Entries Tagged as 'toilet'

My bowels are irritable, and so am I!

October 3rd, 2013 · 31 Comments

Writes our submitter in Alabama: “After the both men’s rooms in our office suffered from some serious anal explosions, our boss sent around an accusatory email,” which everyone in the office assumed was directed toward a particular coworker, Dan. “Dan vehemently maintains his innocence,” our submitter says, “and in an effort to ‘prove’ it, he posted this note above one of the desecrated toilets.”

IF YOU CLOG UP THIS TOILET AND DO NOT UNCLOG IT, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, AND PUT THE  DIRTY PLUNGER ON YOUR DESK.  I'M TIRED OF TAKING SHIT FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S SHIT. -DAN

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: all clogged up · not-so-veiled threats · office · shit · toilet

Dear toilet fairies: You totally suck at poetry.

September 5th, 2013 · 66 Comments

Katie says this was propped up in the ladies room at a senior citizen apartment building in Florida. Adds Katie: “I don’t care that they think the floor is dirtier, I’m not touching the floor either!”

Tinkle, tinkle, little star, Above the potty you hover so far. Crouching but high and almost motionless, Trying to avoid any germs, I guess. Very little do you know, More trouble lurks far below. You needn't worry about germs on the seat, Because the real germs to avoid are below you. Go ahead and plop your hinny right on down, You're sitting on the cleanest seat in town. Now, it you still insist on standing to pee, You are just leaving a mess for me. Author: Un-expecting Victim

related: Hover & Flow(chart); The Rhyme That Must Be Flushed

Tags: clip art catastrophe · Florida · old folks · pure poetry · toilet

Lean a little bit closer and see what roses really smell like

August 26th, 2013 · 46 Comments

This is you say, “You think your shit don’t stank?” in Southern-ese. (An added “Bless your heart!” is always a nice touch, too.)

If you are having gastro intestinal distress please do not use this powder room. We have a luncheon today!

related: A diarrhea-only toilet?

Tags: odor · office · painfully polite · toilet

Toilet: Not a Redneck Washing Machine

August 20th, 2013 · 41 Comments

Keith passed along this gem from his friend Ben, a professional musician, who spotted this on the wall of a restroom at a Central Florida club. (Another one for the “How many times did this have to happen before they made a sign about it?” files.)

Toilet: Not a Redneck Washing Machine!! You poop your pants Trash your underwear Do not hide in toilet!!

related: Hey you, you dumb redneck

Tags: bathroom · Florida · so this is a thing? · that's disgusting · that's trashy · toilet · WTF?

Are you lost?

July 17th, 2013 · 73 Comments

Apparently everyone is “doing it wrong,” says our submitter in Colorado.

In case you're confused, you've entered an office building bathroom, not a port-o-let at Coachella in July. That green handle on the side flushes all material down that nifty little porcelain hole. And there's no limit on how many times you can flush. It is possible to make sure all material makes its way to Denver Water, rather than making your co-workers deal with your spent meatloaf dinner from last night before they have to pee. Another tip: If the bowl and seat aren't sparkling white as you go to open the door, you're doing it wrong. Let's treat this bathroom like a professional office environment, and not like a meth lab bathroom in Greeley.

related: THIS IS NOT A METH LAB

Tags: "helpful" advice · Colorado · most popular notes of 2013 · office · toilet

With some fava beans and a nice Chianti

June 9th, 2013 · 24 Comments

“It would appear my co-worker is sensitive to her plant being moved,” writes Claire in the U.K.

Move this plant and i will eat your liver. Love Jess xx

Meanwhile, in New York…

To the person that leaves a disgusting mess on the seat. If you don't stop, this person will find you and eat your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. So cut it out!

And in Baltimore…

PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH This is BBQ HUMAN meat and by eating this you are admitting to the office that you are a cannibal

related: Pigs do not eat bacon

Tags: flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · moving/not moving · not-so-veiled threats · office · office fridge · toilet

Meanwhile, at the Ministry of Magic…

May 30th, 2013 · 33 Comments

“Obviously there’s something I’ve been missing all these years,” says Marg (a muggle, clearly), who spotted this notice in the restroom at Melbourne’s Flinders Street Station.

Lift out of order

Meanwhile, in the elevator of Lauren’s building in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada…

Before you let your dog, your friend, your date, your coworker or your casual aquaintances rock a piss in this elevatore, please consider this: its gross. Like, really, ewwww. Am I right? Okay then. I just hosted my own private VIM party in here and its not as fun as it sounds. Mmkay?

related: Yer a wiseass, Harry

Tags: elevator · Melbourne · piss · toilet · WTF?

It loses something in translation

May 7th, 2013 · 47 Comments

Drew is currently sharing an apartment in Taiwan with three roommates. One day, this note appeared on the door of the bathroom, directly facing the toilet. Says Drew: “I contemplate its meaning like a Zen haiku.”

What is Toilet love? Love: Delicious Tissues Love: Great Pee Hate: Disgust Phone Hate: Terrible Hair Love: Yummy Poo

related: My German roommate

Tags: Clearly a non-native English speaker · clip art catastrophe · most popular notes of 2013 · roommates · toilet · WTF?

The Paper Towel Apocalypse

April 29th, 2013 · 50 Comments

It you want people to actually pay attention to your bathroom signage, it’s go big or go home. This one certainly made Jennifer in Tennessee take notice.

Ladies, Please do not put any paper/plastic products in the toilet paper other than toilet paper (ie paper towels, feminine hygiene products, etc). This is hugely important as these toilets are directly connected to the epicenter of the planet earth and the world will end is a cataclysmic explosion of apocalyptic proportions if anything, other than toilet paper, is placed inside. We have provided these cute, little silver trash cans for your convenience...and to help you save the world from certain destruction. Thank you.

related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

Tags: all clogged up · i.e. or e.g. it's all greek -- or is it latin? -- to me · Tennessee · toilet

Take the plunge. We dare you.

March 18th, 2013 · 47 Comments

Apparently the patrons of this restaurant in Durham, NC thought that the ‘Out of Order’ sign on the bathroom stall was just a hilarious ruse.

Out of Order. Not kinda out of order but "out-out"-like for real. The toilet WILL overflow & will become known as "that time someone didn't heed the sign & used the toilet anyway & their stuff went everywhere.  + someone here will have to clean it + throw up in their mouth — avoid this please.

A close-up of the lower right corner:

+ someone here will have to clean it + throw up in their mouth — avoid this please.

related: Is this a toilet?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · North Carolina · restaurant · toilet