In the news: Passive-aggressive watermelon carving?

July 15th, 2014 · 47 comments

Butcher Knife in Watermelon

A Connecticut man was arrested last night for allegedly slicing a watermelon in a passive-aggressive manner. According to the police report, the woman said she felt the man was resorting to “passive-aggressive” tactics to “intimidate her because he is angry at her.” According to the Register-Citizen:

The woman…was greeted by the sight of a watermelon, pierced by Cervillino’s large butcher knife, sitting on the kitchen counter top, police said. Cervillino walked in seconds later, and without saying anything, began slicing pieces of the watermelon.

Now, this site is notoriously loose in our working definition of “passive-aggressive,” but I’d call that just plain menacing. How about you?

(Thanks to Matt in D.C. for tipping us off to the story, and to Michael Kappel on Flickr for the photo!)

related: “Watermelon, watermelon, mofo, watermelon” will not work anymore

 

FILED UNDER: Connecticut · more aggressive than passive


47 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Rachel

    I must be dense because absent other comments or looks etc, I’d just assume he’d been about to cut the watermelon, got interupted, and then returned.

    Jul 15, 2014 at 2:33 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   JT

      Maybe with what’s written on the watermelon? Might be implying the watermelon is her, always babbling on.

      Jul 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   DaveS

      Let’s hope she never goes to a Gallagher show. He’ll get life without parole!

      Jul 17, 2014 at 2:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   sally

      WOW, can you imagine a woman getting arrested for putting a knife into a watermelon. Never happen. pol. correctness strikes again.

      Aug 5, 2014 at 4:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Lita bang

    Mmmmm, I love me some aggressive watermelon.

    (In all seriousness, I think watermelons just BEG to be stabbed. I seem to be unable to slice a watermelon without first stabbing it. Take that as you will…)

    Jul 15, 2014 at 2:40 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      We buy watermelons specifically for slicing with swords. Then I make sauce/marinade/salsa out of what is left.

      The melons are asking for it.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 12:45 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   pooham

      Or smashed.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 12:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   TKD

      For several days now my daughter has been asking me to cut a watermelon for her. Last night I walked into the kitchen to find the watermelon looking exactly like the one in the picture. My response, I pulled the knife out and gave the watermelon several stress relieving stabs before I started slicing. We both laughed.

      Yes, the melon was definitely looking for trouble.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 2:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Rebecca

    “Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it’s head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.”

    Jack Handy

    Jul 15, 2014 at 3:51 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   JT

      Ha ha, perfect!

      Jul 15, 2014 at 4:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   kermit

      That just seems like a waste of a perfectly good pumpkin on somebody you don’t even like. Dog poop or stinky raw fish placed strategically near air vents or open windows are far better. And it lasts longer because they have to spend the time looking for the smell.

      Jul 15, 2014 at 4:11 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Lita bang

      Shrimp shells in the curtain rods. They’ll take the smell with them even if they move.

      Jul 15, 2014 at 7:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   pooham

    What? How often do people cook angrily? Chopping vegetables with a KNIFE! Cooking with FIRE! BOILING water!

    Be sure you are not having argument with your spouse/roommate when you are preparing food.

    Jul 15, 2014 at 4:30 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   kermit

      Listen up brothers and sisters, come hear my desperate tale
      I speak of our friends of nature, trapped in the dirt like a jail
      Vegetables live in oppresion, served on our tables each night
      The killing of veggies is madness, I say we take up the fight
      Salads are only for murderers, cole slaw’s a fascist regime
      Don’t think that they don’t have feelings, just cuz a radish can’t scream
      I’ve heard the screams of the vegetables (scream scream
      scream)
      Watching their skins being peeled (Having their insides
      revealed)
      Grated and steamed with no mercy (burning off calories)
      How do you think that feels (bet it hurts really bad)
      Carrot Juice constitutes murder (and that’s a real crime)
      Greenhouses prisons for slaves (let my vegetables grow)
      It’s time to stop all this gardening (it’s as dirty as hell)
      Let’s call a spade a spade (is a spade is a spade…)
      I saw a man eating celery, so I beat him black and blue
      If he ever touches a sprout again, I’ll bite him clean in two
      I’m a political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage
      ’cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing three men in a rage
      I told the judge when he sentenced me, this is my finest hour
      I’d kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower

      Jul 15, 2014 at 6:30 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   sally

      The woman was in fact being the aggressor by using the pol correct power that is given to women.

      Aug 5, 2014 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   sally

      a woman would never be arrested for this. never

      Aug 5, 2014 at 4:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   assiveProgressive

    Corn, lemons and watermelon — by these a passive-aggressive man can live alone. But not next to a farm.

    Jul 16, 2014 at 12:40 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Poltergeist

    This story confuses me. What is the relationship between this man and this woman? Do they live together? Unless this guy broke into her house and waited for her to get home so he could “menacingly” carve a watermelon in front of her, this sounds like a case of a paranoid, unstable women just looking to cause trouble.

    What were these idiot cops thinking when they arrested this guy?

    Jul 16, 2014 at 1:47 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   catethulhu

    She sounds like a lunatic. I hope she goes to jail for filing a false report.

    Jul 16, 2014 at 5:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   blueknight1st

    Please. It sounds to me like all this guy did was cut up a watermelon around a mentally unbalanced woman.

    Jul 16, 2014 at 6:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   TKD

    At least now I know why Lil’ wouldn’t allow me to squeeze her melons :-(

    Jul 16, 2014 at 7:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Lil'

      Well, the chainsaw WAS a bit much.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 10:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   TKD

      I was, uh… cutting down some trees and, uh… forgot to set it down. Yeah. I wasn’t really trying to menace your melons. Really, yeah. Um… nice melons?

      Jul 17, 2014 at 6:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   TRT

    The complainant was a Miss Melanie Waters…

    Jul 16, 2014 at 8:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Ace of Space

      I see what you did there. Clever.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 9:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   hbc

    Are all the people saying the woman is crazy actually looking at the picture? He drew her face on the watermelon with her going “Blah blah blah”, then proceeded to carve her up in effigy while she was in the room.

    It’s not a problem to cut up fruit around someone with whom you’re arguing, it’s understandable to make a little voodoo doll and take out some aggression on it, but you don’t combine the two unless you’re trying to scare the crap out of someone. (Or you’re a very secure couple with a shared twisted sense of humor.)

    Jul 16, 2014 at 9:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   v

      I am not entirely sure the picture goes with the story

      Jul 16, 2014 at 9:47 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   v

      Yeah, it doesn’t–picture is unrelated https://www.flickr.com/photos/m-i-k-e/5822888368/

      Jul 16, 2014 at 9:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   hbc

      Then I shamefully issue a retraction, though I still think it’s possible to menace someone without pointing the knife in their direction. Shouldn’t stand up in court without witnesses, but….

      Jul 17, 2014 at 11:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Lil'

    Just curious…has anyone else noticed that Word of the Day has turned into Word of the Month?

    Jul 16, 2014 at 2:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lita bang

      I’d noticed, too. Seems as if the PANs come in a little less frequently as well. Hrm.

      Jul 16, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Kerry bang

      Sorry, guys. Trying to balance full-time work + grad school has been tough.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 3:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Kerry bang

      Sorry, guys. Trying to balance full-time work + grad school has been tough.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 3:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Kerry bang

      Sorry, guys. Trying to balance full-time work + grad school has been tough.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 3:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   Tesselara

      Yeah, it is! You’re awesome. What are you mastering?

      Jul 18, 2014 at 2:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Ajax

    Watch out, residents of Thomaston. Don’t let the police catch you biting the heads of Pepperidge Farm Ginger Man cookies or–worse–Gummy Bears.

    Jul 16, 2014 at 5:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   AuntyBron

      Not to mention Chocolate Easter Bunnies.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 5:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Unruly Unicorn

    My brother was once cutting down overgrown tree and bush leaves with a machete in his back yard while his girlfriend and he were arguing. She accused him of threatening her with his machete, which he denied, and then tensions heated up! So he was arrested. This was the day after the Sept 11 attacks and he was charged with… terrorism! I guess people have to be careful with the way they cut their weeds and their watermelons. Must have something to do with W words…

    Jul 16, 2014 at 7:08 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Unruly Unicorn

    My brother was once cutting down overgrown tree and bush leaves with a machete in his back yard while his girlfriend and he were arguing.

    She accused him of threatening her with his machete, which he denied, and then tensions heated up, with her insisting he threatened her and him insisting he hadn’t.

    So he was arrested. This was the day after the Sept 11 attacks and he was charged with… TERRORISM! (I’m not kidding.) (Straight Face.)

    I guess people have to be careful with the way they cut their weeds and their watermelons. Must have something to do with W words that brings out the cWazy in people!

    Jul 16, 2014 at 7:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   v

      It was probably “making terrorist threats” which is an old phrase just meaning “threatening to harm” and unrelated to terrorism per se.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 3:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   assiveProgressive

    There was an old tree I was sick of looking at, so I just blasted away with my trusty machine gun, and wouldn’t you know it, they up and arrested me. Called me all kinds of names and threatened to take away my stash of guns under the trailer. Well, well, I have friends in high places and I managed to get my freedom. But I was so darned mad I could have just stabbed every watermelon in the U.S. of A.!!

    Jul 16, 2014 at 7:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Rachel

    Am I the only one who read the associated article? I’ve been in a situation like that and I was f@#%ing terrified. She’s not me, and maybe she is mentally unstable and was reading too much into it, but it’s horrifying that people automatically dismiss her like this.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 1:19 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   catethulhu

      Yeah, I read it and normally in these situations I’m wondering what else there is to the story, and would give the benefit of the doubt. Intimidation can be really subtle and I get that; I’ve been there too. But it really just sounds like she’s out to get him. She took drugs out of his tool box (supposedly) but the bottle had her name on it? That sounds suspiciously like she’s unstable and trying to set him up to me. I’m willing to accept I could be totally wrong, but it just sounds off.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 3:44 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Akheady

    That part of America seems to be having a lot of issues. Case in point….
    http://www.registercitizen.com/general-news/20140714/torrington-woman-charged-with-spitting-on-police?source=topstoriesrot

    Jul 20, 2014 at 1:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Eliavy

      Spitting on people is considered assault and battery. I believe it’s also attempted murder if the person doing the spitting has AIDS.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up