Entries Tagged as 'toilet'

The rhyme that must be flushed

December 9th, 2008 · 196 Comments

Apparently, sayeth google analytics, the oh-so-clever phrase “if you sprinkle when you tinkle” is one of the most common search terms that leads people to this little website. (Sorry to disappoint you, folks — no cross-stitch patterns to be found here.)

So, um, yeah…I’m gonna go curl up the fetal position and die now. I’ll leave the textual analysis underlying the great “neat/sweetie” literary schism to you guys, k?

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a sweetie and wipe the seatie.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...be a neatie and wipe the seatie!

This one might be a little more home-spun, but I think the urine-colored highlighter and ellipses diarrhea really pushes it over the top:

LADIES, IF YOU SPRINKLE WHEN YOU TINKLE.......PLEASE BE NEAT & WIPE THE SEAT........

If you want your mind completely blown, check out this international variation, from  Jamaica:

If you twinkle when you spinkle please be neat and wipe the seat

And from San Francisco, the po-mo edition:

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...you know what the fuck to do!!! Just because u don't live here that means u too, bro....!!!

related: “Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy”

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · ellipses-crazed · high on highlighter · pure poetry · toilet

The most disgusting thing

October 30th, 2008 · 123 Comments

Says filly in New York: “I think it’s safe the assume the writer is neither a) an English major or b) a feminist.”

The most disgusting thing is a nasty lady!!!! How can you use the bathroom and not clean after yourself!!!! Be hygenical [sic] and consider others!!!! Do yourself and the rest of us a favor. Clean up after yourself, you are not at home!!!!!!!!

related: more from the frontlines of post-post feminism

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · college life · exclamation-point happy!!!! · hygiene · most popular notes of 2008 · New York · office · spelling and grammar police · that's disgusting · toilet

A filthy hap pit

September 23rd, 2008 · 207 Comments

Reports Daikiki in Redwood City, California: “Two days after this note was slipped under the door of every apartment in the building, a second one appeared informing the tenants that said property manager was no longer employed as such.”

DON'T THROW TOILET PAPER IN THE TOILET

related: a deep-seated issue

Tags: "up for debate" · all clogged up · California · Clearly a non-native English speaker · toilet · WTF?

The xenophobic toilet

September 8th, 2008 · 59 Comments

Our anonymous submitter in Helsinki, Finland says this note has been in every stall in the women’s restroom at her office for as long as she’s worked there.

Puzzlingly, she says, “Most all the women who work here are native speakers of Finnish, so I’m not sure why the note is mainly in English.” (Nor is she sure what the author was trying to convey with his/her choice of red, yellow and green text.)

Please be gentle with my delicate pipes. I WILL clog if you put foreign objects in me, so please use the wastebasket for paper towels, etc. Kiitos Paljon, The Toilet

Oh, and your Finnish language lesson of the day: kiitos paljon means “many thanks.”

related: I asked Santa for a baby alive, and all I got was this stupid dishwasher

Tags: all clogged up · anthropomorphism · CAPS LOCK · Finland · Helsinki · office · toilet

Signed with a Glasgow kiss

August 12th, 2008 · 107 Comments

Rodti and Laura Elizabeth spotted these charming examples of local Scottish color outside an Internet cafe in Glasgow’s West End.

Folks we have toilets that only paying customers can use. I don't care who you are, how old you are, if your [sic] ill or not i have heard them all, FROM 1 - 100. The answer is no you can't use our toilet! Thank the person who smashed my toilet, don't take your energy out on the staff this was the owners statement!

Toilet poem! for all non customers who wish to use our toilet please read and take note! The pee house! for all the people who need the loo, heres a poem just for you, wether its a 1 or a 2 our lovely toilet is not for you! jog on!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, a grocery story elsewhere in Glasgow displays a similar plea for clemency…one that seems intended for a similar clientele.

Do to delivery error I regret to inform that this shop has no Buckfast at ALL please do not abuse the staff as it is not their fault. Thanks

related: Blame it on Coke

extra credit: Buckfast tonic wine [wikipedia]
The worst toilet in Scotland [youtube]

Tags: "customer service" · apostrophe abuse · CAPS LOCK · exclamation-point happy!!!! · Glasgow · irregular capitalization · not my fault · pure poetry · spelling and grammar police · toilet · U.K.

Massive canine infestation

August 5th, 2008 · 217 Comments

Tom from Cambridge, England spotted this notice posted in “the tiniest little toilet in my college hall” — so tiny, he says, there’s “barely enough room to fit a dog in there if you tried.” (But a few raw steaks? Perhaps!)

Due to massive canine infestation we must ask you to please not leave any uncovered food out in this bathroom. Thank you Housekeeping

(Massive Canine Infestation: sharing the stage with The Light Brown Apple Moth Debacle at a Warped Tour show near you!)

related: So many questions

Tags: bathroom · CAPS LOCK · college life · food · fun with malapropisms · Say wha? · toilet · U.K. · vermin · WTF?

Scatological Poetry Slam

July 22nd, 2008 · 223 Comments

Given the highly intellectual discussions this site’s commenters have become known for, it seems safe to assume that the question, “How are we to judge poetry?”  is one that you, dear reader, have no doubt pondered on many an occasion, along with other more academic concerns such as the proper resting state of the toilet lid.

Well, as the late Philip Larkin once said, “I think a poet should be judged by what he does with his subjects, not by what his subjects are.” With that in mind, which of these poets would you judge “less likely to make you totally vom”?

Is it this one, from a university campus in Toronto?

Dear Ladies, Please be kind to our noses by flushing during doses of Nature's secondary call when it's smelliest of all. To wail till the end, won't make you any friends, as the smell lingers here in this room with no air. So next time you must answer to Nature's rush for whatever doth ail ye, flush so we don't suffer daily. Thank you.

…or is it this one, spotted by Kacey at the YMCA in the college town of Champaign, Illinois?

STOOL RULES: If you want your stay to be real nice nice/After the deposit - flush it twice/When the paper work is done/Flush once more - it can be fun!!/Heed my words in what you do/Or all you've done - comes back to you

related:  A limerick

extra credit: The Poet of Dirty Words: Reconsidering Philip Larkin [slate.com]

Tags: Canada · Illinois · odor · office · pure poetry · toilet · Toronto

A deep-seated issue

July 17th, 2008 · 620 Comments

Marcus in Leicester, U.K. found this stuck to the lid of the toilet by one of his housemates. “I’d understand if it was the seat,” he says, “but the lid?”

Marcus: It seems that you are unaware of the fact that is is considered a social norm to close the toilet lid after you have used it. I hope this information is helpful.

I’m with Marcus, here — I don’t think this is some kind of Dear Abby “does the toilet paper go over or under?” type issue. Is there anyone else who considers closing the toilet lid de rigueur?

related: dearest roommate

Tags: "helpful" advice · "up for debate" · etiquette · toilet · U.K.

TMI all around

June 23rd, 2008 · 119 Comments

Daniel in New York spotted this note (and the follow-ups) on the door of his SoHo office building’s restroom — “a nice single seater with a window.”

Adds Daniel: “I understand the sentiment — my sphincter locks up like a vise with any distraction. But I do hope that the large white area on the thoughtfully typed response will illicit a petition of like-minded others.”

It's really annoying when I go to use this bathroom to (privately) number two, if you will, only to hear someone yapping on the phone! Seriously, if you want to have a phone convo (privately) take it to the stairwell or outside next time, buddy. Thank you. --Sorry, I have a habit of pooping & talking! UNLESS YOU ARE ACTUALLY HANDICAPPED, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS BEING RUDE. AND THANKS FOR GIVING US ALL WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION. TALK ABOUT BAD MANNERS...

related: Or at least pass the sports section under the door

Tags: bathroom · cell phone · New York · noise · office · TMI · toilet

Pain (and disgust) at the pump

June 11th, 2008 · 116 Comments

Just in case gas prices aren’t hurting you enough lately, Tim from Madison, Wisconsin brings us this stomach-turning (yet impressively restrained) note from a petrol station somewhere en route to Green Bay.

Magazines must be purchased before entering the restroom. Thank You

Meanwhile, Tonya in Oakland passes along a photo taken by a traveler brave/desperate enough to actual enter a gas station restroom somewhere in Utah.

ATTENTION Bathrooms are FREE for your use if you feel the NEED to COMPLAIN about cleanliness the cleaning supplies are INSIDE!

And finally, the kicker, from Jim in Columbia, S.C. —  who would’ve guessed that germaphobia and gas-station employment aren’t mutually exclusive?

POSTED IF YOU HAVE FLU KEEP YOUR ASS OUT!

related: “If it wasn’t for the toilet, there would be no books”

Tags: "customer service" · Columbia · excessive underlining · gas station · germaphobia · South Carolina · toilet · Wisconsin