So, this happened.
And Dani in Texas…thanks for sharing?
related: A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”
extra credit: Nance Bodean’s Guide to Power Walking [youtube]
FILED UNDER: p.s. · shit · Texas
Well where ELSE am I supposed to poo-oh….
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:29 pm rating: 5
That poop was fucking delicious.
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:29 pm rating: 8
Hey, at least they brought their own TP.
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:31 pm rating: 10
Wait a minute. With the PS at the bottom, there was tissue involved? This was premeditated. That is a whole different level!
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:32 pm rating: 33
Meh. Some people carry around facial tissues pretty much wherever they go.
I’m one of them, at least if I’m wearing a coat or jacket. I don’t really “power walk”, so I’m not sure whether I’d have a pack on me if I was dressed for sad, middle-aged-white-person “athletic” pursuits. Probably, tho. Just in case! But… not particularly in case of this. Ew.
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:51 pm rating: 16
My brother has extremely bad allergies. in the past he has carried toilet paper in his pocket to whip his nose with. Having tp on you doesn’t mean it’s premeditated.
Mar 5, 2014 at 3:40 am rating: 7
I carry a tissue with me when I run, especially in colder weather. I also carry a flushable wipe and an antibacterial hand wipe on longer runs, just in case I have to use a portapotty or park restroom- you can’t just trust that they will always be stocked with TP!
Mar 5, 2014 at 7:56 am rating: 5
I’m sorry – I really didn’t mean to offend anyone that carries tissues. I am more use to seeing people use handkerchiefs over tissue paper, so it seemed premeditated. Maybe on camp trips you bring tp… I have to wonder though, is it more likely that they were using this for blowing their nose, or was this something that happened before, so they now come prepared?
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:50 pm rating: 2
I have yet to see anybody under 60 still use handkerchiefs to wipe their nose (possible exception: hippie hipsters).
You’re carrying around snot and germs in a cloth..why? Memories of germs gone past?
Mar 6, 2014 at 4:31 am rating: 7
Agreed with Kermit. The only person I’ve seen use a handkerchief is my granddad. I’ve always thought it was pretty gross (though I’ve never said anything ofc).
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:37 am rating: 3
Wait. People still use handkerchiefs?
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:08 pm rating: 2
Yes, Rush, they do. I’m sure some do it thinking that it’s more environmentally friendly. And some do cause they think it looks classier.
And some do because their wives insist on buying them for them instead of investing in pocket tissues.
Mar 7, 2014 at 12:44 am rating: 2
Someone pooped behind the AC unit and it’s the TISSUE that you’re concerned about? Dude, priorities.
Maybe you should provide some bags so they can clean up after themselves.
Mar 4, 2014 at 10:34 pm rating: 23
I do not think
That you do know
I saw you squat
I saw you go
At least you wiped
Your ass of shit
But take that rag
Don’t just leave it!
…I felt a bit poetic. I’m sorry.
Mar 4, 2014 at 11:15 pm rating: 61
Theodor Seuss Geisel would be proud.
Mar 4, 2014 at 11:24 pm rating: 12
For a second there I thought that was a legitimate campfire song of yore. Bravo.
Mar 5, 2014 at 10:20 am rating: 10
Would you, could you on a run
Would you, could you just for fun
I would, I could on a run
I would, I could just for fun
I do so like to poop outside
I wasn’t really trying to hide
Mar 5, 2014 at 2:31 pm rating: 38
Lil, that is amazing.
Mar 5, 2014 at 4:02 pm rating: 5
I love you people.
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:05 pm rating: 6
You said it, Poltergeist. Only here would we find a serious debate about indoor/outdoor cats one day, a discussion of sugar the next, a treastise on vampire killing after that, and now poop poetry.
And, with rare exception, the commenters have good grammar and spelling skills and rarely descend to YOUR GAY level insults.
Best comment section ever. Anyone else really missing Redheadwithglasses right now?
Mar 6, 2014 at 8:14 am rating: 20
Props to both Lil and Lita.
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:39 am rating: 1
Maybe he’s a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism? After all…
In olden days when knights were bold,
And toilets were not yet invented,
They dumped their loads,
Along the roads,
And walked away contented!
Mar 6, 2014 at 7:59 pm rating: 8
Damn you Paula Radcliffe! You set a bad example to the world.
Mar 5, 2014 at 5:17 am rating: 3
Bah, quit complaining about free fertilizer.
Besides, it looks like that sad-looking yard/lawn could use it.
Mar 5, 2014 at 5:44 am rating: 8
H for Toy
Black hoodie and sunglasses. That sounds suspicious. Poopa-bomber?
Mar 5, 2014 at 7:46 am rating: 20
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:30 am rating: 21
H for Toy
I like uni-pooper better, too.
Mar 5, 2014 at 2:39 pm rating: 3
Hopefully nothing to do with the unitard…then again, that might explain why it’s such a punishment to wear it. Ew.
Mar 5, 2014 at 8:16 pm rating: 2
Wait– it’s a morning CONSTITUTIONAL? I thought it was a morning CONSTIPATIONAL. Sorry, neighbor.
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:45 am rating: 18
I was both disgusted and amused to discover that a jogging friend of mine always carries TP with him because he poops on his runs quite often. He even has some favorite spots on his regular routes. I didn’t really believe him until his wife independently confirmed his story. He does not however live in Texas
Mar 5, 2014 at 11:03 am rating: 13
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Mar 5, 2014 at 11:49 am rating: 1
He gets the runs during his run?
Mar 5, 2014 at 1:08 pm rating: 13
I read that with my mouth open.
Mar 5, 2014 at 12:09 pm rating: 3
But hopefully not from behind the AC unit. That wouldn’t be an ideal combination.
Mar 5, 2014 at 2:05 pm rating: 8
I knew a guy in college who was a long distance runner.
He actually told me “many a sewer in new haven contains a pair of my underwear”.
2 miles is enough for me. No need to poop myself.
Mar 5, 2014 at 1:20 pm rating: 5
gene e us
Might have a serial pooper on the loose. He gets drawn in from the rush of it. Right now hes plotting the next one. There’s probably other AC turds out there that nobody even knows of.
Mar 5, 2014 at 1:33 pm rating: 4
Or people just assume it’s dog shit. Which is what I’d assume if I saw a pile of poop but not the pooper.
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:42 am rating: 2
And this is why as tempted as I have been to learn to run a half or full marathon I just don’t quite have that commitment because of the potential of getting runners runs. Think I will just stick with smaller jogs in areas where there are stores and restaurants with public wash rooms available.
Mar 5, 2014 at 2:33 pm rating: 3
The Beast Among Us
^ Just run the short routes several times.
Mar 5, 2014 at 2:42 pm rating: 7
I’ve done several half-marathons, with times ranging from 2:30 (jogging) to 3:45 (walking). Never once had to poop. And they had portable restrooms along the way anyway.
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:13 pm rating: 0
Well, my bowels exploded with a mighty splash about halfway through my run
And the first AC that I came across, that’s where
I bared my buns
Runs on the run, runs on the run.
And the ice-cream man and Fed-Ex Dan were staring when I was done
With my runs on the run
My runs on the run
Mar 5, 2014 at 3:51 pm rating: 20
Best McCartney and Wings usage EVER.
Mar 6, 2014 at 8:25 am rating: 3
My name is Princess!
Mar 5, 2014 at 4:56 pm rating: 6
Yeah, that’s it. He’s just getting a good thigh stretch in.
Mar 6, 2014 at 8:16 am rating: 1
I don’t care how awkward it would be – if I saw somebody shitting behind an air conditioner outside, I wouldn’t wait until they left to “confront” them about the issue.
“Hi, I’ll be your basic civilized human etiquette professor today. Oh good, you’re already halfway sitting down in preparation for the lecture.”
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:16 pm rating: 8
someone once told me that having Carnation Instant Breakfast before a run will make your butt explode
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:38 pm rating: 3
Doesn’t that stuff make your butt explode without having to run?
Mar 6, 2014 at 4:32 am rating: 4
The Beast Among Us
^ If you don’t run, your stomach will explode.
Mar 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm rating: 0
The tissue is “litter” but the turd isn’t. Interesting.
Mar 6, 2014 at 12:42 pm rating: 2
The Beast Among Us
The turd is easily biodegradable. The tissue will take more time, and a good wind will spread the joy.
Mar 10, 2014 at 12:26 pm rating: 1
So….the note writer is expecting the power walker to return to the scene of prior dumping, or is it power dumping?
Mar 6, 2014 at 1:29 pm rating: 1
Zero Our Hero
We applaud PDA. We turn red and go all voyeur, when people bone in public. Public pissing is the bedrock of many an Adam Sandler comedy yet, we look down on public shitting?!! half standards much? Dick move, Murica….
Mar 7, 2014 at 6:05 pm rating: 1
But if we accepted it, we’d have to admit…
…it’s the shit.
Mar 7, 2014 at 6:19 pm rating: 2
Well, even bears do it in the woods. Not by ac units
Mar 7, 2014 at 10:29 pm rating: 0
The Beast Among Us
Alex – “The Wild? You mean, wipe yourself with a leaf kind of wild?”
King – “Who wipes? Ha ha ha ha ha!”
Too much risk of poison ivy?
Mar 19, 2014 at 10:19 am rating: 0
— The Beast Among Us
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