someone who has recently Apollo 13′d into someone’s semi-circular urine puddle, I have more than a modicum of empathy for the writer of note 2, if not respect for their writing style. The writer of note 1, however…s/he reminds me to the point of a blinding rage of my recently removed “team leader”. Her removal caused much jubilation amongst the team because, well, look at the kind of crap she writes to her staff.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 9:31 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   The Elf

      You….. You made *Apollo 13* into a verb. I normally hate that, but it’s a reference that both requires intelligence to understand and perfectly describes that particular situation. I can’t decide if that is awesome verbing or a terrible commentary on the state of the English language. Either way, bravo!

      Feb 28, 2014 at 10:09 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   assiveProgressive

      ewww. I just watched the Seattle video. I would not want to eat a fish that’s been thrown around like that and kissed and made to do god knows what to those men. Anyway — yeah, I wish I had time to have fun at work. Everybody in my department is so tense because of all the shit we have to do in a short period of time. And anybody who leaves isn’t replaced. They just announced more shitty changes that will make our jobs even more fucked up. Of course I stay because of the pay and benefits. But if it paid half of what it does I would have been out of there a long time ago.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 10:33 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   Rattus

      Thanks, Elf. While it is something I normally hate myself, the term came about in the dead parrot-like rant to my coworker following said splashdown, and it has stuck.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 11:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   Lab dude

      Elf, you made “verb” into a verb…

      I’m SO confused – “verbing”, so perfect a term for a hateful practice, so self-referential, so *awesome* – I don’t know whether to love it or hate it. Why, it is nothing less than a grammatical frenemy…

      Feb 28, 2014 at 12:04 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   The Elf

      Oh, I can’t take credit for that. It’s even in the dictionary. But I do love the irony.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 12:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.12   Richie Dagger

      Yeah, just looking at the first note before clicking through to see comments I thought “If you paid a living wage (which includes enough for a decent retirement fund and health insurance) you could hire responsible adults instead of overgrown children.”

      Mar 2, 2014 at 1:34 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.13   kermit

      Sadly, the average fast food worker is a responsible adult aged 25 years old. There’s nothing irresponsible about refusing to jump through hoops for minimum wage.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 1:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.14   Richie Dagger

      In my experience (and I’m not young anymore so it’s a good number of years) many good people are forced into shit jobs because of factors that are not their fault, but often (and this depends largely on the community) they are teenagers (who may grow up to be adults but are not yet) and fuck-ups. I agree even the fuck-ups shouldn’t have to work under bad working conditions but often they have these jobs because they can’t get anything better. In my town one of the McDonald’s is staffed by hard-working older immigrants (who likely don’t have the formal education to get better plus are facing language/cultural barriers) but the Taco Bell was notorious for hiring twenty-something losers with the maturity of teenagers. Guess which place was shut down multiple times for *serious* health code violations and eventually shut down?

      Mar 2, 2014 at 9:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.15   The Beast Among Us

      ^ Golden Corral.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 11:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.16   FeRD bang

      (Way late to the party, but…)

      “Verbing weirds language.” – Calvin & Hobbes

      Mar 4, 2014 at 10:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.17   Lita bang

      And scientific progress goes “boink”.

      Mar 4, 2014 at 11:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   sunshynegrll

    HEY >:(
    -Proud Coloradan Who Also Writes A Few P/A Notes But Not These

    Feb 27, 2014 at 9:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Eliavy

    Colorful Colorado: because it’s not redundant if it’s two different languages.

    Feb 27, 2014 at 9:59 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Jami

    Eh, state has legalized pot. It won’t be long before both of those are turned into joints in a moment of desperation.

    But seriously, note number two would have me going around with a giant bottle of hand sanitizer.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 1:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      And the first would have me making air quotes with every sentence. Quotes, centering, caps lock, underlining, and italics! It’s a bold writing style.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 8:04 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   assiveProgressive

    “Your mother doesn’t work here.” You know, not every mother is a neat freak. Some mommies never clean the bathroom. I started cleaning up after my mother when I was about 12, and for all those years when I hardly ever visited her, well, things got mighty dirty.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 1:49 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   rushgirl2112

      Yeah, and I love the assumption that if someone’s cleaning up after the kids, it must be their mother. Fathers clean too! In fact, my kids’ father keeps his house pristine while mine is a wreck. He even cleans the kids’ rooms for them.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 8:32 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Pxmidnight

      As the matriarch of a LARGE brood, I got really good at reminding those who thought I should be responsible for all the cleaning that I didn’t live alone.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 11:24 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   assiveProgressive

      Matriarch! I’ve never heard anyone call herself that!

      Feb 28, 2014 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Stefan

     
  • #9   Ace of Space

    What, no glitter? No clip art? No Comic Sans? I just can’t read rants that don’t have glitter and clip art.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 9:32 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   VM

    Isn’t “You are who you are” an argument usually made AGAINST the idea of being able to change how one acts?

    Feb 28, 2014 at 10:37 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Dane Zeller

    I find that the best bosses motivate by sitting at their desks making up signs laced with encouragement. Then they staple their work on walls…usually restroom walls. That way they can do their job without dealing with any messy human contact.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 10:50 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Ruth

    Needs more clipart.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 3:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Lita bang

    Colorado.

    I am entirely not surprised (lived there for a good 22 years.) Indeed, this is very representative of the type of serious P/A they love to throw around there.

    Except in very certain parts of Denver, but those genuinely nice people are kind of a rarity.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   KittenPlaysTheViolin

    “career,”

    Get that garbage out of here.

    Feb 28, 2014 at 5:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   kermit

      I know, it’s like they’re not even trying.

      The least they could do is come up ridiculous titles, like “executive sanitation director” for the bathroom crew or “comestibles engineer” for the sandwich assembler.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 8:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   The Beast Among Us

    What if I show up naked? What then?

    It’s MY choice, correct?

    Feb 28, 2014 at 6:33 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   kermit

      What then? You’ll be punishing yourself and your immune system more than punishing the company or customers.

      Feb 28, 2014 at 8:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   poopypants

      Kermit, you’re just saying that because you haven’t seen me helicopter at work.

      Mar 1, 2014 at 1:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   kermit

      I’m not sure I would want to see you helicopter near a grill or an oil vat, Poopy.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 11:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   The Elf

      Speak for yourself! I happen to enjoy the pain and suffering of others, so helicopter away.

      Mar 2, 2014 at 9:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   assiveProgressive

    “You just keep becoming more of who you are as you get older.” Are you calling me fat? Cause there is more of me than when I was young. Really, what does that mean? I drank like a lunatic, cried easily, etc. when I was young. Fortunately I managed to grow out of it. Right? Right?

    Feb 28, 2014 at 10:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Angie

    OMG I used to work where that first sign is from! Either that or all Vail Resorts hotels put the same signs up in all the breakrooms. They hire a bunch of stoner ski bums who just want the free ski passes, then wonder why they don’t get better quality work out of them.

    Mar 1, 2014 at 10:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Angie

      Just found out one of my roommates is the submitter, and this IS at the hotel I used to work at. She said whoever made the sign could have saved time and ink by just saying “stop coming to work stoned” LOL

      Mar 2, 2014 at 5:49 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   The Beast Among Us

      Honestly, they probably worked harder stoned than sober.

      Mar 3, 2014 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Freddddddo

    You’re supposed to piss in the toilets at work?

    I’ve been doing it wrong for years, I assumed you had to just piss on the floor.

    Mar 2, 2014 at 1:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Roxy Random

    I actually have a coworker (two coworkers, actually, sisters) whose mother DOES work here. She is not, however, part of the cleaning crew.

    So Line 1 would read, “Unless your name is Sarah Jane or Ivy, your mother does not work here, and even if it is, she has her own work to do, so don’t expect her to clean up after you.”

    Mar 2, 2014 at 8:07 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   assiveProgressive

      ”Ivy’s mom, your daughter left pee on the toilet seat again!!!”

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:31 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    What this note-writer doesn’t get – or more accurately, does get but is unwilling to admit – is that the employer/employee relationship is an adversarial one. It’s an employee’s duty to attempt to do as little as possible for as much money as possible. Likewise, it’s the employer’s job to get their employees to do as much work as possible for as little money as possible. It’s a tug of war, and the idea is we meet in the middle. Except we don’t, because the employer is always at an unfair advantage.

    I say; play hard, work at a level of hardness appropriate to your level of remunerations.

    Apr 17, 2014 at 7:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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