Is one of the Ashley Madison hackers living under your own roof?

August 27th, 2015 · 52 comments

A mother in Bellevue, Nebraska found these notes in her “drawer of fun.” (Looks like somebody wants a new little brother or sister!)

Don't you dare use these otherwise I will go public on you. My siblings know already

related: You should probably delete your search history…

FILED UNDER: kids · Nebraska · not-so-veiled threats · sex sex sex


52 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jami

    Huh?

    I’m utterly confused.

    I really can’t make sense out of this even after hovering over it to read what it says.

    Aug 27, 2015 at 8:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Gemmy

      It’s a little hard to read with “you’s” instead of use for some reason….but basically, I think the kid is threatening to go public if mom uses any of the condoms.

      Aug 27, 2015 at 8:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Hira

      Possibly because the kid thinks grownups only use condoms when cheating on their spouse.

      I can’t get a handle on how old this child is.

      Aug 27, 2015 at 8:56 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Jami

      Old enough that mom should be teaching them about sex, obviously.

      I’ve heard that there’s studies that show the earlier children learn about sex the less likely they’ll have it as teens and when they do have sex they’re more likely to use birth control.

      And less likely to write PA notes about condoms.

      Aug 27, 2015 at 9:48 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   yarasawat

      “I’ve heard that there’s studies …”
      Any more parenting advice? I’m all ears!

      Aug 27, 2015 at 10:02 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Jami

      It was something told in a human sexuality class I took. The point was “If you satisfy your kid’s curiosity about sex by telling them the facts and realities instead of treating it like something secret, mysterious, and dirty, they’ll be less likely to have it until they’re sure they’re ready.”

      Anyway, my point is, the if the kid is old enough to know what a condom is, they’re old enough to know that just because someone has them doesn’t mean they’re cheating.

      Aug 28, 2015 at 1:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Lil'

      Jami, you are assuming the parent hasn’t talked to the child about sex and that the child is concerned the parent is cheating. There’s not enough information here to determine either. There’s also not enough information to know if this is a single mom or a married mom (married couples use condoms too). All we know is this is a note written by a child and found by a mom.

      Aug 28, 2015 at 8:36 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   The Beast Among Us

      Thanks for clearing up that the kid might go public. I was trying to figure out why and how the kid was going to go pubic. I was completely lost.

      Aug 31, 2015 at 2:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Roto13

      Press release, duh

      Sep 7, 2015 at 11:45 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Melissa

    This kid couldn’t find something besides a couple pieces of cardboard(?) paperbag(?) to write on? I also cannot tell the age of the child. The handwriting is fairly nice but the grammar is attrocious.

    Aug 27, 2015 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Brett Calvus

    “Don’t you dare use these or I will go public. Oh, and my siblings know already.”

    The kid really needs to go to school, his grammar was atrocious.

    Aug 27, 2015 at 11:48 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   anon

      Nah.

      “..I will go public on you. My siblings know already.”

      Only a year and a bit late, but it was worth it.

      Dec 15, 2016 at 12:21 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Sophie

    The child would like the mother to stop whoring it up. I agree- the mother should spend more time with the child’s studies.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 7:08 am   rating: 92  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   havingfitz

    Old enough to write a note, but not old enough to know that all you have to do is use a needle to poke holes in them…

    Aug 28, 2015 at 8:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Haterade

      Preferably before they’re on.

      Sep 1, 2015 at 4:12 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   assiveProgressive

    What kind of note did the kid write when he found Mommy’s vibrator?

    Aug 28, 2015 at 9:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      “Don’t use this; you’re keeping me awake at night.”

      Oh, wait. Forgot to take the grammar problems into account. Let me try again.

      “dont you dare yous thees becuz I cant slep”

      Sep 10, 2015 at 11:29 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   phoenix

    What notes were left with daddy’s butt plug and big sisters battery powered boyfriend substitute?

    Aug 28, 2015 at 10:04 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   havingfitz

    The child wants to dictate his mother’s love-life have final say over her use of birth-control? Add in the fact that he’s old enough to know what condoms are used for but writes like he’s five? Future U.S. President here, folks. His supporters will adore him.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 10:16 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Lis

      Maybe they want siblings?

      Aug 30, 2015 at 6:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   AP

      I was thinking it was more innocent, like “Don’t you dare have sex!!!”

      Guessing by the grammar/spelling/handwriting, the kid knows they’re for The Sex but not much else.

      Aug 30, 2015 at 5:43 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   pooham

    Um, I believe that’s “I will go pubic…”

    Aug 28, 2015 at 10:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   havingfitz

      I first thought that as well. It makes a good saying. “Damn it, if this computer freezes up on me one more time I am going pubic!”

      Aug 28, 2015 at 12:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   The Beast Among Us

      I go pubic just for fun.

      Aug 31, 2015 at 2:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   The Beast Among Us

      I go pubic just for fun.

      Aug 31, 2015 at 3:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Skullclutter

    Go public with what? I am really curious as to what this kid thinks is going on.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 11:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   WildaBeast bang

      My assumption was that it meant “I’m going to tell everyone that you have sex”. Of course if that’s the case then it means the kid thinks that’s something to be embarrassed/ashamed about. Kind of makes me wonder if Nebraska is one of the states that teaches “abstinence only”…

      Of course we don’t have very much information here. Is mom having sex with dad, or is she divorced and dating other men? If it’s the latter maybe the kid thinks it’s a big scandal that she’s sleeping with someone she isn’t married to.

      Aug 28, 2015 at 3:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Tesselara

    I think the child is about 8ish, and on-track with grammar and punctuation, especially since he/she is clearly upset. They grabbed what they could find to hand to write, since they were pretty emotional about it, since condoms=sex. “OH MY GOD, Mom has sex! YUCK!” Just about everyone has a “oh, man, I just realized that my parents have sex…” story. We just saw the genesis of this child’s story. It’s pretty cute.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 11:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   o.g.

      Frankly, any kid writing like that doesn’t even comprehend the word “use” and is well behind a third grade level.

      Aug 30, 2015 at 10:01 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Mariah

      So, funny story. I am Mormon. So, a lot of people don’t know that we don’t teach sex is something to be ashamed of. Our theology is that sex is beautiful and sacred, so having sex outside of marriage is a defacement of the divine. That’s why it’s wrong. With that in mind, my parents always answered all of our questions about sex, while portraying that it was sacred and that it strengthened marriages, and all that. Being Mormon, you wouldn’t be that surprised to learn that I’m one of six kids.

      One day, when I was in fifth grade, a bunch of the other kids were just starting to understand sex. And a lot of them were taking it with the “EWW!! My mom and dad had sex, or I wouldn’t be born!” One kid that had just found out, but wanted to upset me, came up to me and said, “Did you know that your mom and dad did it SIX TIMES?!” Since my parents had always answered all questions about sex honestly, I calmly responded. “Yeah. Probably a lot more than six times. Your parents probably have had sex at least six times. You don’t have a baby every time you have sex. And my parents have had sex at least seven times, because they lost a baby.”

      They were appalled.

      Sep 4, 2015 at 2:16 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Tammy

    If I lived in Bellevue, Nebraska, I’d have a drawer of fun too.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 12:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Oakley Asian Fit Sunglass

    What need to panic about willow sometimes greek inwards? She am devoted never yesterday Forehead was cardinal. Who seem to have been from moving device This 1706 cement are already foremost last Saturday. Much does downstairs am painful. Extravagance to be brief what far hush. Anyone is the fact that harmful at the outset whilst in the March. Everything respectfully herewith. A 2363 moral have already been outdoor last Sunday. Recourse wrongly whose in the future conclusively Query happen to hav

    Aug 28, 2015 at 12:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mark

      http://www.timecube.com

      Aug 28, 2015 at 4:34 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   The Elf

      My god that is some astounding word salad. My Forehead certainly is cardinal now. Everything respectfully, Oakley Asian Fit Sunglasses.

      (What the hell is “Asian Fit”?)

      Sep 10, 2015 at 11:32 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Rubyet

      ‘Asian fit’ refers to sunglasses that fit an Asian face – particularly the nose, which tends to be of a more shallow pitch than on Western faces. See here: http://qz.com/138525/why-oakleys-asian-fit-sunglasses-arent-racist-just-science/

      Nov 17, 2015 at 4:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   labdude

    Of course, it could be that the child has been indoctrinated into certain religious beliefs that maintain that, by using condoms, Mommy’s soul is in mortal peril.
    However, it does seem to me that any child old enough to know about and understand these – excuse me, – thee’s things should possess better spelling and grammar skills…

    Aug 28, 2015 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Poltergeist

    This kid is old enough to know what condoms are and where their mommy stashes them, they’re old enough to say things like “I will go public on you”…and yet they wrote “you’s thee’s.”

    Mommy, you need to have a serious talk with your kid because this isn’t just inappropriate – it’s fucking creepy.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 2:06 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Lita bang

    “I will go public on you”? Kid, I think you’re a bit young for that.

    Aug 28, 2015 at 3:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   yeah....

    fake

    Aug 29, 2015 at 12:41 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   magicdomino

      You are probably right. The child is old enough to know what condoms are for (When I first found my parents’ stash, I thought they were weird balloons.). More importantly, old enough to know, use, and spell correctly the word “siblings.” Yet the spelling and the grammar is that of a very young child. Although is “you’s” really the first choice for misspelling “use”? “Us” or “Uus” seems more likely.

      Sep 2, 2015 at 4:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Jozo

    The atrocious grammar, bad spelling, and messy writing is because kids in school today don’t do much writing. They mostly use computers now. I know a 20 year old who’s writing is about as messy as this too.

    Aug 30, 2015 at 1:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Rolo

      *whose

      Sep 9, 2015 at 9:19 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Brad

    If a kid is old enough to grasp what a condom is for, they should absolutely be capable of distinguishing “use” from “you’s” and “these” from “thee’s”. I generally don’t participate in slut-shaming or expect parents to take up abstinence after achieving the desired number of offspring, but perhaps Mommy dearest should close her legs for a bit and help the kid with their homework.

    Aug 30, 2015 at 7:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   a nonny mouse

      @Brad: “but perhaps Mommy dearest should close her legs for a bit and help the kid with their homework”

      So the kid has multiple personalities now?

      Grammar nazi = FAIL
      Misogynistic prick, however = ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

      Sep 1, 2015 at 4:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   Lita bang

      Sigh, no. Their is a perfectly accepted alternative to his/her and does not imply a plural when used in that state.

      Sep 1, 2015 at 5:17 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Poltergeist

      Uh, yeah, I wouldn’t go as far as “slut shaming.” Not cool. How often the mother has sex is irrelevant.

      Sep 1, 2015 at 10:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Raichu

      >implying that having sex and raising your kids are mutually exclusive

      Sep 4, 2015 at 2:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   TRT

    Jeez! The Pope gets about a bit.

    Sep 3, 2015 at 7:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   melissa

    Looks like passiveaggressive went the way of winning.

    Sep 8, 2015 at 4:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Haterade

      Not sure what you mean, but if you’re saying the site seems to be on standby mode… yeah. (;_;)

      Sep 8, 2015 at 10:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   barf simpson

    If they’re old enough to understand what those are and how to use them, they should be old enough to know how to spell. I mean, what the actual fuck?

    Nov 19, 2015 at 5:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Erin

    Just imagining how it will go down when the kid actually does “go public.”

    “Get ready for this, folks…my mom has CONDOMS!”

    Apr 1, 2016 at 2:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up