Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Biblio-bully

← Bees? Don’t let the fat cat fool you →

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Biblio-bully

April 2nd, 2015 · 59 comments

Our submitter, Lee, says he recently went to the library in search of some subjects for drawing practice. While browsing the botany section, he flipped open a particularly old and musty book when suddenly…OH, SNAP!

You have no life b/c you are at a library reading a leaf book.

related: Pages missing (all)

FILED UNDER: library

59 responses so far ↓

#1 Jami

Gee, I remember as kids when we just left random clippings from porn magazines in library books.

Apr 2, 2015 at 8:16 pm rating: 91

reply to this comment
- #1.1 AP
  
  Nowadays that would get you on the sex offender registry…
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 12:51 am rating: 90
- #1.2 Jami
  
  True. But my friends thought it was funny.
  
  Me, I was just confused at the pictures. Why was that woman’s face between the man’s legs and vise-versa?
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 11:22 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Mizna
  
  Get A Look Back To Your Nostalgic Childhood Memories!!!
  http://worldschoolphotographs.net/
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 1:30 am rating: 90
- #1.4 Jami
  
  No thanks, spammer. My childhood memories are not nostalgic. I wouldn’t want to relive any of them. They were full of bullying and self esteem destroying peers and teachers.
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 10:18 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#2 knitchic

Wow, the snark is strong in this one. Rock on little padawan, rock on.

Apr 2, 2015 at 9:48 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#3 VM

…b/c leaving dismissive notes at the library for unknown readers to find is so much more life-affirming?

Apr 2, 2015 at 9:59 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #3.1 The Elf
  
  Clearly, note-writer has no life.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 7:05 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#4 Chinchillazilla

This one made me actually laugh out loud.

Apr 2, 2015 at 11:30 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#5 The Beast Among Us

A leaf book, or a book about leaves?

Apr 3, 2015 at 12:55 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#6 sunshynegrll

“Brian! What is best in life?”

“Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Spend all Saturday in the library looking at pictures of leaves.”

Apr 3, 2015 at 3:24 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#7 assiveProgressive

anytime I find myself hanging around the library on my day off, I think I’m lame. With all the stuff online these days, I don’t visit as often now.

Apr 3, 2015 at 8:58 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #7.1 kermit
  
  You’re not lame at all. There’s nothing quite like the tactile experience of leafing through old books. And it’s especially enjoyable if the library is architecturally awesome, like the Library of Congress, British Library, etc.
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 10:30 am rating: 90
- #7.2 L
  
  Man, I WORK at the library and I still get distracted by books XD
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 8:04 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 The Elf
  
  We used to have dates at the library and book stores. Cheap entertainment. If “lame” is reading for pleasure, count me in.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 7:09 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#8 pooham

I wish I were allowed to check this leaf book out.

Apr 3, 2015 at 10:32 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#9 Karen

I’d make a new note saying, How clever you are to spend time reading books! I try to be positive not negative.

Apr 3, 2015 at 11:11 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #9.1 rushgirl2112
  
  I try to have a sense of humor.
  
  Apr 5, 2015 at 8:16 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#10 Poltergeist

I’m 13 years old and I’m so cool! I go to the library to make fun of people for reading books, and when I play hooky, I stand outside the school to make fun of everybody else for going to school!

Apr 3, 2015 at 11:52 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #10.1 JoDa
  
  HAHAHAHA…when I was in high school, many of the kids who cut constantly could be seen walking around the area of the school. I get that they may have been avoiding home and the immediate area around their home so their parents didn’t see them, but the town was big enough that there were SURELY better places to hang out than within a block of the school! If you’re going to show up in the area, why not come inside where it’s (somewhat) warm and just sleep in class or whatever?
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 7:40 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 lily
  
  But where’s the fun in playing hooky if nobody sees you doing it?
  
  (No one will notice they’re away, so they have to MAKE SURE you see them having more fun than you, apparently.)
  
  Apr 5, 2015 at 6:12 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#11 Belaani

Too bad some rotten apple had to plant a note in hopes of wilting someone’s spirit. What a sap.

Apr 3, 2015 at 11:56 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Raichu
  
  I wonder what their issues stem from. Well, no matter the root cause, we know they’re all bark and no bite.
  
  Apr 4, 2015 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
- #11.2 The Elf
  
  They should just leave already.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 7:11 am rating: 90
- #11.3 buni
  
  Make like a tree and get out of here.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 9:27 am rating: 90
- #11.4 The Elf
  
  Note writer is a bit of a dim bulb.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 1:06 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#12 sairentohiru

Once I checked a mystery out of the library and on page 50, someone had put a Post-It saying “[character] did it because [spoiler]” and then a smiley face.

I’d never wanted to kill someone while laughing before, but I sure did then.

Apr 3, 2015 at 1:39 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #12.1 Jami
  
  I once read a mystery novel set in Victorian London involving a human helping a vampire solve some murders, checked out from the library of course. In it a refrigerator was mentioned and someone had written a rant in the margins about fridges being mentioned in Victorian times and someone else wrote an agreement.
  
  First off, the book has VAMPIRES in it and you’re going to rant about a fridge? (Big warehouse type, BTW.) Second of all the fridge was invented in the 1800s.
  
  Apr 29, 2015 at 9:08 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#13 Lita

Well that’s what happens when you leaf through a book.

Apr 3, 2015 at 1:50 pm rating: 91

reply to this comment
#14 rita

I hate everyone !

Apr 3, 2015 at 2:56 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#15 mlseim

Now everyone … be honest about this question, because I don’t think I’m the only one that experiences this: Why is it whenever I visit a bookstore or library, I have to poop? I mentioned this to a friend and they freaked out … “that happens to you too!?!”

Apr 3, 2015 at 4:30 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #15.1 phoenix
  
  the calm, quiet atmosphere they try to provide for reading/browsing pleasure is too relaxing. It’s relaxing your intestines too, stuff moves through and oops! Delivery time!
  
  Apr 3, 2015 at 6:03 pm rating: 90
- #15.2 Lita
  
  Same reason people read on the toilet, maybe? Books clearly work as gentle, powerful laxatives!
  
  Apr 4, 2015 at 3:55 pm rating: 90
- #15.3 littlelola
  
  I’m sooooo glad I’m not the only one – I had surgery and the side effects of the pain medication was constipation. By the second day, I couldn’t take it anymore. My husband borrowed a wheelchair, drove me to the bookstore, and within 10 minutes of being in the store…the magic happened and I needed to get into the “book – free zone”.
  
  Everyone I tell that to seems confused…and just a little horrified. By the way, I NEVER read in the bathroom, so I’m not sure how my mind/body made the connection.
  
  Apr 4, 2015 at 8:19 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#16 JoDa

I was once reading a hearing record related to my job duties, and the hearing moderator, while requesting some information “for the record” made some off-hand comment about no one ever reading the record unless they have no life. I later had to call him for some other information. I made sure to introduce myself as the person with no life who read the record. I could feel him blushing over the phone.

Apr 3, 2015 at 7:44 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#17 Kasaba

I used to spend hours in the library every day during my first year at uni. In summer it was a cool, air conditioned alternative to waiting around for the next class in the blazing hot African sun, and it winter it was the opposite, nice and warm. And what a treasure trove of books! I paged through shedloads of art, photography, archaeology, travel and medical books; a far superior experience to clicking around webpages on the same subjects.

I shudder to admit, I went through a cringe-worthy phase where I would slip my oh-so-angsty poetry into books I noted had not been taken out for years. I’d say to myself: “if someone is meant to read this, they will take out this book. this will find the right person.” Young and stupid.

Apr 4, 2015 at 7:13 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #17.1 kermit
  
  I don’t think that’s stupid at all. I like seeing the stuff people underline and write in the margins. It’s one of the biggest reasons I really enjoy buying used books and am sad to see them dying out.
  
  They come already underlined with all the important stuff so you don’t have to fish for it yourself and sometimes you read notes that draw your attention to something you didn’t even notice in the passage.
  
  Apr 4, 2015 at 1:10 pm rating: 90
- #17.2 Kasaba
  
  London is great for this. You can pick up current books/classics at Oxfam for a pound or two, or if you’re looking for something more special(ized) there are few great stores on Shaftesbury Ave amongst other places. My best find has been a hardcover cloth-bound book from 1924, which was awarded to a little girl as a school prize in 1924. It was beautiful, made the perfect gift for a friend, and cost barely anything.
  
  Apr 4, 2015 at 4:51 pm rating: 90
- #17.3 The Beast Among Us
  
  In the Books vs. Internet debate, I have to say books win. The level of scrutiny with internet posts is far lower than that of books. I might spot a few spelling errors in an entire book, but I can often find twice as many errors in one small article on the internet. Also, since internet pages can be edited easily (PAN being the exception), facts have to be researched and confirmed more thoroughly before a book is printed.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 2:30 pm rating: 90
- #17.4 kermit
  
  For me, it’s not the editing so much as the forced focus.
  
  Even with something as great as Wikipedia it’s hard to focus on one specific thing you went there to find out about because you fall down the Wiki hole clicking on the links and eventually losing track of what it is that you went there to learn in the first place.
  
  With a real book, you don’t have pop-ups, links or any distractions and you can just focus on reading that one thing until you’re done. And it’s a hell of a lot easier on the eyes that a computer screen.
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 8:18 pm rating: 90
- #17.5 pooham
  
  Beast, I was going to find a new news site just b/c of the grammar and spelling errors that are just rampant on nbcnews.com . But change is hard for me.
  
  Anybody have a suggestion for a good news website and why you prefer that one?
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 9:04 am rating: 90
- #17.6 pooham
  
  And I just remembered another reason I’m considering the switch: now some articles play the accompanying video automatically and don’t give the option to stop/pause them until they are a minute or two in.
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 9:09 am rating: 90
- #17.7 kermit
  
  Bloomberg News is typo-free, and I find it packs in much more news and less opinion pieces than other sites.
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 10:31 am rating: 90
- #17.8 The Beast Among Us
  
  Pooham, I don’t read the news. I make the news. Take that however you want…
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 12:12 pm rating: 90
- #17.9 The Elf
  
  I Can Haz Cheezburger has the best mews! Oh, you wanted *news*.
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 12:18 pm rating: 90
- #17.10 labdude
  
  Two years or so ago, I was searching antique stores for some ephemera for use as a photographic backdrop. As the owner and I chatted about what I was after, he asked where I was from. When I answered, he got very excited and pulled out a slim, 70 year old volume containing a history of Bradford College (which, before it closed, was located in my town of residence). Mostly for politeness’ sake ( I had no intention of actually buying the book), I opened the book at random, and found an amazing poem written by a young student, extolling the virtues of the humble pen. While we could not come to terms on a price, the owner was kind enough to let me transcribe the poem, which I intend to have immortalized in calligraphy for use in my pen displays.
  While one can (sort of) open the internet ‘at random’, I doubt very much that sort of cosmic coincidence could occur at all; and if it did, it surely wouldn’t evoke the same kind of feeling of ‘kismet’ as walking into a random antique store, being handed a random book and finding such a hidden gem.
  Books, FTW
  
  Apr 7, 2015 at 3:02 pm rating: 90
- #17.11 pooham
  
  labdude, would you post the poem for us?
  
  Apr 9, 2015 at 11:16 am rating: 90
- #17.12 labdude
  
  Glady, Pooham
  
  The pen, an instrument tho small
  is of great use and benefit to all;
  Trust rather to your fingers’ ends
  than to the promises of friends.
  
  Hail, lovely art whose beauties shine
  and grace the penman’s every line;
  Be thou the pride of every youth,
  attached to virtue and to truth.
  Lilly Eaton,
  Bradford Academy, 1818
  
  Apr 9, 2015 at 9:14 pm rating: 90
- #17.13 labdude
  
  I say again: Books, FTW
  
  Apr 9, 2015 at 9:19 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#18 GB

The location is not noted, but this seems in keeping with America where popular culture continues to affirm the hegemony of party culture as the gold standard of success, while marginalising intellectualism as nonsensical. The inexorable slide into idiocracy continues.

Run-on sentence and mixed metaphor noted, but I can’t be f–ked to edit it.

Apr 6, 2015 at 4:13 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #18.1 The Beast Among Us
  
  I do agree that this note was most likely done by some punk kid here in the United States; however, not because of the belittling of the acquisition of intellect, but rather because of the simple fact that the idiot wrote “b/c” and “leaf book” instead of “because” and “book about leaves.”
  
  Apr 6, 2015 at 2:20 pm rating: 90
- #18.2 pooham
  
  :-O
  I use b/c all the time.
  
  Apr 8, 2015 at 2:45 pm rating: 90
- #18.3 pooham
  
  I use leaf book less frequently.
  
  Apr 8, 2015 at 2:52 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#19 Canthz_B

A moment of silence please for “Fantasy”, a contributer here who has recently passed.

Apr 8, 2015 at 2:19 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #19.1 The Beast Among Us
  
  Rest In Peace.
  
  Apr 8, 2015 at 11:01 am rating: 90
- #19.2 The Elf
  
  Oh that’s a shame. RIP Fantasy.
  
  Apr 8, 2015 at 2:41 pm rating: 90
- #19.3 Lita
  
  Oh damn. RIP, Fantasy.
  
  Apr 9, 2015 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
- #19.4 labdude
  
  Although that name does not ring any bells for me, to those acquainted with Fantasy, my condolences.
  
  Apr 9, 2015 at 9:17 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#20 Katjia

Thanks for all the thoughtful and funny comments on this simple concept of hidden notes.

Apr 11, 2015 at 4:57 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment