PassiveAggressiveNotes.com » beverages

Karma Police

Kerry — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 22:16:27 +0000

This is what you get when you mess with us:

In other words: You’re a creep. You’re a weirdo. What the hell are you doing here? You don’t belong here!

(Thanks to Bonnie from North Carolina, Eric in California, and Paperback Writer in Pittsburgh for their submissions!)

related: Karma’s a bitch.

Soda stealers are the lowest forms of life!

Kerry — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:22:51 +0000

The subtle version (from Denver, Colorado):

And the not-so-subtle version (spotted by Ariana in Boulder, Colorado):

extra credit: Coke, Sprite, or Ice-T

A spoonful of sugar might help this lesson in Newtonian physics go down

Kerry — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 02:57:00 +0000

This physics lesson was posted in the communal kitchen of Oxford University’s department of psychiatry.

“You would think that these people would be masters of communication,” our submitter says. “Evidently, not so much.”

In Australia, meanwhile, it seems they prefer not to beat around the bush* — at least when it comes to wet spoons.

*bad pun intended

How does a 135° angle sound like a couch?

Kerry — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 03:58:05 +0000

If I worked at Steve‘s office, I would definitely be rallying the troops to launch a (non) silent 90° protest of round-the-clock water-glass-filling…and then place “out of order” signs on all the restrooms. (It would be lame, but not as lame as this sign.)

This is not a thing, people! I refuse to acknowledge this is a thing!

related: Is this a thing now?

Meow, purr, RAWRRR!

Kerry — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 03:14:48 +0000

Our submitter at a university in Canberra spotted this first note while getting his morning coffee. “Pat (a professor in the department) has been complaining for weeks that her coffee mug seems to disappear and reappear spontaneously. Her mood varies with its presence.”

Several days later, our submitter spotted this addendum, written by another professor sympathetic to Pat’s cause. “Since the mug hasn’t turned up in over a week, I’m pretty sure the culprit is too afraid to return the mug at this point.” (Could you blame him?)

related: Not to name names, but…

Dear parents: this is what you WON’T be hearing from your newly minted college grads

Kerry — Mon, 23 May 2011 02:27:11 +0000

(After all, once they’ve moved back home into their old bedrooms, they can just raid your liquor cabinet and sneak bills from your wallet, just like old times!)

Meanwhile, this note/social critique was spotted by James in downtown Iowa City, “amid dozens of bars and thousands of over-privileged young suburbanites.”

If, however, your entrepreneurial kiddos do decide to strike out their own, you might want to keep tabs on the Sudafed in the medicine cabinet. (Especially if “on their own” means “the room above the garage.”)

Are you ready for your Rapture party?

Kerry — Fri, 20 May 2011 17:47:51 +0000

Stephanie in Kansas City, Missouri found this warning posted on the fridge after lunch today:

Around the same time, this note showed up on an office coffee-maker in Washington, D.C.:

Meanwhile, Ashley in Greenville, North Carolina forwards this example of a veiled threat, atheist-style:

related: Remember, God is watching you!

Hey, look! A coffee pot!

Kerry — Fri, 13 May 2011 12:05:31 +0000

This isn’t the first “coffee-maker etiquette” flowchart I’ve seen, but it is the most aesthetically pleasing.

Says Sarah in St. Louis: “The IT department in our office is notorious for drinking the last of the coffee without making more.” (Note the subtle “I heart C++” mug.) Apparently, one of her co-workers thought breaking things down into engineer-speak might help.

Meanwhile, in Toledo, Ohio…a variation tailored to a slightly different audience:

related: Passive-aggressive flowcharts

Warning: Take my last Diet Coke from the fridge and I WILL cut you.

Kerry — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:18:54 +0000

I don’t ever condone passive-aggressive note-writing, but you should be warned: hard-core Diet Coke drinkers do not fool around. (Trust me — I’m a recovering addict myself.)

related: Enough with the diet sodas!

Thanks for making me risk MY life to feed YOUR addiction!

Kerry — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 04:00:57 +0000

Writes Justin in Salem, Massachusetts: “It was the middle of the recent blizzard and we had gone for a drive in the worst of the weather (because that’s what you do for fun when you drive a Jeep) and decided to stop for a cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts” (because that’s what you do for fun if you’re a New Englander).

Upon arrival, Justin and his companion were greeted with this heartfelt note of congratulations from the Dunkin’ Donuts snowstorm staff (Rick).

If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

Kerry — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 19:54:39 +0000

Did you hear? Jack Bauer is back again! He’s now working unofficially as the head of the Cubicle Counter Terrorism Unit. And apparently, he gets his best propaganda ideas right here at PAN!

(Thanks to Lisa in Utah, Tyler in Texas, Michael in Ohio and Sleepy Engineer in Virginia for their submissions!)

You’re just not getting it, Sugar

Kerry — Sun, 19 Dec 2010 22:10:52 +0000

From Stacey in Jacksonville, Florida: the blitzkrieg approach to ongoing breakroom disorder.

And from Englewood, Colorado…the passive-aggressive approach:

related: Nutra-not-so-sweet

The neighborhood warning wagon

Kerry — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 22:33:07 +0000

Upon moving into their new college house this fall, Danny and his roommates at Boston College received this delightfully punctuated welcome letter from their next door neighbor — delivered via U.S. Postal Service, no less.

I, for one, can’t wait ’til the Ben Affleck adaptation comes out. We’ll have a “late night beer party” to celebrate!

related: Passive voice abuse

Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

Kerry — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 23:50:11 +0000

Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.

You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.

Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…

…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.

Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)

Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!

related: That’s breastmilk!