Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

Sorry you cut off your hand

July 16th, 2013 · 37 Comments

Lorna in Adelaide, Australia found this classified ad in the city newspaper a while back. “It still makes absolutely no sense to me,” she says, “but I enjoy the passive-aggressive undertones. (‘You insulted me after I did you a favour!’)”

APOLOGY - Barbra - It is sixteen years since I last saw you. I was a volunteer and you insulted me after I had cleaned your basin, you were speaking of your mother and I thought how lucky you were but I did not intend for you to cut your hand off, why on earth did you? I can't give you a new hand, but I can say how sorry I am. I had stress too. Maura

related: What kind of MULE is it that goes to a Gypsy fortune teller?

Tags: Australia · most popular notes of 2013 · newspaper · WTF?

The stars of the office petri dish

June 27th, 2013 · 72 Comments

I can’t decide between the cheese and the soup. Who do you think deserves the prize?

Food Hygiene Award Contestants: The pizza roll? The soup? The milk? The cheese? The tomato? The tuna?

related: What rhymes with putrid?

Tags: food · Melbourne · office fridge

A Father’s Day Poem

June 16th, 2013 · 22 Comments

Deborah in Townsville, Australia says her 9-year-old son, Connor, made this card for her husband, a keen cyclist. “Clearly, Connor is aware of the inherently risky nature of cycling,” Deborah says. “Either that or the word ‘dead’ just rhymed well.”

Dad you are great at sport. You always support. But when it is time to go to bed I always just pray your [sic] not dead.

related: My Dad weighs 15 pounds, does not have a job, and likes to wear shirts.

Tags: Australia · Father-son notes · kids · Moms & Dads · pure poetry

Please don’t feed the engineers

June 11th, 2013 · 19 Comments

At first glance, I definitely thought was one of those “don’t feed the zoo animals” signs. But then, whoa, an Aussie 180! Roz in Perth says the “fairly militant kitchen brigade” at her office posts notes like this all over the kitchen.

Did you know?  1. Ge[c]kos and other reptiles need to lay on top of rocks to keep warm 2. Plates, cups, spoons and forks aren't reptiles.  They are subterranean creatures that need to be deep down inside cupboards and drawers. Thanks for washing & putting away your subterranean creatures!

related: The saddest zoo in the world

Tags: Australia · dishes · office

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 33 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

Dear appliance fairy…

May 28th, 2013 · 38 Comments

This note — from Ulladulla, NSW — is for the Aussies who were disappointed by the lack of the word “arse” in Sunday’s post from Sydney.

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

ATTENTION! To The Smartarse Who Keeps Leaving Electrical Goods On Our Front Lawn:  Thank you for thinking of us when disposing of your junk appliances. However, as we have no use for such items as a microwave, a stove and a kettle (we already own these appliances, as do most households) we have kindly provided you with some handy suggestions for next time:  ·An Apple iPad smart tablet ·A Nintendo Wii games console ·A new laptop computer  The items listed above are the ONLY items we will accept for consideration.  Furthermore, please keep in mind that the rubbish tip (which for your information, is just around the corner and down the road!) charges $25 a load to dispose of unwanted junk. If you insist on dumping your stuff here, we expect the same fee! We WILL find out who you are, it is only a matter of time!  Sincerely, The Occupants of Number 92

related: No fridge ’til coffee!

Tags: Australia · garbage · sarcasm · thanks but no thanks

Don’t #!%*@ over spilled oil

May 26th, 2013 · 59 Comments

Kyle in Sydney, Australia says this sign was posted near the elevator in the basement of his building, where apparently someone had spilled some cooking oil on the floor. Based on this note, I’m still a little unsure about how the person who cleaned up the mess felt about the whole situation.

Whoever spilled cooking oil on this floor, you are mother fucking asshole mother fucker. You don't even know what the fuck to do with your responsibility and it tells me why you are living at the bottom of our society idiot. I clean this shit for everyone not because of you little cunt. One more thing, you are fucking ass hole. Go fuck yourself with your shit face. Why are you breathing fucking son of bitch?

related: Seven words you CAN say on a box of leftover takeout

Tags: cleaning · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · more aggressive than passive · Sydney

Presenting the new Mercedes-Benz No-Class

May 16th, 2013 · 84 Comments

Writes our submitter in Brisbane, Australia: “It wasn’t me that reported the rich guy to the council, but it sure gave me a few laughs.”

To whom it may concern, Thank you so much for having my car booked today. You must have nothing better to do than make petty complaints to council. Never mind it is only $100, I make that much in half an hour every day. You must not be a very good driver if you were not able to get out of your driveway that had about 3 meters of room still available. I could have easily driven in and out of there without any issue with the huge amount of space left. Perhaps you should re-sit your driving exams again? I think you are jealous I have a new Mercedes-Benz and you don't? You do not seem to be very well educated in that you can not even spell inconsiderate. Kind regards, A Mercedes-Benz Driver

related: I know, all black sedans look the same

extra credit: This Is Why People Think Mercedes-Benz Drivers Are Asshats [jalopnik.com]

Tags: Australia · car · money · parking · thanks (but not really)

A devilish Tasmanian

April 10th, 2013 · 41 Comments

Writes Renata: “On our holiday to northern Tasmania, we were driving to Mole Creek Caves when I spotted this sign in a tiny little town called Chudleigh. The town’s main point seemed to be the sale of honey, but obviously some of the residents have a sting in their tail.”

Restored November 2003 despite the best Efforts of the National Trust and Mrs Patric[i]a Woods

related: Canadian is angry; still says thank you

Tags: Australia · public shaming

Hashtag: stripper problems?

March 10th, 2013 · 34 Comments

Turns out there is something you can catch from a public toilet seat: orange. (As spotted by Sharna in the ladies’ room of a Sydney strip club…)

Attention ladies!!! If you choose to wear fake tan please clean it off the toilet seat when you are finished!! Those of us who don't wear it do not want to wear yours! The sanitary bins are provided for you to put your used items in the bin not on top!!! Please keep it clean ladies!!!! Thank you :)

related: Can you a spare a square?

extra credit: Can you catch germs from a public toilet seat? [everydayhealth.com]

Tags: Sydney · toilet