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July 15th, 2015 · 86 comments

Frani’s roommate likes to leave inspirational messages on the fridge. (Apparently what she’s inspired was another roomie’s less-than-dazzling wit.)

related: Are you inspired yet?

FILED UNDER: roommates · whiteboard

86 responses so far ↓

#1 veryextremelytrue

lol penis

Jul 15, 2015 at 4:50 pm rating: 90

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#2 Ferdinand

If I was the penis-drawing roomie, I’d be unimpressed that someone keeps replacing my art with shitty inspirational quotes.

Jul 15, 2015 at 5:04 pm rating: 90

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#3 The Beast Among Us

Fellatio!

Jul 15, 2015 at 7:09 pm rating: 90

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#4 The Beast Among Us

I say we try to put our own modified inspirational quotes below. I’ll start.

Start by sucking what’s necessary; then mouth what’s possible; and suddenly you are deep throating the impossible.

Jul 15, 2015 at 7:11 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 The Beast Among Us
  
  I can’t change the direction of the vagina, but I can adjust my penis to always reach my destination.
  
  Jul 15, 2015 at 7:12 pm rating: 90
- #4.2 Poltergeist
  
  A journey of a thousand blowjobs begins with a single penis.
  
  Jul 16, 2015 at 4:19 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Lil'
  
  It gets hard to reach your goal, but if you push yourself over and over and over again, you’ll find success bursting out of you.
  
  Jul 16, 2015 at 12:40 pm rating: 90
- #4.4 The Beast Among Us
  
  Ask not what your penis can do for you. Ask what you can do for your penis.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 11:49 am rating: 90
- #4.5 Lita
  
  You guys are killing me here!
  
  Do unto penis as you would have it do unto you? I dunno.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:36 pm rating: 90
- #4.6 Haterade
  
  Stumbled onto a gold mine… try going to http://www.wisdomquotes.com/topics/heart/index4.html (and the other five associated pages) for source material.
  
  ~ The penis has its reasons that reason knows not of.
  ~ In matters of the penis, nothing is true except the improbable.
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 6:11 am rating: 90
- #4.7 Rattus
  
  Hardships often prepare ordinary penises for an extraordinary vagina.
  - C.S. Lewisish
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 11:31 am rating: 90
- #4.8 The Elf
  
  Try to be a penis in someone else’s vagina.
  
  - Maya Angelou (-ish)
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 12:33 pm rating: 90
- #4.9 The Elf
  
  Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present penis.
  
  – Buddha (-ish)
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 12:35 pm rating: 90
- #4.10 The Elf
  
  Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in my penis.
  
  – Jesus (-ish)
  
  (Lest you think I was picking on the Buddhists.)
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 12:36 pm rating: 90
- #4.11 The Beast Among Us
  
  Bring me penis, or bring me death!
  
  Nobody has ever measured, not even poets, how much a penis can hold.
  
  A nation’s culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its penises.
  
  Penis doesn’t make the world go ’round; penis is what makes the ride worthwhile.
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 5:24 pm rating: 90
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#5 trollhair

I was going to give you words of inspiration when you had me on my knees for you, but that didn’t work out as expected……it was hard talking with my mouth full…..

Jul 15, 2015 at 7:24 pm rating: 90

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#6 Jami

Dear Frani’s Roommate,

No one except 90 year old women who smell like Icy Hot and original flavor Listerine and pretentious young people who really need a smack in the mouth like inspirational quotes. Your roommates would much rather have different penises posted every day. Thank you.

Jul 15, 2015 at 8:53 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 Iwill FindU
  
  Don’t know how many 90 yr old women you’ve talk to lately but if they aren’t your Grandma pretending to be proper to set a “good” example then trust me they would rather have the penises quotes. Just because you get old doesn’t mean you stop liking dirty jokes.
  
  Jul 16, 2015 at 1:22 pm rating: 91
- #6.2 Jami
  
  All the ones I’ve known are uber “Christians” who act like sneezing gets you sent to Hell.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 1:05 am rating: 90
- #6.3 Iwill FindU
  
  That’s to bad I love my naughty Grandma.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:12 am rating: 90
- #6.4 Iwill FindU
  
  Also 70 years of being told to watch what you say around first your children then grandkids even greatgrandkids. Could just be that no matter how old you are they just can’t believe you’re old enough to handle a dirty joke. After all when you’re pushing 90 everyone under 70 is still pretty much a baby, and you wouldn’t tell a penises joke to a baby.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:17 am rating: 90
- #6.5 The Beast Among Us
  
  ^ Mostly because a baby won’t even get the joke.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 11:46 am rating: 90
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#7 sunshynegrll

Grant me the serenity to accept the dongs I cannot change, the courage to change the dongs I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jul 16, 2015 at 1:32 am rating: 90

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- #7.1 Lil'
  
  Profound. I often quote Caitlyn Jenner myself.
  
  Jul 16, 2015 at 2:12 pm rating: 91
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#8 phoenix

We have nothing to fear but anal itself

Jul 16, 2015 at 10:31 am rating: 90

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#9 Dane Zeller

Ask not what your penis can do for you; ask what your penis can do for your cuntry.

…what’s that little red underline mean…?

Jul 16, 2015 at 10:59 am rating: 90

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#10 Belaani

For something that’s truly uplifting – see Alice.

Jul 16, 2015 at 1:02 pm rating: 90

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#11 Haterade

Extremely juvenile humor warning: This reminds me of a game I used to play with cheesy love songs of the 80′s and 90′s… depending on the context, replace “love” with the most apropos off-color slang for sex or naughty bits.

Particularly fun with Michael Bolton.

Jul 16, 2015 at 2:19 pm rating: 90

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- #11.1 Belaani
  
  Like reading the fortunes from Chinese cookies, and adding … “in bed”.
  
  Jul 16, 2015 at 3:49 pm rating: 90
- #11.2 Cerys
  
  I’m forty-two. I still play that game.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 12:43 pm rating: 90
- #11.3 The Elf
  
  Me too. I will never forget when my cookie message said “You are good with animals”.
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 8:21 am rating: 90
- #11.4 Kasaba
  
  I enjoy replacing “heart” and “love” with “dick” in this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGS1_HAL-po
  
  Everything about that video implies that is what they really mean to say.
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 10:15 am rating: 90
- #11.5 The Beast Among Us
  
  Hi, Elf… I hear you are good with animals. Even Beasts?
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 5:25 pm rating: 90
- #11.6 The Elf
  
  I always bring out the beast. Rawr.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 3:27 pm rating: 90
- #11.7 Raichu
  
  Also, the vagina game: replace a word in a book or movie title with “vagina”.
  
  Jul 28, 2015 at 12:57 am rating: 90
- #11.8 fiddles
  
  Belaani, except that’s actually clever.
  
  Penis man above just wants to be bent over a table and given a broom
  
  Mar 2, 2016 at 4:41 pm rating: 90
- #11.9 Paul W.
  
  Michael Bolton what powerful voice! When a Man Loves a Woman love Michaels version of this song http://lyricsmusic.name/michael-bolton-lyrics/greatest-hits-1985-1995/when-a-man-loves-a-woman.html
  
  Jul 8, 2016 at 11:27 am rating: 0
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#12 Brad

I, for one, am inspired on a daily basis by my penis. I feel that I should spread it and share it with others any chance I get.

Of course, those overseeing Sunday school next door felt that it was a bit much.

Jul 16, 2015 at 5:05 pm rating: 90

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- #12.1 The Beast Among Us
  
  Felt it was a bit much, or felt it a bit too much?
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 11:48 am rating: 90
- #12.2 The Elf
  
  He felt it a bit much, they felt it was too much.
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 8:22 am rating: 90
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#13 Hellen Without The H

Inspirational…IRRITATIONAL!

Jul 16, 2015 at 9:26 pm rating: 90

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- #13.1 Haterade
  
  This is what we call the Muppet Shooooow!
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:59 am rating: 90
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#14 sharon

but… but she wrote penis on it…

Jul 17, 2015 at 9:54 am rating: 90

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#15 squib

I want to know what’s on the note behind it, above the Domino’s coupons. It seems to involve hate, cunning, pretentiousness and killing.

Jul 17, 2015 at 1:29 pm rating: 90

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- #15.1 Lita
  
  And a cat.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:38 pm rating: 90
- #15.2 TechWerewolf
  
  Ah, that’s ‘catch’ (shows up better in the second pic).
  
  Does anyone know what the full text could be? Inquiring minds wish to know.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 9:57 pm rating: 90
- #15.3 MrsCaptainMorgan
  
  I am Your Disease
  
  I hate meetings.
  I hate your higher power.
  I hate anyone who has a program.
  
  To all who come in contact with me,
  I wish you suffering and death.
  
  Allow me to introduce myself…
  I am the disease of addiction.
  
  Alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders.
  I am cunning, baffling and powerful. Thats me!
  
  I’ve killed millions and enjoyed doing it.
  I love to catch you by surprise.
  I love pretending I’m your friend and lover.
  I’ve given you comfort.
  Wasn’t I there when you were lonely?
  
  When you wanted to die, didn’t you call on me?
  
  I love to make you hurt.
  I love to make you cry. Better yet…
  I love it when I make you so numb,
  You can’t hurt and you can’t cry.
  You feel nothing at all.
  
  I give you instant gratification.
  All I ask for in return is long term suffering.
  I’ve always been there for you.
  
  When things were going right, you invited me back.
  You said you didn’t deserve to be happy.
  I agreed with you.
  Together we were able to destroy your life.
  
  People don’t take me seriously.
  They take strokes seriously.
  They take heart attacks seriously.
  Even diabetes, they take seriously.
  Yet, without my help, these things wouldn’t be possible.
  
  I’m such a hated disease, yet I don’t come uninvited.
  You choose to have me.
  Many have chosen me, instead of love and peace.
  
  I hate all of you who work a 12step program.
  Your program, your meetings, and your higher power weaken me.
  I can’t function in the manner I am accustomed to.
  
  I am your disease.
  For now I must lie here quietly.
  You don’t see me, but I’m growing more powerful everyday.
  
  When you settle for mere existence, I thrive.
  When you feel fully alive, I weaken.
  But I’m always here waiting for you.
  
  Until we meet again,
  I wish you continued suffering and death.
  
  Author Unknown
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 10:17 pm rating: 90
- #15.4 Lita
  
  Well, that escalated quickly.
  
  Jul 17, 2015 at 11:31 pm rating: 90
- #15.5 Poltergeist
  
  I…I guess somebody who lives there must be a recovering addict and they need that as a reminder of what addiction can do to them? Still, why in the world would you want something as depressing and awful as that greeting you on your fridge every day. Yikes.
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 12:31 pm rating: 90
- #15.6 labdude
  
  Compared to 14.3, I’d take even a mediocre penis drawing any day.
  Team Penis, FTW
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 8:46 am rating: 90
- #15.7 k
  
  A food addiction maybe? On the fridge is where you would need it.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 11:00 am rating: 90
- #15.8 The Beast Among Us
  
  Team For the Penis always wins.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 2:05 pm rating: 90
- #15.9 Haterade
  
  Just realized that bits of this one could be somewhat amusing:
  
  I am Your Penis
  
  I love to catch people by surprise.
  I love pretending I’m your friend and lover.
  I’ve given you comfort.
  Wasn’t I there when you were lonely?
  I give you instant gratification.
  I’m importunate and uncouth, yet I don’t come uninvited.
  
  I am your penis.
  For now I must lie here quietly, but I’m growing more powerful everyday.
  
  ~~~~~
  
  I’m pretty sure there’s more opportunity here despite the relentless negativity, but it would take more clever minds than mine. (^_^)
  
  Aug 1, 2015 at 5:30 pm rating: 90
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#16 Kasaba

Better to have loved and lost penis, than to have never had penis at all.

Jul 18, 2015 at 4:56 am rating: 90

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#17 assiveProgressive

Speak softly and carry a big dick

Jul 18, 2015 at 9:18 am rating: 90

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#18 Kasaba

A friend is someone who knows all about your penis and still loves you

Jul 18, 2015 at 10:05 am rating: 90

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#19 Kasaba

Love all penises, trust a few, do wrong to none.

Jul 18, 2015 at 10:09 am rating: 91

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#20 Kasaba

Just when you think penis can’t get any worse, it can. And just when you think it can’t get any better, it can.

Jul 18, 2015 at 10:10 am rating: 90

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#21 Jami

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the penis.

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my penis to always reach my destination.

If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a penis.

Put your heart, mind, and penis into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the penis.

(Okay, I’m bored with this penis stuff already.)

Jul 18, 2015 at 5:31 pm rating: 90

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- #21.1 Lita
  
  But are you bored stiff?
  
  Jul 18, 2015 at 7:30 pm rating: 90
- #21.2 The Beast Among Us
  
  I think these sayings are getting a bit hard for her.
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 5:28 pm rating: 90
- #21.3 Jami
  
  Penises in all honesty aren’t the most exciting thing in the world for me. I don’t get the obsession. They’re necessary for various functions like urinating, but – they’re nothing to write home about.
  
  And for the record I’m not that thrilled about butts, boobs, or vulvas/vaginas either.
  
  I’m either turning into an old prude or I’m finally coming to terms with being grey-ace and tired of pretending to be otherwise.
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 10:48 pm rating: 90
- #21.4 labdude
  
  A penis in the hand is safe – but that’s not what penises are made for…
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 8:52 am rating: 90
- #21.5 labdude
  
  Jami – this one is for you:
  
  Do not continue the battle; one may think they have won because you chose silence, but the true winner is the one with penis in their heart.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 8:54 am rating: 90
- #21.6 The Beast Among Us
  
  Perhaps Jami’s pension for penises is becoming flaccid.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 2:07 pm rating: 90
- #21.7 A nonny mouse
  
  @labdude
  Close, but you missed the big one *ahem*, so to speak
  
  A penis in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  
  Jul 23, 2015 at 7:27 pm rating: 90
- #21.8 labdude
  
  @ Nonny; I think you may have missed the point.
  I’m an old sailor and the original aphorism was:
  “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.”
  Perhaps if I had gone with my gut and used ‘pants’ in lieu of ‘harbor’, more people would have gotten it.
  But to your point, if I had a bush to put it in, I wouldn’t need a hand, now, would I?;-)
  
  Jul 24, 2015 at 11:21 am rating: 90
- #21.9 The Beast Among Us
  
  Nonny Mouse, you’re wrong. A penis in the bush is worth two in the hand.
  
  This topic isn’t leaving everyone with a bad taste in the mouth, is it?
  
  Jul 24, 2015 at 3:11 pm rating: 90
- #21.10 A nonny mouse
  
  @labdude and Beast
  
  Hahahaha! Fantastic!
  
  And yes, sorry labdude, I misunderstood the original reference. Alles gute, though, more chuckles all around
  
  Aug 7, 2015 at 2:32 pm rating: 90
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#22 Kasaba

Jami, I think the first one comes out tops.

Jul 19, 2015 at 1:55 am rating: 90

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- #22.1 The Elf
  
  Unless they’re more of a bottom.
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 12:40 pm rating: 90
- #22.2 pooham
  
  I agree with Kasaba, the first one is great!
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 1:51 pm rating: 90
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#23 TRT

Hey, aphorism guy! You’re the one that started it. Remember this? 14th March, 2015. The pen is mightier than the sword.

Jul 20, 2015 at 7:05 am rating: 90

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- #23.1 The Beast Among Us
  
  John Wayne Bobbit would beg to differ.
  
  Jul 20, 2015 at 5:29 pm rating: 90
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#24 Mike

“Give us this day our daily butter, and forgive us for failing to buy more because roomie keeps erasing the shopping list to write annoying quotes.”

The penis humor is totally justified. Anyone who signs a note with “K, thanks” has to be in the wrong.

Jul 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm rating: 90

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- #24.1 pooham
  
  That would be great, mmk.
  
  Jul 21, 2015 at 1:55 pm rating: 90
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#25 havingfitz

“If you can’t handle my penis, you don’t deserve my penis.”

Jul 22, 2015 at 3:43 pm rating: 90

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#26 Roxy Random

Please. Penis humor is for adolescents. The truly cool among us replace words with “Batman.”

Try to be Batman in someone else’s Gotham.

Nothing is impossible; I’m Batman.

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the Batman.

See? Much better.

Jul 23, 2015 at 11:03 am rating: 90

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- #26.1 pooham
  
  It’s weird that Roxy’s comment was #69.
  
  Jul 23, 2015 at 1:17 pm rating: 90
- #26.2 The Elf
  
  What’s weird is imagining Batman 69′ing.
  
  Jul 24, 2015 at 2:12 pm rating: 90
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#27 Raichu

you have to admit – roommie was basically asking for someone to do that.

Jul 28, 2015 at 12:59 am rating: 90

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#28 magicdomino

Posting a comment just because the scammer says there aren’t many comments. Obviously the ol’ Beav hasn’t been here when we have a lively indoor/outdoor cat discussion going.

Aug 5, 2015 at 1:09 pm rating: 90

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#29 molestr

I may just subscribe.

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Nov 12, 2017 at 2:10 pm rating: 0

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Dec 3, 2017 at 4:37 pm rating: 0

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