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Cookie Trolls

May 14th, 2014 · 36 comments

Look out Keebler Elves, cookies have a new mascot… in Poland anyway, where Karolina spotted this note warning her and her fellow coworkers not to indulge in any mid-shift snacking.

Please do not eat cookies. They're for guests only!

Arguably a bit severe, but hey, as Kristie from San Antonio let us know, when you say it with a cookie, you speak from the heart.

Fuck you Dan!!

Related: “Too many”

FILED UNDER: food · office

36 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Poltergeist

    I’d look like that too if there were forbidden cookies greeting me every day at work.

    May 14, 2014 at 6:57 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #2   Haterade

    Kristie’s cookies are pure concentrated awesome. I’m dying to know what prompted it, though…

    May 14, 2014 at 7:37 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Tesselara

      I know! I mean, she remained angry while she pulled out the cookie fixin’s, mixed up the dough, chilled it, rolled it out, cut it into pieces, baked it, cooled it, and then frosted it. That’s a lot of dedication to a grudge. Not to say that I don’t get crazy-mad, but usually I calm down by hour two. This baking project was a good 6-12 hours (including chilling the dough) of sheer rage that never had a, “Hang on, now. Am I being crazy here?” stop-check. Epic. I really wonder what he did.

      May 19, 2014 at 4:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Lita bang

      To be fair, perhaps she already had the dough made – she may have been planning to make cookies ANYWAY. But then Dan did…whatever he did, and then this happened.

      …Nah, I like your idea better.

      May 19, 2014 at 11:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   buni

      When I bake cut-outs, it’s a minimum two day process. I bet this was a cold anger by the time she got to decorating these cookies. No way her hands could be that steady otherwise.

      May 19, 2014 at 11:59 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Tesselara

      Cold anger! Love it.

      May 20, 2014 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #3   Dan

    WTF did I do?
    those cookies were fucking delicious.

    May 14, 2014 at 7:53 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   TRT

      You ate the first row that said I W A N T T O

      May 15, 2014 at 4:43 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Tesselara

      Full. of. win.

      May 15, 2014 at 5:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   The Elf

      I couldn’t help myself, TRT. They looked so tasty all dressed up in that green frosting.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   kermit

      *becomes alarmed at the notion that green frosting is tasty*

      Stop looking at me like that, Elf. I am not edible!

      May 19, 2014 at 6:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   kermit

    The frosting is white and yellow. I don’t think you need an extra sign to point out that people shouldn’t eat it, if you get my drift.

    May 14, 2014 at 8:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      That’s why I always frost with fudge.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   FeRD bang

      That Wasn’t Fudge™.

      May 15, 2014 at 12:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   Lita bang

    If Cake Wrecks has taught me anything, it’s that you ALWAYS say it with baked goods.

    Now pass me that F.

    May 14, 2014 at 8:34 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #6   ana

    I really REALLY want to know what prompted the fuck you cookies. Because that must have taken quite a bit of time to pull off.

    May 14, 2014 at 8:56 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   TRT

      “taken quite a bit of time to pull off.”
      That was the reason. But excellent nozzle work for someone with knackered wrists.

      May 15, 2014 at 4:44 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #7   assiveProgressive

    I want to eat the comma cookie.

    May 15, 2014 at 12:16 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   cardykid

      I love that they made the comma – grammatically correct passive agressiveness.

      May 15, 2014 at 5:35 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Haterade

      Me too, but I love the second exclamation point even more. Because if it was just one, Dan wouldn’t know the baker was serious. (^_~)

      May 15, 2014 at 1:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   The Elf

      There was a third exclamation point but someone (NOT A GUEST) ate it.

      May 15, 2014 at 2:39 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Comma Confused

      The comma is the most intriguing part.

      Is Dan the sender, or the receiver?

      May 15, 2014 at 3:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   Tesselara

    I love the tiny thank you underneath the angry moon in the first one.

    Oh! It’s like that song! Except about creepy anger instead of love! Skiddamarink!

    May 15, 2014 at 5:40 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   FeRD bang

      Yes! World’s tiniest “Thank You” FTW! \o/

      May 15, 2014 at 12:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #9   buni

    For Christmas, my brother gave me a set of 100 cookie cutters that includes the entire alphabet. This opens up a whole new set of possibilities.

    May 15, 2014 at 7:41 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   assiveProgressive

      Your brother is awesome.

      May 15, 2014 at 10:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   buni

      Of course, his ulterior motive was to get me to bake more, so he can eat more. He just better not piss me off or he’ll be getting cookies alright.

      May 15, 2014 at 12:44 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #10   Kasaba

    Not, please do not eat THE cookies. No, please do not eat cookies, end of.

    Cookies are for guests.

    May 15, 2014 at 7:44 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      Cookies are a some people food.

      May 15, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #11   Kwyjor

    I immediately ran to the anagram generator to see what possibilities existed.

    I favor “O, A fun ducky!!”

    May 15, 2014 at 10:00 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #12   Jami

    I’d like to imagine that Dan got the cookies because he ordered Kristie to bake for him. And just harped on her until she finally broke and did this.

    May 16, 2014 at 3:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #13   TGIF

    You duck fan!

    May 16, 2014 at 11:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   TGIF

      Or is it…
      You, duck fan?

      May 16, 2014 at 11:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Lita bang

      But what about the rabbits?

      (Yes, I know those aren’t actually ducks, but they look close enough to ducklings.)

      May 17, 2014 at 1:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Hyacinth

    All I know is, I came home from work, expecting Kristie to be all pissed off. And guess what, dude? She made me cookies!

    — Dan

    May 20, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   notolaf

    I bet not many of the guests eat the cookies, either. Awkward!

    Jun 18, 2014 at 10:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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