Entries Tagged as 'coffee'

I, who should seriously lay off the caffeine

June 30th, 2009 · 223 Comments

This martyr alert spotted by Randy on the breakroom fridge of his office in Chico, California…

thanks a HELL of a lot for using almost ALL of my new half & half!! Now I, who gets up at 3 am to be here by 4:45 and drives almost 45 minutes w/o coffee, won't get ANY

related: Coffee, mate?

Tags: California · coffee · martyr complex · milk · office fridge · thanks (but not really)

The nerd’s guide to passive-aggressive behavior

December 15th, 2008 · 73 Comments

We’ve received several copies of this instructive flowchart, which the helpful illustrators of Graph jam have made available to coffee watchdogs the world over.

The nerd's guide to not leaving the fucking coffee pot empty

Seeing people print their passive-aggressive flowcharts off the Internet makes our resident nerd, Eric, sentimental for simpler times. He quietly reflects on time spent wandering the halls of Brown University’s CS department back in 2007. In those days, tech-minded individuals still made patronizing flowcharts the old-fashioned way, using OpenOffice on Linux.

Did you just take an ice cube?

Though such documents are most commonly spotted in offices populated by engineers and other technically inclined folk, even Kerry — who is not earning her Ph.d in Computer Science — can appreciate the clarity of a flowchart like this one:

Criteria for the proper tactical usage of the phrase 'oh snap!': a flowchart

related: When Ph.ds get frustrated

extra credit: “Flow chart: is it fucked up?” [boingboing]

Tags: coffee · flow chart · ice · kitchen · oh snap

Refrain/stop/discontinue

July 18th, 2007 · 41 Comments

“This note appeared in the office kitchen on the fridge next to our fancy Keurig coffee machines,” says our submitter in New York City. “The coffee pods are set out on the counter in a display, but when people couldn’t find their flavor of choice, they’d go into the cabinets to find it.”

Trying to understand this sign-maker’s design process (“No, still not clear enough. let’s hit return again, center-justify, underline AND change the color?”) makes my head hurt.

ONCE AGAIN PLEASE REFRAIN (STOP) FROM OPENING COFFEE BOXES THAT ARE IN THE CABINET. THIS MAKES IT DIFFICULT WHEN IT COMES TO ORDERING COFFEE. IF THIS CONTINUES THE COFFEE SERVICE IN THIS PANTRY WILL HAVE TO BE DISCONTINUED. THANK YOU

Adds our submitter: “Sure enough, not long after this note went up, coffee service was discontinued.” (It has since resumed.)

Tags: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · coffee · fun with synonyms · New York · nonsensical spacing · not-so-veiled threats · office

Welcome to the office!

June 4th, 2007 · 6 Comments

Explains JDB: “The blue note went up first, then we hired a bunch of contractors. The red note went up shortly after that.”

NEW PEOPLE THIS APPLIES TO YOU --> If you drink it - make it! If you spill it - clean it up! If you don't want to do either of the above - USE ANOTHER BREAK ROOM!

Tags: cleaning · coffee · exclamation-point happy!!!! · office

Switch to tea

May 31st, 2007 · 9 Comments

This note is like the teenager who manages to contain themselves long enough to grudgingly recite a lengthy mandated apology, but then can’t resist turning around and giving the finger afterwards…or the perky flight attendant who finally cracks when the drunk fat guy hits the call button again at the end of a long flight. Mmm, feel the repressed rage!

Coffee Etiquette: Please be courteous to your fellow employees. If you drain a pot or leave very little left, make a new pot. Don't simply turn off the burner and walk away. If there is less than a full pot between the 2, pour one into another and make a fresh pot. It only takes 30 seconds to put the coffee into a filter and push a button. If that is too difficult, maybe you should switch to tea.

(Thanks to Jenn in Hudson, Ohio for submitting!)

RELATED:

Rage against the coffee machine

Tags: "helpful" advice · bullet points · coffee · etiquette · office · Ohio

Just severe enough

May 18th, 2007 · 12 Comments

From William, who notes: “Sadly, management thought this was too severe, so it was replaced with a long whiny treatise on coffee etiquette.”

If you leave the coffee pot low, you fail at life. Please make more coffee!

related: A coffee-maker flowchart

Tags: coffee · Comic Sans Alert · etiquette · office