Writes our submitter in Texas: “We live on a military installation, where the housing is notoriously small and right on top of each other. We’ve gotten to know our neighbors very well, and the author of this note is most likely someone we consider a good friend.”
Our submitter humble-brags that yes, his wife is incredibly attractive, but insists that her clothing isn’t overtly “sexy” — tank tops and shorts, yes, but not crop tops and hot pants. However, he says, “Since we discovered this on Friday, my wife has taken to wearing baggy t-shirts and sweatpants when she’s out in the yard. I don’t blame her one bit.”
Amping up the creepiness factor, our submitter adds that his wife DOES own a pair of pink shoes – but she’s never worn them outside the house.
related: (Don’t fear) the creeper
89 responses so far ↓
#1
kingbuzzie
dude.
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:48 am rating: 90
#2
Amanda
It’s so weird that the jealous wife thinks she has to send this memo through some kind of Official Husband Channel. Wife told husband to tell other husband to tell wife? Either Jealous Wife could have written an anonymous note herself, as her husband ended up doing, and it would have been just as anonymous… or if Husband 1 actually talked to Husband 2, the other wife would know who it was coming from anyway. So why not talk to her directly? Why is this the husbands’ problem?
And anyway, let this fine lady dress however the hell she wants. Whatever.
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:52 am rating: 90
#3
Lisa
“…but she’s never worn them outside the house.”
That he knows of.
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:53 am rating: 90
#4
beedledee
So this is obviously the jealous wife herself writing the letter, right? And trying to make it funny/cool/coming from the husband, so that it doesn’t reflect so badly on her?
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:54 am rating: 90
#5
The Beast Among Us
I know you wanna hit that.
I know you wanna hit that, hit that.
-The Offspring
Jun 9, 2014 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
#6
No.
“Those kids are adopted, right?”
Zing!
Jun 9, 2014 at 12:57 pm rating: 90
#7
deprogrammed
Check the house for hidden cameras.
Jun 9, 2014 at 2:06 pm rating: 90
#8
Ben
Sorry, we’re going to need pics of the wife for verification.
Jun 9, 2014 at 2:12 pm rating: 90
#9
assiveProgressive
Whole things sounds fake to me. No obvious spelling or grammatical mistakes. Legible, probably feminine handwriting. I have an alternate theory, but I’m not sure I want to share it.
Jun 9, 2014 at 3:31 pm rating: 90
#10
Carly
The submitter’s wife composed the note (got someone else to write it out to disguise the handwriting) to make him jealous/appreciate her more.
Jun 9, 2014 at 3:35 pm rating: 90
#11
Lita
“Those kids are adopted, right?!” Way to imply the kids are ugly…
Jun 9, 2014 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
#12
KaylaB
I don’t think it’s meaning that the kids are ugly, but that the wife has maintained an attractive figure even after having multiple kids.
Also, who has shoes they don’t wear outside of the house, aside from slippers??
Pretty sure it is a male writing it, though. It’s really legible, which is rare, but it’s still sloppy enough and isn’t lined up well. I doubt it’s the jealous wife- why would she then turn and say to let the woman to go about dressing “provocatively”, and encourage wearing the pink outfit if she was so self conscious about it?
Jun 9, 2014 at 6:21 pm rating: 90
#13
KaylaB
Plus, he says “the hot pink thing”. If it was written by a woman, tthey’d be able to specify what the article of clothing was. Rarely does anything perplex us into not being able to identify it…
Jun 9, 2014 at 6:24 pm rating: 90
#14
Raichu
“I’m not creepy”
…
Jun 9, 2014 at 9:37 pm rating: 90
#15
kermit
“Trust me, I’m not creepy”
…
Jun 9, 2014 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
#16
Tesselara
Jun 10, 2014 at 6:17 am rating: 90
#17
The Elf
I bet the notewriter wears a yellow hoodie.
Jun 10, 2014 at 7:11 am rating: 90
#18
kermit
Elf, it’s Texas. Nobody wears a (yellow) hoodie unless they want to get shot.
Just ask that moustachioed fellow, Geraldo.
Jun 10, 2014 at 8:44 am rating: 90
#19
passive passive
100% written by neigbbor wife. Evidence:
1. No dude would EVER write a letter that may prevent hot neighbor wife from showing off her hot bod in the future.
2. Dude’s dont p.s.
3. Not dude handwriting
My guess is the neighbor wife caught the neighbor husband looking at the hotty next door, became enraged with jealousy and wrote this letter in retribution.
Jun 10, 2014 at 10:32 am rating: 90
#20
Lil'
This reminds me of a story my coworkers still tease me about…I had an extremely hot neighbor who loved to wear her bikini instead of regular clothes. She would sometimes change into her bikini at work, put the top down on her convertible and drive home that way. She would even water her outdoor plants in her cotton panties and a tank top. We actually became really good friends over the course of a couple of years and our kids played together daily. I promise I had no jealousy issues, but my husband had become the master of appearing to keep his eyes up. One day I was inside doing my housework while my husband was watering the lawn and allowing my then three-year-old son to get wet with the water hose. I heard my son laughing for a while but I noticed soon that there were more laughing voices. I walked into the living room to look through the open blinds and I found my husband holding the hose as my son, her daughter AND my bikini-clad neighbor frolicked in the water. My husband looked frozen in place and extremely uncomfortable as if he didn’t know how to get out of this situation alive, but my death glare probably had a lot to do with that. The best part is that I was dressed in sweats and a head scarf. Picture it…I’m standing in front of the window in sweats and a head scarf while my hot neighbor is running around on my lawn in a sexy bikini. I laugh about it now but at the time I’m sure I acted like the female equivalent of that guy from the commercial who accidentally showered in his wife’s Summer’s Eve and spent the rest of the day being extra manly.
Jun 10, 2014 at 11:42 am rating: 90
#21
Daisykins
Okay I have it. Hear me out.
The husband of the jealous wife is a closet homosexual. His wife has been super jealous and insecure about ALL other women because she hardly ever gets touched by her husband.
Which explains the “matching shoes” and the handwriting. It also explains the need to express the fact that he feels he needs to add that he “appreciates a fine looking woman” and knows what stripper shoes are – just one of the guys – Yo (insert manly handgrab with shoulder barge here)!
This guy should just come on out, then his wife doesn’t need to be jealous of other women and sexy neighbour wife at #7 can continue to dress how the hell she likes and avoid a beating from her husband for prancing around outside in “stripper shoes”. Seriously, this isn’t a PAN this is a complete trainwreck.
Next we hear sexy wife at #7 starts binging on high fructose corn syrup, stops showering, stops spending time outside and becomes addicted to online forums.
Shudders…depressing stuff.
Jun 11, 2014 at 3:55 am rating: 90
#22
santos
This is most likely written by the wife, sure, but the REASON the wife is writing it is because her hubby won’t shut up about how hot the neighbor is. It’s OK to say “such and such is attractive” but to stare at them out the window when they’re in their yard, that’s getting to the creepy point, for sure.
Jun 11, 2014 at 11:14 am rating: 90
#23
ramentastic
I’m surprised at how many people are gender stereotyping handwriting … I’ve seen men write in a “feminine” way. I’ve seen women with “manly” chicken scratch. It wasn’t that long ago that fancy cursive was the norm for both sexes.
Just saying.
Jun 11, 2014 at 11:20 pm rating: 90
#24
kermit
Aren’t they draconian about rules of conduct and everything on military installations, though?
I mean since you’re technically on army property, and not your own house, don’t they run just about every aspect of your life, spouse or not?
Jun 14, 2014 at 3:19 am rating: 91
#25
Squilax
That does *not* look like a dude’s writing, in the least.
Jun 14, 2014 at 9:25 am rating: 91
#26
NeenerBeeners
If you must convince everyone your not a creeper by saying you aren’t then you probably are…..just sayin’ you let the rest of the note speak for itself.
Jun 17, 2014 at 1:47 pm rating: 91
#27
NeenerBeeners
If you must convince everyone your not a creeper by saying you aren’t then you probably are…..just sayin’ you let the rest of the note speak for itself. Plus misc creepy stain in the corner of the note….
Jun 17, 2014 at 1:49 pm rating: 91
#28
notolaf
Given the pink shoes touch – I’d say call the cops.
Jun 18, 2014 at 9:12 pm rating: 91
#29
Michelle Sandoval
Total creepiness! But then again, I’m just jealous. If one of my male neighbors wrote that note for my husband, it would read something like, “Can’t you get her to do something with her hair?” Or “Tell her the cutoffs would be hot if there wasn’t a mustard stain on the left butt cheek.”
Jun 24, 2014 at 9:57 am rating: 91
#30
SkippyMom
This is SO written by a woman. No doubt. First – I have never seen a man with hand writing [print] that legible and clean.
The wife is clearly peeved that her husband finds other military wife sexy and has made numerous comments regarding her clothing and shoes, not having noticed herself [hence the vague reference to "pink thing"] but tried to outwit them all by playing the “buddy” card.
I don’t know what else to make of it, but? I don’t blame the pink stripped shoe wearing hottie wife for wearing sweats out of the house, even if the other couple was “kidding”.
Seriously – the handwriting gives this away.
Aug 1, 2014 at 12:48 am rating: 91
#31
Helene
That handwriting looks EXACTLY like my ex-boyfriend’s, so it could certainly be male handwriting. Also the pink thing with the string? That did not strike me as a fashion-conscious thing to say.
Oct 4, 2014 at 3:47 am rating: 91
#32
Susan
Definitely a guy writing this. And no wonder the poor woman is creeped out. I definitely would be too…it is a creepy person that wrote it! Also, the knowledge of the shoes shows it’s someone they know. Terrible!
Oct 27, 2014 at 1:42 am rating: 91
#33
Heather
My suspicion is that there is an affair going on here. I mean…the husband of the “hottie” says that she has never wore those pink shoes outside of the house. So, is it possible that the other guy has seen them up close and personal…as in when she prances around in them for HIM. Maybe the other woman has good reason to be jealous. Either way, I think the note is funny….not creepy…..
Nov 12, 2014 at 11:19 am rating: 91
#34
cookware
Best of all, this oven (like all our wood-fire pizza ovens at Outback Pizza Ovens) comes to you assembled.
Crayon marks on the wall will come off with a
paste made of equal parts baking soda and water, as per the Brilho services experts.
Couverture chocolate, which contains at least 32 percent cocoa butter, works great in a chocolate fountain.
Jun 12, 2015 at 10:26 am rating: 91
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