Twiney Sod, the demon gardener of Fleet Street

July 10th, 2015 · 29 comments

As Sondheim said, there’s no place like London  (“filled with people who are filled with shit”) — and, not coincidentally, the home of this sign.

WARNING! A phantom twine cutter about. Yikes! An individual whom we can only describe as terribly sneaky, strange and quite possibly bored – has unfortunately decided to cut a bit of old green twine which was carefully holding up some droopy planting in our front garden :( alone the boundary fence. Surely something so simple and unoffensive (fence .. geddit ?!) shouldn't cause such a petty yet somewhat aggressive act to occur ?! You might yet even call it 'VANDALISM' ?? Yes. That's right! So, please keep a look out for the twiney snipper and keep loving your plants. STAY SAFE THIS PERSON MAY USE SCISSORS.

related: The orchid thief

FILED UNDER: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · London · TL;DR · warning


29 responses so far ↓

  • #1   assiveProgressive

    I bet you some bird stole the twine and is building a nest with it. The birds around here are real strange and sneaky like that.

    Jul 10, 2015 at 11:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Lisa S.

      My first thought was bird or squirrel.

      Jul 11, 2015 at 7:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Poltergeist

    I think that old piece of twine was the only thing holding this person’s fragile psyche together. When it snapped, so did they.

    Jul 11, 2015 at 2:36 am   rating: 93  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Belaani

    Next time use wire. Hooked up to the house current.

    Jul 11, 2015 at 6:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   sunshynegrll

    Sign writer must have been REALLY bored (board… get it?!) However, the inclusion of a terrible pun makes it awesome.

    They got off lucky with just a twine thief. Around here, people don’t stop at cutting twine; they will steal everything that isn’t nailed down, including flowers (the whole plant) and vegetables.

    Jul 11, 2015 at 7:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Beast Among Us

      Where I live, they will steal it even if it IS nailed down. Or bolted on. Or even set in concrete.

      Jul 13, 2015 at 12:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Dave S

      I guess the days of twine and roses are over!

      Jul 14, 2015 at 3:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Dave S

      She could have got some replacement twine from a neighbor, but decided against it.

      She doesn’t like living on borrowed twine.

      Jul 14, 2015 at 3:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Eohippus

    The sign writer is probably the first person in history who has figured out how to gaslight themselves.

    Jul 11, 2015 at 11:26 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Dane Zeller

    I’d like you all to visit my old home town, Trunda, Iowa, location of the world’s largest ball of twine. It is awesome!

    Jul 11, 2015 at 11:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Belaani

      I thought that was in Minnesota?

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Dane Zeller

      Oh, did I say Iowa? I meant Minnesota.

      Jul 11, 2015 at 1:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   FeRD bang

      Weird Al taught me everything I know about “The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota”.

      Jul 12, 2015 at 1:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Santos L Halper

      Doesn’t know what state he lives in. Credibility?

      Jul 12, 2015 at 8:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   The Beast Among Us

      According to Wikipedia: As of 2014, the ball of twine with the largest circumference is located in Cawker City, Kansas. It has been built by a whole community.

      And the largest ball of bailer twine made by a single person is in Darwin, Minnesota.

      Jul 13, 2015 at 12:30 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Lita bang

    Look at the last line, it was clearly Edward Scissorhands.

    Jul 11, 2015 at 4:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   FeRD bang

      You mean Emo Wolverine?

      Jul 12, 2015 at 1:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   The Elf

      That’s my favorite kind.

      Jul 13, 2015 at 7:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   TRT

      Edward Scissor hands was Jewish. Well, it certainly looked like he was from what I saw in the washroom.

      Jul 14, 2015 at 4:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Lita bang

      Cut, cut! We don’t talk about that here, TRT. ;P

      Jul 14, 2015 at 1:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Jami

    Wait, it was just one piece of twine the one time?

    Good Lord, buddy, get a life!

    Jul 12, 2015 at 1:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   mlseim

    I just happen to live in Minnesota, an hour away from Darwin, home of the” largest ball of twine made by one man.” The key is it was made by one man. Anyhow, cut twine, cut christmas lights, etc. are always caused by squirrels or rabbits. The cutting is so precise that people are convinced it is caused by human vandals. Why would a person cut it? Why wouldn’t they cut down everything else too?

    Jul 12, 2015 at 2:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Beast Among Us

      Because the don’t NEED all that other stuff, just the one piece of string. And it’s not like anybody is going to miss it, right?

      Oh, wait…

      Jul 13, 2015 at 12:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Raichu

    Wow. Somebody is really really bored.

    Jul 13, 2015 at 1:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   TRT

    Ah, London. Twined with string.

    Jul 13, 2015 at 5:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Kasaba

    I just read PHANTOM GARDEN CUTTER (no twine), and picture being cut for my last 5 quid as I take a short cut through the communal gardens of a council estate.

    I bet that sign stayed up for an afternoon maybe, before being destroyed by the rain or pissed on.

    Jul 14, 2015 at 6:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Kasaba

    The great thing about summer in London is that is now teeming with tourists, onto whom you can project months and months of pent up rage.

    Stand of the fucking right of the fucking escalator, for fuck’s sake!

    Jul 14, 2015 at 6:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Beast Among Us

      Just curious, why not the left?

      Jul 14, 2015 at 12:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Kasaba

      It was a mystery to me when I moved here 8 years ago. I mean, they drive on the left side of the road in this country, so you’d think a general rule of “keep left pass right” would apply on escalators and stairs on the underground too. Left side is considered the “moving lane”; which should be kept open so people in a hurry can walk down/up this side while the escalator is moving. There are some explanations Re this rule online, none of which I can be bothered to copy here.

      Jul 14, 2015 at 1:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up