Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

My babies shouldn’t need to witness your shady antics!

July 23rd, 2014 · 11 Comments

Due to some recent stressful events, Daniel is Brisbane recently started smoking cigarettes again after 10 of going without. “To avoid embarassing questions from people I know, I take steps to avoid smelling like cigarette smoke,” he says — including leaving work and parking next to a rail line, on the opposite side of any residential buildings. (Admittedly, a wee bit shady.)

Well, somebody noticed. Daniel found this note on his windshield.

My babies shouldn't need to witness your shady antics!

 

related:  Blowing smoke

 

Tags: Australia · smoking · Won't somebody think of the children?

Sleepless in Sydney

June 22nd, 2014 · 48 Comments

William in Sydney spotted this note on the notice board of an apartment block he was visiting. If you’re going to tackle a DIY project, I reckon that Saturday morning is as good a time as any, no?

To the unit undergoing renovations, you know who you are, I wanted to thank you for the loud drilling on a Saturday morning. It was really considerate of you and I'm sure you gave a thought to your neighbors. I work late shift at the hospital, so thank you again, I really appreciate the lack of sleep. --Your neighbors you know. Fellow residents in the building

Confidential to the notewriter: As someone who also a) lives in an apartment complex and b) works the night shift at a hospital, I’m surprised you haven’t figured out by now that the world doesn’t revolve around you and your schedule. The graveyard shift is already taking years off your life. How about you do everyone a favor and use some of that sweet shift differential to buy yourself a pair of earplugs?

related: Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

 

Tags: neighbors · noise · sarcasm · sleeping · Sydney · you know who you are

It’s a great day…to move out of the house!

May 19th, 2014 · 50 Comments

Alexandria in Australia says that the card she got from her parents on her 18th birthday (below) “is a pretty good summary of my formative years.”

Dear Alexandra,   I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.   Dad  With bells on! Love Mum

Dear Alexandra,

I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.

Dad

With bells on! Love Mum

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have.

Tags: Australia · birthday · Moms & Dads

Please, take me. Take me now.

December 2nd, 2013 · 33 Comments

Spotted by Elissa in Annandale, Australia:

I have been dumped by my idiot owners. Pls take me! (It's okay! You'll get over her! There are so many desks out there.)

related: Free coat rack, gently used

Tags: anthropomorphism · Australia · smartass

The Office Fridge Obituaries

August 13th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Writes our submitter in Australia: “Our office has been quite settled for the past few years without any issues, but recently fridge items have started to go missing. I’ve lost my own odd pieces of lunch to our unknown thief, so I sympathise completely.”

Tzatziki dip 12.08.2013-12.08-2013  Tzatziki dip, affectionately known as

related: Dear ‘Desperate for Salad’

Tags: Australia · office fridge · sad face · stealing

Sorry you cut off your hand

July 16th, 2013 · 37 Comments

Lorna in Adelaide, Australia found this classified ad in the city newspaper a while back. “It still makes absolutely no sense to me,” she says, “but I enjoy the passive-aggressive undertones. (‘You insulted me after I did you a favour!’)”

APOLOGY - Barbra - It is sixteen years since I last saw you. I was a volunteer and you insulted me after I had cleaned your basin, you were speaking of your mother and I thought how lucky you were but I did not intend for you to cut your hand off, why on earth did you? I can't give you a new hand, but I can say how sorry I am. I had stress too. Maura

related: What kind of MULE is it that goes to a Gypsy fortune teller?

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2013 · newspaper · WTF?

The stars of the office petri dish

June 27th, 2013 · 72 Comments

I can’t decide between the cheese and the soup. Who do you think deserves the prize?

Food Hygiene Award Contestants: The pizza roll? The soup? The milk? The cheese? The tomato? The tuna?

related: What rhymes with putrid?

Tags: food · Melbourne · office fridge

A Father’s Day Poem

June 16th, 2013 · 22 Comments

Deborah in Townsville, Australia says her 9-year-old son, Connor, made this card for her husband, a keen cyclist. “Clearly, Connor is aware of the inherently risky nature of cycling,” Deborah says. “Either that or the word ‘dead’ just rhymed well.”

Dad you are great at sport. You always support. But when it is time to go to bed I always just pray your [sic] not dead.

related: My Dad weighs 15 pounds, does not have a job, and likes to wear shirts.

Tags: Australia · Father-son notes · kids · Moms & Dads · pure poetry

Please don’t feed the engineers

June 11th, 2013 · 19 Comments

At first glance, I definitely thought was one of those “don’t feed the zoo animals” signs. But then, whoa, an Aussie 180! Roz in Perth says the “fairly militant kitchen brigade” at her office posts notes like this all over the kitchen.

Did you know?  1. Ge[c]kos and other reptiles need to lay on top of rocks to keep warm 2. Plates, cups, spoons and forks aren't reptiles.  They are subterranean creatures that need to be deep down inside cupboards and drawers. Thanks for washing & putting away your subterranean creatures!

related: The saddest zoo in the world

Tags: Australia · dishes · office

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 33 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?