Pity the fool

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April 2nd, 2014 · 41 comments

Writes our submitter in Santa Rosa, CA: “Our office is full of people who like to take the last of the coffee and not take the time to brew a new pot. And not just on April Fool’s Day.”

related: Coffee pot flowchart

FILED UNDER: coffee · office

41 responses so far ↓

#1 The Beast Among Us

Make it yourself so that the carafe doesn’t burn when no one else drinks it.

Apr 2, 2014 at 6:20 pm rating: 90

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#2 Lita

Hey, at least they said please, instead of spewing a caffeine-deprived diatribe of disgust all over the note.

Apr 2, 2014 at 8:58 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 Twig
  
  ^^^Exactly
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 11:33 am rating: 90
- #2.2 AuntyBron
  
  WTF! PAN is no place for such a polite, well-mannered note!
  
  Apr 14, 2014 at 6:10 pm rating: 90
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#3 Madrias

Not much tastes worse than burnt coffee, at least among the substances you are supposed to put in your mouth.

Apr 2, 2014 at 10:21 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 Lil'
  
  You should try some of my brother-in-law’s homemade cakes. Among the least popular, his “chocolate red velvet cake”. I’m not a baker and maybe I have it wrong, but isn’t all red velvet cake chocolate? And can it really be called red velvet when it’s not red? And furthermore, what’s the point of adding red color when you are going to make it brown again – especially when the purpose of adding red color is to make it red, not add flavor? It’s really more of a conversation piece than a dessert.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 9:14 am rating: 90
- #3.2 Beatus Mongous
  
  Red Velvet is rich chocolate with a hint of vinegar to cause the chocolate to turn red. For some reason, especially here in the states, a lot of bakers add strawberry or cherry flavor to their red velvet. I guess people think that if it’s red, it should taste red. To me, that’s a sin.
  
  Adding red color is also bad, because food coloring tastes bad. A good red velvet should be a dark brownish red, and should taste very chocolatey.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 12:24 pm rating: 90
- #3.3 Raichu
  
  mmm. Now I really want a traditional red velvet cake.
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 12:09 pm rating: 90
- #3.4 The Elf
  
  Mmmmm….. cake……
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 2:15 pm rating: 90
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#4 Jami

Dear Note Writer,
Learn to make tea. Then you don’t have to depend on coffee.
Love,
Tea

Apr 2, 2014 at 11:29 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 kermit
  
  You won’t depend on coffee, but you will depend on tea, which is kinda like trading your mule for a donkey.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 12:11 am rating: 90
- #4.2 Jami
  
  But it’s a lot easier to make a single cup of tea than a single cup of coffee.
  
  And no, those K-cups don’t count. Anything that actually tastes worse than StarYucks can’t possibly be coffee.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 5:28 pm rating: 90
- #4.3 kermit
  
  You can make a single cup of coffee with a French press. Like with tea, you only need boiling water.
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 2:05 am rating: 90
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#5 assiveProgressive

An April Fools’ joke would be filling the carafe with prune juice. I just don’t see the heh-heh in an empty pot.

Apr 3, 2014 at 1:38 am rating: 90

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- #5.1 The Elf
  
  Given coffee’s notorious effects, would anyone know the difference?
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 7:05 am rating: 90
- #5.2 The Beast Among Us
  
  I’d notice a change in the smell of their breath.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
- #5.3 Jami
  
  But then the break room would be filled with Klingons.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 5:38 pm rating: 90
- #5.4 The Beast Among Us
  
  What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both fly by Uranus in search of Klingons.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
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#6 TRT

I don’t think I could finish a whole carafe myself…

Apr 3, 2014 at 5:46 am rating: 90

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- #6.1 The Elf
  
  Challenge accepted.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 6:52 am rating: 90
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#7 Roxy Random

Did anyone else read the subject line and expect Mr. T?
“I pity the fool that don’t make a fresh pot of coffee!”

Apr 3, 2014 at 8:11 am rating: 90

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#8 blueknight1st

Am I the only one that hates the word carafe?

Apr 3, 2014 at 8:19 am rating: 90

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- #8.1 assiveProgressive
  
  I hate it too. It reminds me of a calf. Or the 1980s and cheap wine.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 8:58 am rating: 90
- #8.2 Scotty
  
  Yes, except it’s a handy word that rhymes with “giraffe”.
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 12:53 pm rating: 90
- #8.3 assiveProgressive
  
  You make me laugh
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 11:54 pm rating: 90
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#9 Lil'

I don’t mind the word “carafe”, but I do hate the word “surreal”. Sorry for my randomness, but I had to get that off my chest. “The whole experience was so surreal….” Uh huh. Sure it was.

Apr 3, 2014 at 8:37 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 The Elf
  
  I hate the word “rhythm”. I’d like to buy a vowel for that word. (Yes, I know “y” is sometimes a vowel. Words like that are why we have that rule!)
  
  However, I do agree that “surreal” is overused. Literally.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 8:47 am rating: 90
- #9.2 assiveProgressive
  
  I also hate the word “rhythm”. I spelled it wrong in the fifth grade and was only the runner-up in my school spelling bee, thereby missing the chance to go on to the citywide spelling bee.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 9:02 am rating: 90
- #9.3 The Elf
  
  I love the word “squamous”. I really need to use that more in conversation.
  
  “I would have finished that carafe of coffee, but after sitting all weekend it had become somewhat squamous.”
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 12:25 pm rating: 90
- #9.4 The Beast Among Us
  
  I like “Doggy Style.”
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
- #9.5 Lil'
  
  That’s two words, Beast. But that reminds me of a card I saw last week that said “I know you like doggy style best because you can’t stand to see anyone else having a good time.”
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 1:02 pm rating: 90
- #9.6 The Beast Among Us
  
  That’s why I put her in front of a mirror, so I can see her face, too.
  
  Apr 3, 2014 at 3:58 pm rating: 90
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#10 kaetra

Coffee drinkers seem a bit uptight to me. Wouldn’t you rather have a fresh pot that you just brewed yourself than a cup of stale Joe? Wouldn’t you rather spend the 2 minutes it takes to brew a fresh pot lounging about in the break room – Daydreaming, on your smartphone, smelling the fresh coffee, not working? Or better yet, wouldn’t you rather bring a magnificent Thermos filled with your own delicious blend than drink that cheap office sludge?

Apr 3, 2014 at 12:30 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  Coffee drinkers like to imagine that they’re chemically addicted to coffee, when in fact it’s just in their imagination and many of them use it as an excuse to be jerks.
  
  Apr 17, 2014 at 7:45 am rating: 90
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#11 Poltergeist

You think April Fool’s day is torture in the office? Try working in a school with children.
All. Day. Long.

“Your shoe is untied…April Fools!”

“I have to use the bathroom…April Fools!”

“I don’t understand my homework…April Fools!

“You’re not my friend anymore…April Fools!”

“Your hair is blue…April Fools!”

“Owww I hurt myself…April Fools!”

“Stupidpoopylalalalamonkey*raspberry*weeeeeeeargdfffrrrftbhnnjnggrctd…April Fools!”

“Bobby is a joy to be around….April Fools! I murdered your child today!”

Whoops, that last one was me.

Apr 3, 2014 at 7:29 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 kermit
  
  Erm, isn’t that how they normally are anyway?
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 2:06 am rating: 90
- #11.2 The Beast Among Us
  
  Yeah, they just don’t follow every sentence with “April Fools!”
  
  Apr 4, 2014 at 2:42 pm rating: 90
- #11.3 Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
  
  Well, not all day long, surely, since April Fools Day finishes at noon. If you carry on after noon, you’re doing it wrong.
  
  Apr 17, 2014 at 7:45 am rating: 90
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#12 assiveProgressive

I must be getting old because I did not make even one April Fools’ joke this year.

Apr 4, 2014 at 11:57 pm rating: 90

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- #12.1 Madrias
  
  I got Dad with a good one. Garlic powder in his soda. Rather amusing to see, although not worth having my shoes filled with rock salt…
  
  Apr 5, 2014 at 4:40 am rating: 90
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#13 Dr Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

I never understood the logic of whoever finishes the coffee should make another pot. What if I make another pot and then the next person who wants one doesn’t come along for hours? Then there’s a pot of coffee sitting going stale and luke warm. Is that what you want to be confronted with?

Apr 17, 2014 at 7:44 am rating: 90

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