Entries Tagged as 'a little patronizing'

I super duper hope you go screw yourself!

July 18th, 2011 · 104 Comments

During Diana’s lunch break one day, a concerned coworker apparently decided to seize the opportunity to let her know — anonymously, of course — that the state of her cubicle was too much too handle. Even more obnoxiously, Diana says, “He or she actually just opened up Word and typed this note on my computer.”

To top it all off, Diana insists her workstation was hardly a disaster area to begin with. “The only things on my desk at the time were my computer, a few pieces of paper, and a coffee mug.”

Hey, Diana, Your workstation is really messy. It makes all of us look bad when you just can’t pick up after yourself. No need to get sloppy! Even if you are used to it after hours, there’s no need to bring bad habits into your cubicle. I super duper hope you’re enjoying your lunch! Thanks so much, A concerned co-worker

related: Can you please walk quieter?

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · Kansas · office · office cop · unsolicited feedback

A spoonful of sugar might help this lesson in Newtonian physics go down

June 14th, 2011 · 47 Comments

This physics lesson was posted in the communal kitchen of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry.

“You would think that these people would be masters of communication,” our submitter says. “Evidently, not so much.”

A lesson in Newtonian Physics: If a spoon is washed in water, something it is very right and proper to be done, it still has residual water on it, unless dried.  If the spoon is placed on the draining board concave side up, gravitational force causes the water to sink into the concavity forming a puddle that is dependent on evaporation to remove it. If a male (it could only be a male) uses the bepuddled spoon to make himself coffee, water may get into the coffee tin and cause aggregation of the grounds which are hygyroscopic. This is given by these equations which are examples of a chaotic system (a Henon map) [equations] The solution to this problem is possibly too complex for members of this Department, but requires people to leave spoons convex side up.

In Australia, meanwhile, it seems they prefer not to beat around the bush* — at least when it comes to wet spoons.
DO NOT PUT WET DIRTY SPOONS IN SUGAR

related: The Ph.D’s approach to air conditioning units

*bad pun intended

Tags: a little patronizing · Australia · coffee · college life · note wars · office · spoons · U.K.

The Accidental Communist

April 18th, 2011 · 78 Comments

“The crayon note showed up about two months before the response,” says Monica at Goucher College, “but both have been a source of great entertainment.”

Goucher College is a COMMUNITY. In communities we share. We do not steal other people's things like corporate America. Share share, that's fair. Go watch an episode on Barney, learn some manners, AND STOP STEALING!

related: Comrades, take notice!

extra credit: A lesson from Barney! **********

Tags: a little patronizing · Baltimore · college life · food · questionable logic · rebuttals · sharing is caring · stealing

Bad dog! Stop that! Right now!

March 31st, 2011 · 50 Comments

When I read this landlord’s note…

AHEM..."SOMEONE" KEEPS LEAVING THIS DOOR OPEN. THIS IS VERY, VERY BAD!! STOP THAT!! RIGHT NOW!! THE MANAGEMENT THANKS YOU.

…this is roughly the image that came to mind:

Stop that! Right now!

Anyone else?

related: And you thought college students were foul…

Tags: a little patronizing · exclamation-point happy!!!! · message to all intended for one · opening/closing · sad face · smiley

The joys of being the unofficial IT guy for your entire family

February 1st, 2011 · 49 Comments

“My dad has six older, very Italian sisters,” writes Kristina in Detroit, in what sounds very much like the setup for a sitcom. “They’re all very opinionated, and will take a stab at you whenever possible.”

A few weeks ago, she says, “My dad — out of the kindness of his heart — lent a hand by fixing his oldest sister’s virus-riddled computer.” Of course, Aunt Marie was well-warned that wiping her (un-backed-up) hard drive to get rid of the viruses would also erase her other downloaded programs, music and whatnot, but true to form, Aunt Marie wasn’t about to let a good deed go unpunished.

Even in her thank you note, Kristina says, “she just had to mention her ‘programs’ (which have no chance of coming back, and she knows it!)”

Thanks Mike, We appreciate you fixing my computer.  Good job - Still need my programs back - Love ya, Marie and Sam

related: Best wishes, godless heathens!

Tags: a little patronizing · Detroit · family · signed with love · thanks (but not really)

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

November 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

The AYS staff is leaving dirty dishes behind the front desk. Eating is not allowed in the offices unless it is something minor like a bagel or a company sponsored meal like pizza. AYS associates are to take their breaks and eat in the Outback. Surfing the web while having a STINKY BURRITO and then leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up is not how we do it here. If you cannot abide by this we will address it using progressive discipline as outlined in the Associate Handbook.

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Hi all, It is with regret that I have to circulate the following email. Please understand that I would not send this message if it was not a big problem for me. As a person that is severely sensitive to smells I have to ask for your help. I am very sensitive to body odour and hope that folks in the office can be aware of this and try to minimize odour for the comfort of all office staff, including specifically me. Our space is small and when in a small room together the odours can be quite strong. Stale body odour on clothes can be avoided by regularly washing and changing clothes. Keep one's breath fresh, regular brushing, using mouthwash or breath mints/gum. Also, to avoid spreading germs to other office staff, given the onset of flu season, please wash hands frequently. Sneeze into a Kleenex and discard right away or sneeze into your sleeve not your hands. If you are under the weather the HR policy allows for sick time, so please stay home until you are better.

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · all-staff e-mail · Comic Sans Alert · dishes · fired · food · hygiene · memo · message to all intended for one · odor · office cop · Ontario · Tulsa

 
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