Out submitter in Chicago notes that, remarkably enough, within a day or so of this note being posted (or rather, secured with packing tape to the floor), the oh-so-pretty doormat magically reappeared!
(I’d like to imagine that this was the stolen doormat in question.)
related: Wrath mat
extra credit: How to keep a doormat from being stolen [metafilter.com]
26 responses so far ↓
#1
kaetra
Someone probably moved it to vacuum and forgot to put it back or something like that. I doubt a true thief would be shamed into returning an item. Plus what would you do with a doormat you stole from someone in your building? You wouldn’t put it in front of your own door??? Or… would you…
Sep 26, 2014 at 11:10 am rating: 90
#2
Mattilda
You could put it inside your door.
Sep 26, 2014 at 11:21 am rating: 90
#3
MikeM
I like to think their dog pooped on it and they were so ashamed and embarrassed that they swiped it, cleaned it, and returned it.
Sep 26, 2014 at 11:40 am rating: 90
#4
Poltergeist
All you need to do to make a thief return your stolen property is call them a dumb fuckin’ asshole? Somebody really should tell the police about this flawless negotiation tactic. It could really come in handy during bank robberies and hostage situations.
Sep 26, 2014 at 11:55 am rating: 90
#5
Dane Zeller
Logically, the sign (“this”) could not “used to be a pretty doormat.” The sign used to be a blank piece of cardboard. It’s a confusion between what something is, and what something stands for. They cannot be the same.
The writer of the note, in the literary world, is some dumb fucking asshole. But, that’s just my opinion. ICBW.
Sep 27, 2014 at 2:34 pm rating: 90
#6
Jami
I’ve decided that the doormat was not stolen. It just developed a consciousness and decided it was tired of being treated like, well, a doormat. So it took off thinking to see the world and find itself. But then it heard about the note that called it “pretty” and realized that it doesn’t have to find itself, it was already found. So it returned to it’s home, knowing it is a pretty doormat.
And if you can make sense of my rambling, want to come home with me and watch Doctor Who?
Sep 27, 2014 at 4:34 pm rating: 90
#7
Lita
Now this is one doormat that’s not gonna let you walk all over it!
Sep 27, 2014 at 5:12 pm rating: 90
#8
Roxy Random
To me it looks like “dumb fackin’ asshole,” but that’s me.
Sep 28, 2014 at 1:40 pm rating: 90
#9
strawberrylaundry
when i read the title, i sing it in my head to the tune of Madonna’s song…
Oct 2, 2014 at 11:02 am rating: 90
#10
juniper
Doesn’t it make more sense that the sign writers bought a new one rather than it was returned?
Oct 5, 2014 at 9:45 am rating: 90
#11
explainer videos
Aw, this was a very good post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate
a really good article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and don’t seem to get anything
done.
Jan 7, 2015 at 1:40 am rating: 90
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