Hide Green Tomatoes!

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September 18th, 2014 · 43 comments

Emma in Canada spotted this very un-Canadian note today in her neighborhood.

Some asshole ate my ripe tomato - so now I have to eat my tomatoes not ripe to keep the their [sic] from enjoying months of watering + work. Don't steal any more JERK

Meanwhile, Christa in North Carolina apparently takes her ripe tomatoes quite seriously, too.

Steal from our garden again & I'll cut your fucking head off. K thanks bye! XOXO Christa

related: Attack of the tomato killers!

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · stealing · xoxo

43 responses so far ↓

#1 Lita

You say tomato, I say passive-aggressive?

Sep 18, 2014 at 7:48 pm rating: 90

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#2 Wendy Jane

I think this is a perfect example of how different our countries are – Canada resigns themselves to eating their tomatoes before they’re ripe and America says they will cut off the head of someone who steals their tomatoes again.

USA! USA! USA!

Sep 18, 2014 at 8:02 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 The Elf
  
  Damn straight!
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 7:53 am rating: 90
- #2.2 FeRD
  
  Yeah! Damn heterosexuals!
  
  Sep 23, 2014 at 1:42 pm rating: 90
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#3 Jami

Um, wouldn’t it be better to grow your tomatoes in your back yard? Or at least close to your house instead of really close to the street?

Also how do they know it wasn’t an animal that ate their tomatoes?

Sep 18, 2014 at 9:25 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 The Elf
  
  My ripe tomatoes were stolen too….. by deer.
  
  And I can’t even hunt them legally!
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 7:52 am rating: 90
- #3.2 oh please
  
  Here we go again, blaming the victim! But seriously, sometimes you have to put your plants where the growing conditions are best. For me one year, that was in pots on the garage roof. In my new place, it’s in pots in my driveway, which is close to the sidewalk, and I suppose could make it easier to steal.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 3:28 pm rating: 90
- #3.3 Jami
  
  If the soil in your backyard isn’t good enough, either do something about it, or plant them in a pot and keep them closer to the house. Growing them next to the street invites people to pick them.
  
  It’s not like when someone used to rip my geraniums up by the roots and toss them in the street. (And ONLY my geraniums. They left all the other flowers alone.) It’s someone picking a ripe veggie from a plant that frankly can grow like a weed if even so much as one of the fruit falls and splatters.
  
  Sep 22, 2014 at 10:32 am rating: 90
- #3.4 Raichu
  
  It “invites” no such thing. People choose to steal.
  
  Sep 22, 2014 at 3:58 pm rating: 90
- #3.5 SrslyPissedOff
  
  Wow, Jami, do you also tell women it was their fault they got assaulted because of what they were wearing?!! Stop victim blaming! No one “invites” bad things to happen – people decide to act badly – that’s where you need to direct your tendency to judge.
  
  Sep 23, 2014 at 6:20 pm rating: 90
- #3.6 labdude
  
  Middle Eastern wisdom:
  “The wise man trusts in Allah, but ties his camel.”
  
  People do indeed *choose* to do bad things. One can *choose* to either ignore this fact, or prepare for it. But, my sympathy for the unprepared is somewhat tempered.
  
  Sep 24, 2014 at 11:45 am rating: 90
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#4 Tasha Who?

I spy a couple of tomatoes that look close yo ripe in the garden of the Canadian victim. Guilt trip thwarted.

Sep 18, 2014 at 10:33 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Tasha Who?
  
  *To, not yo. WordPress apparently wants to out me and my fat-fingered antics.
  
  Sep 18, 2014 at 10:38 pm rating: 90
- #4.2 The Elf
  
  Considering how close those tomatoes are to the street, the use of slang is entirely appropriate, yo.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 7:54 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Misa
  
  The note-writer is now afraid to allow those orange tomatoes to fully ripen because the thief might take those, too. Home grown tomatoes are usually picked after they are deep red & very ripe for best flavor, unlike those atrocities called “vine-ripened” tomatoes they sell in grocery stores that have a bit of vine on them but were likely cut off while still green. Not sure whether or not I feel sorry for people who have never had a tomato that was actually allowed to fully ripen on the plant before it was picked…on one hand they’ve never experienced this delicacy…but on the other hand they don’t end up hating the taste of tomatoes served in 99% of restaurants.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 9:11 pm rating: 90
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#5 assiveProgressive

Oh, you nasty theif!

Sep 19, 2014 at 12:27 am rating: 90

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#6 whitney

Um, have these people never heard of rabbits? I think they’re looking for a culprit in the wrong species…

Sep 19, 2014 at 6:39 am rating: 90

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#7 Rattus

The notes are pointless. Raccoons are quite clever, but they can’t read.

Sep 19, 2014 at 7:27 am rating: 90

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- #7.1 Tasha Who?
  
  Or they CAN read, and just accepted the challenge.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 9:15 am rating: 90
- #7.2 The Elf
  
  But what if the raccoon wants it really bad, more than the other guy?
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 1:58 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 Jami
  
  I was going to make a Rocket Raccoon reference but was beaten to it.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 8:24 pm rating: 90
- #7.4 Kacie
  
  Still illegal!
  
  Sep 20, 2014 at 12:24 am rating: 90
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#8 Poltergeist

I didn’t even think “asshole” was a part of Canadian vernacular.

Sep 19, 2014 at 9:57 am rating: 90

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- #8.1 kaetra
  
  They misspelled “hoser”
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 11:58 am rating: 90
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#9 Dane Zeller

Simma down, now. Simma down. Have you checked the security camera? Nah. Didn’t think so.

Sep 19, 2014 at 12:24 pm rating: 90

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#10 Ace of Space

Fences make good neighbors.

Sep 19, 2014 at 3:41 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 kermit
  
  Electric fences make better neighbors. And if they don’t, at least your plants won’t get stolen.
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 5:49 pm rating: 90
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#11 Haggie

If it is within arm’s reach of a public thoroughfare, I consider to be shared. Grow your food in your backyard if you don’t want it taken. I’m sure your neighbors would appreciate it too.

Sep 19, 2014 at 5:12 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 poopypants
  
  So if it’s easy to steal it’s meant to be stolen?
  
  Sep 19, 2014 at 8:38 pm rating: 90
- #11.2 JoDa
  
  Sorry, but no. Edible vegetation can be very attractive, and most people who turn their landscaping into a food garden take better care of it than those who go with plants that have no greater purpose than looking pretty.
  
  I’m glad I have neighbors who are respectful, and have gone so far as to accidentally call out a friend I sent out to get some herbs out of the “landscaping.”
  
  Sep 20, 2014 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
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#12 corvidae

I have a pear tree in my front yard with ripe pears falling all over the place. My neighbors always stop and ask if they can take them, even though it is clear that I can’t begin to deal with them all.

Sep 20, 2014 at 1:14 am rating: 90

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- #12.1 JoDa
  
  This would be the proper manners. Also, if you don’t want to deal with people asking so often (not snark, but I can see getting frustrated when the 5th person that day knocks on the door), put them in a box with “free” on the side near the sidewalk. My neighbors just did this with their raspberries. OMG RASPBERRY TARTS!
  
  Sep 20, 2014 at 3:22 pm rating: 90
- #12.2 TGIF
  
  Yum!!!
  
  Sep 20, 2014 at 7:49 pm rating: 90
- #12.3 Jami
  
  Or put a sign on the tree that says “Yes, you may pick some. Just leave some for me.”
  
  Sep 21, 2014 at 12:36 am rating: 90
- #12.4 JoDa
  
  ^Also a good idea (puts that in the book of good ideas).
  
  Sep 21, 2014 at 1:36 am rating: 90
- #12.5 JoDa
  
  Also, TGIF, I *do* know how to put fruits to their best use. My condo building allows us very small plots around the building to grow stuff, so it’s mostly herbs and leafy greens, but I dream of the day that I have a yard I can plant a fruit tree and berry bushes in. In the meantime, I rely on my neighbors’ bounty of peaches and raspberries.
  
  Sep 21, 2014 at 1:39 am rating: 90
- #12.6 Raichu
  
  Corvidae, I love your username. /off-topic
  
  Sep 22, 2014 at 5:53 pm rating: 90
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#13 Zero Our Hero

So, 25 conments and no one has made a ‘fucking delicious’ reference?! Bravo, PANsies, Bravo!

Sep 20, 2014 at 1:24 am rating: 90

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- #13.1 Iwill FindU
  
  That’s because every one knows home grown tomatoes are delicious, and so you can’t be sarcastic about it. And we love being sarcastic.
  
  Sep 20, 2014 at 10:55 am rating: 90
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#14 Ellen Rittgers

On the other hand, I might be tempted to very carefully gather some poison ivy leaves and rub them all over some selected sacrificial tomatoes. Think of the pious sense of satisfaction in helping to elevate someone’s faltering honesty!

Sep 21, 2014 at 5:04 pm rating: 90

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#15 buni

This just in…from my spam folder:

“Consuming red tomatoes linked to death”

“DONT have anything with tomatoes for breakfast, lunch, or dinner”

Oct 6, 2014 at 2:10 pm rating: 90

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- #15.1 The Elf
  
  Stupid Hormel. Always trying to get people to eat spam instead of tomatoes.
  
  Would they be okay with spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam?
  
  Oct 6, 2014 at 2:24 pm rating: 90
- #15.2 Lita
  
  But I don’t like spam!
  
  Oct 6, 2014 at 4:16 pm rating: 90
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