Candy rationing is now in place!

October 21st, 2014 · 40 comments

Previously, our submitter says, bowls of candy sat in an area of the office most commonly populated by waiting customer and potential hires.

“Now, instead of candy, most of them get to see this note. It provides them with things to think about as they wait, such as: How many Jolly Ranchers, Starlight Mints, and other candies which are neither chocolate nor caramel may one take from each bowl?”

STOP and READ!  Attention Candy Lovers!  Due to the sudden interest in candy the FCA has asked me to start RESTRICTING the amount of candy we consume daily. Candy will only be available between 1:00pm-3:00pm Monday-Friday!  Only take one piece of caramel or chocolate candy from each bowl if necessary!  Thank you for your cooperation!

recently: More office candy bowl drama

FILED UNDER: candy · office · office cop

40 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Lisa

    … because that is definitely the first impression we want to give customers and potential hires!

    Oct 21, 2014 at 2:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   MizOtis

    This sign is obnoxious, even though I’m a little bit Team Candy Restriction; I used to always have a popular candy bowl in my office because I put out the best chocolate! I definitely wanted the candy to be eaten and made sure to take out any which weren’t “selling”…it’s just that some people would literally take so much in a handful right in front of my very surprised eyes that they could barely get it into their greedy coat pockets without spilling it. Stop by and have a chocolate or two, I’d love you to! Want handfuls of them? Buy your own damn bag, mongrels! Sheesh!

    Oct 21, 2014 at 2:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   kermit

      I agree with this sentiment since it doesn’t sound like you’re the receptionist/greeter.

      At the reception, you can’t really put up a sign like this without coming off as a stingy meanie. In such instances, the only recourse you really have with the candy stealers is to get the crappy candy that nobody wants to eat in the first place.

      I don’t know why you would have candy give-aways at your desk if you’re not in reception, though. Personally, I hate it when people come by to interrupt my flow of work. If I’m scheduling a meeting, sure I’ll bring candy and other foodstuff, but otherwise, move along and let me do my work before I active my fart noise gadget.

      Oct 21, 2014 at 4:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   MizOtis

      That’s hilarious…I don’t really know why I kept the bowl full, either. So much of my work relied on comparing tables of information and other such minutiae and one person stopping by to gratefully grab a treat would be lovely but inevitably set me back a good 10 minutes in bright conversation and then back to finding my place again. I guess I just loved my people more than I loved the challenge of keeping my ADD from affecting my work.

      Oct 21, 2014 at 4:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   JoDa

      I don’t *keep* candy in my office, but I often bring some in after trips/vacations. There’s a reason why some people aren’t on the email that I have candy on my desk… (I figure they’ll hear it through the grapevine at some point, but hopefully leaving them off the email will give others a chance to grab some before they take most of it)

      Oct 24, 2014 at 6:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   JoDa

      And, for the record, the reason why I bring candy in, even though I’m not in reception, is threefold.

      One, to show appreciation for those who covered for me while I was out (whether on business or pleasure…I usually send them an email first and ask them to stop by and grab a treat before I notify the “general public”).

      Two is because I like my coworkers and want to bring a little joy into the office.

      The third is because I do one-on-one training and assistance in my office, which can sometimes be intense. A piece of candy is a nice pick-me-up when someone comes in for in-depth training lasting an hour or more or intensive assistance where we stare at code and data for the same hour or more.

      We also incorporate candy into a lot of our small-group training (giving it out for right answers or using it as a “sample” (using the colors of skittles or starbursts as the sample, for example) to demonstrate how to process data). We find we get a lot of people signing up for training when they hear candy is involved. :)

      Oct 24, 2014 at 6:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   The Elf

      I usually bring a treat in for the office after a vacation for the same reason, especially since my immediate back-up really does cover my ass. But we have a designated “treat spot” that isn’t on my desk and that works best. I just make sure I tell him I’m putting it out.

      Oct 25, 2014 at 7:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   JoDa

      A treat spot would work nicely except that (a) my office doesn’t have one and (b) I’m a computer geek by day. While I do have people in for training and debugging, I often go days without seeing another human in my office. I kind of like it when people stop by…

      Oct 28, 2014 at 7:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   The Beast Among Us


    Who are you?!

    WHO ARE YOU!?!?

    Oct 21, 2014 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   kermit

      The FCA is the Federal Candy Administration.

      (And no, they don’t have a candy czar. The ran out of czars when they appointed the Ebola czar.)

      Oct 21, 2014 at 7:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   The Elf

      He can do double duty. Just don’t mix them up.

      Oct 22, 2014 at 6:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   kermit

      So only one Ebola per person? Got it.

      Oct 22, 2014 at 7:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Ava Jhon

    It is surely a best piece of writing while reading your listed information. You make me much more satisfied to publish this post.

    Superman Smallville Jacket

    Oct 21, 2014 at 6:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      This is what happens when you eat half the bowl and go on a sugar high. That’s why you’re limited to only ONE caramel or chocolate. Let that be a lesson to us all.

      Oct 23, 2014 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   NonnyMus

      Those are the most convincing product reviews I’ve read in my entire life!! Sadly, none of them addressed the issue of why the jacket can’t be made to lie smoothly on a mannequin.

      Oct 23, 2014 at 1:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   sansible

      Wow! That jacket really keeps the eye of the admiring observer as such only a detail work of quality can! I am sure to buy one as a most excellent gift for here at my American address!

      Oct 23, 2014 at 3:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   sansible

      [because I can't seem to edit my post: Oh, yes, that is meant to be in sarcasm font. I do copy editing and some of my source material is from non native English speakers]

      Oct 23, 2014 at 3:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   juniper

      #2 nailed their response

      Nov 2, 2014 at 7:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Lita bang

    I’d grab an entire handful just to piss them off. And I’m not even a big candy eater.

    Oct 21, 2014 at 7:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   The Elf

    This sign is useless without a checklist of names and signed receipts. In triplicate.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 6:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Poltergeist

    “One Piece Only Please”

    That’s all the sign needed to say. Instead, we get this masterpiece from the self-appointed office comedian. Hmm, I’m suddenly in the mood for 3 pieces of candy.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 6:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   kaetra

    Solution: Use a Candy Dispenser that accepts tokens. Issue one token per person when they sign in. ;)

    Oct 22, 2014 at 12:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   kaetra

      I have a candy dispenser on my desk and I reward co-workers with tokens when they please me. I train them like dogs. It’s highly effective, you should try it. It also makes the office B*tch very jealous because she never gets any tokens. Poor little Office B.

      Oct 23, 2014 at 9:03 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   The Elf

      You skinnerboxed your coworkers! I think I love you.

      Oct 23, 2014 at 1:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Upstater

    “Only take one piece…if necessary!”
    What does that mean? Does the business cater to hypoglycemics? I love candy as much as anyone, but I don’t consider it a necessity.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 12:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   L

      Chocolate isn’t actually the best when you’re crashing for immediate sugar release. Too much fat. Short-term, you want more pure sugar like orange juice or rockets, something that’ll go fast and spike your blood sugar.

      Long term, a balance of fat, carbs, and protein will balance you best.

      Oct 23, 2014 at 3:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   magicdomino

      I get pretty cranky if I don’t have my minimum daily serving of chocolate. My co-workers may consider chocoate a necessity. Fortunately for them, there is a stash in my desk drawer.

      Oct 27, 2014 at 12:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Jae

      Redundant. It’s always necessary!

      Nov 28, 2014 at 8:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Upstater

    I guess we need the Candy Czar to rule on what is necessary candy intake.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 12:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Kasaba

    Laxative. Laced. Candy.

    1 piece = you’re now regular, thank me later.
    2 pieces = you’ll be galloping to the loo all day.
    3 pieces = say “hello, liquid” to your insides.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 1:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   kermit

      Laxatives are the most popular over the counter medication because people are morons who won’t eat fiber.. So having laxative-laced candy will just encourage them to take more of it.

      Oct 22, 2014 at 1:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Lita bang

      So, sugar-free gummies.

      Oct 22, 2014 at 7:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   L

      Which often serves the same purpose as laxatives. (The fake sugar can be hard on some stomachs. Also aspartame tastes SO bitter to me.)

      Oct 23, 2014 at 3:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   buni

    The majority of “free candy” available in my office is old & stale. If I want the good stuff, I bring my own and hide it.

    Oct 22, 2014 at 2:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Belle


    Oct 22, 2014 at 2:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Snicklefritz

      In my best Sammy Davis Junior voice

      Who can take a sunrise.
      Sprinkle it with dew.
      Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two.
      The Candy Man.
      The Candy Man can.

      Oct 24, 2014 at 9:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   spike

    This idiocy is brought to you by Americans’ sick and pathetic addiction to sugar and obsession with food.

    –your public service announcer

    Oct 25, 2014 at 4:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Roxy Random

    Happy fucking Halloween, bitch. Hope your house gets egged, TPed, and all your pumpkins smashed.

    Oct 26, 2014 at 1:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Maea

    This is the kind of thing that would turn me off.

    I once had two job offers (much to my surprise) that were very similar. They were both in a city several hours away. Both phoned to make the offer. One office called collect. I chose the other one because I thought it was pretty stingy to call the unemployed student collect. Turns out it was probably the wrong choice, but that’s how I decided.

    Oct 31, 2014 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Kathy

    FCA = Federal Candy Authority?

    Nov 26, 2014 at 10:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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