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The taking tree

July 10th, 2014 · 54 comments

Our submitter lives in a group of eight cottages in Alameda, California. She writes: “One of my neighbors, Mark, has a lemon tree and he always tells everyone to ‘Help themselves!’ However, last week, someone took the last lemon — which really upset Mark. A couple hours later, we noticed what looked like a peach on the lemon tree.”

The Taking Tree

related: The right to bear fruit

FILED UNDER: California · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · neighbors

54 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Fattypants

    When life takes your lemons…leave passive aggressive peaches?

    Jul 10, 2014 at 12:42 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Wench

      Or just do what those damn Shelbyville people did and STEAL THE LEMON TREE!

      Jul 10, 2014 at 9:27 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #2   FeRD bang

    At least Mark didn’t forbid picking fruit entirely, merely asked that people check with him first. That’s quite fair, and awfully nice.

    That Mark’s a real peach!

    Jul 10, 2014 at 12:50 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   kermit

      Well, considering that a citrus tree disease has resulted in the quadrupling the price of limes and almost doubling the price of lemons, I’d say that Mark is really nice to give fruit away for free.

      Jul 10, 2014 at 2:59 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   AreYouSerious

      Uh, yeah that is not why limes are expensive right now. It’s because the drug cartels have been hijacking lime shipments. You see, when Colorado legalized pot, they no longer had a drug to sell and started stealing limes. That’s not a joke. That’s freakanomics at work. That’s cute though. Disease. Ha. That might be part of it, but that’s not the whole story.

      Jul 15, 2014 at 11:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   The Elf

      Because the other 49 states + DC don’t use any pot whatsoever and thus have zero market. Totally makes sense, AreYouSerious?

      Jul 15, 2014 at 11:26 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   kermit

      Actually, the drug cartel angle has been spread by reputable news outlets like CBC and less reputable ones like the NY Daily News, in no small part because the Mexican cartels have such neat names like the Knights Templar. Some Mexican cartels have taken control of some lime farms. The citrus tree disease is actually real (huanglongling), and it’s spreading. So when you put it all together, hijacking farms that have soon to be diseased citrus trees isn’t a winning strategy.

      Jul 15, 2014 at 12:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Ace of Space

    And thus the first Pemon was born.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 1:27 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Poltergeist

      I prefer “Leach.”

      If you told people you had a tree full of leaches, nobody would ever steal fruit from you again!

      Jul 10, 2014 at 5:43 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   H for Toy

      Jul 11, 2014 at 9:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   AuntyBron

      Liches. Mmmm tasty undead fruit.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 5:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   Helen Without The H

    The forbidden fruit tastes sweeter and makes us smarter.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 1:28 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #5   Lita bang

    Be careful he doesn’t use those lemons to blow up your house.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 2:10 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Roto13

      I understand this reference.

      Jul 10, 2014 at 2:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Otakinator

      I think his neighbors ought to be safe, for now.

      Alarms should only be going off if he starts trying to kick off an engineering firm.

      Jul 10, 2014 at 4:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   pooham

      I don’t. :(

      Jul 10, 2014 at 4:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Lita bang

      Portal 2 reference, pooham. :)

      Jul 10, 2014 at 5:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Roto13

      All right, I’ve been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons; what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down… with the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

      Jul 10, 2014 at 9:58 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   DaveS

      When life gives you lemons … find someone who life gave tequila to, and make margaritas together!

      Jul 11, 2014 at 4:05 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   assiveProgressive

      When life gives you lemons, pretend they are limes and drink a lot of tequila.

      Jul 12, 2014 at 1:22 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #6   Roundredhead

    Yum, Passive Aggressive Fruit – tickles your funny bone and has extra fiber.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 2:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   AuntyBron

      That is quite pithy, Red

      Jul 17, 2014 at 5:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   AuntyBron

      what a pithy comment, Red

      Jul 17, 2014 at 6:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   pooham

    Next thing you know Mark will have lemon trees that swat your fruit-picking hands away, just like in the Wizard of Oz.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 2:29 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   assiveProgressive

      When I first saw Wizard of Oz, I thought those trees were scary. Almost as bad as the flying monkeys.

      Jul 10, 2014 at 10:53 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #8   Quite Contrary


    Jul 10, 2014 at 4:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   Lil'

    I have a similar sign on my fruit. “Ask Lil’ before squeezing melons.” It’s just the polite thing to do.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 6:44 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   TKD

      Lil’ may I squeeze your melons?

      Jul 11, 2014 at 8:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Lita bang

      Dang it TKD, you beat me to it. :P

      Jul 11, 2014 at 5:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   assiveProgressive

      May I just stare at them?

      Jul 12, 2014 at 1:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   Lita bang

      aP, you sound a little melon-choly. ;)

      Jul 12, 2014 at 8:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   assiveProgressive

      Alas, my search for something tart is fruitless.

      Jul 12, 2014 at 11:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   Wendy Jane

    You don’t take the last one of something that isn’t yours – the person was being rude.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 7:28 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   JoDa

      I agree. Team Mark. My neighbors have 3 peach trees and I LOVE peaches. They’ve told me to help myself (they have *3* trees for 2 residents of the home), but I limit myself. And when I didn’t take “enough” last year, they left a big box for me on my porch when the trees had to be picked clean or rot. They got a peach pie (crumb topping and home-made caramel drizzle, even :)) in return, and I had frozen peaches for, like, 2 months (plus a couple of my own pies). Neighborly winning occurs when you let the owner set the limits. :)

      Jul 10, 2014 at 8:11 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   The Elf

      Yup, Lemon-pickers ruined it for everyone by taking the last. I bet Mark is going to be less free with his fruit from now on.

      Jul 11, 2014 at 7:12 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Iwill FindU

      I wanna live next door to you JoDa those pies sound to good. I wonder what you could do with 2 yogurt containers of strawberries and I get every day for the whole summer?

      Jul 11, 2014 at 12:57 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Jami

    What’s with all the lemon references? That’s either an apricot or a peach.

    Jul 10, 2014 at 7:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Ana

      you clearly didn’t read the description above.

      Jul 11, 2014 at 12:53 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   The Elf

      It’s okay, Jami! We think you’re a real peach anyway.

      Jul 11, 2014 at 11:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Jami

      I haven’t been sleeping well – again. :-/

      Jul 11, 2014 at 6:38 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Lita bang

      *hugs* I sympathize, Jami. Sleep? What is sleep? :|

      Jul 11, 2014 at 9:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Jami

      I swear if I have many more nightmares and interrupted sleep I’m going to start writing PANs to the Sandman.

      Jul 12, 2014 at 12:29 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #12   jugstopper

    Portal 2 – Cave Johnson’s Lemon Rant

    Jul 10, 2014 at 7:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   TKD

    This whole situation is the pits. :-(

    Jul 11, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Dane Zeller

      TKD, I believe you’ve been arrested before here for the use of bad puns. You got a lot of attention for it. Indeed you got a whole string of comments. I’m not complaining about it. That would be…sour grapes.

      Jul 11, 2014 at 10:22 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Lita bang

      Sorry Dane, I believe the punning stems from the fruits of my labor. But I must say, TKD really is the apple of my eye when it comes to puns!

      Jul 11, 2014 at 5:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   TKD

      Well Lita, orange you just sweet!

      Jul 14, 2014 at 6:16 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   TKD

      My apologies Dane, but it is so hard to pass up the low hanging fruit.

      Jul 14, 2014 at 6:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #14   girlwithknife

    Is anyone wondering how Mark affixed this peach to his tree?

    Jul 11, 2014 at 12:57 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #15   Pants Go Brown

    Needs comic sans font then A OK.

    Jul 11, 2014 at 1:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   deprogrammed

    I have what was a dwarf lemon tree. At some point the graft must have split, and now it looks like three distinct trees growing from a common trunk. We get round lemons, oval oranges and loranges – round orange outside, lemon pulp inside. I’m as confused as the tree.

    Jul 11, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   LittleBirdy

      That’s kind of awesome. I wish my climate was warm enough for citrus trees!

      Jul 11, 2014 at 7:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Dana

      Talk about a split personality.

      Jul 12, 2014 at 1:26 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #17   Jaynor

    Those lemons were fucking delicious.

    Jul 16, 2014 at 12:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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