Curious sign is curious

April 29th, 2014 · 76 comments

Any Portlanders know the story behind this sign? Our submitter, Sarah, is wondering, and now I am, too.

This is not a Japanese restaurant. You should slap the fool that told you those lies.

Aaaaand we have an answer. Thanks, Misti!

related: raw chicken + orgasms = ?

FILED UNDER: Portland · restaurant · WTF?


76 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Red Delicious

    I would bet someone put something in Yelp just to dick with them. Otherwise, someone is having a laugh. A weird one, but a laugh nonetheless.

    Apr 29, 2014 at 4:12 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Belle

    Keeping Portland weird, one sign at a time

    Apr 29, 2014 at 4:14 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   underwatervulcan

    Bar, restaurant, whatever.

    Maybe people who don’t drink enough falsely call it a restaurant and provoke the encouragement to slap prudes as they were to sober to know where they were at.

    Bar vs Restaurant depends on the percentage of gross sales derived from alcohol.

    Apr 29, 2014 at 5:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Parker

    • #4.1   Poltergeist

      My god, the amount of hipsterism exuded from this place is nauseating. Remind me to add it to my list of establishments that I hope mysteriously burn down.

      Apr 29, 2014 at 10:23 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   kermit

      Just take away the beard/mustache polish along with their Moleskines and fancy spout kettles for their drippy coffee. Once they discover these items missing, they’ll move to the South Pole.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 1:18 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Lita bang

    Ceci n’est pas une Japanese restaurant.

    Apr 29, 2014 at 7:56 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   infanttyrone

      Hérésie! Pour les barricades! Ou à la barre!

      Apr 30, 2014 at 1:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lita bang

      Sacre bleu!

      Apr 30, 2014 at 3:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   kermit

    If this is not a Japanese restaurant, then this is not a person that can take a hint and adjust expectations accordingly.

    I’ll be expecting my food at once. Why is the service at this restaurant so terrible? Sasafrassin’ hipsters!

    Apr 29, 2014 at 8:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Poltergeist

    It’s the future of advertising – instead of just stating what you are (ugh, how plebeian), you make a list of things you aren’t.

    [On a restaurant]
    “We are NOT a brothel.”

    [On a hotel]
    “We are NOT an opera house.”

    [On a library]
    “We are NOT a missile silo.”

    Apr 29, 2014 at 10:14 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   kermit

      Erm, have you heard the people singing in the showers? They are definitely an opera house.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 1:15 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Paul Johnson

    It’s Portland, the birthplace of the passive aggressive asshole. Fuck that place.

    Apr 29, 2014 at 11:27 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   assiveProgressive

    I’m having a tempura tantrum because you’re not Japanese

    Apr 30, 2014 at 12:14 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Lita bang

      You’re past the point of nori-turn, aP.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Poltergeist

      That was anime-zing pun.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 5:27 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   The Elf

    I pity da fool that don’t know a restaurant from a bar. Quit yo’ jibber-jabber, Tanuki!

    Apr 30, 2014 at 6:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   The Elf

    Reading the review…. I like the no kids part, the dishes and drinks do sound wonderful, but “dark”, “loud” and “1 hour wait” both would have me dismissing the restaurant out of hand. They can keep their “it’s not really a restaurant, but we do serve food” thing and their totally private private parties (is there another kind).

    Apr 30, 2014 at 6:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Matt

      It really is a bar, not a restaurant! And like any good bar, it’s dark and occasionally loud. And while every Oregon bar is required by the OLCC to have a food menu, none that I’m aware of have drinking food as amazing as Tanuki does. Lots of people know this, which is why the table wait times can get long. But that’s fine, it’s a bar! You can get drinks and sit on the couches while you wait. Or better yet, come around 6:30 if you want food. At that time of day you can typically get a table immediately.

      Once again: it’s a bar. Enjoy it like one!

      May 1, 2014 at 9:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   The Elf

      Good bars – the ones I like – are neither too dark nor overly loud, unless they double as concert venues. I like to talk with my drinking companions too! I like to see their faces! That probably puts me with Jami on the porch shaking my cane at the damn kids these days, but that’s the way I like it.

      May 2, 2014 at 7:09 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Jami

      It’s not the kids I’m shaking my cane at, it’s their dumbass lazy parents.

      May 3, 2014 at 1:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Raichu

    Maybe instead of complaining when people want to give you business you should accept your bar/restaurant status and not be pissy about it. Oh, and lock your back door.

    Apr 30, 2014 at 7:43 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Tanuki

    Hey, one of my friends sent me the link to this since they thought the comments board here being so outraged by my silly little signws kind of hilarious.

    The note is passive aggressive at all, we’e jst dealigith people o easilysshurt that they canno dal ith taking something at face value. We started with the signs as a light hearted way to address all the people trying to bring children in despite the large 21+ NO MINORS sign that the state slapped on our door. Because in Oregon you cannot allow children in a drinking focused place that meets certain criteria. We do not have the option of not serving food to get rid of the confusion because state liquor law requires us to serve a full menu of food.

    So you guys, funny as you are getting bent out of shape over a tiny sake bar with four tables, really should calm down.

    Apr 30, 2014 at 8:42 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      I think you’re mistaking outrage for snark.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 8:43 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Havingfitz

      Judging from your post, might I gently suggest you consider selling more sake and perhaps drinking less? I almost needed a Little Orphan Annie Decoder Ring to read that.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 9:39 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Tanuki

      Sorry, I was on a keyboard that was pretty messed up. But you know, generally when people have no other argument they make fun of people for typos. So I apologize for those now that I am on a keyboard that works.

      We posted the sign because we are not a restaurant.
      We have food because state law requires a full food service menu in order to serve alcohol.
      Again, sorry about the typos.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 10:16 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   hbc

      No one here is bent out of shape. People are making jokes about your “silly little signs”–is that really worth getting defensive about?

      But since you’re here, perhaps you can explain this quote from the linked article: ” …the proprietor’s concern that if so many people keep showing up to eat there, she may have to shut down.” How does this make sense? If your business model fails because you can’t handle the extra workload of turning people away, you were never going to make it anyway.

      Maybe instead of suggesting other people smack each other, you make a plan to address the reality that people are going to be confused by your unusual bar. Maybe have the door locked from the outside. Maybe make a sign with a little more explanation and kindness rather than suggestions about hitting their friends. Or at least stop being hypocritical and calling your own words “light hearted” but absolutely everyone else is “so easily hurt,” “outraged,” or “bent out of shape.”

      Apr 30, 2014 at 10:37 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.5   FeatherBlade

      My take-away from this is that the problem is not with the restaurant (oops sorry,~bar~) but with Oregon State Law.

      From my experiences with Oregon State Law, this does not surprise me one bit.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 12:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.6   Poltergeist

      Lol. Go home Tanuki, you’re drunk. Squeeze into your dark little hole in the wall and watch some anime porn to calm your nerves.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 12:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.7   kermit

      @ Hbc

      I think she may be talking about fire regulations that limit the number of people in an establishment.

      I’m not familiar with Oregon laws or customers, but I highly doubt that if the establishment is clearly labelled as a bar (that can’t serve under-age people) they wouldn’t have this problem.

      I know giant signs can be expensive but if you’re selling mostly alcohol you’re selling it at 50-75% markup. Add to this the fact that you’re exempt from minimum wage laws, so there’s no way you’re not making a decent profit.

      Unless you’re near a rehab clinic or AA meeting place, you have customers.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 12:43 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.8   kermit

      Gah! I meant to say that if the place was clearly labelled with a proper sign, they wouldn’t have the problem of people being confused and thinking that they could bring in their children.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 12:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.9   Lil'

      I agree with Kermit. If people are constantly confusing your bar with a restaurant, at some point you need to consider that the problem is you. By the way, I read through every comment and the only post that voiced outrage was yours.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 1:26 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.10   Jami

      To be fair she did state that there is already a large sign that says “No minors” and people are, more and more often, insisting on bringing children where children do not belong. It won’t be long before some mother sues a strip club cause they wouldn’t let them bring her 3 year old and newborn in with her to see waxed men covered in cheap baby oil swing about their ding-a-ling.

      But Tanuki, this is what we do on PAN. Even when we’re on the note writer’s side. We snark on their notes. Take a deep breath and instead enjoy the snark. Maybe it’ll even inspire you to new and greater heights of PAN.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 1:53 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.11   kermit

      Jami, there’s a huge difference between a hand-made sign one that’s been professionally done. The latter looks like it was paid for by the establishment and is taken seriously. The former looks like any prankster could have placed it.

      The real problem, though isn’t the sign but the business. If the customers are telling you that they expect the place to be a restaurant that serves alcohol – because *gasp* you decided to put in 4 tables instead of just a bar – then you have two choices. Insist on your vision or listen to the people who are willing to fork over money for the good food you’re providing.

      The smarmy chef who tells people what they’re going to eat has been done. There’s a famous restaurant in NYC who does that, and people line up around the block because the food is that good. You won’t have much luck reproducing that with booze unless you’re brewing your own alcohol and can least invest in a professionally-done sign.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 2:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.12   Jami

      From Tanuki’s explanation though, Kermit, the reason they’re insisting on calling it a bar is to keep children out. She’s already stated there is a professional sign that says “No minors.” From the sound of it if it’s a restaurant they HAVE to let children in despite the booze. If it’s a bar, however, they can forbid children from entering.

      Basically I see this as a way to try and keep bratty parents who insist on bringing their kids everywhere, even if it’s 3 am on a school night, out.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 7:11 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.13   kermit

      I can appreciate that Jami, but unfortunately if you want to stay in business you don’t really get to choose your customers.

      If people with kids are walking by and think that it’s a nice place to patronize, then the onus is on her to change the way the place looks.

      Or she can become renowned as the Seinfeld soup Nazi guy and turn customers away because financially she can afford to do so.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 8:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.14   Lurk Skywalker

      Man, it’s one thing to laugh at internet notes and make up stories about how they came into being, but to attack a real live person this vehemently is really unbecoming. She has logical reasons to run her business this way. Geez.

      May 1, 2014 at 12:11 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.15   Poltergeist

      You must have a pretty wide definition of what qualifies as an “attack.”

      Lurk more.

      May 1, 2014 at 12:25 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.16   poopypants

      Oregon law requires any bar to have (I believe) at least 5 menu items at all times, all the way until closing. And I think they even have to be meals, so french fries doesn’t count.

      The fact that people are trying to bring their children in is obnoxious, since the sign that comes with Oregon bars is pretty obvious, and there’s only ONE version of it, so it’s not being mixed up with that crayon sign I made yesterday.

      Also, Oregon law ALSO doesn’t give bars and restaurants exemptions from minimum wage. You get to keep your own tips (except for taxes) and you get a minimum wage.

      I’m unsure why Tanuki would go out of business based on the restaurant part though. Unless the food to money ratio is ridiculously off and he/she counts on making the money back from lots of booze selling.

      I’m from Oregon and I’ve never mixed up a restaurant for a bar except for once when I was about 13 and the bar was up a dark set of stairs and the sign wasn’t readily apparent. But usually it’s in the front window/on the front door and really obvious.

      May 1, 2014 at 4:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.17   sharon

      I’m so glad you’re in Portland :-)

      Furthermore, I am so glad that Portlanders stay there, and f*ck right off :-) Stay weird, or just stay where you are, we don’t need you, you’re clearly too cool.

      May 1, 2014 at 5:59 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.18   hbc

      Kermit, I don’t see how the fire marshall would get involved unless they’re actually letting in all the hopefuls and packing the place to the rafters. Having to say, “Sorry, we’re full” forty times a night isn’t a safety issue.

      If people are ordering “too much” food in their sake bar, they should just charge more for it. It’s not really that difficult.

      May 1, 2014 at 7:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.19   Matt

      Let me try to clear up a common misconception about this place for those who haven’t seen it: there is NO WAY that any reasonable, normally observant person could pass by Tanuki and think that it’s a restaurant to which one can bring one’s children. As mentioned, there is large, unmissable, state liquor control board “NO MINORS” sign on the front door. But even if one were to somehow miss that unambiguous sign completely, THE PLACE LOOKS JUST LIKE A BAR! In fact, aside from that minors sign and maybe a board outside, you’d barely even know that it’s a business at all, let alone one that serves great booze and fantastic food.

      In short, you’re giving WAY too much credit to complainers here. People who think Tanuki is or should be a restaurant and/or establishment that allows kids are STUPID, UNOBSERVANT PEOPLE! They should be mocked and snarked at for not having the basic smarts to distinguish an OBVIOUS 21+ only bar from a family eating establishment. (How do these people even manage to get dressed in the morning? Seriously!)

      (Disclosure: I have no affiliation with Tanuki. I’ve just been there a few times and love the place to bits. You should too, because it’s awesome. Also, I’m about as hipster as the mayor!)

      May 1, 2014 at 9:59 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.20   Jami

      Okay, so others who actually live there explained it better than me.

      Kermit, you can choose to serve adults over children though. But more and more often parents are dragging their kids to places kids should not be. 3 year olds to R-rated and/or extremely long movies. Infants to fancy-schamcy restaurants. Etc etc and so forth. And if you dare say that the child has no business being there especially since they often cannot/will not behave – running around screaming, throwing food on the floor, etc – you’re the bad guy instead of the idiot parents.

      I joined several child free groups on Facebook – more to make it clear to some of my friends and relatives that I’m serious about never having children than anything. (Before my hysterectomy I had many people in my life who decided I’d make a wonderful parent and some even encouraged me to have a child out of wedlock.) And I’ve noticed more than a few posts in them talking about parents who were out with their toddlers at places like Applebee’s at 10 and 11 o’clock at night. The kids were grouchy, sleeping on the tables, crying, etc. And instead of staying home and putting their kids in bed they insisted on inflicting their tired children on others to get their sub-par food. I don’t care if they’ve been out all day or on vacation – that’s what drive thrus are for. Go to McDonald’s, get some food to go, and go home (or back to your motel or whatever) and put your damn kids to bed! Don’t drag them around with you late at night when they should be in bed.

      I’ve even been at WalMarts (the 24 hour kind) late on a school night thinking there’d be no kids then. Nope, there’s the parents with their tired kids that have school the next morning, up way past their bedtime, because mommy and daddy just had to have their plasma screen tv at near midnight.

      Which, now knowing the reason behind the sign, I’m 100% on Tanuki’s side, simply because I’m betting there’s some parents who are crying that it’s discrimination to keep their kids out of “a restaurant” and refuse to accept that it’s a bar because it serves food.

      May 1, 2014 at 10:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.21   Poltergeist

      I don’t think you guys understand that we’re not having a good laugh at this place’s expense just because it’s 21 and up only. The entire way this place is presented is groan-worthy.

      May 1, 2014 at 10:30 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.22   kermit

      Jami, when you have to start your sentences with “more and more parents/kids are” doing whatever, it’s an indication that you should probably stop and re-evaluate, because you’re one porch away from yelling at children to get off your lawn and turn down their devil music.

      Yes, some people bring their ill-behaved children to places where they probably shouldn’t. But nothing about the way this good “not-restaurant” presents itself tells me that it’s an inappropriate place to bring children, except for the owner’s personal wishes. A small, casual place with 4 tables and a video game thing sounds exactly like the sort of place suited for informal family dining. It doesn’t tell me “sake bar for morose adults only”.

      May 1, 2014 at 1:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.23   poopypants

      Kermit, if it’s designated as a bar, and there’s a sign up (which all places that are designated as bars HAVE to have in Oregon), then the children are legally not allowed in. Even if parents are watching them without blinking, the bar would be fined and/or shut down for allowing the children in.

      Perhaps the owner registered as a bar to keep children out, but that doesn’t really matter at this point. Legally the owner cannot let children in, even if he/she super duper wants to.

      May 1, 2014 at 8:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.24   kermit

      There’s conflicting stories here about the ambiance of the place, so I propose that legislators make a new and simple rule.

      If your establishment is a bar, it has to have the word “bar” or a synonym in the name and and on the sign out front.

      If your establishment is a restaurant, again it has to have the word “restaurant” or a synonym in the name and on the sign out front.

      This way, even the dense people can figure it out, and everybody’s happy.

      May 1, 2014 at 9:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.25   assiveProgressive

      why is there even a law that a bar can’t have children? who the hell cares? I have fond memories of my dad taking me to the bar a couple of times.

      May 1, 2014 at 11:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.26   hbc

      Matt, I’m unclear how a place can not look like a business and also be SO OBVIOUSLY A 21+ BAR. Bars are businesses, no?

      I’m not denying that people are stupid and miss signs. I’m just not seeing what’s solved by putting up more insulting and less professional signs for people who apparently don’t read, and I really don’t understand the claim that a business is hurt by turning away idiots with kids.

      May 2, 2014 at 6:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.27   The Elf

      AssiveProgressive, Oregon (especially Portland) is a notorious nanny-state, so the government probably decided that guys like your father are Bad Parents ™ for taking you to a bar and exposing you to the horrors of people drinking alcohol, so to prevent other Bad Parents ™ from doing the same they passed a law. The alternative is to leave it up to the business owners to decide the appropriate ambiance and customer base for their own business, and for the free market to support business they like and let the ones they don’t fail, and we wouldn’t want *that*.

      Honestly, this does not in any way sounds like a kid-friendly place, local law notwithstanding. Video games are hardly by default for kids; Generation X remains a huge gaming cohort even if we’re all in our 30s and 40s now. Same with cartoons (anime) – some are for kids and some aren’t. Some really aren’t. If they’re showing horror movies and hentai…. well, you see one animated vagi-cam and you know the whole place should be rated M for mature. I’d just prefer if it were the business owner making that decison and not the state.

      May 2, 2014 at 7:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.28   assiveProgressive

      I guess I didn’t read the whole review of this place, they have all that? My dad visited a place where there was smoking and illegal gambling, in addition to the drinking. He was not a good dad, but taking me to that place on a Saturday afternoon was not the worst thing. Perhaps children should also be banned from coming within fifty feet of the entrance, lest the loud music and laughter entice them.

      May 2, 2014 at 11:09 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.29   Hunngggry

      @Kermit, They play Japanese Slash PORN, Serve alcohol and spicy food to make your mouth yearn for more alcohol… sounds like a great child friendly place to go?!?!? I myself can’t wait to get a sitter and go there :)

      May 2, 2014 at 2:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.30   Hunngggry

      @Kermit, They play Japanese Slash PORN, Serve alcohol and spicy food to make your mouth yearn for more alcohol… sounds like a great child friendly place to go?!?!? I myself can’t wait to get a sitter and go there :)

      May 2, 2014 at 3:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.31   Jami

      Kermit, ever been to STFUParents? You really should visit so you can see such lovely things as parents complaining that they got ticketed for parking in a handicapped stall “because there’s not enough parent/child parking” at a store.

      And that’s just one example of parents being selfish dickweeds. There’s TONS of them out there. Including the ones I’ve already presented. Not to mention articles and blog posts by parents claiming that banning children from a restaurant, a bar, a movie, etc is “discrimination.”

      And it’s the asshole parents I’m complaining about, not the kids. The kids can’t help it that their parents are selfish putzes who think that it should be okay for their 5 year old to go to see Under The Skin.

      May 3, 2014 at 1:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.32   kermit

      Jami, you do realize that there’s more to society than is displayed on the Internet, right?

      If you seriously believe that the Internet is an accurate representation of society – especially when North America has by far the most expensive connection prices – I strongly suggest you get some fresh air outside.

      May 3, 2014 at 3:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.33   Lita bang

      Jami, may I try to restore a bit of your faith in humanity (or at least in parents)?

      Went out to run some errands a few nights back – had to stop off at Target to get some prescriptions first, and witnessed three things:

      1: a woman taking hold of her young daughter’s arm, pulling her out of the street, and then proceeding to scold her Very Soundly for running out into traffic without looking.
      2: a woman down an aisle near the pharmacy who was Not Putting Up with her young son’s tantrum, even threatening to take him home without buying him whatever it is she was going to buy him if he didn’t quit it. (He quit it. Very fast.)
      3: another woman down one of the houseware aisles who calmly picked up her tantruming daughter and gave her a swat on the butt because she’d thrown herself on the floor and was kicking, screaming and refusing to move. (She also quit it. Very fast.)

      I do so love it when parents actually parent.

      May 3, 2014 at 5:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.34   Jami

      Kermit, you do realize I’m also talking from real life experience, right? Not just the internet.

      I have been to movies that are 3 hours long and/or R rated in which toddlers have been brought. And when you tell the parents to take their kid outside when the kid starts to cry and the parents don’t move for nearly ten minutes, they say “He’s a baby! He’s scared!”

      I have been to stores where kids on those Heelies roll around PURPOSELY trying to knock people down and their parents don’t say a word.

      I have had kids come into my work and throw books around and when we ask their parents to control them they’ve said “Oh we can’t do that! Telling a child no keeps them from becoming a confident adult!” (Seriously, there’s some sort of parenting book where the asshole told parents to not punish their kids or ever tell them no.)

      I’ve been to places like Soup Plantation where the parents TELL their kids to cut in between people who are “too slow” and don’t care that their kids are eating out of the bins.

      Last time I was at Knott’s Berry Farm about 20 parents with kids cut in line at Bigfoot Rapids.

      There’s a nature preserve near my house where there’s a pond where fishing is not allowed. It’s even fences off. Parents are cutting the fence and taking their kids in there to fish illegally. (And yes I’ve been in contact with parks and rec but they don’t care cause our side of town is not “ritzy” and rich enough. They’re giving me cock and bull stories claiming that they’ve driven out homeless encampments, which they have not, and repaired the fence, which they have not – I have photographic evidence – and are ignoring the fishing. Only ones interested are Fish & Wildlife and their main concern right now is poachers.)

      In fact, for the last five hours I’ve had to listen to children screaming and laughing and can’t have my windows open – it’s 9:30 at night. It’s dark. They shouldn’t be playing outside anymore. If they’re still doing this a half hour from now I’m calling the cops.

      75% of parents now a days are selfish, lazy cretins who only care about themselves and try to make themselves look like maytars when they don’t do a lick of real parenting.

      May 3, 2014 at 11:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   juniper

    I’m not entirely sure I am much wiser having read the explanation.

    Apr 30, 2014 at 9:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   hailthepornyata

    Just want to say I love he sign, the food, the giant cans of beer, the pin ball, the zombie pron, the sumo wrestling, the various rules and pretty much every thing about Tanuki. It takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate, clearly many people don’t get the joke. That’s fine, don’t go bar dine there, then. It’s understandable the owner would take a offense to people ‘joking’ about burning down their spot. Sheesh lighten up and get your Japanese food somewhere else.

    Apr 30, 2014 at 12:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Poltergeist

      “It takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate, clearly many people don’t get the joke.”

      Wow, could you have said anything more hipsterish? The only thing that tops that is, “If we become too popular, we might have to close down.”

      I’m not going to dine there. Never said I was, but I still reserve the right to make fun of this establishment because of the way it presents itself. Sheesh lighten up and stop getting so defensive over this not-restaurant.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 12:55 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   kermit

      Poltergeist, if you really want to see irate hipsters, check out Facebook groups of ex-pats in Kabul.

      Personal favorites so far are the outrage of having bought expired Kraft Dinner boxes and almond milk being on back order. If you’ve ever wondered at how that whole enterprise turned out so effed up, it’s because hardly anybody except hipsters work as reporters and NGO workers there.

      Apr 30, 2014 at 2:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   Phoenix

      I just snorted I laughed so hard at that comment. It’s a place that takes a “certain sense of humor”…and you’re complaining that people found the sign funny.

      Is there a specific tone of laughter you insist on people displaying-over the internet- to get your approval of their humor capacity?

      Or does if follow general hipster rules of “if you can’t convince me you get it, you don’t get it. And if you try to convince me you get it, you don’t get it.”

      Apr 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   The Elf

      It takes a certain sense of humor to appreciate this site, clearly many people don’t get the joke.

      May 1, 2014 at 6:49 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   Tesselara

      This whole thread is hilarious!

      Hipster hating

      and

      Hipsters hating being hated!

      And, apparently, no one has the right sense of humor.

      I <3 this post and everything about it. I'm sorry I thought it was going to be lame after we saw the explanation. BECAUSE IT IS SO MUCH BETTER!

      May 1, 2014 at 7:32 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   assiveProgressive

      ye who do not get the joke of this site: Go to Facebook.

      May 2, 2014 at 12:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Havingfitz

    “Guys, I’ve looked over our profit margins and…I’m so sorry. It’s happened. Just what we were afraid of. We’ve gone…mainstream.”

    Apr 30, 2014 at 1:38 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   assiveProgressive

    wait … there’s zombie porn? … must book flight … to Portland

    Apr 30, 2014 at 2:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   kermit

      Of course there’s zombie porn. Weren’t we just reminded of that with the whole Sterling thing? And the Khardasian sex tape, and on and on…

      Apr 30, 2014 at 2:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Lin

    Aw, damn… maybe I am a hipster. Soju and no kids? I want to go to there.

    Apr 30, 2014 at 3:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      Me too, for the most part. Sounds pretty awesome, except for the “dark”, “loud”, and “1 hour wait”. Maybe I’m just an old fuddy-duddy, but I like to see the people I’m talking with, be able to hear them, and I really hate waiting. I’m not alone in that last part, either. I suspect Tanuki’s fear about being overly successful is a self-correcting one.

      May 1, 2014 at 6:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Tesselara

      hee!

      May 1, 2014 at 7:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Matt

    I’m enjoying this thread, but I have to say: Tanuki? Hipsters? Um, what? That is to say, hipsters might go there, sure, but it’s not a place *for* hipsters by any means and it’s pretty silly to suggest that the “we’re too popular; we might have to close” thing was said out of a feeling of not *wanting* to be popular. More likely, the implication is: “if it gets too popular I won’t be able to maintain the quality of my food/service.”

    Tanuki is not a big place and Janis (the owner) cooks all the food herself on a hot plate; she doesn’t have a full kitchen. There is a limit to how many people she and her staff can serve while still making it a fun place to be.

    In short: don’t make the mistake of applying the hipster label and then viewing everything through that stereotypical lens. It’s not that kind of joint. I don’t think think they even serve PBR. ;)

    May 1, 2014 at 10:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   hbc

      Okay, I’m not in the biz, but please explain to me why some combinations of these solutions won’t work:

      1) They don’t have to let in everyone who shows up. Set the limit at the number of people they feel comfortable serving.

      2) Adjust the menu to quicker, easier items.

      3) Charge more for the food so either people order less or another staff member can be hired.

      4) Get a second hot plate.

      May 2, 2014 at 6:45 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   assiveProgressive

      If they are cooking food off a hot plate and selling it to people, the fire dept or health dept will have something to say … So problem solved

      May 2, 2014 at 11:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   pornyata

    For sakes sake it’s not loud in there.

    If I want to go to a hipster joint I’d check out b-side or something. Now THAT’s a place where the jeans are tight and the PBR dribbles down the faces of bearded men. Your criteria for hipsterdom is quite broad imo.

    STRIKE!

    May 2, 2014 at 2:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   ??

    外人

    May 18, 2014 at 6:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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