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“I power walked so powerfully I got the runs!”

March 4th, 2014 · 56 comments

So, this happened.
To the 'power walker' in the black hoodie and sunglasses who POOPED behind this AC unit on the morning of February 28th. I just wanted to let you know that I saw your take your dump. You may want to choose a better spot the next time you feel the urge to go. P.S. Don't litter please. Next time take the tissue you wiped with.

And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?

related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]

FILED UNDER: p.s. · shit · Texas

56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   poopypants

    Well where ELSE am I supposed to poo-oh….

    Mar 4, 2014 at 10:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #2   bob loblaw

    That poop was fucking delicious.

    Mar 4, 2014 at 10:29 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #3   Martin Ainsley

    Hey, at least they brought their own TP.

    Mar 4, 2014 at 10:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #4   stmbtgrl bang

    Wait a minute. With the PS at the bottom, there was tissue involved? This was premeditated. That is a whole different level!

    Mar 4, 2014 at 10:32 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      Meh. Some people carry around facial tissues pretty much wherever they go.

      I’m one of them, at least if I’m wearing a coat or jacket. I don’t really “power walk”, so I’m not sure whether I’d have a pack on me if I was dressed for sad, middle-aged-white-person “athletic” pursuits. Probably, tho. Just in case! But… not particularly in case of this. Ew.

      Mar 4, 2014 at 10:51 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Kathlynn

      My brother has extremely bad allergies. in the past he has carried toilet paper in his pocket to whip his nose with. Having tp on you doesn’t mean it’s premeditated.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 3:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   whirlygirly bang

      I carry a tissue with me when I run, especially in colder weather. I also carry a flushable wipe and an antibacterial hand wipe on longer runs, just in case I have to use a portapotty or park restroom- you can’t just trust that they will always be stocked with TP!

      Mar 5, 2014 at 7:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   stmbtgrl bang

      I’m sorry – I really didn’t mean to offend anyone that carries tissues. I am more use to seeing people use handkerchiefs over tissue paper, so it seemed premeditated. Maybe on camp trips you bring tp… I have to wonder though, is it more likely that they were using this for blowing their nose, or was this something that happened before, so they now come prepared?

      Mar 5, 2014 at 9:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   kermit

      I have yet to see anybody under 60 still use handkerchiefs to wipe their nose (possible exception: hippie hipsters).

      You’re carrying around snot and germs in a cloth..why? Memories of germs gone past?

      Mar 6, 2014 at 4:31 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Raichu

      Agreed with Kermit. The only person I’ve seen use a handkerchief is my granddad. I’ve always thought it was pretty gross (though I’ve never said anything ofc).

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   rushgirl2112

      Wait. People still use handkerchiefs?

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Jami

      Yes, Rush, they do. I’m sure some do it thinking that it’s more environmentally friendly. And some do cause they think it looks classier.

      And some do because their wives insist on buying them for them instead of investing in pocket tissues.

      Mar 7, 2014 at 12:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jami

    Someone pooped behind the AC unit and it’s the TISSUE that you’re concerned about? Dude, priorities.

    Maybe you should provide some bags so they can clean up after themselves.

    Mar 4, 2014 at 10:34 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #6   Lita bang

    I do not think
    That you do know
    I saw you squat
    I saw you go
    At least you wiped
    Your ass of shit
    But take that rag
    Don’t just leave it!

    …I felt a bit poetic. I’m sorry.

    Mar 4, 2014 at 11:15 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Jami

      Theodor Seuss Geisel would be proud.

      Mar 4, 2014 at 11:24 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Kwyjor

      For a second there I thought that was a legitimate campfire song of yore. Bravo.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 10:20 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Lil'

      Would you, could you on a run
      Would you, could you just for fun
      I would, I could on a run
      I would, I could just for fun
      I do so like to poop outside
      I wasn’t really trying to hide

      Mar 5, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Lita bang

      Lil, that is amazing. :D

      Mar 5, 2014 at 4:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Poltergeist

      I love you people.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 9:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   The Elf

      You said it, Poltergeist. Only here would we find a serious debate about indoor/outdoor cats one day, a discussion of sugar the next, a treastise on vampire killing after that, and now poop poetry.

      And, with rare exception, the commenters have good grammar and spelling skills and rarely descend to YOUR GAY level insults.

      Best comment section ever. Anyone else really missing Redheadwithglasses right now?

      Mar 6, 2014 at 8:14 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   Raichu

      Props to both Lil and Lita. :D

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   DaveGI

      Maybe he’s a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism? After all…

      In olden days when knights were bold,
      And toilets were not yet invented,
      They dumped their loads,
      Along the roads,
      And walked away contented!

      Mar 6, 2014 at 7:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #7   TRT

    Damn you Paula Radcliffe! You set a bad example to the world.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 5:17 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   kermit

    Bah, quit complaining about free fertilizer.

    Besides, it looks like that sad-looking yard/lawn could use it.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 5:44 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   H for Toy

    Black hoodie and sunglasses. That sounds suspicious. Poopa-bomber?

    Mar 5, 2014 at 7:46 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   shwo! bang


      Mar 5, 2014 at 9:30 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   H for Toy

      I like uni-pooper better, too.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 2:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Lita bang

      Hopefully nothing to do with the unitard…then again, that might explain why it’s such a punishment to wear it. Ew.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 8:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Pestle

    Wait– it’s a morning CONSTITUTIONAL? I thought it was a morning CONSTIPATIONAL. Sorry, neighbor.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 9:45 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #11   anthraxen

    I was both disgusted and amused to discover that a jogging friend of mine always carries TP with him because he poops on his runs quite often. He even has some favorite spots on his regular routes. I didn’t really believe him until his wife independently confirmed his story. He does not however live in Texas

    Mar 5, 2014 at 11:03 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      When you gotta go, you gotta go.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 11:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Tesselara

      He gets the runs during his run?

      Mar 5, 2014 at 1:08 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #12   Snarky McSnark

    I read that with my mouth open.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      But hopefully not from behind the AC unit. That wouldn’t be an ideal combination.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 2:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #13   newhavenpooprunner

    I knew a guy in college who was a long distance runner.

    He actually told me “many a sewer in new haven contains a pair of my underwear”.

    2 miles is enough for me. No need to poop myself.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #14   gene e us

    Might have a serial pooper on the loose. He gets drawn in from the rush of it. Right now hes plotting the next one. There’s probably other AC turds out there that nobody even knows of.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 1:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Raichu

      Or people just assume it’s dog shit. Which is what I’d assume if I saw a pile of poop but not the pooper.

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   JJ

    And this is why as tempted as I have been to learn to run a half or full marathon I just don’t quite have that commitment because of the potential of getting runners runs. Think I will just stick with smaller jogs in areas where there are stores and restaurants with public wash rooms available.

    Mar 5, 2014 at 2:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Beast Among Us

      ^ Just run the short routes several times.

      Mar 5, 2014 at 2:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   rushgirl2112

      I’ve done several half-marathons, with times ranging from 2:30 (jogging) to 3:45 (walking). Never once had to poop. And they had portable restrooms along the way anyway.

      Mar 6, 2014 at 9:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Havingfitz

    Well, my bowels exploded with a mighty splash about halfway through my run
    And the first AC that I came across, that’s where
    I bared my buns
    Runs on the run, runs on the run.
    And the ice-cream man and Fed-Ex Dan were staring when I was done
    With my runs on the run
    My runs on the run

    Mar 5, 2014 at 3:51 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   bob loblaw

      Best McCartney and Wings usage EVER.

      Mar 6, 2014 at 8:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   My name is Princess!

    Power Squatter!

    Mar 5, 2014 at 4:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   The Elf

      Yeah, that’s it. He’s just getting a good thigh stretch in.

      Mar 6, 2014 at 8:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Poltergeist

    I don’t care how awkward it would be – if I saw somebody shitting behind an air conditioner outside, I wouldn’t wait until they left to “confront” them about the issue.

    “Hi, I’ll be your basic civilized human etiquette professor today. Oh good, you’re already halfway sitting down in preparation for the lecture.”

    Mar 5, 2014 at 9:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #19   assiveProgressive

    someone once told me that having Carnation Instant Breakfast before a run will make your butt explode

    Mar 5, 2014 at 9:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   kermit

      Doesn’t that stuff make your butt explode without having to run?

      Mar 6, 2014 at 4:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   The Beast Among Us

      ^ If you don’t run, your stomach will explode.

      Mar 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #20   kaetra

    The tissue is “litter” but the turd isn’t. Interesting.

    Mar 6, 2014 at 12:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Beast Among Us

      The turd is easily biodegradable. The tissue will take more time, and a good wind will spread the joy.

      Mar 10, 2014 at 12:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Kasaba

    So….the note writer is expecting the power walker to return to the scene of prior dumping, or is it power dumping?


    Mar 6, 2014 at 1:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Zero Our Hero

    We applaud PDA. We turn red and go all voyeur, when people bone in public. Public pissing is the bedrock of many an Adam Sandler comedy yet, we look down on public shitting?!! half standards much? Dick move, Murica….

    Mar 7, 2014 at 6:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Lita bang

      But if we accepted it, we’d have to admit…

      …it’s the shit.

      (Not sorry.)

      Mar 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   assiveProgressive

      Well, even bears do it in the woods. Not by ac units

      Mar 7, 2014 at 10:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   The Beast Among Us

      Alex – “The Wild? You mean, wipe yourself with a leaf kind of wild?”

      King – “Who wipes? Ha ha ha ha ha!”

      Mar 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #22.4   Raichu

      Too much risk of poison ivy?

      Mar 19, 2014 at 10:19 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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