Writes out submitter, Erica: “I work in the Lower East Side of Manhattan, in a building comprised of a variety of offices and studios (fashion brands, art galleries, recording studios, artists, etc.) I find this note exceptionally funny, because in the three years I’ve worked in this building I’ve experienced the exact same rude, pompous behavior.”
related: Were you raised by wolves?
103 responses so far ↓
#1
Lita
I have a hard time believing an adult wrote that, because who survives to adulthood getting that cheesed off about a common courtesy no one offers?
Jun 25, 2015 at 4:49 pm rating: 92
#2
thrall
I’d love the delicious ambiguity of “Manners, my fellow human being(s), even in their most minimal form(s)…” Where’s a note writer running around grammatically half-cocked when you need one?
Jun 25, 2015 at 4:52 pm rating: 90
#3
The Beast Among Us
Welcome to New York City. The entire universe revolves around it.
At least people don’t yell at you for holding the door open like the do where I live. “Do you think I’m weak? I can do it myself.” Okay, can you go fuck yourself, too?
Jun 25, 2015 at 4:59 pm rating: 90
#4
Brian H
I had a online conversation with some girls that had posted how much they hate having doors opened for them or being let on the bus ahead of someone else. So much self-involvement.
I took them to task and said that I as a man at times get the door held for me when I don’t need it. Even still I always say “Thank You” and that having the grace to thank someone for a small kindness is a small thing but the right thing.
I was accused of being patronizing and other things. I think we lose something when politeness is scorned.
Jun 25, 2015 at 5:18 pm rating: 90
#5
Roxy Random
You know what I hate? When I hold the door for someone . . . and they go in through a different door.
Obviously, a long-overdue lesson in Door Etiquette is needed everywhere.
Jun 25, 2015 at 6:37 pm rating: 90
#6
Wendy Jane
Then stop holding the doors for people!
Jun 25, 2015 at 8:40 pm rating: 91
#7
sunshynegrll
I don’t mind when anyone of any gender opens a door for me. As long as they don’t call me babe or honey, I take no offense. I will hold open the door for people regardless of gender, because it’s the polite thing to do.
It is pretty creepy when a guy RUNS PAST ME to open a door, though.
But seriously, expecting people to be polite and say thank you in NYC – LOL.
Jun 26, 2015 at 3:45 am rating: 90
#8
George P
While it’s true that it’s a bit rude not to thank someone for holding a door, if it bothers you not to be thanked for it, you are doing it wrong.
Nobody owes you anything for an unsolicited favor. Either do it because you think it’s the right thing to do, or STFU.
Jun 26, 2015 at 5:09 am rating: 91
#9
lejupp
“… You’re certainly not a mensch, that’ s clear” – Does anyone know what this sentence means? I’m German and in my language “mensch” means “human being”, so a sentence like that would be highly offensive. But what does it mean in English?
Jun 26, 2015 at 6:18 am rating: 90
#10
Kasaba
I think people in London are generally pretty courteous as far as holding doors open and thanking people for doing so. I do both.
That said, if you are holding open the door of a tube train, preventing it to depart, I want you to suffer a broken arm. An exception here would be holding the door for a mom whose little kid ran ahead and jumped on the train right as the doors are closing.
Jun 26, 2015 at 7:30 am rating: 90
#11
Liz
“mensch” is a term used to describe a good guy.
I live in Detroit and everyone thanks you for holding a door open. Maybe we are just too close to Canada and it rubs off?
Jun 26, 2015 at 8:51 am rating: 90
#12
Dane Zeller
Oh, the rules are so complex. You’ve got to acknowledge the door opener, but not if he rushes by you to do so. “Thanks, babe” is not allowed. And what to do when there are two sets of doors and someone opens the first set, you go in and are in a position to open the second set for them…what to do? And what about that no man’s land where the door opener is close to the door, but is in an awkward position to open it?
I have the solution. We develop a universal signal for the occasion: We smile at the polite person and say “f*ck you”. That will cover all possibilities.
Jun 26, 2015 at 9:34 am rating: 90
#13
Kwyjor
Can we pretty please just all agree to never hold doors for each other ever again? I would be fine with that, honestly. Far too often holding the door requires perfect coordination and otherwise just gets clumsy and awkward.
There are few interactions quite so horrible as some smarmy bloke saying “YOU’RE WELCOME” when one walks through a door and neglects to say “thank you”. Maybe I was out of breath, or my mouth was full, or I was otherwise distracted! If it is such a grievous injury to you for your door-holding efforts to go unacknowledged, then please do not grace us sinners with your door-holding efforts; we are all clearly undeserving and you are too good for this world.
Jun 26, 2015 at 9:53 am rating: 91
#14
Jami
I wonder at the age of the people this note is directed at.
When I was younger and going to the local jr. college, if a guy held a door open even for a girl who’s arms were full of stuff he’d get called a male chauvinist pig and other choice names for being “unenlightened” and a “neanderthal.”
But I’ve seen some of those same girls, now that they’re older, saying “Thank you.”
I hold doors open for both genders. I say thank you when a door is held open for me.
Now I will admit when pushing my mom’s wheelchair people have a huge tendency to be much ruder. They’re less inclined to hold open a door. They’ll dart into a door before us and make sure it closes. They’ll walk as slowly as they can and ignore the constant “excuse mes.” Especially at Disneyland. It’s like people think that those who are handicapped are less than human.
Jun 26, 2015 at 10:59 am rating: 90
#15
assiveProgressive
I was just watching Orange Is the New Black. In Season3, ep. 11, Caputo’s wife screams at him that he is the type of person who gets mad when people don’t thank him for holding the door open, and that nobody asked him to hold the door, so just stop doing it. Haaaaa, it just underlines what an evil she-devil she is.
Jun 26, 2015 at 11:15 am rating: 90
#16
_NL
I live in a brownstone converted into 8 apartments. I took it on myself to vacuum and steam the beautiful parquet floors in the first floor hallway after a frosty winter and sloshy spring left the floors gray and salty. While sweating and working hard for free to beautify the common areas, I said hello to a couple women I didn’t recognize but who seemed to live in the building. I moved aside so they could get by, but they didn’t acknowledge me.
Actually, they did acknowledge me, but only to stare at me in a mix of disgust and fear. No words, no smile. I knew that nobody would thank me for the work and that everybody else would dirty it up again, but it didn’t occur to me that my neighbors might find it offensive to be spoken to by “the help.” They pretty clearly thought I was a hired worker who broke protocol by addressing them. Apparently in addition to living in a late Victorian building, my neighbors also inhabit a late Victorian mindspace about social classes.
Jun 26, 2015 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
#17
Chinchillazilla
I once had a guy LOSE HIS MIND and scream profanities at me because I didn’t say thank you when he held the door for me… except I did, but I was hoarse, and before I could clear my throat and say it more loudly he was already swearing at me.
Jun 26, 2015 at 9:50 pm rating: 91
#18
Joanne
I only just noticed the red heart at the bottom. Was that put there by the notewriter, or someone else, do you think?
Jun 28, 2015 at 11:45 am rating: 90
#19
Rolo
I like to sip water. One trick I often use while walking around is to fill my mouth up with water – not to the point where my cheeks puff out, but still pretty full. I can then take 5-8 little gulps from this store over the next few minutes. (Some people might find this gross – those people should mind their own business.) It also makes me unable to speak.
If someone holds the door open, my options are to swallow, loudly and awkwardly, all my water, then say “Thank You”, possibly choking a little in the process as the socially acceptable time window to say anything is quite short and I’m rushing my esophagus, or simply make do with a silent nod. Call me selfish, but I normally take the latter option.
If you hold the door open for me, then mutter a passive-aggressive “You’re welcome” in response to my silence, you’re pretty much ASKING for me to spit up all my water at you, smile, then offer you the polite thanks you so desperately crave.
Jun 29, 2015 at 10:04 am rating: 90
#20
Raichu
Note-writer seems like so much more of an asshole than the people who don’t thank them the way they want for an unsolicited favor (especially considering all the legit reasons they may have for not doing so).
Jun 29, 2015 at 11:10 am rating: 90
#21
Madrias
I don’t mind holding a door open once in a while if someone looks like they’d appreciate it. Usually elderly people, those in wheelchairs, on crutches, or walking with ‘the boot’ over a broken limb, and parents pushing strollers.
Anyone else, it realistically comes down to whether you’re close enough behind that it makes sense to hold the door open. It is, after all, awkward to hold a door open for someone who happens to be a fair distance away from the doors. It’s also horridly rude to hold a door open unnecessarily long, letting the heat/cold in as well as all the bugs, even into that space between doors.
Jun 29, 2015 at 1:58 pm rating: 90
#22
lorf
I don’t hold the door open so people will thank me for it.
Jun 29, 2015 at 2:03 pm rating: 90
#23
Dana
I once held the door for a family of little people, and got dirty looks. The door was one of those really heavy automated ones, and the button to press to open it was juuuuuust out of their reach. I was coming out of the building, calculated all this in my head, and simply held the door for them. You’d think I was scum from the looks they gave me! I didn’t even say anything or do anything patronizing. I’ve held that door for countless others over the past few years. I don’t get it. What did they want me to do, stand there and watch while they tried in vain to get that stupid door open?
Jun 30, 2015 at 3:10 am rating: 90
#24
Lil'
Take out the spaces.
https: //www.youtube. com/ watch?v=hrn0px_anZs
Jun 30, 2015 at 10:06 am rating: 90
#25
JoDa
So many things in this post and the comments.
First, I follow the “7 step rule.” If someone is 7 steps or fewer behind me, I should hold the door for them. I’m a woman, doesn’t matter if the person behind me is male or female. For most people, 7 steps is about 15 feet.
If someone holds the door for you and you are of sound body, you should take the door from them when you arrive at the door and thank them. Don’t just walk through it and expect them to hold it the whole time (hands full is an exception), don’t blow past too occupied with your phone to notice. A quick nod and smile will do for “thanks.”
For anyone struggling (hands full or disabled) the length behind you lengthens, and you hold the door while they go through it. That said, if it’s more than 20-30′, holding the door becomes optional. Every door I use on a daily basis has an “automatic open” button…there is an option beyond someone standing around FOREVER and holding the door.
And, for the love of cthulhu, if you have some reason that you should use the “accommodations,” USE THEM. Last week, I was trying to get into the Metro behind a group of disabled older (high school) school children. While they were all walking, one was pushing a wheelchair (I assume for someone else, as he was moving quickly and did not appear to need a wheelchair himself). As we approached the escalators, I said “there’s an elevator right there you can take that down.” He balked, but, thankfully, one of the chaperones said “no, it would be a good idea to take that down the elevator instead of the escalator. You’ll take up the whole escalator with that and it will be unstable. Go use the elevator, we’ll wait for you at the next level down.” Doesn’t have to be a wheelchair to use the elevator…could be a bike, stroller, or even just a large piece of luggage (I used the elevator today with my grocery cart because the escalator was crammed and it would hold people up). My mom walks fine but has trouble with escalators (artificial hip, she says the movement yanking on her forward foot hurts)…we take the elevator when she’s with me, so she doesn’t hold up the crowd doing her little “jump” onto the escalator. If there’s a line, I leave her in line for the elevator, go take the escalator/stairs, and wait for her at the top/bottom, so as not to take up space someone else really needs.
Not hard, just requires common sense and courtesy. Always ask “how would I feel if I were in the other person’s position?”
Jul 1, 2015 at 9:02 pm rating: 90
#26
Matt Sweeney
If you’re doing something nice just because you expect to be thanked for it, do everyone a favor and just don’t do it in the first place.
Thanks!
Jul 3, 2015 at 1:04 pm rating: 90
#27
Orpa
The more I think about the “rules of politeness” the more I realize it’s about people being “recognized” and being given their “due share”. I did this, so I should get that. I have arrived, so someone should acknowledge my presence. It’s all very self-centered, which makes me realize why I’m not fond of morning greetings and “how are you?” “fine how are you?” talk. And I don’t like thanking people for stuff I’m not actually grateful for. It’s just insipid all around. I want the “rules” rewritten so we can all just get on with our lives without people getting mad over nothing.
Jul 7, 2015 at 10:27 pm rating: 91
#28
johnnyboy
Sorry, but when taken to extremes (as I have seen it systematically done when I lived in Connecticut), door-holding is fucking annoying. Sure, if you are 3 feet ahead of someone and open a door, you hold it for them. But what I’ve seen is people like 30 feet ahead opening a door, seeing you and then stopping to hold it. So now you have to rush and practically run to the door, otherwise the compulsive door-holder will get annoyed, plus you have to look grateful for it. Enough already, I can open my own fucking doors !
Jul 8, 2015 at 9:11 am rating: 90
#29
LostinEurope
Lack of manners seems to be the norm among 20-somethings and younger people, so many of whom were (and are being) raised to think that they are indeed God’s gift to Earth and that the world owes them everything.
Sep 29, 2015 at 10:21 am rating: 90
#30
Mike
the NYC/New Jersey area is hands down the worst in the country when it comes to common courtesy…..so many people there are just rude, ill-mannered, pushy, obnoxious, entitled, and have zero class
Oct 23, 2015 at 11:42 pm rating: 90
#31
Bev
Here’s a thought you haven’t considered– I don’t want you to hold the door open for me.
This incessant desire to hold the door open for everyone, anywhere around you is a neurotic disease. It’s narcissistic of you to expect a thank you for doing something that I don’t want you to do and for a simple, easy task that I am perfectly capable of doing myself.
A “thank you” should be reserved for doing something helpful or important. If it’s “common courtesy”, then there is no need to be thanked.
Stop holding the door open for me.
Oct 29, 2015 at 7:42 am rating: 91
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