Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

Bees?

March 27th, 2015 · 1 Comment

Says our submitter in Melbourne: “This one is just classic — even the mistakes are soooo typical!”

Dear Plant Theif, [sic] you may like to know that the plants in this garden are protected by a special flock of bees who will hunt down the nector [sic] of their stolen flowers, who will feed on your bits until they are returned to the garden.

related: The Orchid Thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · i before e · Melbourne · not-so-veiled threats

Are you beer-ing impaired?

February 19th, 2015 · 85 Comments

Spotted by our submitter at his local pub in Australia. (The wheelchair-accessible toilet is about 5 feet closer to the bar.)

Lazy isn't a handicap

related: Going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras? 

Tags: Australia · bar · bathroom · drizzunk

On the naughty list

December 19th, 2014 · 50 Comments

Our submitter in Townsville, Australia says that Christmas decorating season is in full swing.Unfortunately, all those strings of lights have set off a string of front-yard vandalism as well. And in Townsville, people take their Christmas lights seriously

In the spirit of the season, one disgruntled resident has added this sign to his decor. “I’m not sure how the choice profanity will go down with hundreds of cars full of children passing by every night,” she writes.  (Please note that our submitter has pre-censored the profanity from the photo, in deference to our readers’ delicate sensibilities.)

To the mongrel who stole all my solar candy canes and broke my fairy lights - I hope you're happy with yourself. Wishing you a big Merry Fuck you!!

Meanwhile, in Michigan, I think this local news headline says it all:
Beheaded Mickey Mouse Christmas decoration leaves Davison resident upset, children scared

Well, in any case, it says considerably more than the accompanying photo of this terrifying scene:

My favorite quote from the article:

“She was able to sew Mickey back together and use some Gorilla tape to patch up the gingerbread man, but some of her children’s innocence has been lost.”

related: Decor-nappings of Christmases past

extra credit: Queenslander risks death for killer Christmas light display”  [abc news brisbane]

Tags: Australia · Christmas · holiday spirit · stealing · the F word · Won't somebody think of the children?

Blowing smoke

August 21st, 2014 · 40 Comments

Cheeky, eh?

Unfortunately during meal service the balcony is a non-smoking area. We apologise for your slightly extended lifespan.

related: Don’t be an ash-hole

Tags: Australia · smoking

My babies shouldn’t need to witness your shady antics!

July 23rd, 2014 · 140 Comments

Due to some recent stressful events, Daniel in Brisbane recently started smoking cigarettes again after 10 years of going without. “To avoid embarassing questions from people I know, I take steps to avoid smelling like cigarette smoke,” he says — including leaving work and parking next to a rail line, on the opposite side of any residential buildings. (Admittedly, a wee bit shady.)

Well, somebody noticed. Daniel found this note on his windshield.

My babies shouldn't need to witness your shady antics!

 

related:  Blowing smoke

 

Tags: Australia · smoking · Won't somebody think of the children?

Sleepless in Sydney

June 22nd, 2014 · 49 Comments

William in Sydney spotted this note on the notice board of an apartment block he was visiting. If you’re going to tackle a DIY project, I reckon that Saturday morning is as good a time as any, no?

To the unit undergoing renovations, you know who you are, I wanted to thank you for the loud drilling on a Saturday morning. It was really considerate of you and I'm sure you gave a thought to your neighbors. I work late shift at the hospital, so thank you again, I really appreciate the lack of sleep. --Your neighbors you know. Fellow residents in the building

Confidential to the notewriter: As someone who also a) lives in an apartment complex and b) works the night shift at a hospital, I’m surprised you haven’t figured out by now that the world doesn’t revolve around you and your schedule. The graveyard shift is already taking years off your life. How about you do everyone a favor and use some of that sweet shift differential to buy yourself a pair of earplugs?

related: Hello, 911? My neighbors are loud walkers!

 

Tags: neighbors · noise · sarcasm · sleeping · Sydney · you know who you are

It’s a great day…to move out of the house!

May 19th, 2014 · 52 Comments

Alexandria in Australia says that the card she got from her parents on her 18th birthday (below) “is a pretty good summary of my formative years.”

Dear Alexandra,   I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.   Dad  With bells on! Love Mum

Dear Alexandra,

I think this card expresses the fact that, although we both love you very much we find it hard to say, just like you do. All the best for your adulthood.

Dad

With bells on! Love Mum

related: Really, Mom, you shouldn’t have.

Tags: Australia · birthday · Moms & Dads

Please, take me. Take me now.

December 2nd, 2013 · 33 Comments

Spotted by Elissa in Annandale, Australia:

I have been dumped by my idiot owners. Pls take me! (It's okay! You'll get over her! There are so many desks out there.)

related: Free coat rack, gently used

Tags: anthropomorphism · Australia · smartass

The Office Fridge Obituaries

August 13th, 2013 · 36 Comments

Writes our submitter in Australia: “Our office has been quite settled for the past few years without any issues, but recently fridge items have started to go missing. I’ve lost my own odd pieces of lunch to our unknown thief, so I sympathise completely.”

Tzatziki dip 12.08.2013-12.08-2013  Tzatziki dip, affectionately known as

related: Dear ‘Desperate for Salad’

Tags: Australia · office fridge · sad face · stealing

Sorry you cut off your hand

July 16th, 2013 · 37 Comments

Lorna in Adelaide, Australia found this classified ad in the city newspaper a while back. “It still makes absolutely no sense to me,” she says, “but I enjoy the passive-aggressive undertones. (‘You insulted me after I did you a favour!’)”

APOLOGY - Barbra - It is sixteen years since I last saw you. I was a volunteer and you insulted me after I had cleaned your basin, you were speaking of your mother and I thought how lucky you were but I did not intend for you to cut your hand off, why on earth did you? I can't give you a new hand, but I can say how sorry I am. I had stress too. Maura

related: What kind of MULE is it that goes to a Gypsy fortune teller?

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2013 · newspaper · WTF?