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Kiss my carbon footprint!

May 25th, 2014 · 48 comments

Writes our submitter in Cambridge, UK: “There’s a master’s student living in our shared student house — the kind who lives off hemp protein and lentils. Anyway, the house has an hallway running through the middle, with his room on one side and a landing on the other. This note appeared on the landing the other day. I think it has the perfect combination of smiley faces, violent threats, love and climate change.”

YO DIPSHITS! Turn the light off!!!* 1) It shines straight into my room, and wakes me up. 2) It releases CO2. You're killing us all with climate change for no fucking reason!!! Love and Big kisses! xxx ––– :)  *Notes are normally passive aggressive. This one is aggressive-aggressive. Do this again, and I shall cut you :)

related: Pure, unadulterated corporate greed! 

FILED UNDER: Cambridge · energy usage · not-so-veiled threats · signed with love · smiley · The Earth · U.K.

48 responses so far ↓

  • #1   underwatervulcan

    Yo. You turn it off.

    May 25, 2014 at 11:00 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #2   Chinchillazilla

    I like that he acknowledges it’s an aggressive-aggressive note.

    May 26, 2014 at 12:48 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      Oh, but then he undercuts with a smiley face. Do it again and he’ll smile while he cuts you.

      May 27, 2014 at 10:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   Tesselara

    I’m not a big fan of lentils or hemp, but I AM a fan of turning off lights. Team: “those guys are dipshits!”
    Although, I would have found a different way to ask them to turn off the lights. All he’s going to get, a
    after that note, is something unspeakable in his bed.

    May 26, 2014 at 5:42 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Haterade bang

      Team nobody because they’re both PA dorks, but sympathetic to team note writer. Mainly because he has a point about turning off the lights, but submitter doesn’t help his case with the condescending “the kind who”.

      May 26, 2014 at 6:59 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

  • #4   really now

    As Stuart Smalley said, “It is easier to put on slippers than to carpet the world.”

    Hang a large, dark sheet across your doorway to cover those light leaks around it.

    Half your problem solved. The other…. accept you can’t control their carbon footprint.

    May 26, 2014 at 8:46 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

  • #5   Belaani

    That light would never be off again if I lived there. You’d think that Shit-For-Brains would realize that if he could relate to people as well as causes.

    May 26, 2014 at 8:52 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Wench

      Agreed. Ask me politely to my face, like a normal human, and I’ll happily remember to switch off a light for you. Apparently threaten to cut me and call me a dipshit for such an innocuous action? Well good luck getting me to co-operate with you after that.

      May 28, 2014 at 5:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   dude

      That is an assumption. It sounds like you never had the misfortune to live in apartments with other terrible dwellers, you can have polite conversation with them as much as you want, they will not be considerate.

      Dec 31, 2014 at 9:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #6   Lita bang

    Yeah, I think I’d make sure that light was on 24/7 too, honestly. And I PREFER the dark.

    May 26, 2014 at 9:58 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #7   Daniel

    Does his room not have a door? It should be the easiest thing in the world to simply shut it.

    May 26, 2014 at 11:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   kermit

      Obviously not, hence the reason for the note. A lot of shared student houses (especially in expensive places like Cambridge) have somebody stay in the living room/parlor.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Nic

      The house I used to live in (when I was a kid) had glass panels over the bedroom doorways; I wonder if this might be a similar house. If so, simplest thing for the note-writer would be to get some black paper and cover the panel! Job done; no light to keep you awake.

      (I think the glass panels were supposed to let a little natural light into the windowless hallway, but in practice, they just let the hallway light into all the bedrooms. We habitually kept the hallway light on so that people could find their way to the bathroom without colliding into the bookcase or falling downstairs in the middle of the night, but it was definitely the first bulb in the house to be shifted to a low-energy version when they became available.)

      May 26, 2014 at 1:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Jami

      You mean those windows above the doors? That was a way to let air circulate back when there was no such thing as air conditioning. You’ll see them a lot in buildings built in the 19th century.

      But yeah, he could just put some thick black paper across it. Course then he’d probably whine about killing trees.

      Saving the environment is good. But when someone acts like that all I want to do is start eating huge steak sandwiches in front of them while revving the engine of a big ass SUV.

      May 26, 2014 at 11:40 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   FeRD bang

      A window or vent panel over a doorway is known as a “transom”. Do not ask me how I know this, I have absolutely no idea.

      May 28, 2014 at 6:02 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   The Beast Among Us

      I crawl through transoms all the time.

      May 29, 2014 at 6:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Lab dude

      Is this a transom note?

      May 30, 2014 at 4:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   assiveProgressive

    I assume the light is left on over the landing so people don’t trip on the steps. They could choose a lower-watt bulb or put a motion-sensor there, but no, he would prefer everyone fall on their face for his convenience.

    May 26, 2014 at 11:41 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   kermit

      Meh, most college people have their cell phones surgically attached to themselves, and therefore already have a light source to navigate dark stairs.

      In other words, have some consideration for the person who agreed to live in the living room so that you can have cheaper rent.

      May 26, 2014 at 12:36 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   poopypants

      HA! Surgically attached is for idiots. I use glue so I can keep upgrading!

      May 27, 2014 at 9:34 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #9   Nola

    Team note writer (hopefully a vegan), is it that difficult to turn off the lights? I think the note is quite funny too.

    May 26, 2014 at 11:47 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   kermit

      Well, if you have to get up multiple times a night to turn it off, I suppose that the Mr. Bean solution of shooting the lightbulb does become a very attractive option.

      Wasn’t The Clapper invented precisely because it’s an inconvenience to have to get up to turn off the light?

      May 26, 2014 at 8:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #10   Fayrracuda

    When I lived at my parents’ house, my bedroom was at the end of the hall and there was a lamp on the end table in the living room. Our doors were solid panels, but if that light was left on when I was trying to get to sleep, there was a lot of light spilling in around the crack. A blackout sheet is a good idea, but impractical when the entire door and frame would have to be covered. I sympathize with the note writer.

    May 26, 2014 at 8:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   L

      When I was a kid, my neighbours had a light on the side/back of their house that shone RIGHT into my room. And it was SO bright. I’d put a blanket over the window on top of a blind and a curtain and it still didn’t do as much as I would have liked.

      May 26, 2014 at 9:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Lupin111

    ‘An’ hallway??? ‘An’???

    Team note-writer for knowing how to put a sentence together.

    Also, because adults should know better than to leave lights on all day. I’d remove the light bulb.

    May 26, 2014 at 10:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Mith

      The note is from UK. “An” is written when an oral version of a word starts with a vowel sound. So, we’ve just learned that he says ‘allway, not pronouncing the starting ‘h’ which is a dead give-away of a lower-class. ^)

      May 28, 2014 at 7:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #12   VM

    Ah yes. The entire human race is being killed by a single lightbulb.

    Human death is far more likely to occur from falling down the damn stairs because of an unlighted hallway landing.

    May 27, 2014 at 12:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Tesselara

      Given this guy’s attitude towards his fellow man, it’s not the humans he’s trying to save with the reduction of the carbon footprint.

      May 27, 2014 at 6:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   Raichu

    Team “why the fuck didn’t you just go /talk/ to them about the light, dumbass??”.

    May 27, 2014 at 7:43 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #14   TRT

    That damn Sasquatch walked through the embers of my campfire again last night. Massive carbon footprints all over the camp.

    May 27, 2014 at 7:54 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #15   TRT

    Dear Team Student,
    Would love to comply with your request, but it’s a Health and Safety issue, I’m afraid.
    Yours with love,
    The Keeper, Portland Lighthouse.

    May 27, 2014 at 7:56 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #16   assiveProgressive

    According to 9.1, the sailors can use their damnable cell phones to navigate the rocky passage.

    May 27, 2014 at 8:59 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   K

      Sailors these days are always on their cell phones anyway! Young whippersnappers don’t know what it’s like to have to crash on the rocks and die every time someone turns off the lighthouse.

      May 27, 2014 at 1:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #17   Dave

    The note writer should just steal the lightbulbs. If they don’t get it…take the whole fixture.

    May 27, 2014 at 10:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   goalie

    My new favorite expression, “you’re killing me with climate change”. I may get a T-shirt made of it.

    May 27, 2014 at 12:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      So much better than blinding me with science.

      May 28, 2014 at 7:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Quite Contrary

    Yo Dipshits! is my new favorite email opener.

    May 27, 2014 at 12:58 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #20   The Beast Among Us

    It’s an LED light. Leaving it on creates strawberry fields forever in Africa.

    I understand the principle of trying to conserve energy, but saying that CO2 is emitted by a light bulb just shows how clueless people are.

    May 27, 2014 at 1:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Beast Among Us

      I like lentils and hemp, but I also enjoy a medium rare steak.

      May 27, 2014 at 1:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Tesselara

      mmmm, steak. Carnivores, keep being awesome!

      May 27, 2014 at 6:00 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   H for Toy

      I like outdoor cats.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   kermit

      A side benefit of the environmentalism movement is that if you’re poor you can use to hide being a poor/destitute student (esp. since tuition at UK schools doubled(?)) recently).

      If the kid is really eating only lentils chances are it’s because he’s broke (and maybe in charge of paying the electricity bill for the house), not because he’s an ardent environmentalist.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   H for Toy

    For dinner.

    May 28, 2014 at 2:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      It’s a bit gamey for me.

      May 28, 2014 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   The Beast Among Us

      Cat. The other white meat.

      Actually, cat was the best chicken I ever ate.

      May 29, 2014 at 6:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Mark

    It’s not free like a PA (or AA) note, but here’s a solution: a timer switch with a motion sensor that activates when someone walks in and shuts off after 5 minutes.

    May 29, 2014 at 11:35 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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    May 30, 2014 at 7:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   The Elf

      Oh damn the spammers left the toilet page.

      May 30, 2014 at 7:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up