You may not be stylish or chic, but Mom loves you anyway

May 7th, 2014 · 46 comments

“My mom mistakenly picked up a birthday card for my sister’s graduation,” writes our submitter in Canada. “The real gold, of course, is in what she decided to cross out.”

Love you just the way you are. Happy Graduation. Love Mom + Dad

related: For the conditionally beautiful bride

FILED UNDER: Canada · faint praise · Mother-daughter notes


46 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Roto13

    Mommy loves her little disaster.

    May 7, 2014 at 8:25 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Tesselara

      Speaking of disasters…does anyone know what the hell is happening on the “But…you said not to flush anything down the toilet?” page?! Have the spambots found us? Should we flee?

      May 11, 2014 at 5:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   kermit

      You don’t flee from spam, you eat it when there’s nothing else to eat.

      May 11, 2014 at 5:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   The Elf

      I find it absolutely appropriate that the spambots are all over the “toilet” page. Crap calls to crap. I just hope they stay there.

      May 12, 2014 at 7:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   kermit

      I’m not so sure that they’re spambots. Maybe they’re those saps who fell for those “work from home and earn a fortune” ads and are trying to be considerate by spamming olf stuff nobody will likely see.

      If they were spambots, it would make more sense to spam front-page material rather than old stuff few people are going to click on.

      May 12, 2014 at 2:39 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Belaani

      Well, you can work from home and make money, but you have to be pretty good in bed.

      May 14, 2014 at 4:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   The Elf

    It doesn’t matter how much of a frumpy disaster your closet is, how much you never seem to fit in, and how babies cry when they see your face, at least you know Mom loves you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

    May 8, 2014 at 6:41 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Lil'

    I would rather not get a card.

    May 8, 2014 at 8:03 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   juniper

      But that is just a sure-fire path to living in a van down by the river.

      May 9, 2014 at 6:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Ahava

    In the spirit of Mothers’ Day, no one says “you’re not quite good enough, but I love you anyway” like a Mom.

    May 8, 2014 at 9:50 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   kaetra

      Spot on :)

      May 8, 2014 at 11:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Kasaba

    Reminds me of my stepmom’s answer whenever I asked her what she thought of what I was wearing to go out with my friends. “It’s fine”, and then just as I’m almost out the door “for you”.

    May 8, 2014 at 1:33 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Snicklefritz

      After I had just spent a weekend repainting my kitchen and was proudly showing it off, my mother’s only response was… “Did you mean to paint it this color”.

      May 8, 2014 at 3:57 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Tesselara

      “Aw, SHIT! Mom! I forgot to turn on my eyes while I was painting, and COMPLETELY didn’t notice the color. D’oh!”

      May 8, 2014 at 6:12 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   kermit

      To be fair, the paint chip color isn’t necessarily representative of what you’re going to get once you paint the wall. Lighting also makes a big difference.

      May 9, 2014 at 3:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Iwill FindU

      True I once picked a nice light cream colour, the lighting turned it to what can only be called baby duck yellow. It wasn’t bad enough that I was willing to go out and buy more paint so I lived with it.

      May 9, 2014 at 7:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Lita bang

    Maybe I’m just tired from flailing over my computer build (motherboard seems to be bad, and that took me far too long to realize), but I keep reading that “the” as “fhe”.

    Hehe. Fhe.

    May 8, 2014 at 2:06 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Ace of Space

    Gee Mom, I’m not even worth going back to the store and getting the correct card?

    May 8, 2014 at 2:45 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   the cat

      I guess after footing the bill for education Mom couldn’t come up with another $3 for the correct card and the store wouldn’t let her exchange the wrong one ?

      May 8, 2014 at 3:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   The dog

      I think high school is usually free in North America…
      Regardless, surely the cost of a new card doesn’t require those cringe inducing lines to be crossed out.

      May 8, 2014 at 4:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   HuhYeah

      @ The dog: In the U.S. we don’t have high school graduation until the end of May, but colleges and universities get out in the first week. Not sure if it’s the same in Canada but their start/end times usually are similar. Based on the time I’m willing to bet that it’s a college graduation.

      May 9, 2014 at 1:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   The Elf

      College or high school, I bet the problem is that Mom didn’t realize the error until just before she was going to give the card, making it too late to run out and get one. But this is your *daughter*. I think there’s a chance you could just give her a card later if you really wanted to. You’ll probably see her again real soon.

      Unlike after giving this card, in which case seeing her again depends on how much she’s willing to take this in stride.

      May 9, 2014 at 6:58 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   kermit

      Meh, maybe it’s just me but I don’t expect cards from people close to me. A heart-felt gift or congratulations is more personal than a lousy card that I’ll end up throwing away anyway.

      Co-workers, bosses, and not-enemies? Sure, give me a damn card and I’ll give you a card too.

      May 9, 2014 at 3:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   Tesselara

      You know–I really just think cards are a waste of paper, money, postage and time (unless they’re hilarious). I almost never give cards to people. If I like you, you’re getting a present. Maybe (I AM pretty lazy). If I don’t like you enough to give you a present, then I’m just not going to be spending any money or time on you at all. Really, cards are so weird. They’re a statement that “you’re that person I kind of like, but not enough to spend money on. Here, let me send you a card and really make a point of our non-status.”

      May 13, 2014 at 12:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   kermit

      If you really don’t want to spend money on a card, you can just make your own using the magic of the internets and your printer. I did that once, turning April Winchell’s* “Sailor Trouble” swear words into a multi-page card thing.

      *person behind Regretsy who turned it into her blog after Regretsy died.

      May 13, 2014 at 5:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Kellie

    If she didn’t want to or have time to get a new card, a handwritten note would’ve sufficed. I hope this is a joke the recipient was in on. Otherwise, Mom is a total bitch.

    May 9, 2014 at 2:21 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   juniper

    My Mom does stuff like this… but I have to say, she genuinely thinks it’s out of a spirit of love. She would see the crossing out as her personal acceptance of who I am. And yeah – I’m not stylish nor chic.
    Seriously – just a few weeks ago I was Skyping with her and she mentioned she bought a new dress for Easter. So I asked to see it. And it really was this lovely full skirt kind of number – black and white with red accents. And I told her I thought it was really pretty. (which I did). And then a few days later, skyping again, she says, ‘You know. I have to apologise. I shouldn’t have shown you that dress.’ And I was like, ‘Why not?’, and she replied, ‘Well, because you can’t wear things like that and I shouldn’t have shown it to you.’

    May 9, 2014 at 6:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      That doesn’t really strike me as the “spirit of love”.

      May 9, 2014 at 6:59 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   uncreative

      That doesn’t strike me as the spirit of love, unless you have previously asked to not be shown things like that. Even the justification doesn’t make sense. For example, I’m severely disabled. There are a lot of fun things I can’t do, but I wish I could. However, it doesn’t mean it is loving for my friends to not tell me about their lives, even when they are doing things that make me a little envious. I’d rather deal with my envy than be cut out of their lives – which is what you do when you decide to not tell someone about something because they can’t do it. Now, if they are being obnoxious about it and boasting, that’d be different. But they’re just sharing their lives with me. And if it were a problem for me, and I asked them to not tell me about certain things, then that also would be different. Respecting peopple’s stated desires and boundaries is good. But it’s not loving to just assume somebody wants to be out of the loop. And it definitely doesn’t sound loving to assert that you can’t wear that sort of thing, unless you have some significant reason why you can’t (I don’t know you, maybe you do. Maybe you have a physical abnormality that means dresses don’t fit on your body or maybe they don’t make them in your size (and custom dresses are expensive to acquire) or maybe you have a phobia of dress-wearing or who knows, something more than just a) you don’t like to wear dresses (since that doesn’t mean you can’t) or b) your mom thinks it wouldn’t look good on you). But really, you should be the one deciding whether or not you are comfortable seeing such dresses, and from what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you minded. So, why bring up the notion that you can’t wear it?

      May 9, 2014 at 5:54 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Poltergeist

      “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made that delicious dinner for you. I know you can’t cook.”

      “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you about my trip to Maui. I know you can’t afford a vacation.”

      “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reminisced about my wedding day. I know you can’t get yourself a man.”

      May 9, 2014 at 6:29 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Jami

      Just because we don’t think it’s the spirit of love doesn’t mean Juniper’s mom thinks for one second her thoughts are mean or hurtful.

      Mothers have weird thought processes that non-moms can’t really comprehend. (My apologies to the mothers on PAN. But it’s true. Moms will say things thinking that it shows how loving and accepting they are when in reality, it freaking hurts.)

      May 9, 2014 at 11:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   kermit

      True, but part of being a grown-up is realizing that your intentions may not match the resulting outcome and working to fix that.

      May 10, 2014 at 12:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   juniper

      I really don’t know why she said I couldn’t wear dresses like that. I am disabled, in a wheelchair and I’m also on the big side. Now, in my mind, neither or those actually prevent me from wearing such a dress, but obviously one of them did in her mind. And I just didn’t even want to get into which one it was. There was no point. As Jami says- I knew she was entirely genuine in her concern that she had made me feel bad by showing me the dress. Yeah, the starting point of that is entirely f’ed up… but she’s 73 now… and I learned a while ago that I’m not going to change her.

      May 11, 2014 at 9:36 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   The Elf

      That’s a healthy attitude to take.

      May 13, 2014 at 9:39 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Raichu

      Not all moms. My mom and I occasionally have some issues in that we think and communicate very differently, but she’s never said anything she thought was nice that was really a backhanded insult. I don’t think being a mom absolves you of your responsibility to treat others with respect (or somehow removes your ability to do so). If a person has issues understanding what is and isn’t nice, then I think they already had those issues (parenthood may have brought them to the forefront).

      May 23, 2014 at 12:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   Deb

      I get it. My Mum is the queen of backhanded compliments – they sound OK at first then when you think for a minute you realise they have a really nasty undertone. And what’s worse they are usually delivered as (supposedly) supportive comments. “Don’t worry about cleaning up – I gave up on you being tidy years ago” – we had a house full of small children at the time

      Jun 6, 2014 at 1:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Zero Our Hero

    Guess who’s going to vote for the retirement home when that discussion come up among the siblings?

    May 9, 2014 at 8:40 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   pooham

    My son wouldn’t care anything about a card like this as long as there was a cash gift inside. Not sure how my daughter would react.

    May 9, 2014 at 11:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   assiveProgressive

      It’s not the thought that counts, it’s the heft of the check

      May 12, 2014 at 10:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   VM

    If my clotheshorse mom had given me that card as printed, I would have thought she was being sarcastic or didn’t comprehend the meaning of the text. I damn well knew her opinion of my “style”, and was happy not to be considered “chic.” I would have preferred the edited sentiment.

    That is if not for the fact….she couldn’t write English. Then I’d be annoyed she roped a friend into doing it for her and reel from the passive-aggressive conspiracy.

    May 9, 2014 at 9:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Havingfitz

    At least my mother is honest, I guess. I’ve never been considered attractive and men don’t look twice in my direction. I once expressed my regret to my mother about not having children: it was something I wanted badly and just never happened. Her response was “But lots of ugly people have children!” This is the same woman who used to yell at me when I was in high school for “not dressing sexy enough” and telling me that I was a prude.

    May 12, 2014 at 10:57 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   assiveProgressive

      No wonder you’re having fitz. Your mother is a big meanie

      May 12, 2014 at 4:21 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Poltergeist

      Yeesh. Do you think your mother would admire your honesty if you called her a bitch?

      May 12, 2014 at 5:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Lil'

      If you are looking for a silver lining to not having children…at least they aren’t saddled with this woman for a grandma.

      May 13, 2014 at 7:35 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.4   Tesselara

      Oh, not being able to realize your dream to have kids–that makes me so sad. I’m happily in a relationship, but I decided a long time ago that if I was at the point in my life when I felt I was ready to have kids, but there was no guy in my life, I would take matters into my own hands and 1) find a wild-caught sperm donor, and 2) adopt. (yes, both.)

      May 13, 2014 at 12:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
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    May 17, 2014 at 7:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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