Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

Please don’t feed the engineers

June 11th, 2013 · 19 Comments

At first glance, I definitely thought was one of those “don’t feed the zoo animals” signs. But then, whoa, an Aussie 180! Roz in Perth says the “fairly militant kitchen brigade” at her office posts notes like this all over the kitchen.

Did you know?  1. Ge[c]kos and other reptiles need to lay on top of rocks to keep warm 2. Plates, cups, spoons and forks aren't reptiles.  They are subterranean creatures that need to be deep down inside cupboards and drawers. Thanks for washing & putting away your subterranean creatures!

related: The saddest zoo in the world

Tags: Australia · dishes · office

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 33 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

Dear appliance fairy…

May 28th, 2013 · 38 Comments

This note — from Ulladulla, NSW — is for the Aussies who were disappointed by the lack of the word “arse” in Sunday’s post from Sydney.

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

related: No fridge ’til coffee!

Tags: Australia · garbage · sarcasm · thanks but no thanks

Don’t #!%*@ over spilled oil

May 26th, 2013 · 59 Comments

Kyle in Sydney, Australia says this sign was posted near the elevator in the basement of his building, where apparently someone had spilled some cooking oil on the floor. Based on this note, I’m still a little unsure about how the person who cleaned up the mess felt about the whole situation.

Whoever spilled cooking oil on this floor, you are mother fucking asshole mother fucker. You don't even know what the fuck to do with your responsibility and it tells me why you are living at the bottom of our society idiot. I clean this shit for everyone not because of you little cunt. One more thing, you are fucking ass hole. Go fuck yourself with your shit face. Why are you breathing fucking son of bitch?

related: Seven words you CAN say on a box of leftover takeout

Tags: cleaning · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · Sydney

Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class

May 16th, 2013 · 84 Comments

Writes our submitter in Brisbane, Australia: “It wasn’t me that reported the rich guy to the council, but it sure gave me a few laughs.”

To whom it may concern, Thank you so much for having my car booked today. You must have nothing better to do than make petty complaints to council. Never mind it is only $100, I make that much in half an hour every day. You must not be a very good driver if you were not able to get out of your driveway that had about 3 meters of room still available. I could have easily driven in and out of there without any issue with the huge amount of space left. Perhaps you should re-sit your driving exams again? I think you are jealous I have a new Mercedes-Benz and you don't? You do not seem to be very well educated in that you can not even spell inconsiderate. Kind regards, A Mercedes-Benz Driver

related: I know, all black sedans look the same

extra credit: This Is Why People Think Mercedes-Benz Drivers Are Asshats [jalopnik.com]

Tags: Australia · car · money · parking · thanks (but not really)

A devilish Tasmanian

April 10th, 2013 · 41 Comments

Writes Renata: “On our holiday to northern Tasmania, we were driving to Mole Creek Caves when I spotted this sign in a tiny little town called Chudleigh. The town’s main point seemed to be the sale of honey, but obviously some of the residents have a sting in their tail.”

Restored November 2003 despite the best Efforts of the National Trust and Mrs Patric[i]a Woods

related: Canadian is angry; still says thank you

Tags: Australia · public shaming

Hashtag: stripper problems?

March 10th, 2013 · 34 Comments

Turns out there is something you can catch from a public toilet seat: orange. (As spotted by Sharna in the ladies’ room of a Sydney strip club…)

Attention ladies!!! If you choose to wear fake tan please clean it off the toilet seat when you are finished!! Those of us who don't wear it do not want to wear yours! The sanitary bins are provided for you to put your used items in the bin not on top!!! Please keep it clean ladies!!!! Thank you :)

related: Can you a spare a square?

extra credit: Can you catch germs from a public toilet seat? [everydayhealth.com]

Tags: Sydney · toilet

There comes a time when enough is enough

February 15th, 2013 · 127 Comments

For a while now, our submitter in Australia says his neighbors — a couple in their mid-40s — have been complaining about his family’s “excessive noise.” It started, he says, with complaints about the sounds generated by their pool filter and their dryer.

“We accommodated by turning the filter off at night and reducing usage of the dryer,” he says, “but it escalated to them complaining about us talking inside our house with all the windows closed and the air conditioner running (during the day, mind you). Then they began coming over, literally banging on our door, complaining that the kids were being too loud while playing outside.”

David says the neighbors also started calling to complain to the real estate company from whom his family rents the house. The company’s response, below, made for a satisfying conclusion to the whole affair.

Dear Madam, RE: HARRASSMENT [sic] OF TENANTS IN [redacted]: Further to your calls to our office to complain that the tenants of the property next door to you have been making noise, please not the following: 1) Children are allowed to play, laugh, scream, etc. during the day in their own backyard. 2) Occupants of any house are allowed to run their air conditioner whenever they see fit. 3) Noise is allowed on any property between the hours of 7am and 7pm. Should you feel the noise from the air conditioner is excessive you have the right to lodge a written complaint with the Health Dept. at the local council office so that they can come out to check the decibel level. If you continue to approach the neighbours in an annoying manner they may be forced to seek legal advice regarding harassment issues. We all have to learn to get along together and the tenants next door have tried to accommodate you, within reason, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Please do not contact us again about this issue until you have had a Council officer attend to check the noise levels. Yours sincerely, [redacted]

related: Will you please turn down the sound of your frogs?

Tags: Australia · landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2013 · neighbors · noise · oh snap

Do we look like the kind of store that sells “I Just Called to Say I Love You?”

January 15th, 2013 · 80 Comments

Kay spotted these signs while shopping for CDs at a store named JB Hi-Fi in Melbourne. “I personally agree with everything said on there,” Kay says, “but the two 17-year-olds who brought the note to my attention clearly didn’t. (One of them actually said ‘Who the fuck is Johnny Rotten?’) I thought it was priceless.”

New Rules for the Punk/Emo/Hardcore Section

And the old rules stand: No asking why The Clash are in the Punk section — you will be removed! No sitting on the floor! No complaining about Green Day! I don't care if you like their old stuff better than their new stuff because it's not punk now. Unless you're G.G. Allin or Johnny Rotten you ain't punk either so shut up! Listening to hardcore does not make you tough. Just saying! Behave. The Game is watchin.

related: Top five musical crimes perpetrated by record store customers in the 90s and 2000s

Tags: "customer service" · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2013 · music

A message for our former housemate

December 18th, 2012 · 19 Comments

This could be a hint that your former housemates have grown weary of you treating their home as a rent-free walk-in closet. (Admits our submitter: “If I’d had my way, it’d be on the sidewalk with a ‘free stuff’ sign.)

St. Vincent DePauls 'MOVE THIS SHIT' Sale

Tags: Australia · money · moving/not moving · roommates