What if God were a cyclist?

September 15th, 2014 · no comments

Glen found this magnificent notice attached to a lamppost on 4th & Jackson in San Jose.

Stolen!!! You stole my bike! Yeah you did. You came up and grabbed it and knew exactly where it was so I know your (sic) around this 'hood! Seen me riding it before too huh!?! Just wait till (sic) I see YOU riding it! I'll call the cops real quick homie! Oh wait, you sold it? Not likely, it didn't ride very well and the parts were hella old. Doubt anyone wants it anyway, probably won't get you that much. So just bring it back and I'll give you some recyclables. Turn to doing good or face the wrath of GOD!!!

related: I hope you step on a Lego!

→ No CommentsFILED UNDER: bicycle · God · San Jose · spelling and grammar police


But…but…I’m late for bingo!

September 11th, 2014 · 36 comments

Zee spotted this warning in the basement parking garage of her small senior citizens‘ building in Indiana, where, she says, “a few of the residents prefer posting anonymous notes to dealing with their issues directly.”

*PLEASE* SLOW DOWN SPEED IS 10 MPH NEXT TIME I WILL PUBLISH YOUR NAME AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!

…and other residents, not so much.

If you know their name, why not talk to them directly - or to the board - instead of leaving a passive-aggressive note?

related: That means you, young man in the blue Subaru!!

→ 36 CommentsFILED UNDER: driving · Indiana · old folks · rebuttals · you know who you are


A warning from the diet police

September 8th, 2014 · 82 comments

Abby spotted this dubious bit of dietary advice at her local supermarket in Catonsville, Maryland.

1 egg has more cholesterol than Big Mac. Try a fruit salad.

Adds Abby: “Maybe whoever wrote this should spend all the free time they have (obviously a lot) researching the nutritional value of eggs (protein) vs. fruit (carbs).”

related: The anti-milk militia

→ 82 CommentsFILED UNDER: food · Maryland · unsolicited feedback


Fashion tip: deodorant doesn’t go out of style after Labor Day

September 1st, 2014 · 47 comments

Scott in Cincinnati says this is merely the latest notice he’s seen posted at his father-in-law’s cab company.

Notice; It has come to my attention that some of us aren't using deodorant. We all need to use deodorant. Also, no more tank tops or sleeveless shirts. this only brings out the B.O.

related: I’m detecting a foul odor coming from your general direction.

→ 47 CommentsFILED UNDER: Cincinnati · hygiene · odor


Discover nature at a National Park!

August 27th, 2014 · 65 comments

By day: bears. By night: bird & bees. Gee, you’re right, Glacier National Park does sound like a pretty educational experience. (You’re welcome, notewriter!)

Dear neighbors, When taking our children to such a breathtaking park, we hoped they would learn a lot. We had no idea they could learn so much at the hotel too. Last night, for example, they learned that headboard pounding, drunken sex might annoy neighbors in six rooms, but at least it will only last three minutes. 10:38 to 10:41 to be exact. The early morning vomiting was the best lesson of all. Cheers!

related: Cross-country elevator action

→ 65 CommentsFILED UNDER: hotels · kids · noise · sex sex sex