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Stand down, wedding guests

July 17th, 2014 · 111 comments

Spotted at a wedding in Texas. Says our submitter, “The food was BBQ. The DJ never made the announcement for seconds.”

Stand down, wedding guests


related: The bride will be accepting gifts

FILED UNDER: food · Texas · weddings and bridezillas

111 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Eliavy

    It’s better than spending more on a wedding than for a house, in my opinion. Unless, of course, the bride and groom did spend that much.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 4:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #2   Haterade

    Team bride and groom, actually… the nonprofit I volunteer for has a barbecue every year, and every year some people try to grab as many hot dogs and hamburgers as they can on the first pass. This isn’t a big deal when we have a low turnout like this year, but in other years people at the end of the line have had to go without.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 4:07 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      There’s something about “free food” that turns some people into pigs. I’m a big eater, I love good food, but I just don’t get the piggishness that seems to come out at events like that.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:11 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Kiskia

      Keep in mind, this is a Texas BBQ which means brisket, maybe sausage and pulled pork. Not hamburgers and hot dogs. The food is slow smoked and takes hours to make. If someone empties it before everyone gets a chance to get a first serving then more can’t just be tossed on the grill.

      However, most “buffet style” receptions that I’ve been to with a food limit had servers as people went along the line to help with portion control.

      Jul 31, 2014 at 5:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   Roto13

    Can’t decide between a sit-down meal and a buffet? Try this for the worst of both worlds!

    Jul 17, 2014 at 4:22 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   AF

      A friend of mine went to the wedding of a good friend, which was “catered” by some of the bride’s relatives, but took place at a very nice resort.

      Well, the meal (and only food served) was spaghetti and salad, and they ran out of everything before half the guests had eaten. This wasn’t a case of people being pigs – it wasn’t a buffet – it was a case of the “caterers” probably pocketing the majority of the money given to them to buy food.

      Sep 5, 2014 at 11:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   Christina

    Team bride & groom. I work at a bed and breakfast, and we serve breakfast buffet style, and there’s always some jackass that thinks he’s at Golden Corral and takes 5 pieces of quiche (which takes an hour to cook, so it’s not like I can just whip up another one when one person eats 5 servings). Some people’s parents obviously never taught them that you don’t go back for more food until everyone has had at least one serving.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 4:29 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Though it’s worth noting that this sign might not actually address the problem. All you’re doing with it is encouraging people to pile their plates high.

      If you want to control portions at an event like this, the best way is to use servers.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 6:43 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jessica

    Team guest. If you can’t afford to feed your wedding guests, trim the guest list, not the food.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 5:11 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   rushgirl2112

      So couples should start cutting friends and possibly family out so they can accommodate a few jackasses who don’t understand the basic concept of letting everyone have a chance to get some food before having extra?

      If this were a plated meal, guests would get only one plate with a moderate portion. If that’s reasonable, then I don’t see why the amount of food per person should be higher just because guests serve themselves instead of having it handed to them.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 6:12 pm   rating: 74  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   RedDelicious

      Why would you invite people that are that much of a jerk to your wedding? It’s your wedding, your friends, your family, and you can keep it as small as you want or need to. There’s no rule that says you have to invite your aunt’s boss and let him eat as much as they want. You don’t even have to invite all of your family, especially if you can’t feed them all. Either the caterer is overcharging and undercooking, or it’s just bad guest list management.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 6:59 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   poopypants

      I’m a really fast eater normally. I’m not racing, I just naturally eat at a pace nobody can keep up with. If I get my food before everyone else I can understand waiting for everyone to get some before I have seconds (it’s a party, I’m going to want to overeat, but I don’t HAVE to). But how do I KNOW when everyone’s had firsts? How am I supposed to keep track of all the wedding guests, and making sure everyone has had a chance? Plus buffets don’t always lend themselves to getting adequate food on the first run (sometimes they have small plates!).

      I’m not siding with the guest or the bridge and groom on this one, but I do kind of lean towards “If you can’t feed everyone at your party, maybe invite a few less people……Or get em good and liquored up”

      Jul 17, 2014 at 8:26 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   rushgirl2112

      “But how do I KNOW when everyone’s had firsts?”

      Most buffet dinners I’ve been to have involved everyone rushing up the second dinner is announced and getting in line. Once the line gets short, you can assume everyone’s been up. If they still haven’t, well . . . you snooze you lose.

      The better, larger ones organize going up to the buffet by having just a few tables go up at a time – that way, nobody has to stand in line and it’s clear when everyone’s been served.

      It sounds to me like the party most at fault here is the DJ for not making the announcement, or whoever was responsible for telling/reminding the DJ. Unless it’s because there wasn’t enough food left.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 8:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   rushgirl2112

      “Why would you invite people that are that much of a jerk to your wedding? It’s your wedding, your friends, your family, and you can keep it as small as you want or need to. There’s no rule that says you have to invite your aunt’s boss and let him eat as much as they want. ”

      Um, immediate family can be inconsiderate/oblivious as well. Not inviting, say, your sister’s husband or your MIL to your wedding is not a socially acceptable option. Certainly much less so than a reasonably polite sign. People who are offended by that sign are the ones who feel it’s directed at them. Are they really going to be less offended by not being invited at all?

      Jul 17, 2014 at 8:52 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   Jessica

      When one serves a buffet, it is reasonable to expect that several or many people will over indulge. This isn’t rocket science.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 1:41 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   Jessica

      When one serves a buffet, it is reasonable to expect that several or many people will over indulge. This isn’t rocket science.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 1:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Jessica

      Oh, oops, looks like I hit the buffet line twice! Mea culpa.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 1:47 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   kermit

      The problem is that (cheap) American restaurants have trained people to expect obscene quantities of food on their plates and the expectation that of course you can get a second helping if you want to. (Ever notice how the more expensive a restaurant gets the less food you get on your plate?).

      Portion sizes should be no bigger than whatever amount can fit in your palms. If you still want to eat after eating that much then you’re either eating empty calories or have a food addiction disorder. Eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re no longer hungry. Sheesh.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 6:59 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #5.10   The Elf

      But it’s so tasty!

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:09 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.11   kermit

      Isn’t that why refrigerators were invented, Elf? To store the delicious and tasty food until you’re hungry again?

      Jul 18, 2014 at 11:15 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.12   AreYouSerious

      Wow, you’re a jackass. You’re probably one of those assholes that takes waaaay more food than they can probably even eat before other people have had any.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 11:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.13   HeyThereFATTY

      You probably need to go on a diet, Jessica.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 3:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.14   Poltergeist

      Hey AreYouSerious/HeyThereFatty, you’re being a huge bitch. Just thought I should let you know since you’re probably blissfully unaware.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 4:26 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #5.15   Kay

      The fuck are some of your problems? I only managed to fit like ten blueberries in my palm today, is that supposed to be a third of what I eat today? Yeah, stop eating when you’re not hungry, but I don’t think I’m going to let Dr. Kermit, PhD diagnose me with an eating disorder because I have small hands.

      Fatty, Kermit, and Serious: Not everyone who has a keyboard and access to WebMD is a doctor, so stop being assholes to women you don’t know about their weight because they disagreed with you on the internet. Go outside for five minutes and get over yourselves.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 10:18 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #5.16   L

      I have, like, TINY hands. Like child sized hands. I’ll just go ahead and eat those FOUR GRAPES that can fit in my hand. That’ll be healthy!

      Jul 21, 2014 at 10:20 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.17   Jessica

      It’s a matter of social contract. I buy you shower and wedding gifts, you feed me and get me drunk. Anything less threatens to tear at the very fabric of society and hasten the demise of civilization itself.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 4:09 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #5.18   Chuckles

      So the bride and groom are going to alienate some of their friends and family because you were too much of a pig to settle for less than an all you can eat buffet? Screw off.

      Jul 28, 2014 at 11:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.19   Jessica

      If they’re in that much turmoil, they do have the option of serving a seated dinner.

      Aug 13, 2014 at 2:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.20   AF

      @L: you need to bring a feed basket with you where ever you go, sweetie! You and your tiny little hands need all the fuel you can get!

      Sep 5, 2014 at 11:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   Stupid Flanders

    I can see both sides on this one. Take one of each, and pass it along, don’t be a selfish pig. On the other hand, ALWAYS over estimate the amount of food that you’ll need or trim your invites- always better to have too much food (at least you can feed your drunk relatives with the leftovers) than not enough.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 6:11 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Hyacinth

      It really was on the caterer to make sure there was enough. I have never had a catered event that ran out of food.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Hyacinth

      It really was on the caterer to make sure there was enough. I have never had a catered event that ran out of food. BUt maybe they self-catered. In which case, it might have been nice to have a couple of friends volunteer to dish up the portions.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 9:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   JoDa

      ^A couple of friends or a couple of servers. Plated meals are expensive because of the quantity of staff needed to serve/clear. Most of the buffet *events* I go to have a handful of servers behind the line that dish up portions to the guests. Portion control without paying through the nose for staff = everyone wins. Plus it comes off as being “nicer” than serve yourself, not stingy.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 5:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   dave

      ^ Plus it comes off as being “nicer” than serve yourself, not stingy.

      It comes off as being nicer, or it feels like a prison canteen. One or the other…

      Jul 24, 2014 at 6:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   Nahhh bang

    I always eat before I go to a wedding. But I leave room for cake. :)

    Jul 17, 2014 at 8:47 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #8   LittleBirdy

    Oh, man. I’m planning my wedding currently, and we’re doing a buffet. This post and the comments are giving me anxiety >.<

    Jul 17, 2014 at 8:51 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   buni

      Congratulations Birdy! I had a buffet at my wedding and didn’t hear of any food-related problems. But, I did have one uninvited guest, guests who ignored the seating plan I had agonized over and a server who told me I couldn’t have a slice of my own cake because I wasn’t seated at a table. When the wedding party got up to mingle between dinner and dessert, the banquet hall staff took our table down, so we couldn’t go back to sit.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:31 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Lainey

      Just had our own wedding reception with a buffet dinner. We had a few guests that got food early and PILED it on. We got lucky that there was enough food to barely go around because the 5 people who RSVP’d late and we added extra food for never showed up. Always plan for more food, some people really are pigs. God speed, friend.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 1:15 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Iwill FindU

      At my wedding I had a few ladies dish out the food at the buffet line. Keeps people from going nuts and pigging out on the first run when they’re not being given the serving spoon. Let people goes nuts with the seconds but allow for there to be seconds.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 2:40 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   The Elf

      I recently attended a wedding reception where they had servers at the buffet. If you indicated you wanted some of this dish, they put a designated amount on. You could easily ask for a second serving – the person in front of me asked for two peices of chicken – but you have to ask. The process of asking would naturally cut down on a lot of the bigger buffet problems.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 11:04 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   JoDa

      Seconded servers, as noted above. Also, point of order, maybe consider not taking multiple servings of “special” foods if you don’t have dietary restrictions. I’m lucky that all of the weddings I’ve been to, I’ve either been in the wedding or close enough to the couple to be seated at one of the early tables to eat, as there are a number of things I don’t eat and those I do the couple always seems to order less of (fish and vegetarian options). I bullied my SIL into ordering separate served plates for the vegetarians (all three of them) at her wedding, noting that people in the early groups will hog the limited veggie option and then they’ll get a salad and green beans and cake (aaaaaand alcohol poisoning, because that is NOT enough to keep you from getting wasted). I’ve seen far too many starving vegetarians/pescatarians/people with allergies at buffet events because the couple ordered enough for 20 or 30 people and half of the 100+ guests took one or more servings of the “alternative” dish before the people it was ordered for could get to it.

      I mean, it’s there, take a little if you want, but don’t eat a serving of the Wellington AND two scoops of the eggplant lasagna.

      Or maybe the couples should order more or do plates. I dunno. I have no dog in this fight.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   Kupo

      This is giving me anxiety about my upcoming wedding, too. But now I know to plan for extra food and I was already planning on having those with allergies and special diets get the first dibs. And I plan on asking which food options people prefer in the rsvp so that we don’t end up with people disappointed they didn’t get the one they wanted. (The groom and I have very different ideas about what food we want, so we’re going with two caterers.)

      Aug 7, 2014 at 8:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   Poltergeist

    I guess my definition of a buffet differs from others, but I personally don’t see what the hell the point of a buffet is if you don’t actually give your guests the freedom to get up and get some more food themselves. If you have to get permission like a child to go up for seconds, then I don’t consider that a buffet.

    If you’re going to do a buffet, do it the right way. Otherwise, do a sit-down dinner.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 9:16 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   AreYouSerious

      It’s so that people can pick their meat and sides as they go, instead of having to fill out a “chicken” or “steak” option on the RSVP.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 12:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   buni

      As a vegetarian, I much prefer buffets where I can skip the meat and load up on the veggies instead of asking for a special meal to be prepared for me, or eating before I go to the event and just sitting there while everyone else eats.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 1:44 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   funnygirl

      My wedding was 14 years ago, maybe this has changed since then, but my husband and I opted for buffet style because it was cheaper–allowing us to afford to invite more guests. Buffet was $20 per plate and sit-down was almost double that. At our venue they had servers stationed along the buffet line, and the owner carved the prime rib himself, I suppose that was to ensure the appropriate servings ended up on the plates. Wedding buffet is different than The Golden Corral, and as the letter writer says, it’s not all you can eat.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:36 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   rushgirl2112

      “I personally don’t see what the hell the point of a buffet is if you don’t actually give your guests the freedom to get up and get some more food themselves”

      The point is convenience and lower cost, which enables the bride and groom to invite more people.

      I still don’t see why having a buffet vs. plated entitles you to receive more food. I’ve never been to a plated dinner that supplied seconds.

      When someone else provides you with dinner, you don’t complain about not getting enough. That’s just rude. If you have a large appetite, go eat something afterwards or get a snack before. Couples aren’t even obligated to provide a full meal at receptions (some just do cake and/or finger foods). You’re there to celebrate with the bride and groom, not to stuff yourself.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 4:44 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   pooham

      We couldn’t afford to feed everyone a meal at my reception, which was in the community center dance area. People got whatever they wanted at the snack bar down the hall. My friend gifted me the services of her boyfriend who did photography as a hobby to take pictures. (Although his camera jammed and we had to ask guests to get double prints and send us what they could.) We had friends who were in a band who played at the reception for a reduced fee and whatever they wanted to drink. It was fun. :)

      Jul 21, 2014 at 5:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Poltergeist

      First of all, I don’t know why people assume that just because you go up for a second time during a buffet, it means you are stuffing your face. Yes, some people do that, but in my experience they are in the minority. What most people usually do is go up and take some salad/appetizer-like food, sit down and eat, and then go up for the “main course.” Or they might go up, take a small piece of meat and a little side thinking they’re not going to be too hungry, and then realize that they actually are hungry and go up for some more.

      To me, there is a tradeoff between a buffet and a sit-down dinner. A buffet usually has less fancy food and the guests have to serve themselves, but in exchange, there should be more freedom with the food. A sit-down dinner will be much more limited, but the food quality should be better and your guests get to be waited on. Seems pretty fair to me.

      Second of all, wanting to save money is understandable, or rather it would be if the bride and groom didn’t come off as so hypocritical most of the time. So you’re going to be stingy with the food, but then you’re going to splurge on the silly wedding dress you’ll only ever wear once, a boisterous dj and professional photographer, expensive flowers and centerpieces, and your week-long honeymoon on an island? So you’re going to expect your guests to get dressed up all fancy, bring you a gift, and potentially fly across the country, but you’re not going to let them get a second plate of food? Yeah, that makes sense.

      Maybe you’d be able to afford a proper buffet for the people who are closest to you if you didn’t invite hundreds of people to your wedding. Does your mom’s college friend she hasn’t seen in 20 years or your third cousin twice removed that you only ever met once in your life really need to be invited?

      Honestly, I’m with Jami below. It’s probably better to just skip the wedding altogether. People’s priorities get completely screwed up when it comes to weddings.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:39 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #10   Justme

    I’ve been to 2 weddings this summer. Both had servers on the buffet line. While the servers would give guests whatever they wanted, I think their presence kept most people from getting an unreasonable amount of food. Maybe that’s the solution here.

    Jul 17, 2014 at 9:51 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   deprogrammed

      Ever met a pig with manners and consideration for others? When you have a buffet it does not mean eat until something explodes – either your stomach or someone’s temper. Dang, if someone has to control your intake there is something wrong with you, not the host.

      Jul 17, 2014 at 11:54 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   AreYouSerious

      My sister’s wedding was also buffet style with servers putting proper portions on the plates, and then when everyone was served once they let it become self serve for seconds. They did order plenty of food to avoid the “I didn’t get any!” problem. But dudes, you probably don’t need heaping piles of meat and sides.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 12:00 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   JoDa

      Eh, even I, who eats very small meals as a matter of course, get the “eyes bigger than my stomach” syndrome at buffet meals. I just take too big of scoops. I rather like the servers, because then I don’t waste. Though…I actually never waste because the BF will eat anything left on my plate…and seconds…and thirds… (and, no, he’s not fat…lucky bastard; and he’s also not a pig and is fine with taking a single serving of this-and-that when the servers are present)

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #11   lo-fi pi

    The selfish guts-es can *be* your family. Your family who actually have been raised with good manners. It’s amazing how greedy people can be when they think no one’s watching. I like the buffet server idea – a guard standing sentinel ;) – but what about a video camera lens trained on all aspects of the buffet table? Or just a fake one with an obtuse red light on top? Keep the bastards honest. ;) My husband and I are still reeling about putting on an effort-y Xmas lunch and he missed out on his own chicken. Family rushed the food table while we were just finishing up very final preparations. SO rude. I couldn’t believe it. Also the people saying cut back guests, sometimes you already have! As for providing more, there are high costs involved & some ppl really struggle to afford the wedding at all, but no one would under-cater. (And the costs/affordability are their business, no one else’s place to comment – unless they feel a need to humiliate the bride & groom…?) With some ppl, no matter how much food is on offer, they lose their sense of decorum at a buffet table. That sign at this wedding is really horrible. Horrible that it’s necessary! But I don’t consider it passive-aggressive at all. If anything, it’s actually assertive!

    Jul 18, 2014 at 12:15 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      It’s a little PA. But it’s also understandable.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:13 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   cathy g

      friends wedding all the guests rushed the buffet table and even tho we waited my daughter had chicken wing yanked out of her hand … lucky for the wedding party they were seated and served … also daughters 13th birthday and the cake was taken out of the fridge by guests cut and eaten while she was out of the room … never will she forget that

      Jul 22, 2014 at 11:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   Jami

    Don’t have a wedding. Elope and avoid all this trouble.

    It’s not the wedding that’s important anyway, it’s the marriage.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 12:45 am   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Hell yes. Wedding planning….. shudder. Never again. Thankfully, I don’t think the need will ever arise again!

      Jul 18, 2014 at 7:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Jami

      I don’t know how my nephew and his fiance are keeping their sanity. Everyone has a different demand for their wedding, it’s insane. Their friends want an open bar, my brother wants them to not have a bar at all, others want them to have a cash bar so their friends won’t drink too much. Meanwhile her father, who cheated on her mom for years, married his mistress, then divorced her and is living with another woman, refuses to pay because they’re not getting married in a church. (Fucking hypocrite.) Thankfully her uncle is paying for it otherwise they couldn’t afford a wedding at all.

      And yet her dad still keeps throwing hissy fits over the fact they’re not marrying in a church. They’re getting married in a restaurant’s ballroom where the reception will be.

      That’s just the things I know about that’s going on. Judging by how angry they look sometimes when I see them I think they’re getting a lot more pressure than just that.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 6:57 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   H for Toy

      Sounds like my sisters fiance’s family. When I got married, Mr for Toy requested an outdoor wedding and to not have to wear a tux (he wore his Msvy dress whites). My middle sister’s husband requested the cake flavor and to have 7 attendants. My youngest sister has her future mother in law dictating wedding colors and what the groomsmen will wear (no one except her son shall wear white, including a basic white dress shirt), and food and venue and theme. She’s doing it via her son though, so my sister doesn’t want to refuse her fiancé. When he tried to pick out the bridesmaids dress I would wear, I told him where to stick his opinion.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 12:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   H for Toy

      *Navy dress whites

      Jul 21, 2014 at 12:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   kermit

      A great side benefit to keeping a lid on the food is that if you have a rambunctious or quarreling group, once the food runs out, they also leave. :) (Seriously, studies on how riots start indicate that people are less likely to riot if there are no food carts around to refuel.)

      Jul 21, 2014 at 1:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   pooham

      Jami, my Dad also cheated on my Mom and they were divorced when he refused to attend my wedding b/c it was non-denominational instead of Catholic.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 2:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #12.7   JoDa

      There’s always something, and that’s why I’m glad that when I looked at NOT Mr. Joda and said “how about we just draw up a legal agreement about sharing our shit and leave it at that” he said “HEEEEEELLLLLLLLL YEAH.” Sort of like a pre-nup with no subsequent wedding. Our lawyers did get together before the signing and buy us a nice wine gift basket, with a “congratulations, you’re NOT married” card. LOL, and what a RELIEF.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:13 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #12.8   The Elf

      Well, I don’t think we need to go *that* far. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a committed and not married couple, and I think your solution, JoDa, is ingenious. But I do enjoy being married and I think there are benefits to it that can’t (at this point) be covered entirely by legal documents. There’s a reason the gays are pushing for marriage equality! And if the couple has/intends to have children, there are protections in legal marriage for them.

      But weddings? Ugh. That industry can go screw itself.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 8:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #12.9   JoDa

      Yes, Elf, I should have qualified that. We don’t want kids, so it makes it much easier. We also came together at a point where we both had a TON of stuff (various investments, property, income, etc., to the point that it would be HARDER to be legally married).

      The papers also serve exactly the same function as a pre-nup, so that if we felt the need to get legally married – say, for health insurance purposes or whatnot if one of us suddenly found ourselves sick or disabled – we could walk into city hall and have pretty much so exactly what we do now with the blanket laws on our side (as it stands, our insurance would be MORE expensive on a “family plan” than as two singles…yes, we examined this, and anyone considering this should, also).

      And it also helps to have a respectable family. Without a legal marriage, things can always be challenged. We paid a few grand to the lawyers to make the agreement as bulletproof as possible, but they did warn that a close and greedy relative could, at the least, tie a surviving partner up in court for a while. Fortunately – and necessarily – we made sure our families were informed and on board before we went down that path.

      It’s not for everyone, but just the right combination of circumstances has made it right for us. Also, no hoopla. Though, you could just as easily do a drive-through LEGAL marriage in Vegas if *that’s* all you want to avoid.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 8:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.10   Jami

      So many people seem to forget that it’s the bride and groom’s wedding. Unless they want something insane and expensive like to come to the church on a white elephant decked out in rubies no one really has any right say anything. I mean, my nephew & his fiance ordered a cake flavor that to me sounds absolutely vile. I’m not sitting here demanding they get chocolate cupcakes for me. I just won’t eat the cake.

      If I was in a wedding party the most I’d do was insist my dress have sleeves. If only because I don’t want my tattoo showing. (And also my flabby arms.) But that’s it. That would be the limit of my interference. And I only think that’s reasonable because of my tattoo, even though it’s small.

      I really think that everyone should just have small weddings with just enough witnesses to make it legal. Pot luck for the reception. Save as much money as possible for more important things. Buy a dress that’s reusable for other things, even if you have to dye it first. Men can always reuse the tux or suit for other events. Why not the bridal gown?

      Jul 21, 2014 at 10:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.11   buni

      I bought my gown at a consignment shop and took it back to the shop after I wore it. Brides should be able to rent dresses the way men can rent tuxes.

      Jul 22, 2014 at 12:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #12.12   Kelly

      I had a small wedding planned, by which I mean a friend would officiate and six guests (eight if their kids came). No parents (mine wouldn’t behave, so easier to go with none) no pressure, no reception (a party a few weeks later), and a night out at Dave and Buster’s afterward.
      Then my fiance’s mother bought me an engagement ring (I didn’t want jewelry, so he hasn’t wasted money). Then a wedding dress (a white lace sundress from Wal-Mart that I would never wear in a hundred years). Then started asking what time so she could let her family know when to come.
      We went to pick up our marriage license a couple weeks before our set date, and I jokingly asked if there was just someone who could officiate that day. Two hours later, I was married, in my jeans and a sweater, by a judge who had a hook for a hand. My husband now jokes that we had a pirate wedding and it was better than we could have ever planned.
      His mom got over it.

      Aug 5, 2014 at 7:56 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #13   TRT

    The DJ’s in charge of the food?

    “This buffet is served Gangnam style. Please collect 2nds from the floor.”

    Jul 18, 2014 at 5:51 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Kay

      Dessert is apple-bottom jeans.

      Jul 20, 2014 at 10:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   runswithducks

    Ah, yet another reason my fiancé and I plan to go away some weekend and be all like “SURPRISE!!!” when we get back. Skip the drama.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 6:54 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #15   Dane Zeller

    Simma down now, you all. There’s a perfectly good way to handle the problem. Simply have your wedding at your local Golden Corral. Problem solved!

    Jul 18, 2014 at 8:12 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #16   Erin

    The sign is tacky. Period.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 8:30 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #17   matt

    Team guest. Crissakes, just make enough damn food. Make enough so there are leftovers even after the photographer and the servers and the DJ’s have all eaten. If you can’t trim the guest list, trim the damn menu. Do heavy apps, whatever. Put bread and butter on the tables long before service starts up and let the piggies gorge on that.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 9:06 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   kermit

      40% of food (prepared food and groceries) is thrown out every year. Half the sea food and more than half the vegetables are thrown out. – all because of some stupid rule that there must be left-overs.

      Heaven forbid that people leave an event without their pants are bulging and popping out buttons. Just once I would like to see one of these “hungry” complainers keel over and faint from lack of proper sustenance.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 11:12 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Haterade

      kermit: Amen.

      Growing up poor, we learned to NEVER leave food on the plate – and to this day, I’m almost compulsive about finishing food, even if I don’t like it. I seriously doubt I throw away even close to 5% of food that I’ve bought or taken.

      To me, it’s an unspoken agreement – if I buy or take food, I’m agreeing to eat it. Otherwise that which could feed a hungrier person than me has gone to waste, and the thought makes me shudder. I honestly can’t fathom feeling or acting otherwise.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 6:40 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Tinymama

      I too grew up with nothing extra. The rule was if it is on your plate, you eat it. Teaches a child not to waste fast when they stare at the same plate of food each meal until it is gone. Blech! Of course, now I’m big as a horse because I think I can eat much more than I should.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 12:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   kermit

      Er, I don’t think that was the lesson you were supposed to learn. Since you’re serving yourself when eating at home, the point is not to take more than you are sure you can eat.

      That doesn’t mean pile up your plate sky high and force yourself to eat all that. It means not piling it up in the first place because the leftovers can (and should) go in the fridge for next time.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 1:13 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   L

      Actually, tons of parents do teach their kids that. Have you never heard of the “clean plate club”? Don’t blame a person for getting messed up food messages when you’re self-righteous and moral about food yourself.

      And whether or not you’re fat is 77% inheritable I won’t go into the rates of weight loss failure.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 10:26 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   Jen

      That’s one thing that bugs me about dietitians, that they try to encourage people to leave food on the plate, without realising we might have an ethical objection to it.

      Jul 22, 2014 at 1:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.7   The Elf

      I understand the ethical objection, but the part about leaving food is to teach yourself when you are satiated vs. eating because it is there and to teach yourself what a healthy serving size looks like. There’s an ethical objection to those too!

      We could probably find ethical objections in anything if we look hard enough.

      Jul 22, 2014 at 5:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.8   kermit

      “The part about leaving food is to teach yourself when you are satiated”? How does that supposed to make sense? Good lord some of you grew up oddly.

      I can tell when I am satiated by just asking myself if I am still hungry, not by the amount of food that is left (or not left) on my plate. I’ve never heard of the “clean your plate” club, but wasting food is morally wrong to me. That doesn’t mean that I force feed myself. It just means that I don’t take more than I think I can eat. If I am wrong in my estimation and there’s food left over, I just put it away because I’m not going on a Donner Party style expeditions where I won’t have access to my fridge for weeks.

      Ultimately eat what you want, in whatever quantity you want. But if you’re going to somebody else’s event, don’t expect that they have the budget or willingness to offer an all-you-can eat buffet. If you want, just eat before you go there and then you’ll be happy with whatever quantity of food you get.

      Jul 22, 2014 at 5:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.9   The Elf

      Some people are not in tune with the messages their stomach is sending them, sometimes due to a childhood of parental pressure to clean their plate (regardless of if they are hungry) or a lifetime of overeating or eating too quickly. The idea is to leave some percentage (usually half) of your food on your plate and wait a while to determine if you are still hungry. If you are, fine, eat. If you aren’t, then stop eating. There’s no reason why you can’t package up that remaining food on your plate to avoid wasting it. Further, it is not intended as some permanent thing, just as a way to learn this lesson about when you are eating out of hunger and when you are eating for another psychological reason.

      If you’ve never had this particular problem, good for you. But for those who have, a dietician may recommend this technique to force the patient to learn a lesson about what it takes to actually fill them up vs what they think they need to fill them up.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 6:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #17.10   labdude

      I was always told that, as a guest, it was polite to leave a *token* amount of food on the plate, because to ‘clean’ it would indicate that one wasn’t served enough, potentially embarrassing one’s host.

      To Elf’s point, it is known that it takes some small amount of time for the stomach to tell the brain it is full. Eating slowly, or even pausing gives that message time to be transmitted and received.

      Aug 5, 2014 at 11:55 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   Ryan

    I’m sure the bride and groom know their guests…. and the sign is aimed at a couple of them.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 9:20 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #19   katy

    All families have a relative or a friend that is a huge eater, so they had to post this, as only so much food is to be put out for the number of guests invited. You don’t want them to have to go to a chicken joint to go buy more food. In America all you can eat seems to be a mindset, isn’t it?

    Jul 18, 2014 at 10:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   it's naptime

      I believe in all you can eat guacamole and salsa or super potato oles. Everything else I can stop when I’m not hungry anymore.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 5:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #20   AreYouSerious

    This makes me think of my fat exboyfriend at free lunches at work. He would always somehow be at the front of the line, take huge amounts of food and then not even finish it. Then other people end up with little or nothing to eat because some people weren’t taught to share.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 11:58 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Roto13

      I think I just figured out why you’re being such a dickhole in this comment section.

      Jul 18, 2014 at 4:49 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Poltergeist

      I love how people are so quick to post insulting stories about their exes without realizing the implications. Considering you probably slept with this ex-boyfriend of yours whom you found so disgusting, it sounds like you were the loser in this situation.

      Jul 19, 2014 at 4:13 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #21   Belle

    The last wedding I attended that opted for the buffet route also had servers. That really cuts down on some people taking so much that there’s not enough for the other guests.

    At the one non-server wedding buffet I attended the worst offenders were a few members of the wedding party (bride’s side). One bridesmaid went back three times & would have gone for the fourth, but the groom’s mother took her aside & had a little talk with her. I don’t think I’ve seen someone so red in the face from embarrassment as that bridemaid, but she behaved herself after that.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 12:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #22   Kasaba

    What is this “seconds” you speak of? Any food left after we’ve had one plate of food, is what we have tomorrow, right?

    If you were a dinner guest at someone’s house, would you, after you’ve finished your food, go to the kitchen and help yourself to more food without it being offered by the host? Probably not.

    The note may be tacky in appearance, but from the comments, it seems this is actually sadly necessary in light of the behavior of some people. Team bride and groom.

    Jul 18, 2014 at 1:00 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   JoDa

      I think it depends when you’re in someone’s home. I love to cook but don’t have much spare time, so I cook MASSIVE meals, and then freeze them in single-serves (Pyrex FTW) for meals for the next couple of weeks. If a guest wanted seconds, they would be welcome to them, as there’s usually 10 or more *extra* servings of everything. But I suppose if I was cooking them something super expensive, I might object (I don’t serve my friends junk, but since I don’t eat, say, lobster at home, it doesn’t get served to my guests).

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   L

      If you had your friends and family over, say 6 people total, and you made a lasagna that served 10, wouldn’t you let someone who wanted more have some?

      Because if you wouldn’t, you’d be a lousy host, honestly.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 10:28 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #23   Kathlynn

    I recently went to a grad ceremony, where they picked 2 tables at a time to go up and get the food. About 5 minutes after the last tables were mostly sitting down, they asked everyone to sit down and started presentations. There was still a ton of food left, but only a few brave souls went up to get more. So I’m team 25% team wedding 75% team guests. If there wasn’t enough food left that’s one thing. but if there is enough food for left overs you gotta make sure people can go for seconds. (ps. having the tables go up one at a time solves the issue this note was trying to)

    Jul 18, 2014 at 2:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   buni

      I’ve been to dinners where the call the tables up one or two at a time. When I’ve been unlucky enough to be seated at one of the last tables called, the food is all picked over and there is hardly anything left, and what is left is not as hot as it should be. So no, that process doesn’t solve the issue of people over-serving themselves.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 9:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   Boo

    I recently went to a wedding where they ran out of cups at the espresso bar about ten minutes into the reception. My date and I offered to run to a local market around the corner and buy disposable cups. When we got back (ten minutes later) ALL of the food was gone. Every. Single. Bit.

    Jul 19, 2014 at 12:00 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #25   Toya

    Whoever made this sign knows a lot of piggies because almost every wedding I have attended served dinner buffet style and everything who attended had enough shame to not their plates sky high with food. I could understand if the couple only had finger foods for an hour and nothing else but if you aren’t paying to be there, you shouldn’t act you have $X worth of food to eat in order to make the event worth it.

    Maybe the mistake was having a wedding that was so casual that guests could gorge themselves like they were at a family cookout. In which case, they should also keep an eye on the bar tab as well.

    Jul 20, 2014 at 1:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Hyacinth

      HA! Nope. Can’t agree with your comment that people shouldn’t have to act like they need to get $X worth. I know people who have been miffed because they spent $X on a wedding gift and they only had finger foods, or cake, or something light like that! I was totally floored when this person said that to me. I have never considered how much to spend based on whether I get my “money’s worth” out of the reception.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 9:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   Hyacinth

      HA! Nope. Can’t agree with your comment that people shouldn’t have to act like they need to get $X worth. I know people who have been miffed because they spent $X on a wedding gift and they only had finger foods, or cake, or something light like that! I was totally floored when this person said that to me. I have never considered how much to spend based on whether I get my “money’s worth” out of the reception.

      Jul 21, 2014 at 9:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Ang

    It’s their wedding, they can do whatever they want. If you don’t like it, don’t go but quit whining over every little thing!

    Jul 20, 2014 at 4:53 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Roto13

      “Excuse me, before I RSVP, I’d like to know if there will be any passive aggressive bitchiness at this event?”

      Jul 21, 2014 at 6:06 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #27   Roundredhead

    To presume that your guests are going to behave badly before they actually do so (the sign was obviously prepared before the actual service of the food) is insulting. It is never good manners to insult your guests. I sympathize with the difficulties of people trying to plan a nice wedding on a reasonable budget, but this note is not the solution.

    Jul 20, 2014 at 9:51 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #28   Lita bang

    Etiquette Hell would have a field day with this…

    Jul 21, 2014 at 7:35 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #29   Rachel

    I actually thought that the sign was made by the catering company, not the bride and groom.

    Jul 21, 2014 at 11:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #30   Serviced Apartments Guy

    They could have at least designed the note to fit in with the rest of the wedding!

    Jul 22, 2014 at 9:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   The Elf

      It is. The wedding theme is gold, random capitalization, and passive-aggressiveness.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 6:56 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #31   juniper

    Maybe this is regional – because I’ve always assumed that buffet meant you could go and get more if you were still hungry. It certainly isn’t verboten. I was recently at a birthday party where if people hadn’t gone back for a bit more food there would have been an insane amount left over.

    Jul 22, 2014 at 4:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   The Elf

      You can go up and get more, generally. The thing they’re getting at here are people who go up multiple times before other people have had a chance to get anything at all.

      Jul 22, 2014 at 5:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #32   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Team Eater,
    Yes, some people are pigs, but others eat sparingly and it all averages out. A few people pigging-out is part and parcel of buffet-style dining. If you want to operate portion control, have a sit-down meal for your guests instead.

    Aug 1, 2014 at 6:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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