Entries Tagged as 'Australia'

The Good Samaritan

September 17th, 2009 · 205 Comments

Julia in Australia attended a New Year’s Eve party in an affluent neighborhood. The next morning, after she came to, she realized her digital camera was missing. when she back to search for it, she found this sign posted up all around the local park.

funny note from neighbor to drunk girl

related: oh, the rancher and the mcmansioner should be friends

extra credit: i’ll say sorry, but i’m not taking off my glasses [youtube]

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Australia · drizzunk · neighbors · noise · p.s. · the po-po

A lunch thief with serious balls

July 19th, 2009 · 124 Comments

Kim in Canberra says this A3-sized missive was posted in numerous locations on all four floors of her building. Of this numbered list, I’d say #3 is what puts it over the top.

On a related note:  Did you know the word “avocado” comes from the Aztec word for testicle? (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Dear Avocado-stealer, I hope you enjoyed my avocado, the one I left (4th floor) for my lunch yesterday (Tuesday 13th May). Beyond my frustration not to find my lunch, I would like to say this: 1. I work hard to buy my food, I put effort in going to the shop to select it, why don't you? 2. If you are a

related: Who moved my cheese?

extra credit: Someone is stealing avocados, and guac cops are on the case [nytimes.com]

Tags: Australia · Canberra · college life · martyr complex · office fridge · stealing · TL;DR

Ladri di biciclette

May 11th, 2009 · 194 Comments

Failed strategies in bicycle theft deterrence:

1. Assuming the thief who stole your bike is schooled in Italian neorealism; appealing to said thief’s desire to be one of the cool kids.

This is not post-war Italy. Stealing bikes is not cool.

2. Feigning empathy for said thief.

Dear bike thief, I am very sorry that circumstances in your life led you to need to steal my bike. I hope that taking it had helped you to get your life back on track. Good luck. Love, a friend [response] Thanks, chap! Don't worry - doing fine, the bike is terrific, hello from me mates. Later, bicycle thief

3. Chiding said thief for his stupidity via a barely legible run-on sentence without double-checking “you’re” grammar first.

STUPID BIKE THIEF YOUR [sic] RUBBISH NOW NOW ONE CAN USE THE BIKE SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO STEAL

(Grazie mille to Nadia in Melbourne, Chris in Amsterdam, and Tom in London for submitting!)

related: No, Daddy, I asked for a Wii!

Tags: Amsterdam · Australia · bicycle · London · Melbourne · public shaming · stealing · your/you're

The classic all-staff e-mail

February 5th, 2009 · 99 Comments

Shirley in Canada says one of her coworkers sent this e-mail to the entire building — several hundred people in all — after what we can only assume was an unsuccessful half-day cooling-off period. (Or perhaps just several hours spent choosing the most whimsically enraged font/color combination.)

To Whomever helped themselves to my Jarhead poster that hung in my cubicle. there are many other pictures you forgot to steal as well, along with things in drawers and foodstuffs you could have claimed as your own. I guess I'll just leave these out for you when the feeling strikes again that you'd like to pillage my cubicle for your own gain.

Meanwhile, this all-staff e-mail was sent to over 400 employees in Australia — “more than half of whom don’t even work in the same postcode.”

I'd like to thank who ever left the car magazine on my desk for me to read. That was really lovely. Thank you.

related: fight or flight

Tags: all-staff e-mail · Australia · Canada · e-mail · guilt trip · office · stealing · thanks (but not really)

The Joker

January 5th, 2009 · 85 Comments

Because it’s Monday and you’re so thrilled to be back at work, I thought it was as appropriate a time as any to bring you these gems from the Columbia, Kentucky and Melbourne, Australia campuses, respectively, of the University of What The Fuck.

Ladies! I'm sorry about the shower but someone pooped in it. When I get the time I will clean it. That is if I get the time. Kay <- Housekeeping

Who takes a crap in the SHOWER?!? (Why so serious?) Dude...

(And commenters, please note the enormous exercise of restraint demonstrated by the lack of “anal-retentive” punning in this post’s subject line.)

related: If you needed an excuse to skip the gym today

extra credit: Waste management [youtube]

Tags: Australia · college life · Kentucky · Melbourne · shit · shower

Merry Christmas, you junkie scumbag lowlife

December 26th, 2008 · 68 Comments

Libby from Sydney, Australia found this note taped to the wall of the IGA supermarket in Newtown, Sydney. “Feeling sympathetic though somewhat amused, I took a photo of it — I didn’t really think it would be fair to take it with me.” (That is, of course, more than can be said for a certain junkie scumbag lowlife.)

If it was you that stole the wheel off my bicycle when it was locked here, about 11, on Christmas fucking eve, rest assured that I look forward to hunting you down and separating your head from your body, you junkie scumbug lowlife

related: an inconvenient truth

Tags: Australia · bicycle · Christmas · die bitch die · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not-so-veiled threats · stealing · Sydney

What’s black, white and totally over?

December 11th, 2008 · 101 Comments

From Canberra…

The Chronicle is unsolicited litter. Its removal is the sole responsibility of the Canberra Times and its agents.

To London…

NO READING PLEASE

To Washington, D.C….

NO MORE DAMN PAPERS (PLEASE)

…it seems like one thing everyone can agree on is the total obsolescence of print media.

(sigh)

related: Love, apt. #3

Tags: Australia · Canberra · D.C. · newspaper · pleasantries as afterthought

Listing in Now Magazine’s adult classifieds: $70. Revenge?

October 6th, 2008 · 76 Comments

…well, you know how it goes.

The listing is NOW MAGAZINE is INCORRECT. We don't provide the services usually fulfilled by your left hand. If you have to knock, you don't belong here, so PLEASE LEAVE.

Meanwhile, in Melbourne…

Sorry, this premises no longer providers "erotic relaxation" or any other service of that nature.

And in London…

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL!!

…a saucy variation on a much-photographed placard from London’s Soho:

THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL THERE ARE NO PROSTITUTES AT THIS ADDRESS

But my favorite sign was spotted by Nick at a backpacker’s hostel in Rio:

Prostitutes are strictly forbidden to come upstairs. We recommend you go to Panda Motel at Sao Clemente, 298.

related: The whore of West Babylon

Tags: "customer service" · Australia · Canada · Melbourne · Rio de Janeiro · sex sex sex · Toronto

Everyone: shut it.

September 22nd, 2008 · 89 Comments

“The screen door to our block of flats is broken,” says our anonymous submitter in Australia, “which has provoked some rather unique responses from my fellow residents.”

(Just click the image below to enlarge)

related: But who’s counting?

Tags: Australia · elevator · Jesus · opening/closing · saga

Like nails on a keyboard

August 7th, 2008 · 270 Comments

Nicole in Australia says this note was left anonymously on her coworker’s computer. “We work in a fairly small office and no one will own up to putting the note there,” she says…not that they necessarily disagree with the sentiment.

Think about it, though. Which is worse: the click-click-click of long fingernails on a keyboard, or the snip-snip of a coworker clipping his nails on company time?

Cut your nails!!! Or stop tapping them on keyboard. It drives us all nuts.

related: At least it wasn’t “grand valse”

Tags: Australia · noise · office · on behalf of everyone