Discover nature at a National Park!

August 27th, 2014 · 69 comments

By day: bears. By night: bird & bees. Gee, you’re right, Glacier National Park does sound like a pretty educational experience. (You’re welcome, notewriter!)

Dear neighbors, When taking our children to such a breathtaking park, we hoped they would learn a lot. We had no idea they could learn so much at the hotel too. Last night, for example, they learned that headboard pounding, drunken sex might annoy neighbors in six rooms, but at least it will only last three minutes. 10:38 to 10:41 to be exact. The early morning vomiting was the best lesson of all. Cheers!

related: Cross-country elevator action

FILED UNDER: hotels · kids · noise · sex sex sex


69 responses so far ↓

  • #1   RedDelicious

    You’re at a Holiday Inn Express. What exactly were you expecting?

    Aug 27, 2014 at 4:57 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Anaxilea

      My thoughts exactly. We stayed in a stand-alone cabin while we were at Glacier, which was pretty cheap, and there are also camping grounds. Seems like a shame to go on vacation to such a beautiful place but not want to immerse yourself completely in the scenery.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 6:40 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   assiveProgressive

      I also stayed in one of those cabins, awesome park!

      Aug 27, 2014 at 11:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   juniper

      I like Holiday Inn Express. Does what it says on the tin… when I traveled in Europe I used to look out for them as I could be 99% sure they’d have the disability access I needed.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 6:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   The Elf

      “I’m not a porn producer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express.”

      Aug 28, 2014 at 8:31 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   RedDelicious

      The Holiday Inns in Europe are VASTLY different than the ones in the US. Europe has STANDARDS.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Layla

      What we have here is someone who is JEALOUS of people having wild, wonderful sex while she’s stuck in a hotel room with her fat husband & three annoying kids. She probably hasn’t had a good time in a very LONG time & sounds quite bitter about it.

      Sep 2, 2014 at 9:13 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Layla

      What we have here is someone who is JEALOUS of people having wild, wonderful sex while she’s stuck in a hotel room with her fat husband & three annoying kids. She probably hasn’t had a good time in a very LONG time & sounds quite bitter about it.

      Sep 2, 2014 at 9:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Becca

      Just had to add this to the comment. Layla, having kids never stopped my parents from going at it.. even if I was in the same room, asleep (and woken up by it >.>)

      Sep 25, 2014 at 5:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   GT

    People have sex in motels. Use it as an opportunity to educate your children about the birds and the bees, or the dangers of alcohol abuse or something.
    Either that or get over it – nobody cares about your children’s delicate sensibilities.

    Aug 27, 2014 at 5:42 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Rachel

      I thought the point of the note was precisely that that was what they did. Then they let them know what they thought of their lack of consideration. I’m all for “if I can hear you, you get to hear me”.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 8:38 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   assiveProgressive

      Thiiiink of the chiiiiildren. Please, people. Turn up the TV volume for three minutes.

      Aug 27, 2014 at 11:14 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   juniper

      And don’t most hotels all have those fake headboard things?

      Aug 28, 2014 at 6:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   deprogrammed

      People shit and piss too, and I don’t want to see (or smell) that either. Seriously. Damn the children. I don’t want or need to hear it. Childish is showing zero consideration for anyone; and needing to prove “listen to me!!! I’m having secks!!!! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!” is trying too hard.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 2:06 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   deprogrammed

      People shit and piss too, and I don’t want to see (or smell) that either. Seriously. Damn the children. I don’t want or need to hear it. Childish is showing zero consideration for anyone; and needing to prove “listen to me!!! I’m having secks!!!! Yaaaaaayyyyy!!!” is trying too hard.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 2:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   phoenix

      Deprogrammed- no, childish is checking into a motel and being shocked that other people are doing what adults do in hotels. Childish is thinking the world revolves around you. I don’t want to hear people pooping either, but if I go into a public bathroom I’m going to hear it. Do you go into bathrooms and yell at people to hold it until you leave?

      Sep 1, 2014 at 11:26 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Jami

    Hey, at least it was consensual sex. Last year I was staying in The Silver Queen Hotel in Virginia City, NV. Didn’t know it was Nevada Days. Bunch of teens staying in there. One girl kept going to the room next to mine and kept trying to get the boy in there to have sex with her. Offering him threesomes with his current girlfriend, etc. Every single time he turned her down she’d call him gay slurs. She did this for HOURS – breaking off to have sex with other guys – then she’d try for this guy again. Until we finally threatened to call the cops.

    The note I left under her door will hopefully scar her for life.

    Aug 27, 2014 at 7:22 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   DaveS

      You should have posted a copy of the note here!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 1:50 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Jami

      I probably would’ve if not for the fact I was groggy from lack of sleep. Between her saying “Let’s have sex. Come on, please! Come on. Have sex with me you f****t!” and her moans while fucking other guys I didn’t sleep much at all. I really would’ve preferred to share the hotel with the ghosts. They’d be quieter.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 9:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Lil'

      Nothing puts a man in the mood like gay slurs from sloppy seconds – or thirds, or fourths.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 1:04 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Jami

      Exactly. And if she wasn’t calling him the F slur, it was the Q slur or yelling down the hallway about he was homosexual cause he wouldn’t have sex with her.

      And before the night was finished I’m sure she was sloppy tenths.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 5:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   Kasaba

      Don’t know what your note said Jami, but apart from vocalising your clear annoyance with her behavior, I hope that what you said will make her act with greater self-respect in future.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 10:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   Jami

      I let her know that forcing someone to have sex with you is wrong no matter what genders are involved or who’s doing what. I called her a few names too.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 2:09 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   Belaani

      Teenage girl acting like that… I think she’s already pretty badly scarred. Hope she gets through it alive.

      Sep 1, 2014 at 9:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   Jami

      In truth, ALL the teens were acting up. Running up and down the halls, switching rooms, having sex. She was just the worse of the bunch.

      Sep 1, 2014 at 10:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Underwatervulcan

    Stay Creative.
    1(800)HOLIDAY

    Aug 27, 2014 at 8:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   derek fry shaw

    id expect a mother fucking one night stand that litle bitch needs to suck it the fuck up its only ten fucking minutes ive heard worse bitch baby

    Aug 27, 2014 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Poltergeist

      Some people (like these hotel patrons) have sex when they’re drunk. Other people (like you) go on the the internet and type gibberish in comment sections.

      There are so many wonderful things to do when you are drunk!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 1:43 am   rating: 83  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Belle

      You’re in a motel along with a bunch of other strangers. People have sex in motels and sometimes they get loud even when they aren’t under the influence of alcohol or drugs. If you’re so concerned about your children hearing someone in the next motel room having sex then stay at a hotel instead. The nicer ones tend to have thicker walls so you can’t hear your neighbors.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 4:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Poltergeist

    Tell them that the fresh mountain air makes people want to wrestle. In fact, Mommy and Daddy feel like wrestling right about now. Take your little sister and go find the vending machine.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 1:52 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Lita bang

    Talk about getting back to nature.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 3:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   The Elf

    They timed it? How weird is that?! Oh parents, I don’t think it’s the drunken couple we need to be concerned about.

    I say fight fire with fire. Have awesome headboard pounding sex for FOUR minutes.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 6:54 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      …. Then pound on the wall and shout out “Beat that time, fuckers!”

      (Meant to include that with the post. Stupid pre-coffee brain.)

      Aug 28, 2014 at 6:56 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   TGIF

      Yeah- I thought the 3-minute thing was the best part of the note!!!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 6:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   buni

    How timely! I’m leaving on Sunday to spend a week in Yellowstone. Glacier’s on my bucket list too. I also had a dream last night in which I hid inside a parked car to avoid a large black bear.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 7:31 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      Still could have been a large black bear in that room. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Say no more.

      Have fun at Yellowstone!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 8:36 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   assiveProgressive

      if you’re going tent camping at Yellowstone — well, it was nice knowing you. Remember, if you wear bells, the bears will think it’s dinnertime!

      Aug 28, 2014 at 1:43 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   buni

      No tent camping for me. I like the outdoors, but I like a soft bed and indoor plumbing even more.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 3:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Poltergeist

      I spent the night with a big, hairy black bear once. He mauled me in my bed, devoured all the food in my mini fridge, and left the next morning without a goodbye. He was a filthy, disgusting beast.

      …god I miss him.

      Aug 29, 2014 at 2:02 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Ace of Space

    I am sure the headboardbangers were equally annoyed by the children’s noise. Grin and bear it.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 12:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   assiveProgressive

      or, bare it.

      Aug 28, 2014 at 1:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   TheBeastAmongUs

    Stay creative. Perhaps that will help you go longer than 4 minutes. And if you don’t, your creativity will help HER go as long as she needs.

    Aug 28, 2014 at 2:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   phoenix

    I will always be baffled by how perfectly normal people go completely insane once they have kids. They seem to always insist that the rest of the world change to suit them NOW THAT THEY HAVE KIDS DO YOU UNDERSTAND!

    Better 3 minutes of sex than 4 hours of cartoons starting at 5 am on a saturday. Ugh, I wish there were kids free hotels.

    Aug 29, 2014 at 7:49 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   catethulhu

      Million dollar idea. Now I’m wishing I had the capital to open a child-free hotel.
      Yeah, I don’t get the “the world must be suitable for my children” thing. It’s really annoying.

      Aug 30, 2014 at 10:45 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Jami

      There’s a lot of us in the Childfree By Choice world that would LOVE to have childfree hotels to go to. As well as more restaurants and even movie theatres. I don’t care if you have to have the staff go topless – even the ones who have boobs/moobs that sag to their knees – to keep kids out.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 1:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Kasaba

      Adults only hotels do exist, just as family-friendly and pet-friendly establishments do. In Europe they do anyway. I usually stay well clear of any place that labels itself as family-friendly.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 10:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Jami

      People in America tend to throw hissy fits if you try to exclude children. There’s a restaurant in San Francisco that’s getting a lot of negative Yelp reviews because they said for safety reasons they won’t allow strollers and loud children had to leave.

      Aug 31, 2014 at 2:11 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   boomboom

      And I wish there were asshat-free comment sections, but we can’t always get what we want. Truly, the point is not the children, the point is the inconsiderate jerks in the next room. Even if I was alone wanting to jerk off, I still don’t want to hear that from the next room. That’s what good porn is for.

      Sep 10, 2014 at 6:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   dd

      Nah, the point is that the parents don’t want to go through the trouble of explaining anything to their kids or parenting them in any way.

      Sep 11, 2014 at 3:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Raven

      We have a child-free movie theater in Seattle. <3 it. Wish we had more child-free establishments.
      Nothing against those that want and have children, but sometimes I enjoy eating a meal or watching a movie without screaming toddlers. ;)

      Sep 24, 2014 at 11:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Stewart Peterson

    A Mighty Wind, anyone?

    Aug 29, 2014 at 1:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Lizzy

      Making films for a more…mature (wink) audience…

      Aug 30, 2014 at 8:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Lizzy

      Making films for a more…mature (wink) audience…

      Aug 30, 2014 at 8:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Lita bang

    I discovered nature this weekend. (My dad’s cousin owns an elk farm; we went up there to visit but stayed in a hotel.)

    Thankfully, no loud sex. Unfortunately, loud drunken frat boys in the halls till 4 AM.

    I think I’d prefer the loud sex.

    Aug 31, 2014 at 10:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   assiveProgressive

      But was there elk sex on the farm? That would be preceded by some bugling among the males, at least in the wild…

      Sep 1, 2014 at 11:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   The Elf

      Exactly, Lita. Even when the loud sex is headboard-banging, at least you know they can only keep up that pace for a few minutes (3, to be percise.) And then it’s all over but the snoring. If they can keep it going all night at that pace until 4am, then they deserve some applause.

      Sep 2, 2014 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Lita bang

      Ha! No, not yet, aP. Not breeding time yet – dadcousin and husband keep the males and females in separate pens till it’s time to breed.

      Hell, I’d be out there with a bottle of champagne and some medals if the sex lasted till 4 AM like that.

      Sep 3, 2014 at 8:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   The Elf

      Dadcousin? Looks like someone else discovered nature a little too young too.

      Sep 4, 2014 at 10:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Lita bang

      Yeah Elf, the implications hit me shortly after the window for editing my comment was already past. :P Dad’s cousin, obviously.

      Sep 4, 2014 at 3:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   kermit

      The editing thing is still broken (at least in Firefox it is for me), so you couldn’t have fixed it anyway.

      Sep 4, 2014 at 6:45 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Lita bang

      Is it? I hadn’t checked recently, so…well, there is that too then!

      Sep 4, 2014 at 10:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   buni

      I survived my week in Yellowstone! One of the highlights was being greeted by a bugling bull elk when I exited the restaurant after breakfast on the first morning.

      Sep 8, 2014 at 9:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Lita bang

      Lucky! I didn’t get to hear any of the bulls bugle…

      Sep 8, 2014 at 11:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Belle

    She’s just jealous because her SO never made it past 2 minutes

    Sep 1, 2014 at 1:05 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   warns

    Dear Neighbor-

    How about you take this opportunity to tell your kids to mind their own damn business also. You’re not in the penthouse of the beverly wilshire, you’re at a holiday inn express. If something offensive/strange/obnoxious doesn’t happen, you’ve won some kind of prize.

    Sorry that 3 minutes of anything was enough for you to write an embarrassing note to a total stranger. I feel worse for the kids that they’re on vacation with someone like you in the first place, than that they heard something they’ll hear plenty of times in the coming years.

    Sep 2, 2014 at 1:52 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   assiveProgressive

    “The Coming Years: My Life in America’s Crustiest Motels,” by Ms. aP

    Sep 2, 2014 at 11:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Karie

    I wouldn’t complain about three minutes, unless it were truly earth shattering loud. Just sing a song, turn on music or turn on the television. 10:40something is rather late for young children to be up at night, but a mild distraction when they’re already awake will do.

    I’m an adult and I don’t want to hear that. I heard it once while staying at any apartment, and began to sing and pound the wall in rhythm to it–I never heard it again.

    Sep 8, 2014 at 12:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
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    Sep 15, 2014 at 10:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   gclure bang

    Next time, quietly masturbate.

    Oct 11, 2014 at 12:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up