Entries Tagged as 'anthropomorphism'

Please, take me. Take me now.

December 2nd, 2013 · 33 Comments

Spotted by Elissa in Annandale, Australia:

I have been dumped by my idiot owners. Pls take me! (It's okay! You'll get over her! There are so many desks out there.)

related: Free coat rack, gently used

Tags: anthropomorphism · Australia · smartass

Sorry, I can’t hear you over all the chattering appliances

June 25th, 2013 · 93 Comments

Our submitter in Fort Collins, Colorado was a bit taken aback at the site of this local business’s breakroom. “The level of commitment dedicared to naming and creating backstories for the appliances was…mindboggling,” she says.

Indeed, my mind has been boggled.

Hello! We are the [redacted] break room appliances provided by [redacted] and we would like to introduce ourselves. Hello, I'm Mike the Microwave and I am the newest appliance to join the [redacted] Break Room team, replacing Monroe who retired. Hey there, my name is Collin and I'm the Coffee Machine. Howdy, Dante the Dishwasher here! Hi, I'm the big guy in the corner, Ramone the Refrigerator. Most of us have been here for a long time and we are thankful that [redacted] has provided us for your convenience and use. However since we are aging, we need a bit more TLC so each of us has written a little synopsis of how you can help us maintain our integrity and continue to work as best we can. We appreciate you being considerate of all persons who wish to use us. Thanks and please HELP us with our individual needs.

Mike, Collin, & the kitchen gang

Dante the Dishwasher

Collin the Coffee Machine

Mike the Microwave

related: The Needy Little Dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · clip art catastrophe · Colorado · dishwasher · fridge · kitchen · microwave · office · TL;DR

Wake up, Mixer. You’re in the Matrix.

June 4th, 2013 · 31 Comments

Oh look, another sentient kitchen appliance. This time, with allergies.

Please clean me when you get me dirty! I'm allergic to crusty waffle batter/potatoes...it makes me itchy and irritable...I don't like it. Ahh! A talking Mixer!! There is mixer; there is only Zuul! Silence! I kill you! <3 The Mixer Wake up, Mixer. You're in the Matrix.

(As spotted by Julie in her Provo, Utah college cafeteria.)

related: The very needy dishwasher

Tags: anthropomorphism · kitchen · Provo · smartass

Sink squatters

December 10th, 2012 · 23 Comments

Spotted, appropriately enough, in New York’s Theater District (though I guess Hell’s Kitchen would have made sense, too):

I've been here since Monday. How about you? I got here last week. I'm staying. Me too. I'm never leaving. Let's make salmonella.

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · dishes · New York · office

Mug Shot

September 12th, 2012 · 56 Comments

I’ll start with the moral of the story first: “It just goes to show you that passive aggressive notes are funny but not effective.” That observation comes courtesy of Janell in San Francisco, who admits that she penned the following note after her third coffee mug went missing from the office kitchen.

Explains Janell: “While a lot of people commented on the note, my mug never appeared. After six months passed, my boss bought me an identical mug just so I would take the note down. A year later, one of my co-workers quit. We found the mug in his office.”

Have You Seen This Mug? My Starbucks blue and white San Francisco mug was last seen on Friday morning, Jan. 21st in the Creative Services kitchen drain rack. The mug loves maple brown sugar oatmeal and attending morning meetings.  If found, please wash and return to the Creative Services kitchen drain rack. Mug, if you can read this, I miss you! Please come home soon.

related: Justice, with a side of fries

extra credit: The Anti-Theft “Plug Mug”

Tags: anthropomorphism · kitchen · office · San Francisco · stealing

Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your veggies

September 9th, 2012 · 35 Comments

This is not a passive-aggressive note, this is not a joke — this is a public service announcement, brought to us by Sarah in Seattle.

(No, it’s not as crazy as this, but darn, those tomatoes are cute.)

Attention Beacon Hill! There is a TOMATO THIEF on the prowl. TWO GIANT CHERRY TOMATO PLANTS WERE KIDNAPPED in the night. Be on the lookout. Lock up your veggies! This is not a joke! A public service announcement.

related: To the tomato thief: YOU WIN

extra credit: Tomato thief, busted

Tags: anthropomorphism · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · Seattle

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag  I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash  Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle  Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

If a tree falls in my kitchen but I don’t know where the broom is located…

November 10th, 2011 · 81 Comments

Savanna in Michigan says her landlord left this note on the kitchen floor “next to a tiny pile of tiny scraps of trash on the floor from dinner I had made.” Her excuse? “I don’t think we even have a broom, and if we do I have no idea where he keeps it.”

Um, Savanna, honey? No. Just…no.

The question I'm asking myself...

related: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Tags: anthropomorphism · cleaning · landlords and property managers · Michigan · signed with love

The unfinished story of the unhappy door

November 6th, 2011 · 71 Comments

The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”

Once upon a time there was a door that was rather unhappy. Every day people would allow the door to slam very loudly. The door was a very thoughtful door, so it very sad about the people who allow him to slam and cause such a disturbance. One day one person had the idea to leave a subtle note on the door with the hope that this note would tactfully encourage people to stop slamming their f&*king doors. -The end-

(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)

related: “The life of a toilet is much more stressful than people realize”

Tags: anthropomorphism · clip art catastrophe · door-slamming · neighbors · U.K.

When refrigerators speak

October 9th, 2011 · 62 Comments

THE LINE BREAKS

ON THIS NOTE

MAKE ME WANT…….TO

PUNCH SOMEONE

Hi everybody I am a refrigerator if you have noticed I like to be clean so please don't leave you lunch from last week inside me as I will make you pay if it is missing don't come ask me where it is but ask yourself should I have taken it with me (just a thought I was told I am not a storage shed for exotic foods) with love.........the refrigerator

related: Everything you hate about office culture, in one note.

Tags: anthropomorphism · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · runaway run-on sentences · signed with love · Wisconsin · You call that punctuation?