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You can’t spare three squares?

February 15th, 2016 · 80 comments

This is how one guy in Wisconsin decided to let his roommate know wholesale jerseys from china she was using too much toilet paper. How do you suppose that went over?

LEARN 2 CONSERVE

related: The Toilet Paper Manifesto

FILED UNDER: roommates · toilet paper


80 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Kohaku bang

    Well, isn’t that shitty.

    Feb 15, 2016 at 11:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Pink Coat

    None of your business how I clean up my business dude!

    Feb 16, 2016 at 9:04 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   General Lackluster

    Holy crap.

    Feb 16, 2016 at 9:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   O Well now

      That’s Crapola

      Feb 16, 2016 at 7:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Poltergeist92

    Let’s compile a list of the different ways she can make use of the toilet paper to piss her roommate off:
    1. As napkins while eating spare ribs.
    2. Confetti to throw in his face every time he walks in the door.
    3. Notes left around the house reminding him of everything he does wrong.
    4. Invite some friends over to play the “who can wrap somebody up as a mummy fastest” party game.
    5. Buy baby dolls and make diapers for them.
    6. Create a flowing veil and toilet paper flower bouquet and walk around humming “Here comes the bride.”

    Feb 16, 2016 at 9:31 am   rating: 94  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Lil'

      7. Drying off after a shower.

      Feb 19, 2016 at 8:24 am   rating: 93  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Tesselara

      amazing, Lil’!

      Feb 19, 2016 at 1:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Lil'

      Thanks, Tesselara!

      8. Curtains

      Feb 22, 2016 at 8:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   Kohaku bang

      9: Wrapping fragile objects for storage.

      Feb 22, 2016 at 1:42 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   The Beast Among Us

      10: Stuffing bras and underwear.

      Feb 22, 2016 at 2:14 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   Kohaku bang

      11: Replacement for Kleenex and paper towels.

      Feb 22, 2016 at 2:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   Tesselara

      Stuffing a mattress

      Feb 23, 2016 at 2:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Rattus

      13. Emergency lady days absorbing thingy (doing my best not to skeev out the men on board by being as euphemistic as possible).

      Feb 24, 2016 at 7:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.9   Lil'

      14. Area Rug

      Feb 24, 2016 at 7:49 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.10   The Beast Among Us

      15: Catching semen during a rub out session.

      I’m not as tactful as Rattus.

      Feb 24, 2016 at 11:40 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.11   Lil'

      I’ve got it…

      16. (Drumroll, please……) A TP teepee

      Feb 24, 2016 at 3:42 pm   rating: 95  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.12   Kohaku bang

      17: Do it yourself yurt cover.

      Feb 24, 2016 at 6:48 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.13   The Beast Among Us

      18: Makeshift lingerie

      19: Replacing worn-out insoles

      20: Hiding the body

      Feb 25, 2016 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.14   Tesselara

      21: Toga Party

      Feb 25, 2016 at 1:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.15   Kohaku bang

      22: Armpit sweat catcher.

      Feb 25, 2016 at 2:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.16   Lupin111

      23. Note paper

      Feb 25, 2016 at 9:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.17   Madrias

      24: Really bad paper airplanes. (yes, I’ve made paper airplanes with toilet paper. They don’t fly real well.)

      Feb 26, 2016 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.18   Kohaku bang

      25: Crappy (heh) origami.

      Feb 27, 2016 at 11:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.19   Jami

      26: Animation cells for the misadventures of a stick figure person.

      Feb 27, 2016 at 4:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.20   The Beast Among Us

      27: Fixing that low spot in your mattress.

      Feb 29, 2016 at 1:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.21   Kohaku bang

      28: For when you just HAVE to blot the oil off your nose and don’t have a rice paper sheet handy.

      Mar 1, 2016 at 12:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.22   The Beast Among Us

      29: Decorating a friend’s yard and trees.

      Mar 3, 2016 at 1:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.23   Kohaku bang

      30: Quick and dirty wall swags for baby showers, weddings, parties, whatever. Even dyeable.

      Mar 4, 2016 at 12:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.24   Tesselara

      I think we all have oppositional defiance disorder.

      I was thinking we should have a rallying cry, but then, no one would do it.

      Mar 4, 2016 at 12:26 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.25   Jami

      31: Write the rallying cry & manifesto of the people of PAN on.

      Mar 4, 2016 at 6:19 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.26   Kohaku bang

      32: Clean up the marker that will inevitably get everywhere due to 31.

      Mar 5, 2016 at 11:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.27   MustacheHam

      33: A fun test! Put one end of the tp in the toliet and hold it like a bobbin. Then see how much tp goes down the drain in one flush.

      Mar 11, 2016 at 12:59 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Dane Zeller

    No, no, no. You’ve all got this wrong. This is an image that has appeared on the internet at toiletpaperart.com. Don’t you see the creativity? The artful unrolling of the roll? The clever perforations in sharpee and paper? You all need to get some cultur.

    Feb 16, 2016 at 9:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Kohaku bang

      Hmm, I suppose culture might make the need for toilet paper slightly less.

      Oh, you didn’t mean yogurt culture?

      Feb 16, 2016 at 2:24 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   TKD

      I’m disappointed in you Kohaku. I thought you were up on all the new, hip, spelling changes going on today. It is now spelled kultur. It’s like how can ye? became Kanye? Or how Cohacu changed to Kohaku. I’m sorry to have to kall you out on this. But I kant in good konshunz let you keep making theze errorz.
      :-)

      Feb 17, 2016 at 8:36 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   Kohaku bang

      I like being a little behind the times! Lets me shake my cane while yelling for those damn kids to get off my lawn. :D

      Feb 17, 2016 at 5:23 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Thick McRunfast

      The Curse of the Hunn be upon thee!

      You will be respectful of the ancient Kultur with its hard bread, its sour candy and the ever present Glögg.

      Take leave of your relish, your Yo dawg! I heard you like cake and burritos post haste and we might still leave heads on your shoulders, Anglian hounds!

      Feb 21, 2016 at 12:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Kohaku bang

      *bows down before the Kultur*

      Feb 22, 2016 at 1:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   Thick McRunfast

      Attention all servants of the great and bountyfull Kultur!
      Your complimentary bowl of stale bread boiled in weak beer is in the post along with a Battle of Vinland(2013) dvd*.

      *For members outside the 13th century the dvd might be corrupted due to lack of runic fonts.

      Mar 7, 2016 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   FeRD bang

      Not one of you knows how to use the three seashells. I can tell.

      Mar 22, 2016 at 4:21 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Laura

    As a woman with a male roommate, this is horrifying. My roommate and I have our own bathrooms, but even if we shared, I would be appalled if he did something like this! So tacky!

    Feb 16, 2016 at 9:41 am   rating: 93  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Madrias

    Am I the only one who would be tempted to wipe my ass on the toilet paper, then roll it back up and leave it for ‘reuse’ later? Kinda the proverbial “Conserve this!”

    Feb 16, 2016 at 11:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Beast Among Us

      I’d poop in the reservoir instead of the bowl, wipe, and leave the toilet paper in the trash can. And then I’d move out.

      Feb 16, 2016 at 12:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   ATL Peach

      Upper decker for the win!

      Mar 3, 2016 at 12:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   The Beast Among Us

      I was beginning to think no one else here knew what an upper decker was.

      Mar 3, 2016 at 1:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Madrias

      I knew what it was, couldn’t remember the name.

      Mar 7, 2016 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   InigoMontorya69

    That toilet paper was fucking delicious.

    Feb 16, 2016 at 12:12 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Madrias

      Didn’t know you enjoyed recycled toilet paper…

      Feb 17, 2016 at 8:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   The Beast Among Us

    Use your own, and I’ll use my own.

    Feb 16, 2016 at 12:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Belle

      I share a duplex with my son & his girlfriend, but we have separate bathrooms. Even if we didn’t we each buy our own TP. I prefer one brand, they prefer another.

      Feb 16, 2016 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Autumn

    Gross, he must walk around with a really dirty butt….

    Feb 16, 2016 at 2:06 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   The Beast Among Us

    I wonder if bidet users have any problems similar to this…

    Feb 16, 2016 at 2:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Kohaku bang

      I can see it now.

      “You’re using too much water!” “You left it on high pressure when I clearly prefer low!” “Can’t you just wipe like a civilized person?!”

      Feb 16, 2016 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   assiveProgressive

    Reminds me of the My Strange Addiction episode in 2010 where the person was addicted to eating toilet paper. Could be what’s going on here. Or… the roommate is addicted to counting squares of tissue.

    Feb 18, 2016 at 12:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   47of74 bang

    What, did the Charmin Bears raise this guy?

    Feb 18, 2016 at 5:39 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Jami

    Unless he’s going to spring for flushable baby wipes, he has no business telling her how much toilet paper to use.

    Feb 20, 2016 at 11:45 am   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   nonnym

      Wow, they have special wipes for flushable babies?

      What will they think of next? *marvels*

      Feb 20, 2016 at 3:56 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   assiveProgressive

      They are all the rage at high school proms, where the plopping noise in the bathroom is a newborn

      Feb 21, 2016 at 10:33 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   FeRD bang

      There is no such thing as a flushable baby wipe. Honestly. Even if it says “flushable” on the package, they are LYING. A NYTimes piece I read included this hilarious gem:

      “I agree that they’re flushable,” said Tim Haapala, operations manager for the Charleston [W. Virginia] Sanitary Board. “A golf ball is flushable, but it’s not a good idea.”

      We had to deal with a $300US emergency plumbing repair here in my building, recently, after the main sewer connection backed up into the basement. (Exactly as gross as it sounds.) The obstruction that our poor, heroic plumber pulled out of the line was roughly the size of a very large, overfed cat, and consisted entirely of wipes, sanitary napkins, condoms, and (someow) even a few condom wrappers.

      Wipes clogging up their plumbing and machinery is becoming a major crisis for a lot of municipal systems, too. (Source: Same NYTimes article.) Seriously, if you must use those things, throw them in the trash. I have the world’s tiniest trashcan in my bathroom, for that exact purpose.

      Or, yaknow, just use toilet paper!

      Mar 22, 2016 at 4:43 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   ppppppp

    Women need more TP. We can’t just shake it off.

    Feb 20, 2016 at 10:04 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Beast Among Us

      Men can’t shake poop off their cheeks, either, but I know what you mean.

      Feb 22, 2016 at 2:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Rattus

      I haven’t used three squares since I was three.

      Feb 23, 2016 at 9:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Dot

    Creep.

    Feb 21, 2016 at 11:06 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Rivkacatholicaspie

    (Rant) Okay…not everyone needs the same amount of toilet paper. People can’t really control it. Some of us have messy bowel movements, some of us have clean ones. And us women usually need more-it’s not a choice, it’s a fact of nature.

    Yeah, sorry for the rant. My father was pretty grumpy about other people’s toilet paper use. He was convinced that his children were driving him into poverty by forcing him to actually buy more toilet paper when at the store. (And this was years AFTER we’d left the toddler-unroll-all-the tp-rolls years behind.)

    Feb 21, 2016 at 1:35 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   AP

    When I lived in the dorms, I had a roommate (female) who tried to convince the rest of our roommates (also female) that we were only allowed to use 2 squares of toilet paper per toilet use.

    There had been An Argument as it was discovered the suite of six had been using 1.2 rolls of Charmin per day, and some people did not want to pay for it.

    Turned out, the University provided toilet paper for apartment-style dorms…you just had to ask the RA for it. Argument ended.

    Feb 21, 2016 at 3:22 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Jetboy

    Learn to crap like a dog. They don’t waste TP.

    Feb 21, 2016 at 6:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Kohaku bang

      They also lick their asses clean if they do happen to get messy.

      Even I’m not that flexible.

      Feb 21, 2016 at 6:44 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   assiveProgressive

      I have often wondered why we are the only mammals that require TP

      Feb 22, 2016 at 10:12 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   The Beast Among Us

      I tried wiping my ass on someone’s carpet, once. It tickles.

      Feb 22, 2016 at 2:21 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   Kohaku bang

      Ouch, all I can imagine is rug burn…

      Feb 22, 2016 at 2:25 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.5   Rivkacatholicaspie

      My dog has been observed licking other dog’s asses. He’s doing his part for the cause of conservation, he’s doing his part.

      Feb 28, 2016 at 10:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.6   Kohaku bang

      What an altruistic and helpful dog.

      Feb 29, 2016 at 12:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.7   Jamoche

      Oh, we aren’t the only ones who need it, just the only ones who can use it – if you wear wool, you really do not want to know what the back end of a sheep looks like.

      Apr 9, 2016 at 3:56 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   havingfitz

    She should start tearing it off right in the middle of a sheet instead of at the perforated lines. He seems like the kind of guy that would slowly be driven insane by this…well, even more insane.

    Feb 23, 2016 at 3:35 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Whysguy

    How about a nice bale of sphagnum moss?

    Feb 25, 2016 at 3:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Lupin111

    If they split the cost, then he doesn’t get to complain.

    I used to share a house with two others, and only two of us would buy toilet paper. And the third girl would run through rolls within a week – we knew this because the two of us who actually did the purchasing had lived together before, and we had never run out at that rate.

    The only problem was the non-purchasing by the highest user.

    Feb 25, 2016 at 9:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Kristina

    Omg too funny

    Apr 16, 2016 at 2:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   gabbyco bang

    I like that though it’s true learn to conserve do you need so much loo paper just for a crap !

    Sep 1, 2016 at 5:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Noah Maes

    Well, that is a shitty situation. this is hilarious! Keep posting things like this plz. LMFAO

    Sep 23, 2016 at 3:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Robbe Willems

      DUDE YEAH it’s amazing how funny this site is! it’s like a drug!

      Sep 23, 2016 at 3:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up