Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

What your Facebook “friends” are all secretly thinking about your whiny status updates

December 18th, 2010 · 91 Comments

…it just takes a true frenemy to actually say it.

Man... You're *always* whining about how busy you are... Seriously, it's like *every* status update I see with your name on it is like *ehhh [redacted] is so busy blahaaeeehh* or something...We're all fucking busy man.

related: Busy, but not too busy for the important things in life…like Farmville.

Tags: cry me a freaking river · Facebook · frenemies · most popular notes of 2010 · Sydney

People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old)

October 21st, 2010 · 160 Comments

Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Dear Thief, A child helped to plant the flowers you stole - so that everyone could enjoy them. She is 4 years old and loves puzzles, nature, and learning new things. You have introduced the topic of 'stealing' into our conversations; and in response we are talking about anger, reasoning and loss. I'm telling you this because I would like you to replace the plants. I could say more offensive things that she cannot yet spell - but aren't, in a sometimes disappointing world; forgiveness and redemption greater things to believe in, and 'please' a nicer word to say - this is a request and an opportunity for yourself. Santa may come for you after all!

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

To the person/s who ripped out the flowers - could you please explain your motives to the 4 year old who planted and watered them daily. He doesn't yet understand what an arsehole is!

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)

Tags: Australia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · rhetorical question · runaway run-on sentences · semicolon abuse · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children? · You call that punctuation?

And you wonder why your mail carrier is grumpy

October 18th, 2010 · 60 Comments

If you’re one of the poor sods charged with delivering catalogs and promotional flyers across Australia, it seems like the job is really a lose-lose.

You’re either lazy, as witnessed by Stacey in Brisbane…

You are being paid to deliver the junk mail. Don't be lazy. PUT IT IN THE LETTER BOX.

or, as noted by Briyah in Sydney, you’re an illiterate prick.

LEARN TO READ YOU PRICKS. NO. JUNK MAIL. NO JUNK MAIL DICKS

related: This!! Is how!! You know!! We mean it!!!

Tags: Australia · going postal

You know, there’s a pretty simple solution to that problem…

September 26th, 2010 · 68 Comments

“My housemate sometimes gets paranoid that people like to watch us going about our day-to-day lives in our apartment,” says Elizabeth in Australia. And yet, instead of, say, window coverings, this note was how she decided to deal with the problem:

Mind your own business & look the other Way. yes! you!

related: Stop looking in our window, pervert!

Tags: Australia · MYOB · neighbors · privacy

The most inane thing since sliced bread

September 8th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Really, folks? You share a kitchen and a bathroom, and this is all you’ve got to complain about?

::sigh:: White bread problems…

This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen in a fridge. You can't REFRIDGERATE [sic] TOAST!

Matt if you crinkle anymore [sic] bread I will put those pieces in your bed :)

(Thanks to Sarah Jane in Australia and Michelle in Canada for submitting!)

related: Is this a thing now?

extra credit: Toasted Toast Post-it Notes [Amazon.com]

Tags: Australia · bread · roommates · siblings · smiley · spelling and grammar police · Waterloo

Happy birthday dear what’s-his-face

September 5th, 2010 · 57 Comments

Jo in Australia received this message from an ex-boyfriend via the dating site OKCupid. “This was where we met, so I guess he was trying to be poignant,” Jo says. “For obvious reasons,” — a.k.a. THEY WERE BROKEN UP — “I neglected to call him on his birthday. This clearly brought up more deep-seated self-esteem issues.” Nothin’ sexier than that!

Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday to me, Happy birthday dear what's 'is face, Happy Birthday to me. Just wanted to thank you for the care and concern you showed over the last two weeks by returning my calls and remembering me on my birthday. I think your silence spoke the volumes you wanted it to. I am hurt. I am sure it galls you to owe money to somebody who is clearly just a pest so i have included my account details below. If you could also mail back the missing Battlestar episodes I leant your brother that would be appreciated. Devastated that we fell so far.

“Replying to him is out of the question,” Jo adds — “I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of words.” Instead, she took the passive-aggressive approach: submitting it to this site.

related: So glad we’re not together!

Tags: Australia · birthday · ex drama · just not that into you · online dating · thanks (but not really)

Violent (but amusing) threats

June 6th, 2010 · 76 Comments

So, which of these warnings would most readily scare you into compliance?

Exhibit a) from an alley in York, U.K.

If I find out who is leting their dog shit out side my house I will personaly [sic] ripp [sic] there [sic] heads off and their dogs and shit in their necks!! This not a threat it's a promis [sic]! I am watching! God help you if I catch you!

Exhibit b) from a sharehouse in Australia

I swear to god if you write one more fucking note I am going to get that wad of notepaper and and shove it so far up your ass you're going to be sneezing shopping lists for the rest of your life. I hope you get papercuts and DIE!

or Exhibit c) spotted by Robert on a film shoot in Los Angeles?

LABEL YOUR GOSH DARNED WATER BOTTLES OR I'LL DROP YOU OFF THE HIGH TURRET AND REMOVE YOU AS A FACEBOOK FRIEND

related: Wishin’ and hopin’

Tags: Australia · CAPS LOCK · die bitch die · God · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · spelling and grammar police

The cat came back…this time.

March 15th, 2010 · 151 Comments

“This note magically appeared one day in our letter box late last year from an obviously unhappy neighbour,” says Anthony in Melbourne, Australia. “To this day we still don’t know the cat-hater, the cat owner, or the cat.”

To the person that placed this tag on my cat:  For some reason you have chosen to place this tag on my cat instead of calling the phone number attached to his collar.  I would like to discuss this matter in a civilized manner and would appreciate if you contact me on the number below.

related: Don’t feed the cat (or the trolls)

Tags: cats · kinda creepy · Melbourne · neighbors · rebuttals

Worst. Metaphor. Ever.

November 29th, 2009 · 96 Comments

Based on the evidence below, I’d say one of John’s male coworkers in Sydney, Australia has taken “holiday spirit” too far. Way, way, too far.

Gifts left in the toilet bowl are no fun for anyone.

related: Sprinkles are for cupcakes

Tags: bathroom · Christmas · clip art catastrophe · holiday spirit · Sydney · toilet

The Good Samaritan

September 17th, 2009 · 205 Comments

Julia in Australia attended a New Year’s Eve party in an affluent neighborhood. The next morning, after she came to, she realized her digital camera was missing. when she back to search for it, she found this sign posted up all around the local park.

funny note from neighbor to drunk girl

related: oh, the rancher and the mcmansioner should be friends

extra credit: i’ll say sorry, but i’m not taking off my glasses [youtube]

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Australia · drizzunk · neighbors · noise · p.s. · the po-po