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Blowing smoke

August 21st, 2014 · 40 comments

Cheeky, eh?

Unfortunately during meal service the balcony is a non-smoking area. We apologise for your slightly extended lifespan.

related: Don’t be an ash-hole

FILED UNDER: Australia · smoking

40 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Lita bang

    Hey, I actually like this one. The snark is pleasing.

    Aug 21, 2014 at 5:32 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Blobette

      I don’t. If there is something I hate more than cigarette smoke during meals, it’s sanctimoniousness.

      Aug 21, 2014 at 6:53 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Rachel

      If there is something that I hate more than sanctimoniousness, it’s people using words that they don’t know the meaning of.

      Aug 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Frank S

      If there is something that I hate more than people using words that they don’t know the meaning of, it’s people who write sentences that end with prepositions.

      Aug 21, 2014 at 9:32 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Lita bang

      It’s better than someone’s dangling participle showing.

      Aug 21, 2014 at 11:17 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   H for Toy

      I have to agree with Lita. I’m a smoker, but I still appreciate the snark. Also, she pays me to agree with her.

      Aug 22, 2014 at 11:17 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   furubafan74

      1. Making a hypocritical show religious devotion, piety, righteousness, etc

      2. (obsolete)holy, sacred


      Blobette, you really should know the meaning of words before you add them to your vocabulary.

      Aug 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Lita bang

      Bribed agreement is the best agreement.

      Aug 23, 2014 at 6:09 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   TKD

      Dear Lita,
      I regret to inform you that I cannot agree with your statements at this time. Sadly, your last invoice is overdue. If you have recently made a payment on your invoice, kindly disregard this message. Otherwise please make arrangements to bring your account back into good standing so that we may continue our pleasant relationship. We here at TKD understand that you have many choices in the Online Image Building market and we value your business.
      Kind regards,
      TKD Bribes and Graft Department

      Aug 25, 2014 at 12:48 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Lita bang

      Er, I uh, ah, well, it’s lost in the mail! Yes, that’s it. Lost in the mail. Until it gets there, would you settle for coffee shortbread cookies? They’re damn fantastic. >.>

      Aug 25, 2014 at 12:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Raichu

      That sounds delicious. I may have to put myself in a position to intercept some of those.

      Aug 25, 2014 at 1:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   Lita bang

      There’s plenty for everyone, I make a nice large batch.

      Aug 25, 2014 at 4:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   Tesselara

      Sanctimonious would be the correct word if you view smoking as a moral failure. It has religious roots, but isn’t always about religion. I’m trying to think of what word I would use to describe the tone of that sign, and “sanctimonious” is one that I would use. “Concern trolling?” Insincere? Supercilious? Patriarchal? Chauvinism (non-smokers are better than smokers?) Superiority? I like sanctimonious. Or snarky. Snarky is also good.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   Tesselara

      Replace “patriarchal” with “paternalistic” D’oh!

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   TKD

      Hey everyone, everything Lita posted the past week is the absolute, god’s honest truth. I agree with all of it.

      What can I say, I’m not easy, but I am cheap! A few fantastic cookies and I am yours.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 6:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Rachel

      Sanctimoniousness includes hypocrisy. There was no hypocrisy here.

      Sep 2, 2014 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   Poltergeist

    Ha! I actually like this one. You won’t believe the number of people I’ve come across who complain about not being allowed to smoke wherever the hell they want anymore, calling it “oppressive PC bullshit” (actual words out of somebody’s mouth.)

    I ran out of patience for that mindset awhile ago, so I just call them idiots and walk away.

    Aug 22, 2014 at 3:19 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TRT

      Well, the right to be a sanctimonious idiot is one right they do still have.

      Aug 22, 2014 at 4:07 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   pooham

      Ah yes, pining for the days when there were smoking sections in restaurants and airplanes designated by invisible and ineffective barriers, when people could smoke at their desks, and when even your doctor might offer you a cigarette.

      Aug 22, 2014 at 6:16 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   kermit

      Hey, your t zone is not going to stimulate itself. It needs Joe Camel.

      As a non-smoker, my response to indignant smokers is simple and childish.

      “Do you mind if I smoke?”
      “Do you mind if I fart?”

      Aug 22, 2014 at 4:26 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   tofuexcellent

      pooham, don’t forget the walls and everything else turning a lovely gradient between yellow and brown.

      Aug 23, 2014 at 6:45 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   H for Toy


      Aug 23, 2014 at 7:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   H for Toy

      Ok… All we got out of that novella was “Kermit”.

      The rest was letting you know I agree. Smoking is a choice, not a right, and if a smoker cannot confine themselves to smoking in designated areas and/or only around other smokers, they shouldn’t be surprised when they receive a less-than-polite reaction.

      Aug 23, 2014 at 7:49 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   Lita bang

      For some reason, Toy, I am laughing hysterically at everything but “Kermit” missing from that comment…

      Aug 23, 2014 at 3:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   kermit

      As am I. Worse, I am extremely disappointed that this hasn’t devolved into a debate about indoor/outdoor cat farting.

      Aug 23, 2014 at 7:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   H for Toy

      It hasn’t because you’re a frog, not a cat.

      Aug 24, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   Lita bang

      Funny you mention that Kermit, as one of my fluffs is very fond of gassing me out. Goddamn cat.

      Aug 24, 2014 at 6:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.11   Susan

      And don’t forget dog farts either (I can’t). Also, I’m assuming that while Kermit’s farts are likely swamp-stinky, they aren’t carcinogenic, so Team Flatulence FTW.

      Aug 25, 2014 at 7:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.12   The Elf

      As long as it’s private property, there’s nothing “oppressive” about it. They can just, I don’t know, eat somewhere else.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:43 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #2.13   Aussie

      Team note writer.

      Depending on the state/territory, they might have a fair way to travel if they want to smoke and eat at the same time. Everywhere has banned smoking in enclosed public spaces including restaurants. Bans in outdoor dining areas varies, eg, some states ban it completely, others allow it if a certain % is not under a roof, etc.

      If they have to ban smokers to avoid fines or being shut down, you might as well add a bit of snark :-)

      Aug 27, 2014 at 12:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Wheeeeeeeee

    Yes, the snark is strong with this one.

    I guess it could be worse. I just read about a (local?) proposal to crack down on smokers in outdoor beer gardens where they would make smokers get their own food/drinks and bus their own table. Added bonus – servers would be FINED for waiting on a customer that is smoking.

    Aug 22, 2014 at 2:31 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Rachel

      Fair enough. Service staff shouldn’t be forced to breathe second hand smoke.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 2:14 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   The Elf

      Weeeeelllll, the minute they attach a civil penalty to it, they lose my sympathy.

      Aug 26, 2014 at 8:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Rachel

      They attach a penalty to it so that staff aren’t forced into it by unscrupulous bosses.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 1:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   SilentPsycho

      I’m kind of confused why this is a big deal. I can’t think of a pub I’ve been to where your drinks were brought out into the beer garden for you, and while the bar staff do clean your tables for you, I prefer to take my old glasses back to the bar when I order the next round.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 3:41 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   Roundredhead

    I love this. Way to make people regret the possibility of having additional years!

    Aug 22, 2014 at 7:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jami

    Let’s just agree to let Strax melt all smokers with acid and all those who disagree can deal with the Doctor’s Attack Eyebrows.

    Aug 24, 2014 at 5:16 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #6   pooham

    I sympathize somewhat with people looking for a place to smoke. I am a smoker, but I am much less addicted than I used to be. There was a time when it was extremely uncomfortable to go for more than a few hours without a cigarette. In fact, smoking (and drinking) is what made me never try any kind of other drug. I realized how easily addicted I am. My brother is still very addicted, so much so that he NEEDS to smoke every couple of hours. It is very hard to explain to people who have never had a strong addiction to a substance.

    Aug 25, 2014 at 12:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   Kasaba

    Aww, shucks, I fondly remember the first gig I went to after the smoking ban came into place here. It was as if a big canvas had been whipped back to reveal a sea of farts and body odor and the smell last night’s spilled beer rising from the sticky floor, to arrest our virgin nostrils. That tall guy’s armpit was no longer a soft little nest in which to rest your drunk little head, but revealed to be the smelly bog it really is. Wild gesticulation to make a point no longer meant a hole or two or three in someone’s clothes. I already knew it, but that was the night I really, really knew that guys stink.

    Aug 31, 2014 at 11:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #8   WarriorPrincess

    Recently walked into a restaurant in Texas where the smoking section was in the front of the restaurant which meant non-smokers had to walk thru to get to the back of the restaurant where “non-smokers” sat. The restrooms were near the non-smoking section and a woman smoked all the way to the restroom and in the restroom, then back to her seat. Note to self: Next time in Texas, pack a lunch. :/

    Sep 3, 2014 at 8:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up


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