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Entries Tagged as 'Melbourne'


March 27th, 2015 · 51 Comments

Says our submitter in Melbourne: “This one is just classic — even the mistakes are soooo typical!”

Dear Plant Theif, [sic] you may like to know that the plants in this garden are protected by a special flock of bees who will hunt down the nector [sic] of their stolen flowers, who will feed on your bits until they are returned to the garden.

related: The Orchid Thief

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · i before e · Melbourne · not-so-veiled threats

The stars of the office petri dish

June 27th, 2013 · 72 Comments

I can’t decide between the cheese and the soup. Who do you think deserves the prize?

Food Hygiene Award Contestants: The pizza roll? The soup? The milk? The cheese? The tomato? The tuna?

related: What rhymes with putrid?

Tags: food · Melbourne · office fridge

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 35 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I Just Called to Say I Love You?”

January 15th, 2013 · 80 Comments

Kay spotted these signs while shopping for CDs at a store named JB Hi-Fi in Melbourne. “I personally agree with everything said on there,” Kay says, “but the two 17-year-olds who brought the note to my attention clearly didn’t. (One of them actually said ‘Who the fuck is Johnny Rotten?’) I thought it was priceless.”

New Rules for the Punk/Emo/Hardcore Section

And the old rules stand: No asking why The Clash are in the Punk section — you will be removed! No sitting on the floor! No complaining about Green Day! I don't care if you like their old stuff better than their new stuff because it's not punk now. Unless you're G.G. Allin or Johnny Rotten you ain't punk either so shut up! Listening to hardcore does not make you tough. Just saying! Behave. The Game is watchin.

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Tags: "customer service" · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2013 · music

If you get Vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU!

November 12th, 2012 · 55 Comments

Writes Catherine in Melbourne: “I was preparing breakfast in the office kitchen when I opened the fridge and reached for the margarine tub to butter my toast. Ten seconds later, I was fearing for my life.”

Hi, a warning!! If you get vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU! If you scrape old margarine back into the tub, I KILL YOU!  In fact, if you touch this margarine you'll have to work very hard just to stay alive. :)

related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

extra credit: Australians Losing Their Taste for Vegemite []

Tags: Australia · butter · die bitch die · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · smiley · warning

Your punishment for forgetting your reusable grocery bags

January 18th, 2012 · 46 Comments

Writes Kiki in Melbourne: “Have you ever seen a sack act so bitchy and sanctimonious all at once? I can’t believe a plastic bag’s attitude actually started to piss me off!”

Well, Kiki, it could be worse.

related: …and F the Polar Bear!
extra credit: I (don’t) use plastic bags.

Tags: Melbourne · recycling · The Earth · unnecessary "quotation marks"

You’re a good student, but not my best speller

November 23rd, 2011 · 69 Comments

Writes Mrs. McMahon in Melbourne, Australia: “One of the students in my class decided to make a a big card for World Teachers Day and have it signed by all her peers in our grade. When I read this message, I could not stop laughing.”

Dear Mrs. McMahon, Your [sic] a good teacher, but not my most favourite.

related: Teacher appreciation letters from first graders

Tags: Australia · kids · Melbourne · schools & teachers · your/you're