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My babies shouldn’t need to witness your shady antics!

July 23rd, 2014 · 140 comments

Due to some recent stressful events, Daniel in Brisbane recently started smoking cigarettes again after 10 years of going without. “To avoid embarassing questions from people I know, I take steps to avoid smelling like cigarette smoke,” he says — including leaving work and parking next to a rail line, on the opposite side of any residential buildings. (Admittedly, a wee bit shady.)

Well, somebody noticed. Daniel found this note on his windshield.

My babies shouldn't need to witness your shady antics!


related:  Blowing smoke


FILED UNDER: Australia · smoking · Won't somebody think of the children?

140 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Marko

    Her penmanship is impeccable.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 11:41 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   FeRD bang

      It’s pretentious-impeccable, though. I always love finding someone with that kind of Hitler Youth penmanship, who then writes “unreluctantly” (you meant “unwillingly”, darlin’), and “suspisions”.

      Looks like someone’s prissy-perfect façade is showing a few cracks!

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:24 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   kermit

      I learned my penmanship from the Germans. Trust me when I say that they’d have no qualms to hang you up by your lederhosen if they ever caught you printing like that. Seeing those misplaced ellipses would also give them conniptions.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 11:56 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Ruby

      She has also carefully rounded it into that ‘teenage girl’ style. All its missing is the Love Heart ‘I’s and ‘J’s. Trying to look friendly on the outside, thinly veiling her threat to call the PoPo on you for smoking a cigarette.

      She looks like this in my head:

      Jul 24, 2014 at 3:00 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Ruth

      Thanks for posting this. It answered something I’ve been wondering for years – whether Brits realize how funny a name “spotted dick” is for a food.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 12:48 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #2   AmyK

    I would have been more impressed with her letter if she had drawn her children on the teeter-totter at the bottom of her letter.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 11:57 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

  • #3   AmyK

    I would have been more impressed with her letter if she had drawn her children on the teeter-totter at the bottom of it.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 11:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Grammar police

    Irrespective of her comments, she should know that if she’s unreluctantly peeping about, she’s having more than a spot of wee fun. Irregardless of what Mr Dodgy is doing in his car, of course. ;)

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:02 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   kermit

      Maybe it’s just me, but if I am genuinely creeped out by somebody, I don’t approach them and leave notes on their car, for fear that they’re going to hack me to death and/or kidnap me.

      In other words,if this lady is so concerned about her children maybe she should be stalking them instead of this guy.

      And I’m not just saying that because I loathe people who preface their concern with “As a mother…”
      Is that supposed to merit extra special concern? If you weren’t a parent, you’d be okay with somebody creeping you out in the neighborhood?

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:09 pm   rating: 96  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Jami

      I believe she thinks he’s just smoking pot, Kermit, not that he’s smoking dead bodies.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:31 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Chance MaLance

      I love the irony of your use of “irregardless” !!

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:37 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   kermit

      I dunno Jami. I have the impression that she wasn’t bothered by the smoking per se, but his whole sketchy demeanor of smoking by the train tracks. Maybe real-life Tony Sopranos go out to smoke by train tracks after they’ve busted people’s knee caps or whatever; I dunno and I don’t even want to know.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   Jami

      Eh, I think she figures that changing the clothing means he’s trying to cut down on the smell factor. (Though, Daniel, dude, unless you’re bald, your hair will smell, not to mention your skin! So you’re not fooling anyone but yourself.)

      I remember as a kid my mom screaming at my brother Todd cause she found a bottle of Visine in his room, proof to her that he was smoking pot. (Well, he probably was but all she has was the eyedrops.)

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:38 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Wilona

      Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.” There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech, although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.

      If you are going to correct someone, make sure you don’t need correcting.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 3:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   kermit

      “Ain’t” and “y’all” are also primarily used in speech. That doesn’t change the fact that using them (in speech or writing) makes you sound like an uneducated yokel.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 4:03 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Ostrich

      Agree on “ain’t,” but “y’all” is very common even for respectable professionals in the South. I don’t say “ain’t,” but I certainly say “y’all” regularly. Just like my “Coke” might be your “pop.”

      Jul 23, 2014 at 5:01 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   FeRD bang

      All-y’all be trippin’.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:25 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   JoDa

      So long as someone isn’t using words in ways that don’t work, fortheloveofzeus, let it go. I had an older coworker challenge me on my use of “like” in the elevator today (he said “what was it like?” when I described the temperature as “like, 100″ (which, by the way, was pretty accurate, since it wasn’t 100, but it felt like it)), and I looked him dead in the eye and said “I’m sorry you don’t understand colloquial use of what appears to be your native tongue. Since this is an elevator conversation, I didn’t feel the need to elevate my language to a level reserved for business meetings or when I won a national championship in public speaking in college. But in case you didn’t understand that, I meant ‘around’ or ‘similar to.’ So if you would kindly get off your ivory tower, you, ‘like,’ have a nice day.”

      That last “like” tasted good…

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:40 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #4.11   kermit

      Erm, using the word “like” to punctuate your speech (as some teenagers are bound to do) is “using words in ways that don’t work”.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:52 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.12   JoDa

      Actually, kermit, my first use of it was pretty accurate (he asked how it was outside, and I said, “like, 100″), my second was pointed sarcasm after pointing out that it was, in fact, “like” 100 outside. Regardless, “like” has become a part of our language, like it or not. In every case I use it, the definition fits, and I’m in my 30′s and grew up far from “the Valley” (unless, of course, you mean the gully in my hometown, which I guess could be mistaken for a valley).

      Jul 23, 2014 at 9:08 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #4.13   kermit

      Regional differences aside, I have never heard of anybody, especially in a professional work setting (other than middle school and high school girls, in age or mentality) use the word “like” to punctuate their speech. It not only makes you sound uneducated, it’s also unbelievably irritating when you hear it all time.

      It’s not sarcasm at all. True sarcasm is self evident from the tone of the speaker; “like” is not necessary.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 10:19 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.14   JoDa

      I guess I’m lucky that I have nothing to prove, especially to a random coworker who is NOT my supervisor. I also sometimes get asked to change the code I use because it looks stupid (“what the F is CATS? Can we use another word that doesn’t look like we’re making stuff up?” “Erm…that’s a call function, so, no, unless YOU’RE willing to write the rest of the code to do it the longer way around…”), but that ALSO doesn’t change my coding language…

      Jul 23, 2014 at 11:42 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #4.15   JoDa

      Clearly, we need some kind of verbatim-ish here:

      Him: “How is it outside?”
      Me: “It’s, like, 100.”
      Him: “How is it like 100?” (trying to shame me)
      Me (deadpan): “It feels like 100. {insert my quote from above about colloquial usage}” (except that the actual heat index was 101 at the time, so “like 100″ was completely accurate)

      Jul 23, 2014 at 11:52 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #4.16   kermit

      Dude, I like totally understood you like before. It’s not any less irritating or quelling my desire to whack people with a head of celery when I hear it.
      (And my functions have names like “fart”)

      Jul 24, 2014 at 12:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.17   Lita bang

      Well that’s a bit of a shitty function, Kermit.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 2:54 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.18   Grammar police

      “Irregardless” doesn’t make logical sense. It’s just an attempt to sound posh by constructing an unnecessarily complex word that obstructs what one is truly trying to say.

      She means to say “Not-A”. Irregardless has her communicating “Not-Not-A”.

      Oh, and neither the letter writer or I is American, so any appeal to Merriam-Webster is pretty darn useless. What do you guys say? Go pound sand? I’d go with that, Wilona.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 4:01 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.19   TKD

      Lita, your comments always evoke visceral reactions.

      I think I’m falling for you. ;-)

      Jul 24, 2014 at 6:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.20   The Elf

      I actually found myself using “all y’all” one day.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 6:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.21   kermit

      It’s not your fault. Lindsay Graham and Saxby Chamblis bring it out in everybody.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 7:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.22   sharon

      JoDa, I adore your backdoor-brag about the public speaking circle-jerk. Brava!

      Jul 24, 2014 at 9:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.23   Jami

      All this talk makes me want to go listen to Weird Al’s Word Crimes.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 3:24 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.24   Lita bang

      Oh TKD, you’re just trippin’. ;)

      Jul 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.25   rushgirl2112

      “Regional differences aside, I have never heard of anybody, especially in a professional work setting (other than middle school and high school girls, in age or mentality) use the word “like” to punctuate their speech. It not only makes you sound uneducated, it’s also unbelievably irritating when you hear it all time. ”

      I do it in certain settings, and I have a degree in English and have worked as a freelance writer and editor.

      This is a dialect thing, and context has everything to do with it. In a formal interview, academic paper, or news article? Unacceptable, unless you’re quoting someone. Occasional use in casual speech, including chatting with coworkers even in a professional environment? It’s perfectly fine.

      And while it may be irritating to you, you can rest assured that plenty of other people find language snobbery to be every bit as tiresome. It also demonstrates a lack of education in linguistics.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 8:26 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #4.26   kermit

      There is nothing snobby about expecting professional adults to speak like professional adults instead of teenagers. Yeah, you can get away with it in the “freelance writer” world because you’re not actually working in an office with other people; you’re by yourself 90% of the time when you’re writing. And sites like Gawker cater to freelance writers who attract the teenage demographic by writing in that tone. The vast majority of the economy doesn’t work that way.

      In the wise words of Jack, “Good God Lemon, what am I, a farmer?”

      Jul 24, 2014 at 10:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.27   L

      Why do you assume the only profession is office work, though? Freelance writers are professionals. So are cashiers and cooks and many other jobs.

      Not to mention, not everyone IS as educated as you claim to be. Some people have to drop out to work. Some people couldn’t afford college. Some people don’t speak English as a first language.

      But, like, of course you’re, like, always right.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 2:30 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #4.28   kermit

      I’m not assuming that the only profession is office work; you’re the only one assuming that. I said professionals who work with other people.

      If you think that a car mechanic, plumber, electrician, dentist or accountant can make decent money and get clients by speaking like a ditzy airhead, you haven’t been in the working world at all.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 5:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.29   The Elf

      Oh please. There’s a huge difference between speaking casually at the office – an elevator ride, over coffee, at the breakroom, talking about last night’s game – and speaking business. I wouldn’t think badly of anyone who drops a “like” or 100 into a casual conversation. Or uses street slang. Or uses “ain’t”. Or gives me the sign of the horns when talking about how “bad ass” that concert was. Or gives me three snaps in a z pattern with a head whip and a “guuuuuurrrrrlll”. (BTW, all of these are real life examples, some from me. Not the head whip.)

      But if we’re talking business, that’s another story. Most people seem to have a casual voice and a business voice, so it works out. There is, like, a middle ground here!

      Jul 25, 2014 at 6:49 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #4.30   TKD

      The mechanic that owns the garage I use is probably one of the most well read people I know. I’ve heard him talk urban slang to the mechanic in the bay and turn around to interject a comment into a conversation in the lobby, quoting Plato, in perfect English. In my experience, the most successful professional people are those who can readily adapt their communication to the situation. Any one that thinks the only way to be a professional is to speak perfect English has probably not been in the working world for very long. Some clients are ditzy airheads.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 7:37 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #4.31   Rattus

      Righto, TDK. My assholier-than-thou language snob of a father wrote a diatribe (one of many on many subjects) on the current use of the word awesome. He abhors it and feel that it should be used only to describe items and events that inspire actual awe. On the other hand, the influx of adorable, perky young interns that flood my office every year use it to describe, say, a new blend at David’s Teas. Now, whose side should I be taking in this disagreement, the arrogant, vitriolic douchebag or the happy young people who enjoy life? I think I will take the side of the absolutely awesome young folk who are a pleasure to be around, and who also know not to use awesome, like, and other verbal detritus when conversing with clients.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 8:02 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #4.32   Piggy

      Kermit and Grammar Police are my new favourite people!

      Aug 2, 2014 at 8:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.33   JoDa

      I kinda (oops) feel accomplished for getting you all (oops) to argue about casual language usage for so long. Can I get 30 more comments by dropping a “yinz” (yes, I speak fluent Pittsburghese)?

      Actually, the convo that led to my last promotion included a yinz since the person who was testing me out had Steelers garb all over his office. I both fixed his code and endeared myself by saying “yinz have a good day now” with a wink. ;) He tracked me down after that and both complimented my work and asked me how I knew about the yinz, and I told him where both I and my family grew up. He doesn’t approve of my Indians tattoo, but he respects it. :)

      Aug 6, 2014 at 11:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.34   Nunya

      Since your username is grammar police …. Just a thought. Irregardless is a double negative, everyone’s allowed typos and errors, but when ur using grammar police as your moniker, you should really double, triple check what u post.

      Aug 15, 2014 at 9:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Dan5099

    I suppose his only option is to park INSIDE the note writer’s home.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:10 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #6   cindy kienlen

    is unreluctantly even a word?

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Roto13

      Of… course…?

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   buni

      It means she’s not reluctant to watch him. She must like what she sees.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 3:04 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #7   Roto13

    No good has ever come from wearing white gloves. Unless you’re a cartoon character.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:15 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Jami

      Or Miss Manners.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   pooham

      Or a Marine?

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:05 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Poltergeist

      *puts on white rubber gloves*

      Relax. I’m a doctor.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:25 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Belle

      No white gloves after Labor Day

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Jami

      My understanding for the “no white after labor day” rule is that it only applies if you live in an area where it snows. If it doesn’t snow where you live, you can wear white any damn time you please.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 3:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   buni

      Why is that? Is it so someone can find you if you fall into a snowbank?

      Jul 25, 2014 at 7:27 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   kathleen

      It very rarely snows in the South where I live and the “no white after labor day” is a big deal here. The argument though, usually revolves around when one begins to wear white, after Easter or only after Memorial Day.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 8:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   Lil'

      Poltergeist, I’m not falling for that again.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 10:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   Poltergeist

      Damn, foiled again!

      *puts jar of Vaseline away*

      Jul 25, 2014 at 11:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   EmptyJay

    Dear Lord, this woman is a psycho.

    I’d keep to the same routine and LET her call the police, then swear out a complaint against her for stalking.

    Unless he’s trespassing or something, there’s not a damn thing she can do about it. Some people need to just mind their own damn business.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:24 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Faye

      From experience, it’s creepy when you’re home alone and people park outside your house and do weird things everyday. When this happened to me, I called the police and the people found somewhere else to park.

      I think they would have preferred a note.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 12:46 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   pooham

      I park on residential streets sometimes to smoke b/c I don’t smoke in my car and the smoking area on the base is inconvenient for me to get to.

      I agree that this lady needs a hobby. And I feel a bit sorry for her overly looked after children.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:08 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   pooham

      Although I don’t put on a disguise to have a cigarette. That may be a little “suspisious.”

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   Belle

      I agree. Let them come out and see that he’s only smoking regular cigarettes, not pot. And watch her get all outraged when they do nothing because he likely isn’t breaking any laws in the first place

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:29 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   EmptyJay


      He’s not parking outside her house, he’s parking on the other side of the tracks from her house.

      If you’d called the cops on me, I’d continue to do it while making sure I’m not breaking any laws.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   Faye

      That’s fair, but probably more trouble than it’s worth.

      There were a lot of places to park that were not in front of any houses in that neighbourhood and there were no businesses near by that they could be taking a break from.

      Anyway, reading the introduction again, this woman is nosy but I have trouble being on the note receiver’s side. If you want to smoke, smoke. My office is tobacco free, and those who choose to smoke walk across the street. They don’t drive to a special location and wear fancy smoking gloves. There is nothing but weirdness in this situation.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 2:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   FeRD bang

      In all honesty, though I don’t know where Faye lives, if the cops she called were anything like most city cops I imagine all they did was just as she said: encouraged the guy to find somewhere else to park. That way, Faye stops worrying, they stop getting calls, the guy can get on with his life, and everybody’s happy.

      They certainly can’t arrest someone on the strength of a phone call, and usually would prefer not to anyway ­— paperwork, etc. — unless (a) the person in question really is exhibiting suspicious behavior, or (b) the person in question is black*. :-/

      * — Mostly applies to US locales. Yes, I’m a white guy accusing the police of racism. Not ALL cops (hell, not even MOST cops), and not in EVERY situation, but taken broadly it’s a pattern that’s hard to ignore. The number of times I’ve seen people hassled purely on suspicion of being black… *sigh* ‘MURIKA!

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   Kiskia

      Wait, how does Faye know that there were lots of places to park that weren’t across from any houses? *suspicious look*

      Jul 28, 2014 at 6:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #9   Dave

    I’d think of something even more shady looking (but innocent) to do and after she calls the cops, leave her a note.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 12:26 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #10   Kasaba

    Daniel’s behaviour would look suspicious to me also. My mind would probably color what I think he was doing way darker than sneaking a lunch time joint.

    Like kermit, I wouldn’t approach someone acting suspiciously, much less threaten them with the police.

    When I was a kid, there was a house near ours, where the couple living there only came out at the end of the day, dressed all in black. Their curtains were always drawn. In my kid mind, they could only be one of two things, maybe even both, cat burglars or “devil worshipers”, or devil worshiping cat burglars. The concept of students, goths, night shifts workers, etc did not exist to me yet.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 1:30 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   L

      You forgot vampires!!!!

      Jul 25, 2014 at 2:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   Cranky

    I’m missing something. How did the concerned mother (possibly Alison Hendrix) put the note on Daniel’s car without interacting with him? Does he leave it there all day? Walk 5 blocks away to smoke? Or did she creep up, ninja-like, as he smoked standing next to his car, depositing the note on his windshield with only the barest of breezes to note her passage?

    Jul 23, 2014 at 1:49 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Kathlynn

      She knows where he works, and knows what car he drives. I would assume she found his car where ever he parks it at work and placed it on the car then.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 1:58 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Goldie

      Ah, so she left her kids at home unsupervised, all so she could stalk Daniel at work! What a concerned mother she is.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 2:36 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Cranky

      Yes, that would make sense, wouldn’t it?
      Pity, I was hoping for more ninja involvement.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   kermit

      And don’t forget that she told a person whom she views as up to no good that she has children. That’s smart, informing him that she has kids. Shoulda told him where she hides her valuables in the house, too.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 2:47 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   FeRD bang

      While these scenarios are possible (and fun!), the other possibility is that he leaves the car there when he “goes back to work” — in other words, that it’s literally “where he parks”, he works nearby, and he’s just nipping out to the car for a smoke. (Yes, she starts with “getting out of your car”, which makes it sound like he drove there for that purpose, but she doesn’t end with “getting back in your car” so it’s hard to be sure.)

      In which case, she’d have plenty of time to abandon her child at home, pop out to deliver her carefully-lettered, not-so-carefully-written note, and be back on her porch cradling the shotgun and binoculars in her lap before Child Protective Services is any the wiser!

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:54 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Jami

      The more I think about it, the more I think her “children” are nothing more than an army of porcelain dolls.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 10:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Lita bang

      Dammit Jami, I haven’t got enough sleep and your comment made me think of The 7th Guest. *eurgh*

      Jul 27, 2014 at 6:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Jami

      I had to look that up. I assume you mean the video game by that title. Never heard of it until today. Because otherwise my first thought went to this episode of The Night Gallery. A criminal finds himself hiding out in a mortuary and the mortician likes to take and preserve the bodies of people who died with no family or friends to care about them. He dresses them up and puts them around a big dinner table for one big birthday party. And in the end the criminal joins the party….

      Jul 27, 2014 at 12:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   Lita bang

      Yep, the game. Long story short, evil dude has a bunch of dolls. Except they’re not really dolls. They’re kids who got sick and then supposedly died…but actually got turned into dolls for evil dude’s collection.

      I need to replay this game. It’s freaky as shit.

      Jul 27, 2014 at 7:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #12   The Elf

    Concerned mother just needs to make up a story for kids. Dan’s not hiding because he needs to smoke! Dan’s hiding so he can masturbate in peace. The glove is for that “stranger” feel.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 2:18 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Goldie

      Concerned mother meets up with Dan over by the rail tracks each time he stops there for a “smoke”. She then gets into Dan’s car, where he bangs her like a screen door in the wind. The jacket and the glove were her idea, as were the handcuffs, that are not mentioned in her note. The purpose of the note is to provide her with a much needed alibi. Go Dan!

      Jul 23, 2014 at 2:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #13   MotherOfTheYear

    “Instead of using this as a teachable moment to talk to my kids about dangerous behavior, I’m going to put my opinions all over you instead, and teach my kids to do the same.” -xo a real great parent

    Jul 23, 2014 at 2:21 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #14   Quite Contrary

    If you know where I work and have my license plate number, for the love of God, do not address the letter “To Whom It May Concern.” I’m sure you know my name and my glove size by now.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 2:53 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      Make sure you get that glove size right too, Concerned Parent. If the glove don’t fit you must acquit.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 7:02 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #15   Ace of Space

    I am sure the babies couldn’t care less.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 3:10 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #16   Andrea

    Daniel please please please keep doing it and when she calls she can look like a fool. It’s not her property, she should mind her own damn business.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 3:11 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #17   Pants Go Brown

    Letter would be more effective if she had dotted her “i’s” with a happy face.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 4:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #18   catethulhu

    Pork your car somewhere else.

    Jul 23, 2014 at 5:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   pooham

      That’s exactly what I thought about her penmanship. Although extremely neat, it is hard to read. And the word “boot” took me a long time to decipher, not only b/c of the circular writing but also b/c it is uncommon and unexpected.

      Jul 23, 2014 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Dan

      Er, its the term we use in Australia. I think the US refers to it as the trunk?

      Jul 23, 2014 at 8:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   FeRD bang

      Correct, Dan. But of all the British/Australian English terms, “boot” has been one of the least successful in crossing over into America. So it would be uncommon and unexpected for US readers. While most US readers will understand “lift” or “flat” or “pint” without too much trouble, and maybe even “lorry” or “pram” or “nappy”, something like “boot” seems completely out of place in context.

      (Others: bonnet to mean hood, crisps to mean chips, torch to mean flashlight, jumper to mean sweater, vest to mean tanktop — what you call a singlet, football to mean boring.) :mrgreen:

      Jul 23, 2014 at 9:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Nee

      I guess I understand, but at the same time… The rest of us English speakers generally have no trouble understanding US speech (trunk, pants, sweater, etc), but then many Americans act like our words are completely foreign..

      Jul 25, 2014 at 6:12 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   The Elf

      Well, when you’re the most powerful nation in the world……

      Jul 25, 2014 at 6:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Jami

      Obviously the Brits need to send us Yanks more of their comedies to watch so we can learn your slang.

      I formally request “Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em” to be sent across the pond.

      Yes, it is because it stars a young Michael Crawford.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 10:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   L

      Nee, use Celcius around them and watch them have no idea what you’re talking about/their heads explode. “10 degrees? That’s so cold!” No. It’s not. And no, when I say it’s -55 here, it’s probably not colder where you live unless you’re in Alaska.

      Jul 27, 2014 at 7:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #19   Lita bang

    I was half-expecting that lovely penmanship to deteriorate into “drunk spider that tripped into an inkwell” from sheer grr arg, and was quite impressed when it didn’t…

    Jul 23, 2014 at 8:55 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #20   jugstopper

    Am I the only one who thinks this would make a great updated version of Rear Window? She would be the female equivalent of Jimmy Stewart, but played by whom? Who would be the director in place of Hitchcock?

    Jul 23, 2014 at 11:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   TKD

      Sounds like another Tim Burton, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp movie.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 6:45 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Jami

      I vote for Kevin Smith. It’ll be a comedy instead. And Dan will, of course, be replaced by Silent Bob.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 10:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   RTF

    Bowen Hills, amirite? Lady probably has more to worry about than dudes who light up next to their car if she lives there.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 4:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   ballz

    I fuckin’ hate busybodies. Her kids probably aren’t obsessively watching this guy out the window, wondering if he’s going to put on his white gloves one day and break in to their house and murder them with whatever devil drug he’s smoking. They’re kids. If they think anything of the guy, it’s because their bored housewife mommy is sticking her face in the window every day, watching the dude outside and muttering to herself all the terrible things he must be doing. Is it a little weird that he’s got a whole ritual for it? Sure. Does that mean he’s going to come terrorize your family and sell crack to your kids? No. Calm your shit, stop nosing in other people’s business, and worry about raising your children.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 6:01 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #23   dave

    I’m concerned by the lack of pluralisation on glove. I’m leaning in the direction of Team Notewriter on this, if he puts on a single white glove to smoke – that’s all kinds of creepy behaviour…

    Jul 24, 2014 at 6:10 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   L

      You usually only smoke with one hand. One glove would prevent nicotine stains on that hand. Two would just be silly. Obviously.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 2:43 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #24   Belaani

    The babies aren’t parked at thee window because they’re watching the guy smoke – they’re there because they’re FUCKING BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS, and they’re trying to figure out an escape plan! Their mother’s too busy trying to sabotage someone’s smoking… she doesn’t have time to actually do something with the kids.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 6:21 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #25   Amanda

    The OP should invest in a classic smoking jacket and an elaborate cigarette holder. A comfortable fold out chair and a little pot plant would complete the picture.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 6:54 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Belaani

      Amanda rocks!

      Jul 24, 2014 at 9:03 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #26   blueknight1st

    Dear Concerned Parent,

    Kindly f*** off.


    Doesn’t give a s***

    Jul 24, 2014 at 7:20 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #27   FOZ

    What a pretentious twazzock the notewriter is. If you consider witnessing some dude smoking outside “shady antics”, all I can say is, you’ve been damned lucky.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 7:46 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Dane Zeller

      God, I love this place. Thank you, FOZ, for the new word, “twazzock.” My urban dictionary relates it to the word “twat.” I always leave here an educated man.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 8:31 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #28   Kasaba

    Anybody else picturing an embellished MJ style glove?

    Jul 24, 2014 at 8:21 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Belaani

      Amanda does!

      Jul 24, 2014 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   Lita bang

      As a matter of fact…

      Jul 24, 2014 at 7:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.3   Amanda

      Originally I was picturing big mime gloves but the MJ one works.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 10:30 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.4   buni

      One of these, with the MJ glove – perfect.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 10:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.5   juniper

      When I was.. oh.. 10 I think, I tried to make an MJ glove out of a latex glove, glue and sparkles. I didn’t anticipate the stretch/ shrink issue and it was a abysmal mess.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 11:12 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #28.6   L

      I was picturing that hamburger helper glove.

      Jul 27, 2014 at 7:22 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #28.7   Lita bang

      Now I’m imagining Master Hand from Super Smash Brothers…ack.

      Jul 27, 2014 at 7:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #29   janet

    More proof that Aussies are the stupidest people on the planet!!!!!!

    Jul 24, 2014 at 11:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Lita bang

      So you must be one.

      Jul 24, 2014 at 7:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   rushgirl2112

      Sorry, but I think we Americans hold the title for that at the moment . . .

      Jul 24, 2014 at 8:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   Poltergeist

      Speak for yourself rushgirl. I happen to be a genius! At least that’s what my mommy told me.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 11:02 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #29.4   Lita bang

      Aw, Poltergeist. We all know you’re special. ;)

      Jul 25, 2014 at 9:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #30   My name is Princess!

    I really hate cigarette smoke and will put up a fuss when someone smokes in a non-smoking area. But for the love of all humanity. Let the man smoke.

    Jul 24, 2014 at 2:43 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #31   Krumm

    I love the lengths closet smokers will go to: breath mints, perfume, etc. Sad part is that their smoking has blunted their sense of smell so much that they think it works. The rest of us who don’t smoke can smell it a mile away. Ya ain’t fooling any one!

    Jul 25, 2014 at 3:37 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Pants Go Brown

      Sanctimonious much?

      Jul 25, 2014 at 3:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #31.2   pooham

      Ya’ll ain’t like, foolin nobody.

      Jul 25, 2014 at 6:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #31.3   Poltergeist

      Krumm isn’t being sanctimonious. He/she is merely stating an unfortunate fact. The smell of cigarette smoke is permeating and tough to get rid of, so a smoker’s efforts to cover it up are almost always in vain.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 4:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #31.4   Krumm

      Yeah, my hillbilly speak wasn’t the best. I’d rather someone just own their addictions vs. trying to pretend to themselves and everyone else that they don’t exist. I give you smokers that hang their cigs out the car window and flick the butts out into the street because they don’t want to “dirty” up their cars. Own it – let the smoke waft through your car, and use an ashtray.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 3:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #31.5   Kiskia

      Eh. I’ve known some smokers that didn’t smell like smoke. Even when they just returned from having a smoke they generally don’t smell like smoke. One smokes every break he gets and the other only smokes on the way to and from work. On the other hand, I’ve known people that could take only one or two puffs on a cigarette and smell like stale disgusting smoke for hours afterward. I have never figured out the physics that make this possible.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 5:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #31.6   kermit

      Age and cigarette quality. Older people tend to have wrinklier, drier skin that allows the smell to settle in crevices. Smoking expensive Cubans doesn’t produce the same kind of smell as cheap cigarettes.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.7   Jami

      I’ve been teased for having an “overly sensitive nose” at work. Even if a person only has one and it was hours ago, I can still smell it and it makes me want to puke.

      Jul 26, 2014 at 10:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #31.8   Kiskia

      Kermit, I was in particular referencing a few people at the last office job that I had, all were men in their 40s not particularly wrinkly and all smoking cheap to mid brand cigarettes. But consistently, two of them would reek of smoke after every break and two of them almost never smelled like smoke. I’ve even been in the cars of those two (where they preferred to smoke) and the cars didn’t smell like smoke. I suspect they sold a portion of their soul to the/a devil for that ability.

      Jul 28, 2014 at 7:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #32   Jessica

    He does need a new spot. Not because her children are in danger, but because he is. (Cue psycho music.)

    Jul 25, 2014 at 8:46 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #33   juniper

    Lord Almighty – smoking dude needs to grow a pair. Gloves and a special sweater?? WTF?

    Jul 26, 2014 at 11:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #34   Lisa S.

    Is “children” now a code word for “cats”? I missed that crazy-lady memo. There are lots of them.

    Jul 27, 2014 at 7:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   The Elf

      They’re called “furkids” now……

      Jul 29, 2014 at 6:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   Hunter

    Ya know, if she was *really* a concerned mother she should have just called the cops if she thought something illegal was going on.

    Jul 28, 2014 at 1:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   Iuni

    Team “Mom”.

    If you know how bad smoking smells, don’t park in front of other people’s homes to do it.

    Jul 28, 2014 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   Fuzy2K

    She’s a member of MAWP, Mothers Against Weird Parkers…

    Jul 30, 2014 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   FeRD bang


      Aug 8, 2014 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #38   ParentsAreLosers

    Parents are the FUCKING WORST ALWAYS

    Sep 3, 2014 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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