Entries Tagged as 'bathroom'

Hover & Flow(chart)

November 15th, 2011 · 131 Comments

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

When you pee, do you squat and hover over the toilet seat?

related: Coffee pot flowchart

Tags: etiquette · flow chart · most popular notes of 2011 · New York · office · piss · toilet

The Toilet Paper Manifesto

November 14th, 2011 · 90 Comments

When four people share one bathroom, true equity in toilet-paper purchasing is nearly impossible to come by without conflict.

Just take a look at the opening salvo issued at Laura’s apartment in Georgia:

Clearly, you use the bathroom, which means that you use the 12 rolls of toilet paper I bought a week ago. And you bought 4. Really? Is this okay in the eyes of baby Jesus? Equality is important in today's society. Do you know who doesn't like equality? TERRORISTS. TERRORISTS DO NOT LIKE EQUALITY.

…and the first response:

I've started using my own toilet paper. Sorry for any confusion.

Your move, “Scott.”

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: college life · Georgia · gloriously redundant · Jesus · p.s. · rebuttals · roommates · signed with love · smartass · toilet paper · visual aids

Stay classy, Fairbanks

October 10th, 2011 · 43 Comments

I’ll admit it: When reading the backstory to this note, I definitely raised an eyebrow at Mary’s assertion that this restaurant in Fairbanks, Alaska — Bobby’s Downtown — is best known for its “lavishly posh restrooms.” Then I took a look at the online reviews.

The bathrooms are the best thing about this restaurant.

"Best bathroom ever."

Now, as fascinated as I am by this whole “princess of the bathrooms” concept, I should probably get back to Mary — who, on her most recent visit to Bobby’s famous facilities, spotted a delightful new addition to the decor:

To the person who stole the previous 3 telephones:  I hope you really needed them, But your Actions speak louder!!! I will NOT let you spoil it for the rest of our customers!  Believe me I will catch you and it will not be a pretty picture when your name will appear on the front page of the newspaper, and you standing in front of a Judge trying to explain to the Law why you like stealing!  With much Love Always ... BOBBY.

To the person who stole the previous 3 telephones:  I hope you really needed them, But your Actions speak louder!!! I will NOT let you spoil it for the rest of our customers!  Believe me I will catch you and it will not be a pretty picture when your name will appear on the front page of the newspaper, and you standing in front of a Judge trying to explain to the Law why you like stealing!  With much Love Always ... BOBBY.

Boy, that is one issue of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner I cannot wait to see.

related: The Mad Hatter’s Tea Shop Rules

Tags: Alaska · bathroom · not-so-veiled threats · restaurant · signed with love · stealing

Another air freshener fracas

September 29th, 2011 · 121 Comments

“My supervisor posted this notice in the ladies’ restroom in the lobby of our office,” says our submitter in Louisiana, “but it was directed solely at me.” (One of the more vocal anti-air freshener employees on staff, our submitter’s desk happens to be located immediately outside the restroom.)

Despite the fact that, as our submitter put it, “that Summer Breeze crap smells like a giant migraine,” her boss declared that “Lemon Peel is a ‘masculine scent’ more suited for the men’s room.” Adds our submitter: “I still haven’t figured out the identities of all these people who are lamenting the absence of the Summer Breeze.”

To whomever is removing the Staples Summer Breeze Dry Air Freshener and replacing it with the Staples Lemon Peel Dry Air Freshener: Please stop doing this immediately; it seems as though [?] prefers the Summer Breeze. Several have complained about it disappearing. Thank you in advance.

related: Please spray your corpses BEFORE placing them in the restroom

extra credit: “How ‘fresh’ is air freshener?” [Time.com]

Tags: a matter of taste · bathroom · Louisiana · message to all intended for one · odor · office · smiley

The old “wipe & walk” trick

September 21st, 2011 · 117 Comments

Option a) “Hey, Iva, could you buy some TP? We’re out.”

Option b) Several weeks of seething funneled into eight six colored markers’ worth of heart exclamation point smiley THREAT heart heart.

And the winner is…

Dear Iva, I hope you had a nice day!! :) When I moved in, I bought 6 rolls of TP & a giant tissue box. Heather bought 6 more TP rolls & the paper towel box. Unless for some reason you do not shit, pee, or wash your hands, you have used all of those things.  THEY ARE GONE. Please replenish these items by Thursday latest. If you don't, Heath & I will continue buying those things, but we will keep them in our rooms for when WE would like to pee. That sounds really funny and everything but I'M ACTUALLY NOT KIDDING. We appreciate it!! heart heart Bell

Gee, Bell, that IS funny, cuz you really threw me off with that “I hope you had a nice day!! <3 :)” shit. (I’M ACTUALLY KIDDING. I WILL CUT YOU.)

related: One sure sign your roommate situation isn’t working out?

Tags: heart · mean girls · not-so-veiled threats · rainbow-colored · roommates · signed with love · smiley · toilet paper

Couplets for the Commode

September 13th, 2011 · 44 Comments

You might think that the writer of nearly a dozen couplets on toilet etiquette would include at least one variation on the sprinkle/tinkle theme, but apparently the poet at work in this Nassau County government building doesn’t go for in that sort of cliché.

But wouldn’t you know it? As Nicole from New York City reports, “The toilet seat in question was covered in ‘sprinkle‘ and absolutely disgusting.”

When you are done and it's time to flush/Please be kind and do not rush. Just look behind you and be aware/That if you can see it, it's really still there. Please flush again and maybe once more/You are really mean if you walk out that door. You share this room with other women/Who don't need to see your deposit swimmin'. Just one more thought before you go/To wash your hands, but that you know. If you don't wash those germs away/Don't touch your food or face today. It's such a shame to write this note/To people old enough to vote. In other words, please be considerate of everyone sharing this room with you. Let's keep it clean. Don't be mean! Thanks!!

When you are done and it's time to flush/Please be kind and do not rush. Just look behind you and be aware/That if you can see it, it's really still there. Please flush again and maybe once more/You are really mean if you walk out that door. You share this room with other women/Who don't need to see your deposit swimmin'. Just one more thought before you go/To wash your hands, but that you know. If you don't wash those germs away/Don't touch your food or face today. It's such a shame to write this note/To people old enough to vote. In other words, please be considerate of everyone sharing this room with you. Let's keep it clean. Don't be mean! Thanks!!

related: Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

Tags: etiquette · hygiene · Long Island · New York · pure poetry · toilet · washing your hands

Now, if we could all just take our own advice…

August 27th, 2011 · 69 Comments

Really, some people are just better off living alone.

Presented in order of appearance:

If you used the last piece, throw this away and put a new roll on.

 If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch.

[Roommate 1:] If you see the roll done, don't write a note. Just fuckin replace it bitch. [Roommate 2:] You just did the exact opposite of what you wrote.

related: What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · note wars · roommates · toilet paper

The wrong kind of sticky pad

July 5th, 2011 · 63 Comments

I get that you’re trying to make a point here, lady…but…really?

Please put the toilet seat back down if you use the ladies room...thx!

(And if you just had to go go there, you could have least written, “Always put the toilet back down.” Just sayin’.)

related: The bathroom battle of the sexes…a true race to the bottom.

Tags: battle of the sexes · California · office · thx · toilet

(Not that we’re bitter or anything.)

June 12th, 2011 · 63 Comments

Our submitter spotted this cheery notice during the “Going out Business” sale at a Blockbuster Video in Colorado. (Bankruptcy will do that you, I guess.)

Out of order...why don't you try NETFLIX for a restroom :) STAFF

related: Thanks for not shopping here — we’re closed FOREVER!

extra credit: Blockbuster goes bankrupt, Netflix shares soar

extra extra credit: “Borders: No Restrooms. Try Amazon.

Tags: "customer service" · bathroom · smiley

Toy-let Story

May 30th, 2011 · 39 Comments

Beth in London says this is only the most recent in a series of sad/hungry/angry household items created by one of her flatmates. “We’re all fairly disorganised,” she admits, “but one guy, possibly fearful of confrontation, prefers to avoid addressing any issues directly.”

I'm starving!

Adds Beth: “A loo-roll holder with eyes is not a very appealing bathroom companion, by the way.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the United Kingdom, one of Emma’s flatmates decided to take a similarly cartoonish approach to their toilet troubles.

WTF WHO DID THIS!

related: Fluffy the Fox is here to teach you about bathroom hygiene!

Tags: anthropomorphism · bathroom · roommates · toilet · toilet paper