Entries Tagged as 'bad sales pitch'

Your guardian angel just wants you to get ‘bikini ready’

May 26th, 2011 · 56 Comments

In this episode of targeted advertising gone awry, Jill in Nashville went the grocery store and bought a bag of chocolate chips (“to make cookies for work”) and one pint of Ben & Jerry’s (“just one, mind you!”)

If Jill sounds a little defensive, that’s probably because  — thanks to some disarmingly deadpan algorithms — she received this perky little coupon along with her receipt.

Slim-Fast! Kick start your diet!

Meanwhile, a submitter in Ohio was about to reach for the Cherry Garcia — but stopped short when she spotted this “sign from above.”

I think we both know you don't need this, brochacho.

related: Are you calling me fat?

Tags: bad sales pitch · food · hey fatty · ice cream · Nashville · Ohio

Why you shouldn’t piss off the copywriter

September 17th, 2010 · 37 Comments

Anna in Providence noticed this Seinfeld-esque gem in an advertisement from a 1970 Yankee magazine. (“I guess somebody didn’t get to keep the bag,” she says.)

Two of my people with our handbags on fantastic shoulders - Janet on the left with the handmade double bag. Price $22.95. Janice on the right, who aggravates me constantly, has our adjustable strap, handlaced roomy hand stained bag. Price $28.95

related: The cable guy’s revenge

extra credit: Catalog Living blog

Tags: bad sales pitch · WTF?

The dos and don’ts of “Do not touch”

August 12th, 2010 · 52 Comments

Nadia in Greensboro, North Carolina spotted this gem of a “you break it, you buy it” specimen at a local thrift store. “Apparently,” she writes, “Secondhand Punctuation Has Its Drawbacks? You Can’t Pick And Choose? You Have To Make Do With What You Have On Hand? Handwritten Notes Are Not Exceptions?”

Please Ask For Assistance Before Touching? If You Break You Buy?

The D.C. tourist trap that Amy visited took a less tentative tack with its signage, though I doubt the “four times is better than one” approach is any more effective.

warning Kids do not touch Kids do not touch Kids do not touch Kids do not touch You break and you will pay full price.. no exceptions

These two stores, on the other hand, pretty much nail it with reverse psychology.

Go ahead, put your mouth all over these, everybody else does. God weeds out the weak.

LICE? WE HOPE NOT — GOOD LUCK!! TRY ON ANOTHER HAT....!

related: As Davy Crockett once said…

Tags: bad sales pitch · confusion??? · New Jersey · retail hell · reverse psychology · touching · unnecessary "quotation marks"

I am embarrassed for you!

June 22nd, 2010 · 62 Comments

If the writer of this public service announcement had Angela‘s gall, she would have printed up flyers and handed them out to offenders in person. Instead, she (and yes, I’m making the outrageous assumption here that it’s a she) just posted it in the elevator of her Columbia University dorm…without spell-checking her work first. People, seriously?

Unless, of course, this was all part of a larger prank pairing the phone number of some unsuspecting victim with this oh-so-compelling pitch (“learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES”) and placing it within easy firing range of drunk college students. Then, well…then you’d be an even bigger arsehole.

People, Seriously! You Dress Like SLOBS I am embarrassed For You! [Phone number redacted] (when calling, always begin with reading the sign) Questions on how to dress better and to learn how this will improve your LIFE + GRADES

related: A little advice for the ladies

Tags: attire · bad sales pitch · college life · New York · spelling and grammar police · Too good to be real? · unsolicited feedback

Socializing: You’re doing it wrong

February 10th, 2010 · 105 Comments

You know how it’s usually way easier to write off someone off as an annoying asshole than it is to feel sorry for them? But then something happens — like this whiteboard note — and suddenly, you feel like the asshole…but you still resent the person for making you feel that way. And now it’s just awkward all around, because that person doesn’t want pity from an asshole like you, anyway. Sigh.

My parents think I am not being social enough. I have LOTS of chocolate. The ball is in your court now!

This note makes me sad, so I will choose to deal with these uncomfortable feelings by blaming the parents, even though I know that isn’t fair either. Now I feel sorry for the parents, too. Okay, I’m going to look at more pictures from the Puppy Bowl now.

related: Your one and only Wife #1

Tags: bad sales pitch · college life · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · whiteboard

Expect to see this ad airing in primetime very soon

February 3rd, 2009 · 106 Comments

Marina found this flyer on her car’s windshield in Venice Beach, California. With a sales pitch as compelling as this one, it’s really only a matter of time before this AMAZING OPPORTUNITY!!! pops up alongside TV offers like Cash4gold and the (ever-popular) Pedegg.

If I can work from my home part time and make over $400 per week so can you I'll prove it! If you don't call, enjoy what you're presently doing. You'll probably be doing it FOREVER!!

Adds Marina: “I haven’t tried calling the number…yet.” WHAT IS SHE WAITING FOR?!?!

related: Spinal manipulation

Tags: bad sales pitch · California · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!!