Don’t save the date for us

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July 2nd, 2015 · 51 comments

Jamie and her now-husband received this puzzling reply to a save-the-date card sent to his mother’s sister. Says Jamie: “We’re still not sure of the reason for the upset.” (Perhaps a bad experience with a Christmas newsletter?)

related: Here comes the troll

FILED UNDER: family · way harsh · weddings and bridezillas

51 responses so far ↓

#1 MyParentsHaveIt

Looks like dementia to me.

Jul 2, 2015 at 9:27 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 Roto13
  
  Yeah. Not just the lettering, but the writing itself. Mom’s sister needs to get checked out.
  
  Jul 2, 2015 at 9:58 pm rating: 90
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#2 Kiryn

I was going to say written by a child who got their hands on their parents’ mail.

Jul 2, 2015 at 9:38 pm rating: 90

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#3 e

Having recently been reading immense amounts of material on “code-switching” (changing language, or style, within a document) I am fascinated by the ink colour change. It doesn’t look as though the blue was running out. Something more sinister is going on. I’m drunk. FIRST!!

Jul 2, 2015 at 11:11 pm rating: 90

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#4 Belaani

Damn, Auntie! Think maybe you’re losing the censor buttons… Time to tell Mom that Sis is getting a little loopy!
All kidding aside, one of the very first subtle signs of beginning dementia is inappropriate reactions to ordinary events – or lack thereof. Maybe Grandma goes Off-The-Wall-Ballistic because a child doesn’t drink all of their milk. Or there’s a death in the family and Uncle can’t understand why everyone’s so upset. Or Auntie gets a save the date card from her nephew and acts like she got flashed by a drunken pervert.
Auntie’s response is NOT normal, even by my very relaxed standards!

Jul 3, 2015 at 2:47 pm rating: 91

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- #4.1 Poltergeist
  
  Shortly after my grandmother started showing signs of dementia, she walked up to a little girl and told her bluntly that her cabbage patch doll was ugly.
  
  It was obviously terrible at the time because a. it upset the little girl and b. it was a sign of the beginning of the end for her, but when I think about it now, I can’t help but laugh. Because yeah, cabbage patch dolls are ugly.
  
  Jul 4, 2015 at 8:22 am rating: 91
- #4.2 JoDa
  
  These stories make me incredibly glad that the relative I’m currently dealing with who has dementia is just stuck in the past. So long as I tell her my high school studies are going well (my 20th class reunion is bearing down) or my grandma (her sister-in-law) is well but couldn’t make the trip (she’s been dead for over 10 years), she is happy and pleasant to be around. I give you all strength to deal with the unpleasantness, I assume I will experience it at some point…
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 11:20 pm rating: 90
- #4.3 Kelcha
  
  My husband and I loved with my grandfather for a year ago he could stay in his house. (He had to go into assisted living after another surgery.) He would do ‘normal’ dementia things like forget if I was his daughter or granddaughter, get irrationally mad at his stereo for ‘deleting’ his station, and act horribly inappropriately with his young home Healthcare workers. Then he started forgetting he couldn’t walk (he got polio when he was drafted and in basic training for the Korean War) and try to walk down the basement stairs. And seeing people who aren’t there and describing them in great detail.
  Looking back, it was kind of funny the night he went into the spare bedroom (Which was mostly used for storage) and yelled at me to leave him alone, and then to get his wallet so he could pay the nice girl. When I tried to get him out of there , he griped about how I never let him have any fun and his wife was the same way. (She died in ’05, not that it stopped him from seeing her or complaining about her.)
  
  Jul 7, 2015 at 10:37 pm rating: 90
- #4.4 Superabound
  
  I can’t get past “My husband and I loved with my grandfather…”
  
  Jul 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm rating: 94
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#5 Lita

That handwriting is seriously unhinged. I’m worried.

Jul 3, 2015 at 5:17 pm rating: 90

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#6 suebue

It looks like two different people wrote the note.

Jul 3, 2015 at 5:47 pm rating: 90

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#7 Jami

Auntie obviously wants to break ties with the family. Let her.

Jul 3, 2015 at 6:41 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 Shera
  
  Exactly, not everyone knows to just not reply. Invitations are not summons people!
  
  Jul 3, 2015 at 7:51 pm rating: 90
- #7.2 The Elf
  
  Can’t argue with this. If Bride & Groom weren’t close to Auntie to begin with, I see no reason to start now!
  
  Jul 4, 2015 at 10:02 pm rating: 90
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#8 O Hell YA

You C … If you can’t spend some of that Dough on us then ……. exclude, excuse Me ….

Jul 3, 2015 at 7:54 pm rating: 90

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#9 Hellen Without The H

Her paper and pen got hacked.

Jul 4, 2015 at 8:17 am rating: 90

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#10 The Elf

Put me down as another calling out dementia (of some sort) as a possible explanation. “Loosing the filter” is almost a classic early stage of dementia behavior. So is apathy and depression. We are unfortunately learning all about it the hard way. Watch out for the casual racism! Usually comes along about this time too, and it’s always so much fun when you’re out and about with them…..

On the other hand, sometimes people are just assholes, and age does not always bring wisdom. Has auntie-dear always been such a raging dick and has never really cared if anyone lives or dies?

Jul 4, 2015 at 9:59 pm rating: 90

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- #10.1 kermit
  
  I dunno about dementia because that’s a really hard thing to diagnose if you don’t know what the person’s personality was before.
  
  From the handwriting alone, it looks to me like this person had a stroke, though. Depending on where in the brain they occur, they can alter personality as well – and not only because the person becomes justifiably frustrated with losing control of their body.
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 10:57 am rating: 90
- #10.2 Jami
  
  I’m not buying it’s dementia. She just could really hate the family and/or socializing.
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 11:43 am rating: 90
- #10.3 The Elf
  
  That’s just it. What was Auntie Dear like before? We don’t know. What I do know is that stuff like this tends to occur with dementia, in people who weren’t like that before.
  
  And yes, stroke can cause dementia. That’s what we’re learning about the hard way.
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:27 pm rating: 90
- #10.4 The Elf
  
  Don’t you hate it when you spot a spelling or grammar error too late to fix it? Especially when it’s a common one. “Losing the filter” vs. “Loosing the filter.” Though I suppose the filter becomes looser before it is lost…..
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 12:28 pm rating: 90
- #10.5 Lita
  
  Loose the filters!
  
  Is that anything like loose the hounds?
  
  Jul 5, 2015 at 4:46 pm rating: 90
- #10.6 assiveProgressive
  
  Loose hounds breed mutts
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 12:54 pm rating: 90
- #10.7 Sarah
  
  Yes I’ve experienced the ‘casual racism’ with my Alzheimer’s-affected mother. Lord, is it embarrassing. She was so inclusive, non-judgmental when she was sane. Now, she is quite crazy and has an amazing number of racist things to say about Americans (we are Canadian). The worst was the day she rallied others in line at the grocery store….. sigh. I worry that one day she will be attacked for her unabashed malevolence. I don’t bring my kids around her any more.
  
  Jul 13, 2015 at 2:56 pm rating: 90
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#11 c8h10n4o2

We knew that my step-grandmother was developing dementia because she started being nice to my father and me. If she hasn’t always been a paranoid, anti-social hag, then it’s time to get her to a doctor.

Jul 6, 2015 at 10:15 am rating: 90

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#12 assiveProgressive

the most passive-aggressive thing here is sharing the note with this wacky website

Jul 6, 2015 at 12:55 pm rating: 90

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#13 sam

I’m surprised people (especially relatives) would share something like this with a website for a cheap laugh rather than be concerned that something is wrong. The handwriting, the tone; all of it screams some kind of neurological issue.

Jul 6, 2015 at 7:29 pm rating: 90

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- #13.1 Jami
  
  Her handwriting might’ve always been bad.
  
  She might actually want to break ties with the family.
  
  You can’t give a medical diagnosis for someone you’ve never met based on only one piece of evidence. Even the characters on Criminal Minds need more than that.
  
  Jul 6, 2015 at 10:26 pm rating: 90
- #13.2 Chinchillazilla
  
  It’s not just the handwriting. The seemingly random capitalization and the content (“not interested if people live or die” is an extremely bizarre phrase to write out) seem awfully hinky to me, too.
  
  Overall, this one just kinda makes me sad.
  
  Jul 7, 2015 at 11:29 am rating: 90
- #13.3 Jami
  
  I sometimes write so fast I do random capitalization too. And if I’m angry I’ll say weird things. Sometimes I’ll be shaking too much to type or write correctly.
  
  Jul 7, 2015 at 9:17 pm rating: 90
- #13.4 The Elf
  
  But do you actually MAIL them, Jami? In response to a Save-The-Date for a wedding? Look, my handwriting sucks ass. If I’m writing quickly, like a stream-of-consciousness journal entry, I get random capitalization, random spelling, words not lining up…. just like this. I can be awfully mean and raging too. But the differences is that is my private journal! When I’m sending a handwritten note, I write slowly, carefully, and politely. I think most people try to as well.
  
  She didn’t. And then she mailed it. And it’s *really* bad. I mean, she doesn’t care if anyone lives or dies? Really?
  
  Either she’s one raging dick who should have been cut out of the family years ago and this is just the final sign that attempts to make peace with Aunt should be ceased, or she’s having some sort of breakdown. I don’t think this is “diagnosing over the internet”, I think this is just common sense.
  
  Jul 8, 2015 at 7:42 am rating: 90
- #13.5 kermit
  
  Exactly, Elf.
  
  It’s common to assume or at least question the stroke/health status of elderly people who write like that, especially since in ye olden days, penmanship was a big deal and people had beautiful handwriting.
  
  Jul 8, 2015 at 7:04 pm rating: 91
- #13.6 JoDa
  
  I have to go with Elf and Kermit, and add. Several years ago, I got deeply depressed. I withdrew, made excuses…it was a very dark time for me, but it seemed most people didn’t notice. I made very good excuses and covered well, or so I thought. After missing a random invite (I said “I’ll try to be there, but I can’t make promises,” but knew I wasn’t going), the host showed up at my house and we had a come-to-terms moment. Everyone was concerned, but he was the only one brave enough to speak up. He watched over me as I got into counseling, worked through my troubles, and learned to live again.
  
  Someone should check on the note writer. Even if she’s a known curmudgeon, this is pretty brash. Despite being in a space where I thought about just running away and hiding from the world (I, seriously, considered quitting my job, selling everything, and going and living anonymously somewhere where no one knew me – I even called a realtor about selling my home and drafted listings for my worldly belongings – I was that far gone), I never wrote or said nasty-grams to friends and family. When you’re not even covering anymore, it’s worth checking in to make sure the person is okay.
  
  Jul 9, 2015 at 12:26 am rating: 90
- #13.7 Jami
  
  You all forget I have a brother who’s cut ties with my family.
  
  He’s a drug addict, a deadbeat dad, and married to a child abuser who controls everything he says and does. I wouldn’t be surprised to see her in the bathroom telling him how to crap and how much crap he has to push out of his bowels before she’d let him off the toilet.
  
  This is exactly the kind of letter he’d write and mail.
  
  Sometimes it’s not dementia.
  
  Jul 9, 2015 at 9:24 am rating: 90
- #13.8 The Elf
  
  Yeah, sometimes the person is just a dick. That’s what I’m trying to say – it all depends on what Auntie Dear was like before. The notewriter says they were “puzzled” and “We’re still not sure of the reason for the upset.” Would you be puzzled if your brother wrote that note? Probably not – because it would be in line with previous behavior. Would you know the reason for the upset? Probably – because he cut ties with the family already.
  
  We can assume that this is a behavior change because they are mystified by it. Hence, the dementia suggestions.
  
  Jul 9, 2015 at 9:56 am rating: 90
- #13.9 Raichu
  
  Sometimes it’s not dementia. But sometimes it is.
  
  Nobody is diagnosing her over the internet. But suggesting she get checked out is completely appropriate, because it MIGHT be dementia based on the evidence we have.
  
  Jul 13, 2015 at 1:58 am rating: 91
- #13.10 e-Stranged
  
  Unless auntie has always been an uneducated, anti-social See-You-Next-Tuesday. Some people are just awful.
  
  Nov 22, 2015 at 9:19 am rating: 90
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#14 The Beast Among Us

Not PA. Just plain A.

Funny, though.

Live and let die.

Jul 7, 2015 at 4:28 pm rating: 90

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#15 Pants Go Brown

I’m with Doris, please stop letting me know if people live or die. And while yer at it, no marriage or baby stuff either.

Sheesh.

Jul 9, 2015 at 1:41 pm rating: 90

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#16 lorf

So wait is “Donis” that person’s name?

Oonis?

Jul 9, 2015 at 8:01 pm rating: 90

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- #16.1 ptera_tinsel
  
  No I think it is the “Donnis Family”
  
  Jul 10, 2015 at 5:22 am rating: 90
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#17 Ramentastic

This made me laugh out loud … like, wonderful, deep belly laughs.

Then I read all the comments about dementia and now feel kind of guilty.

Actually, I have to put my two cents in – my grandmother had handwriting just like this but no dementia or mental decline at all. She had pretty bad arthritis though.

Jul 10, 2015 at 2:02 am rating: 90

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- #17.1 Raichu
  
  I was going to say something like “well that’s one way to pare down the guest list!” but yeah, after reading the comments…
  
  I’m kind of surprised I didn’t think of that possibility myself, but then while I’ve had a couple older relatives with dementia of different kinds, all of my aunts are still young enough to not be at risk for that yet (and many people in my age range are getting married) so I just didn’t think she was that old, at first.
  
  Jul 13, 2015 at 2:00 am rating: 90
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#18 assiveProgressive

why are we even assuming Doris is old. Maybe she is 30 some years old and hasn’t quite outgrown her bratty days of adolescence.

Jul 10, 2015 at 11:39 pm rating: 90

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#19 Dolly

I’m thinking that maybe the card was delivered to the wrong address and someone opened it by mistake and then wrote that note and mailed it. Maybe Auntie has a mean neighbor?

Jul 13, 2015 at 7:28 am rating: 90

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- #19.1 The Elf
  
  Probably still pissed about the way Auntie & family built their deck.
  
  Jul 14, 2015 at 12:14 pm rating: 90
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#20 Dolly

I guess I should be glad my Aunt and Uncle who pretty clearly cut off the whole family did not send something like this-they were way more passive aggressive about it. They just moved and did not send us the new address. After getting a couple things sent back I got the point. Or maybe that is even colder than sending a note lol

Jul 18, 2015 at 4:28 pm rating: 90

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#21 truedetective

I think they are tied up in the basement or even possibly now buried there. This note was written by the person that did the tying and/or murdering. Or perhaps they were forced to write the note and they wrote it like this (sloppy and mean) to trigger concern hoping someone would check up on them. Unfortunately no one is checking up. Rather they are posting the note to a funny websites. We will read about this on the news.

Jul 20, 2015 at 1:24 pm rating: 90

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#22 evilstepprof

My first thought was, did Jamie check with his mom before inviting Auntie? Maybe this is a known bug.

My second thought is, this would be a hilarious (but mean) response if Jamie’s mom has the address wrong for Auntie and this random stranger decided to impersonate the Aunt to stop the stream of family announcements from people s/he doesn’t know.

Aug 12, 2015 at 3:29 pm rating: 90

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#23 Safireix

I suspect that actually auntie’s mail gets delivered to the wrong place a lot, and this is from the person who keeps receiving it all and is sick of hearing about this family of strangers who apparently have their address. Possibly the first person to get the aunt’s new address made a mistake in copying it (maybe got it via phone) and ended up passing it to everyone on their side of the family, or else there’s a very similar address in a different state or something and they get mixed up a lot.

I know in my family, my mother tends to be the one who is told the new addresses and then passes them on to anyone who needs them…

May 17, 2016 at 7:24 am rating: 0

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#24 Steve

I’m going to actually go with the kid theory, though the frustrated neighbor might be a good one. The writing looks unpracticed, the misspellings and capitalizations seem very kid like. It could be someone 8-10 years old who is tired of being dragged to family functions. I know that when I was 10 or 11, going to a family wedding was dreadful. You had to dress up in uncomfortable clothing, sit still for an indeterminate amount of time, and listen to someone prattle on about topics you didn’t understand (speaking for myself at 10, in no way trying to make commentary).

May 22, 2017 at 7:40 pm rating: 0

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