Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

How’s that for compromise?

November 29th, 2011 · 32 Comments

Bernie in Sydney recently discovered this hidden behind a painting in his parents’ house — “the passive-aggressive conclusion to a long-running argument about demolishing the kitchen wall.”

Explains Bernie: “Mum wants the wall demolished to make the kitchen nicer; Dad insists it’s impossible and unnecessary. I honestly don’t know how my parents have managed to last 25 years together.”

Danger Construction Site Impossible hole in wall to be built in this location To celebrate 25 years of marriage and constructive demolition of plasterboard walls

related: Give the gift of honesty

Tags: danger · love & marriage · Moms & Dads · Sydney

You’re a good student, but not my best speller

November 23rd, 2011 · 69 Comments

Writes Mrs. McMahon in Melbourne, Australia: “One of the students in my class decided to make a a big card for World Teachers Day and have it signed by all her peers in our grade. When I read this message, I could not stop laughing.”

Dear Mrs. McMahon, Your [sic] a good teacher, but not my most favourite.

related: Teacher appreciation letters from first graders

Tags: Australia · kids · Melbourne · schools & teachers · your/you're

More proof that Facebook is turning us all into narcissists

October 23rd, 2011 · 67 Comments

Writes our submitter: “Last year Zaky changed the date of his birthday on Facebook just to test if anyone actually knew his real birthday. Nobody did, probably because he pulls crappy mind games like this. He did it again this year and it still didn’t work.”

I think Melissa (below) probably said it best: “Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?”

Whatever, Zaky, as if anyone actually cares when your birthday is?

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

Tags: Australia · birthday · Facebook

It’s my spot and I’ll park what I want to

August 9th, 2011 · 125 Comments

Kate in Melbourne caught a glimpse of this note from the street, and it looked so ridiculous that she snuck into the private lot to get a closer look. Adds Kate: “I imagine this person is quite popular with the neighbours.”

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

DO NOT REMOVE. This is the property of unit 1. We pay rent for this carspace and shall therefore use it for whatever vehicle we want to. [crossed out scribbles]

(By the way, Kate apologizes for the poor resolution of the photos; she only had her mobile phone with her at the time.)

related: Dear self-appointed parking cop: please direct your anger and self-righteousness elsewhere.

extra credit: This kid parallel parks better than I do [youtube]

Tags: kids · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · oh snap · parking

Death by a Thousand Puns

June 27th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Relentless exposure to awful puns hasn’t yet been explicitly singled out as a form of torture, but employees at this office in Australia might be able to make the case that it qualifies as “extreme mental distress.”

Apparently the strategy here was that for every day the kitchen’s cutlery situation went unresolved, up went another note — with progressively groan-worthy puns each time. (It took until “Spatchalator” for someone to cry uncle.)

Please clean up your mess when you're done Thankyou! This includes SPOONS you forkers! Gee...that's not very knife.

Obviously cutlery offends. (I guess that's why my last note didn't last long.) It'd be knife if people started keeping the cutlery clean sometime spoon. Don't forket!!

A message from the spoon police to the sign police: You've been very bowl'd thus far, but things still haven't panned out the way they should have. Spooner or later you'll have to leave the sign here. Spatchalater. Signed: CLLF (Cutlery & Crockery Liberation Front)

related: This vending machine doesn’t work…it just sits around collecting unemployment.

Tags: Australia · cleaning · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · smartass · spoons

A spoonful of sugar might help this lesson in Newtonian physics go down

June 14th, 2011 · 47 Comments

This physics lesson was posted in the communal kitchen of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry.

“You would think that these people would be masters of communication,” our submitter says. “Evidently, not so much.”

A lesson in Newtonian Physics: If a spoon is washed in water, something it is very right and proper to be done, it still has residual water on it, unless dried.  If the spoon is placed on the draining board concave side up, gravitational force causes the water to sink into the concavity forming a puddle that is dependent on evaporation to remove it. If a male (it could only be a male) uses the bepuddled spoon to make himself coffee, water may get into the coffee tin and cause aggregation of the grounds which are hygyroscopic. This is given by these equations which are examples of a chaotic system (a Henon map) [equations] The solution to this problem is possibly too complex for members of this Department, but requires people to leave spoons convex side up.

In Australia, meanwhile, it seems they prefer not to beat around the bush* — at least when it comes to wet spoons.
DO NOT PUT WET DIRTY SPOONS IN SUGAR

related: The Ph.D’s approach to air conditioning units

*bad pun intended

Tags: a little patronizing · Australia · coffee · college life · note wars · office · spoons · U.K.

Meow, purr, RAWRRR!

May 31st, 2011 · 51 Comments

Our submitter at a university in Canberra spotted this first note while getting his morning coffee. “Pat (a professor in the department) has been complaining for weeks that her coffee mug seems to disappear and reappear spontaneously. Her mood varies with its presence.”

To the person who KEEPS taking my mug (it is this shape & has cartoon cats on it & says meouw purr) please STOP taking it away. I don't care if you use it but you must leave it in the tea room so I can also use it. Next time it is missing, I will track you down and stab you in the face with a bread knife. Pat

Several days later, our submitter spotted this addendum, written by another professor sympathetic to Pat’s cause. “Since the mug hasn’t turned up in over a week, I’m pretty sure the culprit is too afraid to return the mug at this point.” (Could you blame him?)

Also I can add the to the damage by grinding pepper into the wound. HK

related: Not to name names, but…

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · Australia · beverages · Canberra · cats · college life · not-so-veiled threats

So this is your NON-vulgar side? Shut the front door!

March 21st, 2011 · 50 Comments

Sorry, I meant back door. I’m gonna slowly back away now, ma’am…

Hi Jason (and other intermittent door slammers): DO NOT SLAM THE BACK F*****G DOOR. The back room is a thoroughfare but it is also my office (and [redacted]). Sudden loud noises scare the shit out of me and also give me the f*****g shits like you wouldn't believe. Don't do it again or you will get to see a side of me that is extremely vulgar. I've been putting up with it intermittently for the past 2 years and am over it. If you have a problem with my request come and see me so I can give you a piece of my mind.

related: Dear lovely ladies

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · door-slamming · message to all intended for one · office · pointlessly self-censored profanity · shit · TMI · warning

The Huffing & Puffing Post

February 17th, 2011 · 67 Comments

When he first moved in, says our submitter in Melbourne, the apartment across the way already had the two big handmade nuclear posts in the window. Two months later, up went the note at the left about unneighborly acts like obscene “jestures” (which makes me envision of motley crew of courtyard jugglers giving the finger to nosy busybodies in the apartments above.) The cigarette notice is the latest addition.

Says our submitter: “I’m tempted to strut about without trousers and see if I can get a mention, too!”

If you have problems with residents of the apartment blocs e.g. antisocial behaviour, laundry on balcony, noise, music, mobile phone conversations, shouting, obscene jestures [sic] Contact: [redacted]. NO Nuclear AUSTRALIA! BAN URANIUM MINING and EXPORTS! First floor flat opposite throwing cigarette butts into the street. Ground floor flat likewise.

In the meantime, his other neighbors seem to already be getting in on the act.

POLITICAL MESSAGE - POINTLESS SIGN

(As always, just click on the images to enlarge them.)

related: WiFi for Passive-Aggressives

Tags: "helpful" advice · Melbourne · neighbors · note wars · raging against the machine · smoking

A nasty twist on “Man Bites Dog”

January 5th, 2011 · 71 Comments

Dan in Melbourne says he saw this sign while riding along a North Fitzroy bike path, which runs parallel to a park. Says Dan: “Now, I’ve owned a dog and I know how they like to roll in stinky things, but this it taking it to a new, super gross level.”

More gross than your dog rolling in/eating some other dog’s shit? Or stepping in a fresh pile of it yourself? I’m not sure I’m convinced. (Not that humans should be exempt from proper poop-scooping etiquette, of course.)

COLOSTOMY BAGS!! DO NOT DUMP IN PARK! DOGS GET INTO THEM! THE CONTENTS OF YOUR BOWELS GET INTO OUR HOUSES! -SORRY FOR YOUR AILMENT, BUT THIS IS TOO YUCK.

Personally, I’d like to imagine this as a triumphant act of payback on the part of a score-settling colon cancer survivor. (“This is for all the times I’ve stepped in your dogs’ crap. Enjoy!!”)

related: Do you want a doggy bag?

Tags: dogs · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Melbourne · pleasantries as afterthought · shit · that's disgusting · Too good to be real?