On the naughty list

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December 19th, 2014 · 50 comments

Our submitter in Townsville, Australia says that Christmas decorating season is in full swing.Unfortunately, all those strings of lights have set off a string of front-yard vandalism as well. And in Townsville, people take their Christmas lights seriously.

In the spirit of the season, one disgruntled resident has added this sign to his decor. “I’m not sure how the choice profanity will go down with hundreds of cars full of children passing by every night,” she writes. (Please note that our submitter has pre-censored the profanity from the photo, in deference to our readers’ delicate sensibilities.)

To the mongrel who stole all my solar candy canes and broke my fairy lights - I hope you're happy with yourself. Wishing you a big Merry Fuck you!!

Meanwhile, in Michigan, I think this local news headline says it all:
Beheaded Mickey Mouse Christmas decoration leaves Davison resident upset, children scared

Well, in any case, it says considerably more than the accompanying photo of this terrifying scene:

My favorite quote from the article:

“She was able to sew Mickey back together and use some Gorilla tape to patch up the gingerbread man, but some of her children’s innocence has been lost.”

extra credit: “Queenslander risks death for killer Christmas light display” [abc news brisbane]

FILED UNDER: Australia · Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · the F word · Won't somebody think of the children?

50 responses so far ↓

#1 MW

From the town of Townsville? Send the Powerpuff Girls to find your candy canes.

Dec 19, 2014 at 10:28 am rating: 90

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- #1.1 pooham
  
  The culprit was most likely MoJo JoJo. Him would never destroy lovely Christmas lights and decorations.
  
  Dec 31, 2014 at 9:36 am rating: 90
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#2 Jami

I don’t get vandalism. “Oh, I don’t own this so I’m going to destroy it/spray paint it/put it into sexual poses” – God, if you want to destroy Christmas decorations, go down to a store that sells them cheap, buy them, and then destroy them. Don’t wreck other peoples’ property!

Dec 19, 2014 at 10:58 am rating: 90

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- #2.1 Lita
  
  Bashing up someone else’s stuff seems to be the whole idea. Why bash up your own stuff? You’d just have to pay your own money to replace it.
  
  Dec 19, 2014 at 11:24 am rating: 90
- #2.2 kermit
  
  Just spit ballin’ here, but if you have some long-festering issues with somebody, ruining their Christmas decorations is a good way to go about it.
  
  This kind of thing is especially effective for people who seem to care about their decorations a lot by the fact that they spend a lot of money dressing up their property.
  
  Dec 19, 2014 at 11:55 am rating: 90
- #2.3 Jami
  
  I have a neighbor who puts up tacky inflatable decorations and plays Trans Siberian Orchestra for HOURS every Christmas. I still wouldn’t destroy her ornaments. The drunk kids walking home from the local bars though sure do love to post her deer to make it look like they’re fucking.
  
  I now hate TSO thanks to this woman though.
  
  Dec 19, 2014 at 8:36 pm rating: 90
- #2.4 JoDa
  
  We had the BEST prank in high school, and it didn’t destroy anything, just took time to clean it up. We’d go to Costco and get a GIANT box of plastic forks. Think 500 plastic forks. Then we’d get a group together and “fork” the lawn in the middle of the night (this works better after it’s rained, since they go in easier and without breaking). We mostly used it to prank people we were friendly with, but it would work as revenge WITHOUT actually destroying anything. You know how long it takes to pull out a couple hundred plastic forks stuck in the front lawn? I do, because we cleaned a few of them up after our “victim” saw the prank (not that long if you have 10 people doing it…a long time with 1 or 2 people).
  
  Dec 19, 2014 at 10:28 pm rating: 90
- #2.5 The Elf
  
  Yeah, there’s nothing stopping you from putting your own decorations in sexually explicit poses. That’s what I do with ours, here at the North Pole.
  
  It’s not called the Pole for nothin’
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 2:07 pm rating: 90
- #2.6 Lita
  
  I was going to make a comment about hot elf action, but then I remembered I promised not to talk about those tapes…
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
- #2.7 The Elf
  
  What happens at the Pole stays at the Pole, Lita. You don’t want to be on the naughty list.
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 3:29 pm rating: 90
- #2.8 kermit
  
  Hold on, we don’t want to be on the naughty list? But isn’t that were all the naughty presents are?
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 8:52 pm rating: 90
- #2.9 kermit
  
  ^where
  
  *shakes fist at editor*
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 8:53 pm rating: 90
- #2.10 Poltergeist
  
  All the fun people end up on the naughty list, just like how all the fun people end up in hell.
  
  Dec 23, 2014 at 12:46 am rating: 90
- #2.11 Jami
  
  Don’t you know those on the naughty list get eaten by Krampus? And NOT in the fun way.
  
  Dec 23, 2014 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
- #2.12 The Elf
  
  Are you sure? I figured he had that absurdly long tongue for a reason.
  
  Dec 24, 2014 at 6:44 am rating: 90
- #2.13 Jami
  
  Are you saying Krampus sits in bars and licks his eyebrows, Elf?
  
  Dec 24, 2014 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
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#3 James

*you’re

Dec 19, 2014 at 11:21 am rating: 90

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#4 molly

so is it on the gold coast or in townsville? there is literally several thousand kilometres between the places name dropped here.

Dec 19, 2014 at 1:40 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Dan
  
  I’d say the busted decorations are in Townsville.
  
  Dec 19, 2014 at 3:00 pm rating: 90
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#5 assiveProgressive

So the cop in the article is telling people to call 911 if they see someone vandalizing Christmas decorations. I’m sorry, but isn’t 911 for EMERGENCIES? Seeing someone cutting up a tacky blow-up Mickey Mouse is not my idea of an emergency. And by the way, Jami, I think it’s hilarious whenever deer are placed in “position.”

Dec 20, 2014 at 1:49 am rating: 90

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- #5.1 JoDa
  
  It depends on where you live how 911 is used. Here (DC), you call 911 to get police, fire, ambulance, period. Emergency, non-emergency, THEY decide, once you call in. If you call the station, even for something as simple as “some punks beheaded my holiday gnome,” they will transfer you to 911.
  
  Dec 20, 2014 at 3:38 am rating: 90
- #5.2 Jami
  
  I just hate all the drunk 20 somethings that sound like drunk 12 year olds who walk down our street at 1 am, AP. Hate them and everything they do.
  
  Dec 20, 2014 at 11:18 am rating: 90
- #5.3 Lita
  
  I’ll join you in that hate, Jami. It is a furious hate indeed.
  
  Dec 20, 2014 at 6:39 pm rating: 90
- #5.4 L
  
  Yeah, once I was at the library. Some kid missed his bus (which is like an hour’s bus ride through highway and the woods and like, it ain’t a short drive), LEFT SCHOOL, and walked to the library and told the librarian. (What.)
  
  So the kid’s parents aren’t home, don’t have cell phones, and he’s got no emergency number to call… and the school is probably closed now.
  
  The librarian calls the non-emergency number and no one answers, so she called 911. I think they scolded her, but seriously, what was she supposed to do?
  
  Dec 21, 2014 at 1:44 am rating: 90
- #5.5 Kasaba
  
  When I was a kid, my mom’s work number was the number I knew best, for obvious reasons.
  
  Kid should have asked to use the phone to call mom/dad/aunt/uncle/older sibling at home/work.
  
  Dec 21, 2014 at 8:57 am rating: 90
- #5.6 Jami
  
  911 was in the wrong.
  
  Here we actually have a special number for kids left at the library 15 minutes past closing. It’s connected to both the police and social services.
  
  Dec 21, 2014 at 10:29 am rating: 90
- #5.7 Poltergeist
  
  L: Clearly she was supposed to take the child home with her and raise him as her own.
  
  Dec 23, 2014 at 1:15 am rating: 90
- #5.8 L
  
  @Kasaba: Apparently he didn’t know any numbers. Which is why he shouldn’t have left SCHOOL in the first place. And when I was in the same school just a few years before that, there was actually a phone outside the office that was specially for students to use to make calls after school, so the phone wasn’t the issue, really.
  
  @Jami Yeah, like… when the police station doesn’t answer, are you just supposed to stare at this kid until the next day??? Do what Poltergeist said and take him home and raise him as her own??? lol
  
  Dec 24, 2014 at 4:17 pm rating: 90
- #5.9 Kasaba
  
  Anyone thinking Victor from Les Revenants?
  
  Dec 29, 2014 at 4:05 pm rating: 90
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#6 Mandy

Townsville isn’t part of the Gold Coast! It’s 1300 km north- or about 1000 miles. I live there lol

Dec 20, 2014 at 6:47 am rating: 90

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#7 danezeller

I’m not sure what “your happy” is. I say, if you can’t use the language well, you deserve to have your reindeer humping each other. That’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Not likely, though.

Dec 20, 2014 at 10:17 am rating: 90

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#8 Belaani

A broken Mickey “frightened the children”? Are you fucking kidding me? – it was probably the precious snowflakes that did the dastardly deed!

Dec 20, 2014 at 7:07 pm rating: 90

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- #8.1 The Elf
  
  You say frighten, I say educated. Mickey’s dead, just like I’ll be some day. And you, and your little brother, and the dog, and everyone you know. We’re all gonna die. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. FOREVER.
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 2:11 pm rating: 90
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#9 Patti

Too bad the submitter didn’t see fit to pre-censor the bad spelling. That is far more offensive to our delicate sensibilities than the merry expletive.

Dec 21, 2014 at 4:24 am rating: 90

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#10 sunshynegrll

‘Wishing you a big Merry [Christmas,] you!’
Yeah, I can see why they censored that. ‘Christmas’ is the dirtiest word.

From the article: “It’s not called the silly season for sensible activity” …do Australians really call it ‘the silly season’?

Dec 22, 2014 at 6:10 am rating: 90

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- #10.1 Rita
  
  Yes. Many of us do call it the silly season, cause everyone goes freaking nuts. I basically try to avoid the shops for all of december.
  
  Jan 7, 2015 at 10:29 pm rating: 90
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#11 havingfitz

Even as a tiny child, I hated Mickey and thought he was a sanctimonious little bastard. So much so that Little Me even went as far as to destroy anything Mickey-related I was given. I just need to figure out how the heck I got to Michigan the other night…

Dec 22, 2014 at 9:33 am rating: 90

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- #11.1 Lita
  
  Fitz, what did we tell you about drinking that reindeer nog?
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 1:57 pm rating: 90
- #11.2 The Elf
  
  Have two helpings, the family will be here soon?
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 2:11 pm rating: 90
- #11.3 havingfitz
  
  Stop adding juicy bits of real reindeer? It’s called PULP and it’s good for you!
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 4:28 pm rating: 90
- #11.4 The Elf
  
  Mmmmm….. Fiber……
  
  Oh, wait, no. That’s just hair.
  
  Dec 22, 2014 at 8:16 pm rating: 90
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#12 cloop

I like to steal decorations

Dec 26, 2014 at 1:46 pm rating: 90

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#13 Raichu

Destroying peoples’ stuff isn’t cool. But rearranging it to look dirty is funny.

I guess I’m forever 15 years old

Dec 27, 2014 at 2:31 am rating: 90

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#14 havingfitz

I’ve never done it, but I’ve always wanted to steal Baby Jesus from a nativity scene and leave behind a note that says “Ha! This time I win! Love, Herod!”

Dec 29, 2014 at 8:52 am rating: 90

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- #14.1 The Elf
  
  You totally shouldn’t do it, since stealing is wrong and all, but I can just picture the scene. It would be worth setting up a nativity for that alone.
  
  Dec 29, 2014 at 3:18 pm rating: 90
- #14.2 Jami
  
  I forget where I saw it – might’ve even been on PAN – but I remember someone kept stealing the baby Jesus from many public mangers cause officially he’s not suppose to be put into the manager until Christmas eve.
  
  Dec 29, 2014 at 9:34 pm rating: 90
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#15 assiveProgressive

did they even steal Zombie Jesus? Did you hear about that one? The guy in Ohio put up a zombie nativity scene, but was ordered to take it down because the size of the manger exceeded zoning regulations for structures. Or so they said.

Dec 30, 2014 at 9:54 am rating: 90

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- #15.1 Jami
  
  Or maybe it’s because the story of Jesus coming back is closer related to vampire mythology than Hollywood zombies and the vampires were offended no one will acknowledge Vampire Jesus.
  
  Dec 30, 2014 at 10:54 am rating: 90
- #15.2 assiveProgressive
  
  Vampires are running the government in Ohio, perhaps. In any case, it’s obviously the War against Christmas rearing its demonic head.
  
  Dec 30, 2014 at 8:05 pm rating: 90
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#16 Chris Rohrer

I don’t know would behead Mickey but maybe it was in the fashion of the cryofrozen Walt? Either way it’s all very cringe worthy stuff…..

Dec 31, 2014 at 11:15 am rating: 90

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