PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » anthropomorphism

If a tree falls in my kitchen but I don’t know where the broom is located…

Kerry — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 19:02:35 +0000

Savanna in Michigan says her landlord left this note on the kitchen floor “next to a tiny pile of tiny scraps of trash on the floor from dinner I had made.” Her excuse? “I don’t think we even have a broom, and if we do I have no idea where he keeps it.”

Um, Savanna, honey? No. Just…no.

The unfinished story of the unhappy door

Kerry — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:12:54 +0000

The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”

(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)

When refrigerators speak

Kerry — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 23:46:44 +0000

THE LINE BREAKS

ON THIS NOTE

MAKE ME WANT…….TO

PUNCH SOMEONE

The needy little dishwasher

Kerry — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:00:22 +0000

Dear poor, neglected automatic dishwasher: have you considered therapy? (Adds Ben in London: “God help us if somebody pisses off the kettle.”)

Meanwhile, in Texas…

related: When dishwashers speak

Toy-let Story

Kerry — Tue, 31 May 2011 04:06:10 +0000

Beth in London says this is only the most recent in a series of sad/hungry/angry household items created by one of her flatmates. “We’re all fairly disorganised,” she admits, “but one guy, possibly fearful of confrontation, prefers to avoid addressing any issues directly.”

Adds Beth: “A loo-roll holder with eyes is not a very appealing bathroom companion, by the way.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the United Kingdom, one of Emma’s flatmates decided to take a similarly cartoonish approach to their toilet troubles.

Well, someone’s feeling a little chippy…

Kerry — Wed, 18 May 2011 12:00:16 +0000

How long will your slob of a flatmate neglect her fallen french fry on the filthy carpet of your shared living space?

Well, if your flatmate is Bex in Stoke, England…long enough for it to be transformed into a small art installation, apparently.

related: Grimace and the fry kids

To the person who sawed me in half last night

Kerry — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 01:35:15 +0000

Writes Kris from Texas: “As much as I despise the writing-a-note-from-the-POV-of-an-inanimate-object technique so familiar from my years in college, I have to feel this bike owner’s pain. I also really love the blood-gushing-from-the bike drawing.”

related: With a chainsaw?

Well, Randy Newman? Let’s hear you write an Oscar-winning song about a dirty sponge.

Kerry — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 03:38:16 +0000

Kate in Los Angeles likened this office post-it pile-on to “the Toy Story of the office kitchen — when you’re away, all of the inanimate objects start talking.”

So…Dreamworks, Pixar — let’s talk options, shall we? (“It’s Toy Story meets The Office — a guaranteed hit in all four quadrants!)

Diagnosis: Toilet (an exercise in psychoceramics)

Kerry — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 00:06:40 +0000

Is your toilet acting up again? Has your plumber already thrown up his hands and said he’s done everything he can? Perhaps it’s time you turned to Dr. Josiah Carberry, foremost expert in psychoceramics, to determine what’s really got your pot cracked.

Just take a look at these real-life examples:

1. Diagnosis: Irritable Bowl Syndrome

2. Diagnosis: Gross motor skill impairment

3. Diagnosis: Projection and Displacement behaviors potentially indicative of a narcissistic personality type…or too many episodes of The Sopranos

(Thanks to Adam in New York, Janet in Northern Virginia, and Tamie in Tampa for their submissions…and apologies to any readers offended by the excessive use of puns.)

If you thought your microwave was dirty…

Kerry — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 03:05:17 +0000

…then you obviously haven’t been introduced to the Houston, Texas model apparently gunning for the title of “the Dane Cook of household appliances.”

(For that, you can be thankful.)

related: Microwave on the run!

Grow some thicker bark, why don’tcha?

Kerry — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 02:52:22 +0000

“If you want respect,” barked the Daddy tree, “you gotta earn it. Show ‘some freakin’ acorns!”

“But Daaaaaaad,” whined the trembling young sapling. “I just…I just want to be beautiful!”

“What is this, a goddamn Shel Silverstein book? Quit your birching already.”

(As witnessed by Kevin in Arcata, California, and (below) by Taber in Richmond, Virginia.)

But as Michael in Seattle observed, at least one of those sad little trees wasn’t about to let his bully of a father have the last word.

related: The right to bear fruit

Your “Brown Friends”

Kerry — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 22:00:55 +0000

At first glance, would you assume that the the writer of this note….

a) is kind of a racist prick?

b) has a thing against students/alumni from a certain university in Providence, R.I.?

c) has a penchant for using confusing euphemisms for bodily waste?

I’ll admit I assumed the answer was either a or b, until I read the submitter’s explanation about where the note was found: above the stinky toilet in a share house of (mostly male) British university students.

The verdict: Still offensive, just, you know, in a different way.

related: 2 notes, 1 cupcake

The Patty Hearst of fish

Kerry — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:51:26 +0000

Laura in Los Angeles spotted this note at a tropical-themed family restaurant in Rosemead, California, where aquariums figure heavily into the decor. The biggest fish, Laura says, occupies his (her?) own tank at the front of the restaurant.

Piscine body image issues aside, as a former casual-dining restaurant hostess — a job that generally means bearing the brunt of the bullshit from pissy customers, stressed-out servers, and douche-nozzle managers with very little power to make anyone happy — I can certainly empathize with the note writer…though I highly doubt it’s actually eliminated the litany of the “oh, that poor fish!” comments that inspired it.

The existential crisis of a water fountain

Kerry — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:42:47 +0000

This little water fountain with big dreams was spotted by Elizabeth in an Indianapolis college dorm. The illegible signature is a nice touch, no?

related: I eat dirty plates