Writes our submitter from the UK: “It seems that student living brings out the best in passive aggressive note-writers.”
related: EAT ME!
FILED UNDER: college life · food · smartass
Ok, if you’ve kept a piece of lettuce someone else dropped for a week, I think you can be safely dubbed as “creepy.”
Mar 18, 2014 at 4:00 pm rating: 37
I don’t think Alex kept the lettuce for a week. It was dropped on the floor and Alex got sick of waiting for the person who dropped it to pick it up. Finally after a week he snapped, picked it up, and attached it to this note to the slob who dropped it.
Though Alex may be a she rather than a he. The “XXX” closing strikes me as more of a female thing.
Mar 18, 2014 at 6:24 pm rating: 31
The Beast Among Us
Triple X, huh? I may have to look this “Alex” girl up.
Mar 18, 2014 at 6:41 pm rating: 10
I studied abroad in England and I saw instances of guys and gals using at least one X as a closing in notes… although females used them more often. Seemed to be more of a friendly thing.
I think the notewriter may be female just based on the handwriting.
Mar 18, 2014 at 10:32 pm rating: 2
Pink sparkly tape (plus the tiny lettuce) gives her away. I don’t envision a guy making a stink about this unless we’re talking about a whole head of lettuce.
Mar 18, 2014 at 11:29 pm rating: 6
Room A? That’s superfluous information unless she has ulterior motives. Yep. I reckon that’s a definite invite to pop over and share the mayonnaise.
Mar 19, 2014 at 4:50 am rating: 6
Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Sharing the mayonnaise?
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:20 am rating: 21
that lettuce was fucking Delicious…
Mar 27, 2014 at 2:08 am rating: 1
This is where I drop anything passing for passive aggressiveness and go straight to ‘hey let me shove this piece of lettuce down your throat, dude’. Really??? Alex needs a hobby.
Mar 18, 2014 at 4:09 pm rating: 6
YOU COULD AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO RETURN MY BANANA PEEL TOO!
Mar 18, 2014 at 4:52 pm rating: 52
The Beast Among Us
I once saw a woman in a car in front of me open her car door and set a bag of fast food trash on the ground in the middle of the street. I got off my motorcycle, walked over to her car, picked it up, knocked on her window, and told her that she left it there. She looked at me, and said, “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t want it anymore.” I then showed her my police badge and began writing her a ticket for littering.
Mar 18, 2014 at 6:53 pm rating: 189
Should happen more often. Thanks for being there.
Mar 18, 2014 at 7:55 pm rating: 44
You are my hero!!!
Mar 19, 2014 at 4:51 am rating: 28
I think I love you.
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:18 am rating: 16
Beast, can you do stuff like that more often? Please?
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:47 am rating: 14
The only thing that could make you hotter in my mind right now is if you had been wearing your uniform.
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:35 am rating: 13
Why do people think that’s okay? x.x
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:53 am rating: 9
ugh some people are such pigs I know I use to work in a parking lot for a short while. A small piece of lettuce on the floor is a small silly thing to get worked up about but dropping your garbage bag full of fast food and banana peel in the middle of road or a parking lot? Nasty as hell. Was her precious car going to get hurt if she left it in there until she drove by a trash can. I have had people hand me there garbage when I used to work outside, not even ask me first just push the garbage into my hand and go, “here I was just going to throw it on the ground there but since your here take it”. Oh I am sorry your fat behind can’t get out of your vehicle and walk to a damn trash can a few steps away or wait till you get home. Thanks for the free trash a hole. If i wasn’t at my work I would have dumped the bag all over his truck and in his window but I didn’t want to get fired so I couldn’t sadly.
Mar 19, 2014 at 6:09 pm rating: 7
I might’ve empty the bag in her car. Oops, dropped it, what a shame. But it was yours, love, so no harm done…
Mar 20, 2014 at 9:13 am rating: 1
Leaving your crap on the floor and not picking up after yourself? Grotty and inconsiderate of everyone else around you. 1 point to team note writer.
However, taping a piece of lettuce to a note? Batshit crazy IMHO.
Mar 18, 2014 at 7:30 pm rating: 37
You haven’t spent much time in the archives of this site if you call THAT crazy.
Mar 18, 2014 at 7:58 pm rating: 34
@ wright1; oh dear god, please don’t tell me you think that’s normal? #facepalm#
Mar 19, 2014 at 5:31 pm rating: 7
It’s amazing how quickly your baseline for “crazy” shifts after spending time on this site!
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:13 pm rating: 7
Exactly. This is lettuce on the floor level crazy, not shit in the shower level crazy.
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:28 pm rating: 5
What about rocket pube crazy?
Mar 20, 2014 at 4:18 pm rating: 5
Am I the only one who is thinking Mongolian barbeque?
Mar 18, 2014 at 8:02 pm rating: 5
No! I’ll bring the hats and the sugar free fruit cups! Let me just run on over to Casey in Human Resources and sign up.
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:06 am rating: 8
I’d rather be a lettuce dropper than someone who’s too lazy to write more than three quarters of a “t”.
Mar 18, 2014 at 8:35 pm rating: 14
Frankly, I don’t know what piece of “lelruce” you’re referring to. Please keep the house clean by not attaching rotting food to your future correspondence. If you must decorate your letters, please attach them to a snifter of schnapps.
Fondly fondling your kitchen ferns,
Mar 18, 2014 at 9:22 pm rating: 24
Did someone say lelruce? Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
Mar 19, 2014 at 3:34 pm rating: 5
Alex, please enjoy this sandwich I have made for you, containing the delicious shriveling lettuce and a couple of used Kleenex I found in the hallway. Nom, nom, Assive
Mar 18, 2014 at 11:01 pm rating: 3
Let us analyze the actions of the individuals involved in this scenario.
There is a distinct possibility that the person who dropped the lettuce didn’t realize they dropped it as they put together their delectable salad/sandwich. The lettuce may then have ended up getting kicked under a table or the counter unknowingly as a result of normal foot traffic through the communal kitchen. There is also the possibility that they did know they dropped it but were just too lazy to pick it up. Point is, we cannot come to a definite conclusion about the lettuce-dropper.
What we can conclude, however, is that the notewriter, by their own admission, knew there was a rotting piece of vegetation on the floor for a week and purposely did nothing about it, and then when they finally did pick it up, it wasn’t to throw it out but rather to tape it to a piece of paper.
Tl;dr – Lettuce-dropper may or may not be a schmuck. Notewriter definitely is a schmuck.
Mar 18, 2014 at 11:10 pm rating: 41
My thoughts exactly. It could have been an innocent drop. Granted, note writer, since they seem to know who dropped the lettuce, must have witnessed said dropping. So, maybe Alex knows it was intentional (or not so much intentional, but that lettuce dropper knew they dropped lettuce and continued on).
However, I still vote team LD. Note-writer is a considerable douche. Just pick the damned thing up and throw it away. Yikes.
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:13 am rating: 5
Now that I think about it, I’m sure that note writer did NOT see this, and this was just a typical P-A note hanging in the communal kitchen.
I take away any credit I gave to Alex. S/he is a super sized douche.
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:19 am rating: 3
This reminds me of something weird that occasionally happens in our unisex office restroom. If someone accidentally or intentionally leaves scraps of TP on the floor of the stall, there is one person who will pick it up and instead of flushing it away, will hang it on the hook on the back of the stall door. Then the paper will stay there until I get tired of looking at it and take it down and flush it.
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:30 am rating: 5
…. Does he think someone’s going to use it? WTF?
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:44 am rating: 7
That’s what I want to know. Who does that and why? I’ve considered leaving a note.
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:07 am rating: 9
This. It’s easy to accidentally leave one piece of food on the floor.
Mar 19, 2014 at 10:06 am rating: 1
Toilet paper hanging? Oh, so so so so gross. I don’t care if it hasn’t been used. Restroom floors are….well, words fail me.
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:15 pm rating: 0
I must admit if I accidentally pull out too much TP I will leave the excess on top of the dispenser for other people (or myself, later) to use, but I wouldn’t pick scraps up from the floor (In my case it’s usually because I’ve had to pull out a wedge of around 10-15 squares of TP that have got stuck in the dispenser) and usually I end up using it myself rather than leaving it sitting around forever.
Apr 7, 2014 at 8:29 am rating: 0
Really? They couldn’t just leaf it alone while they were a-head? Lettuce all wag our fingers disapprovingly, it’s a damn sight better than just vegging out.
(I’m…actually a bit sorry for those, for the record.)
Mar 18, 2014 at 11:19 pm rating: 16
Romaine from Room A
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:10 am rating: 6
It’s a shame it’s only lettuce, because I don’t think the offender could carrot all.
Mar 20, 2014 at 2:57 am rating: 5
These roommates need to take my crazy cat. Lettuce on the floor is not an issue! He’ll vaccuum that up lickety split! Of course, he’ll also eat your earbuds, plastic bags, rubber door mats, towels, anything you leave in the sink or on the stove…….
Go ahead and take him. Please! Somebody take him!
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:17 am rating: 10
Once Elf’s crazy cat is rehomed, I have a dogged Dachshund with similar personality traits that I will donate to the cause. If you are allergic to cats, but have always wanted the joys experience of being treated like a cat owner, then this is the pet for you.
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:08 am rating: 13
Oh Elf, just put the little beast outside already!!
Mar 19, 2014 at 9:38 am rating: 6
Oh, if only. That’s where he was born. He knows the horrors that awaits him out there and he wouldn’t go. He’s smart. He knows where the food is – on the kitchen floor.
Mar 19, 2014 at 11:15 am rating: 4
What is it? Catnip lettuce? Never heard of a cat eating lettuce.
Mar 19, 2014 at 12:36 pm rating: 1
He eats all sorts of greens, other vegetables, grains, etc. It’s the strangest damn thing to see, because those teeth just aren’t made for leaves. He’ll growl at the other cats while he does it too, like one of them might make a move on the spinach.
Mar 19, 2014 at 12:45 pm rating: 14
The Beast Among Us
Watch for cat vomit. Those stomachs aren’t made for leaves, either.
Mar 19, 2014 at 1:27 pm rating: 2
Hearing about your cat reminded me of when we first brought home our cat and she couldn’t get enough green beans and bacon. The bacon thing started when I accidentally dropped a piece I was eating and she attacked it. I don’t remember how the green bean thing started, but she would climb up our clothes to get to them.
Mar 19, 2014 at 1:44 pm rating: 3
If he’s eating greens and grains, it means that he’s not getting the nutrients he needs from the food you’re giving him. The vast majority of (cheap) flavored cat food has ashes/bones as the first ingredient on the list. Sure it’s infused with vitamins, but those aren’t necessarily bio-available like real food is.
In other words, stop buying cat food and just let him go to town on your people food. Tuna in water/oil isn’t that expensive and it’s definitely better for his digestive system than the crap they put in cat food.
Mar 19, 2014 at 2:10 pm rating: 1
Sorry, that’s not the case. And I’m not sure exactly what nutrients earbuds provide anyway, but it doesn’t stop him from eating them. We’ve run tests, talked to the vet. The cat is just cray-cray.
And the cat vomit? Oh, he’s a master at laying traps for the unsuspecting.
Mar 19, 2014 at 2:38 pm rating: 9
TKD, we ought to get my cat and your dog together. They can drive each other to new heights of neurosis, like some sort fucked up feedback loop.
Mar 19, 2014 at 2:40 pm rating: 9
The Beast Among Us
Earbuds and plastic bags may not be a nutrient thing but rather a “this is a fun toy” thing. However, other stuff that isn’t normal for cats can definitely be a nutrient deficiency. It’s the same thing as pregnant women craving chalk or dirt due to the baby taking all the nutrients from the mom. I had a cat that used to like licking makeup off of my sister’s face.
Mar 19, 2014 at 5:59 pm rating: 4
Kermit – cats really shouldn’t be eating tuna in oil. The oil isn’t that good for their digestive system. In fact, most vets I’ve talked to don’t even recommend regular canned tuna in water as anything more than an treat for two reasons – 1) Mercury in the tuna. 2) Contrary to popular belief, fish aren’t actually a staple food in a cat’s natural diet. If they eat it too regularly, they will miss out on certain nutrients that are present in other meats.
And that was our obligatory cat lesson for the day.
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:13 pm rating: 9
*erects lettuce barricade*
Oh, no you don’t. I will not be dragged down the cat alley again. The indoor-outdoor cat debate was more than enough, thank you.
Mar 19, 2014 at 7:35 pm rating: 6
After my cat’s emasculation, I saved his little fluffernutters, dipped them in pink dye, and hung them from my rearview mirror. How does that make you feel Kermit?
HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL!?
I expect a response of at least 3 paragraphs with a piece of lettuce taped to the bottom.
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:17 pm rating: 6
This is how it makes me feel:
with a lettuce on top
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:45 pm rating: 0
Mar 19, 2014 at 8:47 pm rating: 0
Please do not try to make any cat subsist solely on people food without consulting a vet and being sure you know what you’re doing. Cats and humans have a different set of essential amino acids (the amino acids their bodies cannot make and they must get from food). Cats need, I think it’s taurine, an essential amino acid that humans do not need. Cat food should be designed to include it, but human food won’t necessarily do so. Yes, a lot of cat food is crap, and researching for better cat foods is great, but just giving them human food can lead to a very sick cat.
Mar 19, 2014 at 11:51 pm rating: 2
Beast, Kermit, I’ve went over this with my vet when the problem started and revisit it at the crazy cat’s yearly check-ups. If the vet doesn’t think there is a nutritional problem, I’m not inclined to think there is one. The. Cat. Is. Crazy.
“Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs.
Simpson. Some of them act badly because they’ve had a hard life or have been mistreated.
But, like people, some of them are just jerks.”
Mar 20, 2014 at 7:43 am rating: 18
Our deranged Dachshund definitely falls into the “jerk” category. Household items usually end up destroyed on days when we are extra busy and she decides we have not paid enough attention to her.
Mar 20, 2014 at 8:15 am rating: 6
Elf, from what you’re describing I don’t think your cat’s insane.
Extremely bored? Sure. But probably not insane. Of course, I’m not even sure that cat crazy versus just regular cat personality can be diagnosed; there’s no cat version of the human DSM.
Based on my family cat experience, a cat may simply not like you because it thinks you’re a bit of an ass. My family cat occasionally plots against my dad’ for disciplining him by crapping on his side of the bed and drinking whatever is in the mug on his desk. He likes my mom, though. He wakes her up at whatever time she “tells” him, and hasn’t crapped on her side of the bed, ever.
This concludes the cat vortex therapy session. Now let us never speak of this again.
Mar 20, 2014 at 5:56 pm rating: 1
I’m on no one’s side in this.
Who doesn’t clean the kitchen floor at least once a week? How disgusting! Is it really that hard to break out a vacuum cleaner? (There’s ones that work on tile too. Though admittedly our own kitchen has a tightly woven carpet.)
Mar 19, 2014 at 12:18 pm rating: 0
Clean the kitchen floor once a week? You are Mrs. Clean!
Mar 19, 2014 at 12:38 pm rating: 8
Who puts carpeting in a kitchen?
Mar 19, 2014 at 12:46 pm rating: 13
Probably the same type of people who put carpet in their bathrooms.
Alternately: people who never spill bleach-water out of the kitchen sink.
Mar 19, 2014 at 1:13 pm rating: 8
I certainly don’t. If there are no major spills/accidents that warrant immediate attention, the kitchen floor is not a cleaning priority. It’s not like you really are going to eat the stuff you drop on the floor even if your kitchen floor is that clean.
Mar 19, 2014 at 2:12 pm rating: 6
I used to clean the floors once a week. (Vacuum on Monday, Dust on Tuesday, Bathrooms on Wednesday, Groceries on Thursday, Sweep and Mop on Friday) Now I do those things when it absolutely must be done, and my gross out threshold is quite high. Or when company is expected (like holidays).
Mar 19, 2014 at 3:33 pm rating: 3
The Beast Among Us
Why would you vacuum BEFORE you dust? Kind of counter-productive if you ask me.
Mar 19, 2014 at 6:03 pm rating: 4
Who puts carpet in their kitchen? The people who previously owned this house, that’s who. The parents have god-awful indoor/outdoor carpet, and I have a yellow and orange retro kitchen from another age.
I might be a little sad when I rip up the carpet and put down bamboo flooring, though. It is kind of awesome carpet.
Mar 20, 2014 at 2:59 am rating: 2
So bad it’s good sort of thing? That’s the way I feel about the wood paneling in my basement. Retro awesome! The previous owners of my last house had put carpeting in the bathrooms. Always felt a little gross to me; I never could get it quite clean. We intended to replace it with tile but never did until we were preparing to sell.
FYI, the only time I’ve ever cleaned floors that often was when we were selling that house. I fully cleaned the floors weekly then, and swiffered it daily before work. (BTW that, plus changing the 5 litter boxes I had at the time, are not my preferred 4am activities. Never again.) And now there’s no need. I have a vacuum cleaner cat. The floors are always “clean”.
Mar 20, 2014 at 7:28 am rating: 3
Exactly, Elf. Although I think “so bad it’s good” more applies to the basement. Wall to wall red shag carpeting (though that came out after an unexpected flood)…and red and black fake fur ON the walls. All it needs is a stripper pole, I swear. It’s epic.
Mar 20, 2014 at 8:01 am rating: 12
… Fur on the walls. Fur? On walls? Red and black? In a basement? That *would* be epic.
I stand in amazement. Tinged with a wee bit of fear.
Mar 20, 2014 at 10:23 am rating: 4
Yes. It’s thoroughly amazing.
Let’s see if I can get this link to work: https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/t1.0-9/248846_228204980523659_1828168_n.jpg
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:39 am rating: 2
(Alright, it apparently works! That’s unfortunately not an angle that shows the FURRY WALLS, but it’s the same stuff as on the floor…)
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:40 am rating: 0
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:21 pm rating: 1
The Beast Among Us
Lita, that is AWESOME! You need more than a pole. You need tassels, too.
Mar 20, 2014 at 7:52 pm rating: 3
It is indeed awesome!
The guy who previously owned the house was a retired cop, and the bordello basement was his man cave. All makes sense now, doesn’t it?
Mar 20, 2014 at 8:48 pm rating: 3
Party in Lita’s basement!
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm rating: 4
Like our basement when we moved in…dark green and orange checked carpet on the floor, electric blue shag carpet on the stairs, unfinished wood paneling on 3 walls and cork board on the 4th. Finish it out with some orange furniture that the space came with, and the aqua-and-beige couch that my parents put down there because the room was already ugly so why not? (They eventually got rid of the couch, and later redid the whole basement.)
Mar 21, 2014 at 10:39 am rating: 2
That sounds epic, Raichu. And reminds me of my own carpet. Green mottled shag in the living room, orange mottled shag in the bedroom, orange and yellow 60s style art deco design in the kitchen…
And actually, the bathroom carpet was normal till I ripped it out. Hm.
Mar 21, 2014 at 10:53 am rating: 1
The worst thing I ever saw when I was house hunting, was a place that had a “finished” attic. The bedroom up there was completely covered – floor, walls, sloped ceiling – in carpet samples of various colors and textures.
In the first house I lived in, when we took down the paneling in order to remove a wall, we found the room was “papered” in orange and green contact paper.
Mar 21, 2014 at 11:04 am rating: 1
Red painted stairs. Green carpet. And wallboard. And no furnace vents upstairs.
Oh and the kitchen and bathroom were combined. So we had the bathtub, stainless steel double kitchen sink, bathroom mirror, and a kind of standing counter thingie with two cupboards in one room. There was a cupboard under the sink that was damp and nasty, a couple of cupboards on the bottom of the counter thing, a shelf that was our pantry, and two single cupboards on the wall. The porch had like three cupboards because it was the laundryroom, too, but I would have been shocked if that room was insulated because it was either freezing or boiling and we didn’t keep things in there.
The toilet was basically in a closet in that room. And that room didn’t have a door, just a sliding polyester-y plastic-y curtain. So you did dishes in the same sink where you brushed your teeth. Oh, and the fusebox was in the toilet-closet room (I’d call it a powder room but I think that involves more than a toilet and a door, lol) and we were constantly blowing fuses by doing daring things like having the lights on while using the microwave.
Then when you left the bathroom area and went into the “kitchen”. It was MAYBE an eight by eight room with a fridge, a stove, one shelf (and I mean a single self, not a standing set of shelves or anything) over the stove, and a TINY table we kept our microwave and toaster on. (With the toaster on top of the microwave or there was no room for both.) And a cupboard which was next to the stove and also under the stairs and stunk and probably had mice.
Oh and there was a tap going through that cupboard/closet (think a little smaller than Harry Potter’s). It worked, too. But there was no sink or anything. Just a tap sticking out of the wall.
That was a special house XD
Mar 27, 2014 at 4:45 am rating: 0
Vacuum before dusting because the vacuum raises dust. So dusting before vacuuming is what doesn’t make sense.
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:23 pm rating: 2
But dusting knocks dust onto the floor, so dust first, then vacuum. Or do what I do – wait until the dust is real thick, then vacuum everything.
Mar 20, 2014 at 12:43 pm rating: 3
Now I just don’t dust. Well I do when I put away the regular knick-knacks (paddy-whacks) and put out the Christmas stuff, but not much more than that.
Mar 20, 2014 at 5:52 pm rating: 1
Dust before vacuuming, because dusting knocks dust onto the floor, and get a better vacuum – ideally one with a hepa filter (I think that’s what it’s called) that keeps the vacuum from leaking as much dust.
Mar 20, 2014 at 7:24 pm rating: 4
The Beast Among Us
If your vacuum kicks the dust up, then it sucks.
Mar 20, 2014 at 8:03 pm rating: 5
Our house doesn’t have dust. It has cat hair.
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:28 pm rating: 2
I just plain dont like jews… There I said it, you’re all thinking it and I said it.
Mar 20, 2014 at 10:45 pm rating: 0
you fucking racist
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:16 pm rating: 0
you’re the racist, asshole!
Hey c’mon guys, lets not fight on a comment thread. Peace love and anal rape guys.
Mar 20, 2014 at 11:17 pm rating: 0
Mar 21, 2014 at 10:43 am rating: 3
The Beast Among Us
I blame the energy drinks.
Mar 21, 2014 at 3:12 pm rating: 2
Come on, guys, it’s the cats who need the taurine, not the people.
Clearly the solution is to give the cats energy drinks. And then hide.
Mar 22, 2014 at 12:04 am rating: 4
— The Beast Among Us
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
actually totally reasonable
a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
more aggressive than passive
most popular notes of 2010
most popular notes of 2011
most popular notes of 2012
most popular notes of 2013
now that's management
sex sex sex
signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?