Entries Tagged as 'bathroom'

And heaven forbid a man even imagine cleaning a toilet himself…

November 13th, 2010 · 60 Comments

Katrina‘s husband spotted this sign in the men’s room of his office in Roswell, Georgia, shortly before the boss ordered it taken down. (The “…or I will cut you” part of the manager’s removal directive was implied, obviously. Because that’s just how they do things around there.)

GENTLEMAN use these restrooms as if your wife had to clean them. And not some strange black lady with a knife. Thank you

related: He’s disgusting AND he hates the environment!

Tags: cleaning · crazypants · disgruntled janitor · Georgia · irregular capitalization · most popular notes of 2010 · office · toilet

On second thought…just keep it.

November 9th, 2010 · 53 Comments

Emily spotted this please in the bathroom of a women’s college dorm in New York City. (“I think the ‘women’s college’ portion is the imperative detail here,” she adds.)

Please give me back my razor. I understand if you can't afford to buy new razors; I can't either. (I've had to borrow razors from friends.) Besides which, the Venus razor you stole VIBRATES. Did you REALLY think I only used it for SHAVING? No joke. PLEASE RETURN IT

Meanwhile, I’m still a little suspicious of the fact that this person seems dead-set on getting this razor — a razor that has been presumably been used by someone else —  returned for her own use. I’m assuming it’s one of those replacable-head types, but even so, you still run the risk of come face-to-face with something like this — a Venus razor used by a roommate of Kayla in Tennessee:

If only there was an easy way to get Hepatitis C...

It’s hard to think of something less appropriately named after the goddess of love and beauty, no?

related: Enjoy the toothbrush!

Tags: "accidental" "borrowing" · bathroom · college life · hygiene · New York · stealing · Tennessee · that's unsanitary · TMI

He likes it with the lights on.

November 5th, 2010 · 36 Comments

For your typographical titillation: a Friday quickie from Liz in Portland…

When exciting [sic] the bathroom please leave the light on.

related: You turned me on and left me.

Tags: bathroom · double-entendre alert · energy usage · Freudian shit · Portland

Papa’s John

October 31st, 2010 · 82 Comments

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

Why did you put this in the bathroom trash? It makes me really uncomfortable to go to the bathroom when I smell food...Sometimes I can't go, & this is really unhealthy for my body!

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

related: The bathroom walls are NOT soundproof.

extra credit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Air Freshener

Tags: bathroom · guilt trip · odor · pizza · Provo · questionable logic · rebuttals · shit · that's disgusting · that's unhealthy · toilet · Utah · WTF?

Just back away, slowly

October 19th, 2010 · 42 Comments

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

Please use a piece of toilet paper before flushing.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

MADAME, PLEASE DON'T THROW TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET BOWL BECAUSE IT WILL EXPOLDE [sic] ON YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

Tags: bizarro spacing · CAPS LOCK · Clearly a non-native English speaker · toilet · toilet paper · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

It’s called “performance art.”

October 12th, 2010 · 59 Comments

Based on this example — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom snark.

If you need to extract dried mucus from your nose, please use a tissue. The bathroom walls are not the place for them. [Response 1:] It's called

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

extra credit: National stereotypes according to Google Autofill [buzzfeed.com]

Tags: art · bathroom · nose-picking · retail hell · smartass

Well, that seems (uri)logical enough.

October 4th, 2010 · 50 Comments

Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.

Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum!

related: The yogurt’s expired. Run for your lives!

Tags: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet

What’s harder than changing the toilet paper roll?

September 30th, 2010 · 70 Comments

Well…lots of stuff.

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

And yet, somehow, the employees at this office in Edmonton still can’t quite make TP happen. (Maybe wrestling grizzlies is more their forte?)

You! Yeah you! Listen, you know what’s really difficult? Lots of stuff. For example:  • Running a marathon • Faking your own death • Trekking across the arctic tundra • Wrestling grizzly bears • Living to be 118 years old • Building a rocket ship • Flying a rocket ship • Breaking out of jail • Swallowing 10 light bulbs • Sharpening 3 pencils simultaneously  Most people wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t accomplish these tasks. They’re hard.  You know what’s not very difficult?  • Replacing the toilet paper roll  All you gotta do is look in that cupboard to your right. There’s a whole bunch of new rolls in there. If not, there’s more in the storage room by the kitchen.  If you’re having trouble with the dispenser, fear not. It’s actually a pretty simple feat to master. All you have to do is grip onto the cylinder and pull on it in a direction parallel to the wall. You’ll notice that due to the spring mechanism inside the cylinder, there is now a space in which the cylinder can be removed, thereby freeing it from the wall-mounted assembly. Now simply slide a new roll of toilet paper onto the cylinder and reverse the cylinder-removal process so that it is securely fastened to the wall assembly. The new roll should be able to spin freely on the cylinder, ready for the next person to use.

Perhaps a visual aid (like this one from a Los Angeles apartment share) would be helpful?

Changing the toilet paper roll: a visual guide

Or maybe just a bit more encouragement would push someone over the edge?

Very good! Every day, you get me a little closer to where I belong. Love, T.P.

(Probably not, though.)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance

Tags: bathroom · Edmonton · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · signed with love · toilet paper · visual aids

The town recommends you hold it.

September 29th, 2010 · 77 Comments

Why this sign isn’t pictured in the  I heart New York Tourist guide to Shelter Island, I have no idea.

Please be advised that the town of SI is not Restroom friendly - the town Recommends you hold it until you find A more friendly municipality like Greenport or Sag Harbor.

(Thanks to Laurie’s Aunt Sylvia for snapping the picture!)

related: How’s that for a low price guarantee?

Tags: bar · Long Island · New York · toilet · tourists

Toilet Paper Poetry Slam

September 20th, 2010 · 46 Comments

Which is your favorite ode to replacing the roll?

Entry #1, from Baltimore?

Toilet Paper Haiku: Quietly I sit. Waiting silently. Drip dry. The roll is missing.

Entry #2, from New Orleans?

THE TOILET PAPER THEIF [sic]: The toilet paper theif [sic] is at it again! This is so frustrating I don't know where to begin...You would think that for people so grown...That they would not steal toilet paper for reasons unknown...It is always the brand new roll and never the old...Also, the can of Lysol disappeared, or so I was told... My plea is simple, please do not disregard...Stop stealing the toilet paper you Fucking Retard!!

or Entry #3, from Long Island City?

DOUCHE!

related: Scatological poetry slam

Tags: Baltimore · bathroom · ellipses-crazed · excessive capitalization · New Orleans · pure poetry · Queens · spelling and grammar police · toilet paper