Entries Tagged as 'birthday'

My condolences on your birthday

September 16th, 2009 · 116 Comments

Daniel is Montreal says his dear grandmother sent him this card in the mail for his birthday. The front of the card (which didn’t scan very well) says: It is not what is visible on the surface but what is deep inside that sustains us.

Well, says Daniel, “that and guilt.”

Hope I get to see the both of you before the year is over. Love, Grandma

related: Dear Grandma — thanks, I guess; How I “did” my grandma

Tags: birthday · Grandma · guilt trip · Montreal · old folks · signed with love

Facebook: a place for navel-gazing narcissists

August 26th, 2009 · 192 Comments

Seriously, how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____ right now?  (you fill in the blank)

Next year, I think this guy and this girl should collaborate on a gigantic fucking birthday pity party.

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

how much do you want to _____ this guy in the _____?  (you fill in the blank)

related: you know, I’m getting input here that is relatively hostile

extra credit: Facebook is for narcissists

Tags: birthday · Facebook · guilt trip · just not that into you · most popular notes of 2009

But a mother’s love is the best gift of all…right?

July 29th, 2009 · 116 Comments

Andrea in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin says her friend McKenna woke up on her 19th birthday to find this note on the counter from Mom.

(You can tell it’s heartfelt because of the underlining.)

McKenna, Happy birthday! Please shovel the front sidewalk. Thank you. I went to Madison

related: when a card just won’t do

Tags: birthday · Moms & Dads · Wisconsin

Dear Grandma: Thanks, I guess.

July 8th, 2009 · 253 Comments

Writes our anonymous submitter: “This was sent to my six-year-old step daughter by her grandma. The birthday present in question was a pack of writing paper and $5 American. We live in Canada.”

(The “did you get…” pretense combined with the oh-so-subtle post script is so classic “passive-aggressive grandma” that I cannot even handle it. Bonus points for the repurposed note paper!)

Thanks, I guess.

Meanwhile, Toni spotted this grandma’s thank-you note on a closed booth at a flea market in Lakewood, Ohio.

Ever-gracious Grandma

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

Tags: birthday · Canada · Grandma · martyr complex · Ohio · old folks · p.s. · thanks (but not really) · xoxo

…but I hope it was good

June 18th, 2009 · 164 Comments

…because there’s no measure of self-worth more important than the public acknowledgment that you were, in fact, born.

[Mark:] Thank you to everyone that wished me a happy birthday. I had a great time an I wish everyone could have been there. Thanks again. [Jennifer:] I didnt wish you a happy birthday because our friendship has dwindled into nothingness and I am angry with you about it... but I hope it was good

i guess i will wish you a happy birthday cuz its the rite thing to do. dont bother returning the favour on my birthday though. maybe you can forget it like you did emilys birthday.

related: But…but…I didn’t forget!

Tags: birthday · Facebook · frenemies

Friends don’t lie 2 friends

April 23rd, 2009 · 220 Comments

I’ll admit, my first thought upon reading this note — found in the hallways of an American high school — was something along the lines of “Argh, kids today, with their chatspeak!” Can we all agree that adolescent girls are probably the most passive-aggressive creatures on earth?

friends don't lie 2 friends

related: 2 good 2 be 4gotten

Tags: birthday · frenemies · mean girls · schools & teachers

Why you should not be Facebook friends with your parents…or grandparents

April 8th, 2009 · 142 Comments

Writes Halley in Idaho: “Yeahhh, that’s my mom and my grandpa right there. (This is what happens when old people join Facebook.)”

Happy Birthday Dad! I'll call you on my way home from school.

Thank you, but you know I don't accept calls from people who are driving because I am afraid it will end in a CRASH.

related: Busted by Facebook
extra credit: Facebook embroidery

Tags: birthday · Facebook · Idaho · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2009 · old folks

But…but…I didn’t forget!

March 24th, 2009 · 94 Comments

My Grandma Cookie is 85 today! Won’t you join me in wishing her love, joy and a good day?

If you have a birthday and don't hear from your grandchildren, is it still a birthday?

And please, she’s got early bird reservations at the hibachi restaurant at 6 p.m. (Florida time, natch), so step on it, won’tcha?

related: An occasion that Blue Mountain Arts has yet to animate

extra credit: The Blue Mountain Arts e-card from Grandma Cookie that my brother Danny “forgot” to pick up

Tags: birthday · Grandma · guilt trip

I’m calling your bluff on this one, Mom

March 4th, 2009 · 78 Comments

Amy spotted this attached to a mailbox in Monroe, North Carolina. Writes amy:  “I have no idea which flower it was (there were many that were still left on the porch), but I was impressed by the effort the victim took with this note — it was written on poster board and left up for quite a few days.”

To the person who STOLE my flower...It was a birthday gift from my little girl, paid for with her own money. I hope you're enjoying it as much as I did... (I would have it it to you if you had asked.) :(

(And the posterboard…was a birthday gift…purchased with her own money!!!)

related: “no” questions asked

Tags: birthday · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · North Carolina · sad face · stealing

When a card just won’t do

February 22nd, 2009 · 80 Comments

Juan in Brampton, Ontario wasn’t persuasive enough to convince his girlfriend, Kat, to skip work and go to her own surprise party. His friends were…not so happy.

Happy Birthday Fishie & Kat  P.S. Juan is an idiot

Meanwhile, Sam’s best friend baked this for her husband after he re-arranged the living room early in the morning without telling her, resulting in some seriously bruised shins. “What’s even meaner,” Sam says? “She can’t cook. The cake probably tastes, well…bitter.”

FUCK YOU

Still hungry for more? Sharrin in San Diego, Sam in Daytona Beach, and of course, Cakewrecks have documented plenty more examples of sugar-coated hostility floating around the interwebs.

Congrats on your teen pregnancy

Death is closer than ever

At least you're pretty

Nobody loves you

And then there’s my personal favorite (again, straight out of the michael scott playbook):

Sexual harassment cake

related: “I don’t need a birthday cake,” I said.
extra credit: passive aggressive cakes [cakewrecks.blogspot.com]

Tags: birthday · cake · Canada · more aggressive than passive · Ontario · p.s.