Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

Every day, you watch them, in horror: Those vile, germ-laden, nether-region-wiping creatures who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet. Confronting the offenders directly wouldn’t work, because, well, you’re passive-aggressive, and that’s just not how you roll. So what to do next?

Well, you could dazzle them with some accusatory statistics…

…or attempt to appeal to the altruists in the audience.

And maybe try to lure in the sports fans with the promise of some fun trivia!

If they see through that little scheme, you could try patronizing your patrons outright…

…or just straight-up treat them like four-year-olds. (“Did you wash your hands?” “Yes.” “DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?” “I said yes!!!”)

Perhaps even a dash of reverse psychology?

Of course, those less-straightforward techniques just might just backfire on you.  In that case, you could play the bully with THE CLIP ART THAT MUST BE STOPPED.

Or, if your clip-art collection is a bit larger…release the dragon!

Not scary enough? Maybe it’s time to bust out the F word.

Or the even scarier F-word: FECAL-ORAL.

And if that still doesn’t work? Well, I guess you’ll just have to flounce away, invest in some latex gloves, and vow to hold it ’til you get home.

(Thanks to Jen in Houston, Jenni in Spokane, Marley in Pittsburgh, Lindsey in Memphis, Laura in Richmond, and the many anonymous submitters for their contributions.)

related: Five approaches to toilet paper maintenance

extra credit:  “On Washing Hands,” by Atul Gawande

extra extra credit: “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” Liquid Hand Soap

Sure, Redbox and Netflix may have been the death of their former stomping grounds. Yet as Erin in San Diego noticed while shopping for DVDs at her local Best Buy, at least one of those condescending cinephiles has condescended to grace us with her presence (and her oh-so-artistic ampersands?) in big-box land.

Meanwhile, as Ali noticed, a Blockbuster in Calgary seems to be having similar HR problems.

related: Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I just called to say I love you”?

One day, Mike in Seattle pulled into his section of the parking garage, where there were dozens of open spaces that never fill up. “Rather than doing a 12-point turn to get right next to a concrete column, I just pulled in and called it good enough. Apparently I had been taking liberties with Mother Earth that day or something, as I was later blessed with this gem tucked under my wiper blade.”

Trix says her Dad spotted this variation on the same theme while strolling through Portland, Oregon — “a well-known haven for parking-space-hugging liberals.”

And of course, the irrational assumptions go both ways. Amber in Whitinsville, Mass. — who happens to be gainfully employed, thankyouverymuch — found this under her windshield wiper one day.

Lara in Arlington, Virginia bore the brunt of an even more retrograde brand of passive-aggressive paternalism when she committed the sin of parking a smidge over the yellow line.

related: Herbie Goes to Washington

Joel in Glendale, California was raised in a religious Christian family, and apparently someone let it slip to his grandmother (bless her heart!) that he’s — gasp!— an atheist. Aaaaand…let the backhanded compliments begin!

Dear Joel, I have heard that you say you’re an athesis [sic]. I don’t believe that because you have so many Christian qualities. You are honest, loyal, kind and giving- not to mention handsome and extremely talented. (Now —Those are gifts from God!) Please use this check to have a great New Years day Breakfast.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Adds Joel: “I’d like to point out that she mailed me this check for $20 after I asked her not to send me money and she promised she wouldn’t. Lying isn’t very Christian, Grandma!”

related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

Perhaps Dirty Lady #2 got an office job?

related: the most disgusting thing is a nasty lady

With morale at many companies coasting towards all-time lows, those peppy human resources specialists keep coming up with new budget-conscious ways to keep us worker bees happily humming along. To wit: “Popcorn Thursday.” Sounds like a total blast, right?

Meanwhile, an anonymous post-it writer in Denver speaks up for how employees really feel about these “morale boosters.”

related: A sign (or ten) that your HR department might have too much time on their hands

Carmen in Washington, D.C. says she and her roommates suffered for months at the hands of this “crazy, obsessive-compulsive who made our lives miserable.” By the end of the fall semester, Carmen says, the house was a near-war zone, and the girl finally moved out.

“Around the time she was packing up her things, we decorated for the holidays and cleaned up a bit. She was livid, and accused us of waiting to clean up until then because we had been trying to drive her from the house with the mess.” (Hmm…how would you classify that sort of behavior?)

A week later, Carmen and her roommates received this card. Enclosed: one house key, and one hearty holiday dose of condescension.

(the front of the card)

related: way harsh, tai